Jewish Samurai
Search for the new Chief Samurai

Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai.

“Demonstrate your skills!” commanded the Emperor.
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!
“What a feat!” said the Emperor.

“Number Two Samurai, show me what you can do.”
The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered!
“That is skill!” nodded the Emperor.

“How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?”
Number Three Samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and * Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!

In disappointment, the Emperor said, “What kind of skill is that? The fly isn’t even dead.”

“Dead, schmead,” replied the Jewish Samurai. “Dead is easy. Circumcision... THAT takes skill!”



QuotaBills
I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker

You're beautiful, like a May fly. - Ernest Hemingway

Skill and confidence are an unconquered army. - George Herbert

I rate enthusiasm even above professional skill. - Edward Appleton

Nothing is made in vain, but the fly came near it. - Mark Twain

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G K Chesterton

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. - Archie Bunker

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. - Henny Youngman

He imagines a necessary joy in things that must fly to eat. - Wendell Berry

When the prison doors are opened, the real dragon will fly out. - Ho Chi Minh

I think being a dragon would be pretty awesome... you get to fly. - Josh Keaton

Marketing and innovation are the two chief functions of business. - Peter F Drucker

The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness. - Eric Hoffer

If God had intended us to fly, He would never have given us railways. - Michael Flanders

Logic is like the sword – those who appeal to it shall perish by it. - Edward Gibbon

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

Not the cry, but the flight of a wild duck, leads the flock to fly and follow. - Chinese Proverb

Humour is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood. - Mary Hirsch

I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe

Now that I've found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night? - Ally Condie

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up. - Muhammad Ali

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes

Success is a two-bladed golden sword - it knights one and stabs one at the same time. - Mae West

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is. - Helen Rowland

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it. - David S Jordan

Coming from Canada, being a writer and Jewish as well, I have impeccable paranoia credentials. - Mordecai Richler

You can't fly with the owls by night and expect to keep up with the eagles during the day. - Unknown

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies. - Milton Berle

I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris

At twilight, nature is not without loveliness, though perhaps its chief use is to illustrate quotations from the poets. - Oscar Wilde

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie

We are faced with the paradoxical fact that education has become one of the chief obstacles to intelligence and freedom of thought. - Bertrand Russell

The formulation of a problem is often more essential than its solution, which may be merely a matter of mathematical or experimental skill. - Albert Einstein

Luke, you can destroy the Emperor. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Join me, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son. - Darth Vader

"Underlings should always be uncomfortable in the presence of their superiors," said the Emperor. "Don't you agree?" - Paul S. Kemp

A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, "Are you comfortable?" The guy says, "I make a good living." - Henny Youngman

This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet. - Rumi


see also   Armed Forces,   Medical  &  Nationality  Sections
Bread Shortage for Jewish Customer
Jewish-Chinese Night before Christmas
Jewish Fire Department
Jewish Holiday
Jewish Humour
Jewish Mother-In-Law
Portable Samurai
Samurai Sudoku

 

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26-Jun-2019