Cheating Canadian Politician
How To Win An Election

The Prime Ministerial election in Canada was too close to call. Neither the Liberal candidate (Paul Martin) nor the Conservative candidate (Stephen Harper) had enough votes to win the election. After much talk about health care and gun registration boondoggles, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Harper returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Martin returns and has zero fish. Everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day and hopefully he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Harper comes in with 20 fish and Martin comes in again with none. That evening, Martin’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Martin and says, “I think Harper is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Harper comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Martin, “Well, what about it - is Harper cheating?”

“He sure is,” Martin replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
All politics is applesauce. - Will Rogers

All men are equal before fish. - Herbert Hoover

Politics have no relation to morals. - Niccolo Machiavelli

In politics nothing is contemptible. - Benjamin Disraeli

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. - Irina Dunn

Most bad government results from too much government. - Thomas Jefferson

Be patient and calm; no one can catch a fish with anger. - Herbert Hoover

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy. - Martin L. Gross

We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain

I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford

A liberal is a man who is willing to spend somebody else's money. - Carter Glass

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - WC Fields

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

Fish die belly upward, and rise to the surface. Its their way of falling. - Andre Gide

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers

A filmmaker we almost lost to politics... my friend and colleague, Warren Beatty. - Jack Nicholson

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. - Will Rogers

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

I think it's an absolute disaster that Australia, the government, allowed kangaroo culling. - Steve Irwin

I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams

When they see me holding fish, they can see that I am comfortable with kings as well as with paupers. - Imelda Marcos

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves. - George Pataki

It is our art that has an opportunity to leave a footprint in the sand. They don't wrap fish in our work. - Hugh N Jacobsen

I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna-fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock. - Barbara Harrison

Luck affects everything; let your hook always be cast. In the stream where you least expect it, there will be fish. - Ovid

What is politics but persuading the public to vote for this and support that and endure these for the promise of those? - Gilbert Highet

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. - Groucho Marx

When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. - Ambrose Bierce

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it's important. - Eugene McCarthy

I was thrown out of college during my freshman year, for cheating on my metaphysics final - I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. - Woody Allen


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

 

Fly By Meal

Down Day

Hanging Out With Friends

You Want Me To Do What?

Mirror Lake

Kitchen Thing

Light Road

Coffee Spoon

Show Stopper

Water Judge

Litter of DalCations

Fitness On The Bus

Deluxe Peanut Butter Jam Sandwich

Neighbour's Fence

Smoking Hot Body
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19-Aug-2019