Cheating Canadian Politician
How To Win An Election

The Prime Ministerial election in Canada was too close to call. Neither the Liberal candidate (Paul Martin) nor the Conservative candidate (Stephen Harper) had enough votes to win the election. After much talk about health care and gun registration boondoggles, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Harper returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Martin returns and has zero fish. Everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day and hopefully he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Harper comes in with 20 fish and Martin comes in again with none. That evening, Martin’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Martin and says, “I think Harper is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Harper comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Martin, “Well, what about it - is Harper cheating?”

“He sure is,” Martin replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
All politics is applesauce. - Will Rogers

Politics is an inexact science. - Otto von Bismarck

Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley

The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley

In politics the middle way is none at all. - John Adams

Everybody knows politics is a contact sport. - Barrack Obama

You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish. - Jerry Seinfeld

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

Government is an endless pursuit of new ways to tax. - Unknown

Most bad government results from too much government. - Thomas Jefferson

The secret of politics? Make a good treaty with Russia. - Otto von Bismarck

The fun of fishing is catching 'em, not killing 'em. - Norman Schwarzkopf

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston

We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain

I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together. - Gerald R. Ford

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - Benjamin Franklin

A fishing rod is a stick with a hook at one end and a fool at the other. - Samuel Johnson

Politics is the art of choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else. - Henry Hazlitt

What you need is somebody new - there's more than 1 fish in the woodpile. - Archie Bunker

Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini

I love Canada. I am from Canada. I will bash the Canadian government but never Canada. - Jason Priestley

They laughed at Robert Fulton but without him, New York wouldn't have a fish market. - Archie Bunker

The dent in his car is hardly cold and he's coming over here to claim his pound of fish. - Archie Bunker

Drawing is the honesty of the art. There is no possibility of cheating. It is either good or bad. - Salvador Dali

Of all the useless things a person can do, limerick writing is right up there with golf and fishing. - Garrison Keillor

Politics, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong. - Richard Armour

The man who can make others laugh secures more votes for a measure than the man who forces them to think. - Malcolm de Chazal

Give a man a fish and you have fed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you have fed him for a lifetime. - Chinese Proverb

Politics: Poli, a Latin word meaning "many"; and tics, meaning "bloodsucking creatures." - Robin Williams

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. - George Carlin

Politics is the only business where doing nothing other than making the other guy look bad is an acceptable outcome. - Mark Warner

The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid. - Will Rogers

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

The workers' and peasants' government proposes to all warring peoples... negotiations leading to a just, democratic peace. - Lenin

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2004)
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

 

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14-Oct-2019