Cheating U.S. Politician in 2004
How To Win An Election

Once upon a time, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

After much talk about ballot recounting & court challenges, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Maine. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Kerry returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Bush returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day or something and, hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Kerry comes in with 20 fish and Bush comes in again with none. That evening, Bush’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Bush and says, “I think Kerry is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Kerry comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Bush, “Well, what about it, is Kerry cheating’?”

“He sure is,” Bush replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley

In politics nothing is contemptible. - Benjamin Disraeli

Food tastes better when you wear it. - Erin Dealey

Fish and visitors stink after three days. - Benjamin Franklin

From politics, it was an easy step to silence. - Jane Austen

Politics is the art of controlling your environment. - Hunter S. Thompson

The art of government is the organization of idolatry. - George Bernard Shaw

Poetry is about the grief. Politics is about the grievance. - Robert Frost

A society of sheep must in time beget a government of wolves. - Bertrand de Jouvenel

Thinking isn't agreeing or disagreeing. That's voting. - Robert Frost

An honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere. - Mark Twain

Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. - Charles de Gaulle

Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas. - Lewis Black

Republicans are men of narrow vision, who are afraid of the future. - Jimmy Carter

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. - Bob Wells

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

A fishing rod is a stick with a hook at one end and a fool at the other. - Samuel Johnson

Good fishing is just a matter of timing. You have to get there yesterday. - Milton Berle

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers

You have to have been a Republican to know how good it is to be a Democrat. - Jackie Kennedy

Democrats haven't been this upset since Republicans freed their slaves. - Unknown

No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power. - Jacob Bronowski

Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini

The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat one's self. All sin is easy after that. - Pearl Bailey

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. - Woody Allen

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

What is the first part of politics? Education. The second? Education. And the third? Education. - Jules Michelet

So, if we lie to the government, it's a felony.
But if they lie to us, it's politics. - Bill Murray

When they see me holding fish, they can see that I am comfortable with kings as well as with paupers. - Imelda Marcos

Folks who don't know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign. - Milton Berle

I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna-fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock. - Barbara Harrison

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. - Pericles (430 B.C.)

Our whole constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men's minds. - Thurgood Marshall

Taxpayer - someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination. - Ronald Reagan

The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too. - Oscar Levant

If the government was as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy. - Kin Hubbard

Very few of these panic-mongers have any personal knowledge of the countries that are already under blackshirt government. - Lord Rothermere

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin. - Dave Attell

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating Canadian Politician
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

 

Alaska Gas

Definition Of A Good Friend

Redneck Car Repair

Self-Propelled Rocket

Pole Clock

Donut Holes

Insect Food Fight

Living At C Level

Little Johnny Bath

Emergency Stops Only

Portable Balance Beam

Fried Eggs - Military Style

Motorvation

Teenage Mutant Ninja Hay Bail

Driving Rain
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

23-May-2019