Engagement Rings

I've seen better fights at a wedding. - Harry Redknapp

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

Love is a fair garden, and marriage a field of nettles. - Finnish Proverb

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

There is no perfect marriage, for there are no perfect men. - French Proverb

Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water! - Groucho Marx

Before you marry keep both eyes open; after marriage shut one. - Jamaican Proverb

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

Tenderness is greater proof of love than the most passionate of vows. - Marlene Dietrich

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Marriage, like a submarine, is only safe if you get all the way inside. - Frank Pittman

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

Good intentions are not enough. They've never put an onion in the soup yet. - Sonya Levien

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Grace Hansen

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring. - Jeff Foxworthy

Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx

If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rim shots during the vows. - Sam Kinison

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong. - Muhammad Ali

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

I think hearts are very much like glasses - if they do not break with the first ring, they usually last a considerable time. - Letitia Landon

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

I'm Irish, so I'm used to odd stews. I can take it. Just throw a lot of carrots and onions in there and I'll call it dinner. - Liam Neeson

A politician should have three hats. One for throwing into the ring, one for talking through, and one for pulling rabbits out of if elected. - Carl Sandburg

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller