Improving the performance of men in today’s society
[With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented towards improving the performance of men in today’s society...]
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favourite store’s return limit.
CAPAGRA - Caused test subjects to become uncharacteristically fastidious about lowering
toilet seats and replacing toothpaste caps. Subjects on higher doses were seen dusting furniture.
CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and little accidents.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug
noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
DIRECTRA - A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask for directions when they got lost, compared to a control group where only 0.2 percent asked for directions.
LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when they are asked about their
sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.
NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a
household repair project before starting a new one.
PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an
irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into special prosecutors.