Cheating Canadian Politician
How To Win An Election

The Prime Ministerial election in Canada was too close to call. Neither the Liberal candidate (Paul Martin) nor the Conservative candidate (Stephen Harper) had enough votes to win the election. After much talk about health care and gun registration boondoggles, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Harper returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Martin returns and has zero fish. Everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day and hopefully he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Harper comes in with 20 fish and Martin comes in again with none. That evening, Martin’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Martin and says, “I think Harper is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Harper comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Martin, “Well, what about it - is Harper cheating?”

“He sure is,” Martin replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
Voting is a civic sacrament. - Theodore Hesburgh

There is no gambling like politics. - Benjamin Disraeli

Politics is the art of the possible. - Otto von Bismarck

Food tastes better when you wear it. - Erin Dealey

Only dead fish swim with the stream. - Unknown

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a net. - Cynthia Heimel

From politics, it was an easy step to silence. - Jane Austen

All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken

I have laid aside business, and gone a'fishing. - Izaak Walton

Politics is the art of controlling your environment. - Hunter S. Thompson

Most bad government results from too much government. - Thomas Jefferson

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

Poetry is about the grief. Politics is about the grievance. - Robert Frost

A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves. - Bertrand de Jouvenel

It's a terrible shame that politics has become show business. - Sydney Pollack

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells

I can remember way back when a liberal was generous with his own money. - Will Rogers

What you need is somebody new - there's more than 1 fish in the woodpile. - Archie Bunker

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain

No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power. - Jacob Bronowski

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. - Will Rogers

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. - P.J. O'Rourke

A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. - Thomas Jefferson

Folks who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign. - Milton Berle

The man who can make others laugh secures more votes for a measure than the man who forces them to think. - Malcolm de Chazal

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat

When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves. - George Pataki

It is our art that has an opportunity to leave a footprint in the sand. They don't wrap fish in our work. - Hugh N Jacobsen

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. - Joseph Heller

Competition can damage self-esteem, create anxiety, and lead to cheating and hurt feelings. But so can romantic love. - Mariah Burton Nelson

I am sometimes a fox and sometimes a lion. The whole secret of government lies in knowing when to be the one or the other. - Napoleon Bonaparte

Very few of these panic-mongers have any personal knowledge of the countries that are already under blackshirt government. - Lord Rothermere

When it comes to politics, I sit down on a sofa and grab some popcorn - or sometimes I crouch down in order not to get shot. - Sergey Galitsky

Only when the last tree has withered, and the last fish caught, and the last river been poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money. - Cree Proverb

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

 

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27-May-2019