Jewish Samurai
Search for the new Chief Samurai

Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai.

“Demonstrate your skills!” commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!
“What a feat!” said the Emperor.

“Number Two Samurai, show me what you can do.”
The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered!
“That is skill!” nodded the Emperor.

“How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?”
Number Three Samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and * Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!

In disappointment, the Emperor said, “What kind of skill is that? The fly isn’t even dead.”

“Dead, schmead,” replied the Jewish Samurai. “Dead is easy. Circumcision... THAT takes skill!”



QuotaBills
Hire character. Train skill. - Peter Schutz

You're beautiful, like a May fly. - Ernest Hemingway

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

Wiping out is an underappreciated skill. - Laird Hamilton

Nothing is made in vain, but the fly came near it. - Mark Twain

Years fly by, but the heart stays in the same place. - Harlan Coben

Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly? - Frida Kahlo

The chief business of the American people is business. - Calvin Coolidge

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. - Mel Brooks

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. - Henny Youngman

He imagines a necessary joy in things that must fly to eat. - Wendell Berry

I'm not a Jew. I'm Jewish. I don't go the whole hog. - Jonathan Miller

Marketing and innovation are the two chief functions of business. - Peter F Drucker

The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions. - Alfred Adler

The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness. - Eric Hoffer

Logic is like the sword – those who appeal to it shall perish by it. - Edward Gibbon

Tea should be as bitter as wormwood and as sharp as a two-edged sword. - Lemony Snicket

If ever a chef were to cook a fly, he would keep the breast for himself. - Poland Proverb

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

Giving your son a skill is better than giving him one thousand pieces of gold. - Chinese Proverb

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. - Jonathan Winters

The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie

Getting results through people is a skill that cannot be learned in the classroom. - J Paul Getty

It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. - Muhammad Ali

A great athlete does not come from muscle, speed, and skill, but from the mind first. - Dan E. Welker

Man's chief enemy is his own unruly nature and the dark forces pent up within him. - Ernst Jones

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is. - Helen Rowland

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it. - David S Jordan

There are two ways to conquer and enslave a nation. One is by the sword. The other is by debt. - John Adams

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows. - Doug Larson

Moses was the greatest legislator and the commander in chief of perhaps the first liberation army. - Elie Wiesel

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. - Milton Berle

The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want right now. - Zig Ziglar

Misfortunes, untoward events, lay open, disclose the skill of a general, while success conceals his weakness, his weak points. - Horace

The formulation of a problem is often more essential than its solution, which may be merely a matter of mathematical or experimental skill. - Albert Einstein

"Underlings should always be uncomfortable in the presence of their superiors," said the Emperor. "Don't you agree?" - Paul S. Kemp

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

Emotion is the chief source of becoming conscious. There can be no transforming of lightness into dark, of apathy into movement without emotion. - Carl Jung


see also   Armed Forces,   Medical  &  Nationality  Sections
Bread Shortage for Jewish Customer
Jewish-Chinese Night before Christmas
Jewish Fire Department
Jewish Holiday
Jewish Humour
Jewish Mother-In-Law
Portable Samurai
Samurai Sudoku

 

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22-Apr-2019