Exhausting Gyne Work

Top marks for pulling out a car engine


A gynaecologist was getting tired of his job and decided to switch careers. He’d always enjoyed tinkering with engines, so he enrolled in a school for car mechanics.

When the class ended the students were given their final exam: strip a car engine completely and reassemble it in perfect working order.

The gynaecologist did his best - and was amazed to find he scored 150%.

“How could that be?” he asked.

“Well,” said the instructor, “I gave you 50% for taking the engine apart. Next, I gave you 50% for reassembling it - a fantastic job, really. And then I gave you a 50% bonus for doing it all through the exhaust pipe.”


QuotaBills
Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman - Christopher Walken

The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

The human body is the best work of art. - Jess C. Scott

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

The best cure for the body is a quiet mind. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

I've tried body surfing. It's nice. - Ziggy Marley

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. - Khalil Gibran

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison

I write poems like some people sing in the bathroom. - Amit Bhatia

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body. - C.S. Lewis

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain

Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live. - Jim Rohn

Where there is laughter there is always more health than sickness. - Phyllis Bottome

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. - Dorothy Parker

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. - Thomas Fuller

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

Every bathroom in my house will ultimately have a Toto bidet in it. - Ken Marino

Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart. - Dorothy Parker

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - Rodney Dangerfield

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

Would you take all these pains about your looks if every body was blind? - Charles Finney

The colder the X-Ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. - Steven Wright

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

Financial ruin from medical bills is almost exclusively an American disease. - Roul Turley

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

To array a man's will against his sickness is the supreme art of medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured. - B.K. Iyengar

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

There are two things that Jack Bauer never does. Show mercy, and go to the bathroom. - Kiefer Sutherland

Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler

The only medicine for suffering, crime, and all the other woes of mankind, is wisdom. - Thomas Huxley

I'd rather be able to face myself in the bathroom mirror than be rich and famous. - Ani DiFranco

Stress is your body's way of saying you haven't worked enough unpaid overtime. - Scott Adams

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

At Disneyland, you never go 'backstage' - even when you're in the bathroom. - Hideo Kojima

When the body of the people is possessed of the supreme power, it is called a democracy. - Charles de Secondat

Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust

The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh

A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I have the body but of a weak and feeble woman, but I have the heart and stomach of a King. - Elizabeth I

I wonder why you can always read a Doctor's bill but you can never read his prescription. - Finley Peter Dunne

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. - Orson Welles

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. - Monty Python Anb The Holy Grail

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom. - George Carlin

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

My physician has become warden of my medically imprisoned body, pharmaceuticals the bars on my cell. - Grey E. Livingston

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

The only equipment lack in the modern hospital? Somebody to meet you at the entrance with a handshake! - Martin H. Fischer

Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way. And a sense of humor. It's like medicine - very healing. - Max Irons

My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body. - Donald Trump

Yoga is really trying to liberate us from shame about our bodies. To love your body is a very important thing. - Rodney Yee

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

A small body of determined spirits fired by an unquenchable faith in their mission can alter the course of history. - Mahatma Gandhi

There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something tomorrow. - O.S. Marden

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

Concentrating on poses clears the mind, while focusing on the breath helps the body shift out of fight or flight mode. - Melanie Haiken

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green

A doctor who cannot take a good history and a patient who cannot give one are in danger of giving and receiving bad treatment. - Unknown

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not. - Mark Twain

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

A man who cannot work without his hypodermic needle is a poor doctor. The amount of narcotic you use is inversely proportional to your skill. - Martin H. Fischer

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. - Bible

If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. - General George Patton


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17-Jan-2017