Exhausting Gyne Work

Top marks for pulling out a car engine


A gynaecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics.

When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.

The gynaecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%.

“How could that be?” he asked.

“Well,” said the instructor, “I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe.”


QuotaBills
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran

Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

Never ever lose your head. Its the best part of your body. - Art Rooney

There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker

Being in a good frame of mind helps one keep in the picture of health. - Unknown

Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the Doctor's book. - Irish Proverb

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

The French invented the only known cure for dandruff. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat

The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass. - Leslie Grimutter

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone. - Robert Frost

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. - Mark Twain

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood, I'd just type a little faster. - Isaac Asimov

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

I chalk up the fact that I got diabetes to my body saying, 'Dude, you have been doing wrong for way too long!' - Randy Jackson

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green

The twelve notes in each octave and the variety of rhythm offer me opportunities that all of human genius will never exhaust. - Igor Stravinsky

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation. - Mark Twain


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20-Sep-2018