Cheating U.S. Politician in 2004
How To Win An Election

Once upon a time, there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

After much talk about ballot recounting & court challenges, a week-long ice fishing competition between the two candidates seemed the best way to settle things. The winner would be the candidate who caught the most fish at the end of the week.

After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a cold, remote lake in Maine. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Kerry returns to the starting line with 10 fish. Soon, Bush returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having a bad hair day or something and, hopefully, he will catch up the next day.

At the end of the second day, Kerry comes in with 20 fish and Bush comes in again with none. That evening, Bush’s campaign manager gets together secretly with Bush and says, “I think Kerry is a lowlife cheating son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.”

The next night (after Kerry comes back with 50 fish), the campaign manager says to Bush, “Well, what about it, is Kerry cheating’?”

“He sure is,” Bush replied. “He’s cutting holes in the ice.”


QuotaBills
Politics have no relation to morals. - Niccolo Machiavelli

Crime does not pay as well as politics. - Alfred E. Newman

Fish and visitors stink after three days. - Benjamin Franklin

Everybody knows politics is a contact sport. - Barrack Obama

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a net. - Cynthia Heimel

All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken

Politics is just show business for ugly people. - Jay Leno

Politics is not a game. It is an earnest business. - Winston Churchill

Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. - Ralph Nader

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for. - WC Fields

I have laid aside business, and gone a'fishing. - Izaak Walton

The fun of fishing is catching 'em, not killing 'em. - Norman Schwarzkopf

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

An honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere. - Mark Twain

Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. - Charles de Gaulle

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. - WC Fields

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. - Henry Kissinger

Freedom of opinion can only exist when the government thinks itself secure. - Bertrand Russell

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. - P.J. O'Rourke

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

Give a man a fish and you have fed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you have fed him for a lifetime. - Chinese Proverb

It is our art that has an opportunity to leave a footprint in the sand. They don't wrap fish in our work. - Hugh N Jacobsen

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. - Plato

Our whole constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men's minds. - Thurgood Marshall

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

Politics is the only business where doing nothing other than making the other guy look bad is an acceptable outcome. - Mark Warner

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. - Joseph Heller

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

The business of government is to keep the government out of business - that is, unless business needs government aid. - Will Rogers

It's especially hard if the government is not providing services, or is even conducting ethnic cleansing against you. - Paul Harvey

I am sometimes a fox and sometimes a lion. The whole secret of government lies in knowing when to be the one or the other. - Napoleon Bonaparte

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. - Bill Vaughan

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. - Ronald Reagan

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo


see also   Fishing  &  Political  Sections
Cheating Canadian Politician
Cheating U.S. Politician Version (2016)

 

Mistaken Door

Cleanup

Leave Toes Outside

Google Age

Meat Loaf

Heavy Sleeper

So Close

Economy Flight

StandOut Island

Poor Fishing Day

Is Your Diaper Full?

Lunch Break on a Hot Day

Moving Level Pro

Plain Plane School

Wireframe Dog
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

17-Aug-2019