1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A) ’66 Ford Fairlane B) ’69 Chevrolet Chevelle C) ’64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tallboys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man’s land?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain?
* For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?
9. A coal mine operates an NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?
11. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?
How Rednecks succeed at College
Engineering with fabric. - Jean Muir
See if he passed the literaracy test. - Archie Bunker
College is a refuge from hasty judgment. - Robert Frost
The first test of a truly great man is his humility. - John Ruskin
Most every dental school has discount dental services. - Matthew Lesko
The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure. - Laurence J. Peter
The tests of life are not meant to break you but make you. - Norman Vincent Peale
Study history. In history lies all the secrets of statecraft. - Winston Churchill
Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown
Example is the school of mankind, and they will learn at no other. - Edmund Burke
Study in the course of your life to do the greatest amount of good. - John McDonough
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal. - Sigfried Hulzer
I will study and prepare myself… and someday my chance will come. - Abraham Lincoln
Success can test one's mettle as surely as the strongest adversary. - Unknown
Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown
With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now. - Groucho Marx
The true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching. - John Wooden
Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first and the lesson after. - Vernon Law
The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. - Robert M. Hutchins
I study myself more than any other subject. That is my metaphysics, that is my physics, - Michel de Montaigne
Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown
If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society. - Jaden Smith
The test and the use of man's education is that he finds pleasure in the exercise of his mind. - Jacques Martin Barzun
One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow
One has to look out for engineers - they begin with sewing machines and end up with the atomic bomb. - Marcel Pagnol
This is the first test of a gentleman: his respect for those who can be of no possible value to him. - William Lyon Phelps
Here is a test to find out whether your mission on earth is finished: If you are alive, it isn't. - Richard Bach
You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy
Physics is about questioning, studying, probing nature. You probe, and, if you're lucky, you get strange clues. - Lene Hau
There are advantages to being President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret. - Ronald Reagan
This, then, is the test we must set for ourselves; not to march alone but to march in such a way that others will wish to join us. - Hubert H. Humphrey
If you study a subject every day, for one hour a day, for five days a week - in five years you will become an expert in that area. - Earl Nightingale
That is the exploration that awaits you! Not mapping stars and studying nebula, but charting the unknown possibilities of existence. - Leonard Nimoy
I tell them that if they will occupy themselves with the study of mathematics they will find it the best remedy against the lusts of the flesh. - Thomas Mann
I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen
There is not better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. - Jean Giraudoux
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. - George Carlin
I suppose it is because nearly all children go to school nowadays and have things arranged for them that they seem so forlornly unable to produce their own ideas. - Agatha Christie
If Moses had gone to Harvard Law School and spent three years working on the Hill, he would have written the Ten Commandments with three exceptions and a saving clause. - Charles Morgan
To teach how to live without certainty and yet without being paralysed by hesitation is perhaps the chief thing that philosophy, in our age, can do for those who study it. - Bertrand Russell
College, Engineering & Redneck Sections
Anything To Pass The Exam
Apocryphal Metaphors from Student Essays
Children’s Science Exam Answers
Inspiring School Exams
Hokey Pokey Addict
Tired Of Snow
Moving Dot Illusion
Lehman Brothers Protest
Crowd Surfing - Expert Level
Live Long Street
Car Trolley Transportation
Gone To The Dogs
Inside Outside Thinking
Cutting Trees Above Powerlines
Two Foot Steaks
Venice on a Shoestring Budget
Late Package Delivery