Knowledge Nuggets
1. If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of
boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly
removed.
2. A mousetrap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from going
back to sleep.
3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone
else to hold them while you chop away.
4. Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to what
you want to look at.
5. An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive
vibrator.
6. Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes'
eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
7. A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat
hanger in an emergency.
8. Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of
oncoming traffic.
9. Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
10. Olympic athletes - Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by
running a bit slower.
11. Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the
stain in permanent pen so that when you remove the garment from the washing
machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.
12. Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal.
Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, or meat substitute 'tastes
exactly like the real thing', they won't know any difference.
13. High blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while,
thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
14. Motorists - Enjoy the freedom of cycling by removing your windscreen,
sticking half a melon skin on your head, then jumping red lights and driving the
wrong way up one way streets.
15. Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in
a bowl of iron fillings.
16. Have all your dumps at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper,
but you'll also be getting paid for it.
17. Anorexics - When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cakes
again.
18. Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at
people as they walk up the aisle.
19. Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning
you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of mouthwash
and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
20. X-Files fans - Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two
bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place the following
morning; having had your memory mysteriously 'erased'.