Exhausting Gyne Work

Top marks for pulling out a car engine


A gynaecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics.

When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.

The gynaecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%.

“How could that be?” he asked.

“Well,” said the instructor, “I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe.”


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Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

The sexual act was never constipated. - Archie Bunker

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott

The way a doctor writes out a subscription. - Archie Bunker

Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Erma Bombeck

Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Four wheels move the body. Two wheels move the soul. - Unknown

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - WC Fields

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

The best cure for unrequited love: get to know them better. - Alain de Botton

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

There's a lot involved in going to the bathroom for women. - Leah Remini

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

Nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so futile. - Bertand Russell

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure. - Ross MacDonald

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

The most important pieces of equipment you need for doing yoga are your body and your mind. - Rodney Yee

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

If you do a good job for others, you heal yourself at the same time, because a dose of joy is a spiritual cure. - Ed Sullivan

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green

The twelve notes in each octave and the variety of rhythm offer me opportunities that all of human genius will never exhaust. - Igor Stravinsky

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body - let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel. - Unknown

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

My whole body is a wreck. I've injured myself so many times with jujitsu, skateboarding, football. I guess I like to live hard. - Scott Caan

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

I wish I had a nickel for every song that I've left in the bathroom, written down on a matchbox, or just totally forgotten about. - Tommy Shaw

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros

One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine... Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants. - William Osler


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25-May-2019