Exhausting Gyne Work

Top marks for pulling out a car engine


A gynaecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics.

When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.

The gynaecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%.

“How could that be?” he asked.

“Well,” said the instructor, “I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe.”


QuotaBills
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

We are here on Earth to fart around. - Kurt Vonnegut

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. - Ben Franklin

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance. - King George V

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. - WC Fields

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

Dancing: The Highest Intelligence in the Freest Body. - Isadora Duncan

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

A half doctor near is better than a whole one far away. - German Proverb

The doctor is often more to be feared than the disease. - French Proverb

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

I would rather sleep in a bathroom than in another hotel. - Billy Wilder

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

The kitchen. The bathroom. The yin and yang of the household. - David C. Holley

Our health is a voyage and every illness is an adventure story. - Margiad Evans

Nothing is so exhausting as indecision, and nothing is so futile. - Bertand Russell

I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard

Sleep, riches, and health to be truly enjoyed must be interrupted. - Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

When I was younger I used to lock myself in the bathroom and read in the dry tub. - Karen Russell

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

People don't trust private health insurance companies for all the right reasons. - Bernie Sanders

Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein: it rejects it. - P.B. Medawar

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

With every bathroom renovation, there are three areas that I focus on: budget, function and style. - Candice Olson

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

A lot of what passes for depression these days is nothing more than a body saying that it needs work. - Geoffrey Norman

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

When I was born the Doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!" - Rodney Dangerfield

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

If you would perfect your body, guard your mind.
If you would renew your body, beautify your mind. - James Allen

The road to medical knowledge is through the pathological museum and not through an apothecary's shop. - William Withey Gull

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

Despite all our toil and progress, the art of medicine still falls somewhere between trout casting and spook writing. - Ben Hecht

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

I'm building a glass pyramid over the Egyptian escalator where my body will be mummified, so my customers can come and see me forever. - Mohamed Al-Fayed

Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle


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13-Dec-2017