Welcome to Air Zimbabwe
In-flight movies courtesy of the next-door British Airways flight?
[This comes from a friend now trying to survive in the
Kingdom according to Mugabe in Zimbabwe…]
“Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain, Boniface, welcoming
both seated and standing passengers on board of Air Zimbabwe.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and
some overtime I had to put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to Harare.
Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in Zimbabwe. If
luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!
Air Zimbabwe has an excellent safety record. In fact our safety standards are so
high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with pleasure, I announce that starting this year, over 30% of our
passengers have reached their destination. If our engines are too noisy for you,
on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off.
To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary
Stella tea and Rambawaraira biscuits. For our not-so-religious passengers, we
are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we
forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be
flying right next to British Airways, where their movie will be visible from the
right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is
only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down.
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for
the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our
enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten
your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your
own belt to the arm of your seat… and for those of you who cant find a seat, do
not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten
yourself to your suitcase.”
Enjoy your flight with Air Zimbabwe!