First Proctologist Exam (PG)

Observing the tools of the trade


A patient steps into the proctologist’s office for his first exam. The Doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes.

When the man sat down and began observing the tools. He noticed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.

When the Doctor finally came in the man said, “Look Doc, I’m a little confused. This is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for, and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?”

At that the Doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse... “Darnit, Catherine - I said a BUTT LIGHT!”


QuotaBills
We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

College is a refuge from hasty judgment. - Robert Frost

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

Pedestrian: a man whose son is home from college. - Unknown

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

I've won at every level, except college and pro. - Shaquille O'Neal

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. - Mark Twain

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

That Gerald Ford. He can't fart and chew gum at the same time. - Lyndon B. Johnson

I used to practice Tony speeches in my bathroom with my hairbrush. - Audra McDonald

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. - Unknown

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

The college graduate is presented with a sheepskin to cover his intellectual nakedness. - Robert M. Hutchins

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

I've posed nude for a photographer in the manner of Rodin's Thinker, but I looked merely constipated. - George Bernard Shaw

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. - Arthur C. Clarke

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today. - George Foreman

I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college. - Bill Vaughan

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam. - George Carlin

If you want to succeed, worry less about what college you get into and more about doing your homework, taking care of your chores and being nice to other people. - Jay Mathews

I wish I had thrown out the bathroom scale at age 16. Weighing yourself every morning is like waking up and asking Dick Cheney to validate your sense of inner worth. - Anne Lamott

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom. - Rodney Dangerfield

If you want to surf, move to Hawaii. If you like to shop, move to New York. If you like acting and Hollywood, move to California. But if you like college football, move to Texas. - Ricky Williams

President Obama smoked so much pot in college he never learned to spell. Which is why he's confusing the word "ruining" the country with "running" the country. - Kilburn Hall


see also   Doctor  Section
Acceptable Doctors Sign
Colon Celery
Colorectal Exam For Dogs
Colorectal Surgeon Praise
Constipated Mathematician
Dog Proctologist
Fart Facts
German Flatulence Control
Menopause Sucks
One Wee Scottish Farty
Proctologist Call
Proctologist’s Second-Hand Prescription
Psychiatrist’s Patient Advice
Singing Gynecologist

 

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17-Aug-2019