Stabity Stab Stab
Fighting a losing cause with whatever you’ve got

A young soldier, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn’t have a rifle.
“That’s no problem, son,” said the sergeant. “Here, take this broom. Just point it at the Germans, and go ‘Bangety Bang Bang’.”
“But what about a bayonet, Sarge?” asked the young (and gullible) recruit.
The sergeant pulls a piece of straw from the end of the broom, and attaches it to the handle end. “Here, use this... just go, ‘Stabity Stab Stab’.”

The recruit ends up alone on the battlefield, holding just his broom. Suddenly, a German soldier charges at him.
The recruit points the broom. “Bangety Bang Bang!” The German falls dead. More Germans appear. The recruit, amazed at his good luck, goes “Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!” He mows down the enemy by the dozens.
Finally, the battlefield is clear, except for one German soldier walking slowly toward him. “Bangety Bang Bang!” shouts the recruit.
The German keeps coming.
“Bangety Bang Bang!” repeats the recruit, to no avail. He gets desperate. “Bangety Bang Bang! Stabity Stab Stab!”

It’s no use. The German keeps coming. He stomps the recruit into the ground, and says...
“Tankety Tank Tank.”


What happens when both sides have no weapons...

QuotaBills
An army marches on its stomach. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Love is a kind of military service. - Ovid

The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley

In war, there are no unwounded soldiers. - Jose Narosky

If we don't end war, war will end us. - H G Wells

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war. - Winston Churchill

Only the winners decide what were war crimes. - Gary Wills

In war there is no second prize for the runner-up. - Omar Bradley

All diplomacy is a continuation of war by other means. - Zhou Enlai

Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value. - Marechal Ferdinand Foch

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. - Jules de Gaultier

The military don't start wars. Politicians start wars. - William Westmoreland

The true champion loses many battles before winning the war. - Unknown

Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? - Mae West

Where some states have an army, the Prussian army has a state. - Voltaire

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. - Groucho Marx

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. - Sun Tzu

A conquering army on the border will not be stopped by eloquence. - Otto von Bismarck

Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind. - John F Kennedy

In peace sons bury their fathers, but in war fathers bury their sons. - Croesus

When starting and waging war it is not right that matters, but victory. - Adolf Hitler

Those who love peace must learn to organize as well as those who love war. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Your heaviest artillery will be your will to live. Keep that big gun going. - Norman Cousins

A piece of spaghetti or a military unit can only be led from the front end. - George S Patton

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. - Al Capone

Never think that war, no matter how necessary, nor how justified, is not a crime. - Ernest Hemingway

There is no avoiding war, it can only be postponed to the advantage of your enemy. - Niccolo Machiavelli

When I take a gun in hand, the safest place for a pheasant is just opposite the muzzle. - Sydney Smith

A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator. - Homer Simpson

If it weren't for the Japanese and Germans, we wouldn't have any good war movies. - Stanley Ross

Disease is war with the laws of our being, and all war, as a great general has said, is hell. - Lewis G. Janes

It used to be that when all else failed, a guy went into the army; now he becomes a consultant. - Blackie Sherrod

You can't say that civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way. - Will Rogers

For a war to be just three conditions are necessary - public authority, just cause, right motive. - Ernest Hemingway

I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams

I took a speed reading course and read "War and Peace" in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - Woody Allen

I hate war as only a soldier who has lived it can, only as one who has seen its brutality, its stupidity. - Dwight D Eisenhower

Solitude scares me. It makes me think about love, death, and war. I need distraction from anxious, black thoughts. - Brigitte Bardot

We discern across the centuries a commanding and versatile intelligence, wielding with equal force the sword of war and of justice. - Winston Churchill

As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. - Oscar Wilde


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25-May-2019