Engagement Rings

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

I could not get the ring without the finger. - Thomas Middleton

I think "Hail to the Chief" has a nice ring to it. - John F Kennedy

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. - John Travolta

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action. - Unknown

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

Of all sound of all bells... most solemn and touching is the peal which rings out the Old Year. - Charles Lamb

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. - Mark Russell

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

If your cousin Maude says one wrong word to me, we're gonna be leaving before the bride takes the shower. - Archie Bunker

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

Poverty is an anomaly to rich people. It is very difficult to make out why people who want dinner do not ring the bell. - Walter Bagehot

I think hearts are very much like glasses - if they do not break with the first ring, they usually last a considerable time. - Letitia Landon

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney

I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst

Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf