Looking For Your Wife?

Finding your spouse while she’s shopping


Two guys are moving about in a grocery store when their carts collide. One says to the other, “Excuse me, but I’m looking for my wife.”

“What a coincidence - so am I, and I’m getting a little desperate.”

“Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?”

“She’s tall, with dark hair, long legs, firm boobs, and a tight butt. What’s your wife look like?”

“Never mind, let’s look for yours!”


QuotaBills
Candlestine romance - Archie Bunker

Take my wife - please! - Henny Youngman

Marriage is not a word but a sentence. - Unknown

Who has a bad wife, his hell begins on earth. - Dutch Proverb

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. - Oscar Wilde

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments. - John Barrymore

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. - Henny Youngman

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes. - Amy Grant

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game. - Unknown

Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. - Keanu Reeves

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she's coming with me. - Jon Bon Jovi

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. - Unknown

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life. - Unknown

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

Love and respect are the most important aspects of parenting, and of all relationships. - Jodie Foster

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. - Milton Berle

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago. - Will Rogers

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

Relationships are about give and take; not tit-for-tat. If you're keeping score, you'll lose at your own game. - Faydra D. Fields

It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. - Axl Rose

One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife's ear. - J.B. Morton

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle

Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf


see also   Marriage  Section
A Woman’s Mind
Amish Elevator View
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
“Female Speak” Translation
Flower Shop For Men
Hormone Guide
iGifts
Looking Small
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
Sheer Surprise
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

Get Along Shirt

Rooftop Steps

It's Not My Job

Mathematician's Truck

Redneck Baby Stroller

Redneck Estate Sale

Blonde Car Mirror

Corn Maze Warning

Lane Closure

Texting For Dummies

Clever Weather Billboard

Tree Huggers

Australian Construction Security

India Road Assistance

Cow Walking

Cultural Exchange

Meowzart

Bonus Baby

Strawberry Heart

Water Skiing in Russia
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

16-Oct-2019