1. Correct speling is a Must.
2. “Just between you and I” is a Mustn’t. It’s as much of a Mustn’t as “They
3. Be sure to never split an infinitive.
4. Don’t dangle with participles: “Running for the bus, a taxi hit my uncle.”
5. The difference between “teach” and “learn” should learn you to pay attention.
Teachers don’t have to pay attention, so they don’t learn; they just teach.
6. When studying grammar, a spiral notebook of well-lined pages are useful.
(This shows that subjects and verbs are enemies.)
7. Don’t never use no double negative. Triple negative are even worst.
8. Always make a pronoun agree with their referent.
9. Beware of the “them-those” trap. For instance, don’t write, “Them apples are
rotten” if they are not.
10. Many people love to use commas, which are not necessary. For instance, “She
ate, the fool” is a comment. “She ate the fool” is correct, if she is a
11. One of the trickiest points in punctuation is to use apostrophe’s correctly.
They are as sensitive as measle’s.
12. Never use “real” when you mean “very.” Therefore: “She is real stupid” shows
that you are very stupid. (This point is real important.)
13. Adjectives are not adverbs. Write careful. (I know that’s hardly.)
14. Question marks can be dynamite. Use them carefully. “You sure are pretty?”
means you are not sure I am pretty. That is an insult.
15. Many a student is undone by “who” and “whom.”
a. “’Whom are you?’ she asked, for she had gone to night school.”
b. If you write “Who’s hand is stroking my thigh?” you’ll never know who’s
pulling whose leg. Such information can be valuable.
16. Avoid the excessive use of exclamation points!!!! It is silly to write,
“Yesterday, I woke up!!!” because that suggests that today you did not, which is
17. When you want to say something that indicates anyone, or all of us, the
pronoun “one” is better than “he” or “she.” “One never knows, do one?”
18. Observe the difference between “don’t” and “doesn’t.” It’s shocking to hear
so many high school graduates say “He don’t care.” What they mean, of course, is
“I don’t care.” Their grades proved it.
19. Never write, “heighth” or “weighth.” They just are not righth.
20. Avoid confusion. “How the hippopotamus are you?”
21. “Irregardless” is not in the dictionary. “Hopefully” is – and I hope to God
you never use it.
22. Don’t use “neither” when you mean “either.” Either use “neither” correctly
or don’t use it at all. And don’t use “either” if you mean “ether” neither.
23. Guard against absurd and unnecessary repetitions. This here rule is
especially important for new beginners.
24. A real booby trap to avoid is “when” – especially when a sentence like “I do
not deny I wasn’t afraid” occurs when you mean “I won’t deny I was afraid.” Most
writers are, so they master syntax, which is the only tax that doesn’t cost
25. Don’t forget the crucial difference between “lie” and “lay.”
a. the former takes no object (“I lie in bed”) but the latter must (“Lay that
pistol down, mother”);
b. “To lie” means to express something not true: “to lay” means expressing
something more urgent.
Got it? Now, memorize these laws, plus one more: Be sure to reread anything you
write to make sure you don’t accidentally any words out.
Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien
A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
Speech is the small change of silence. - George Meredith
The eyes have one language everywhere. - George Herbert
Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham
I am disappointment in you're grammar. - Unknown
A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb
Discretion in speech is more than eloquence. - Sir Francis Bacon
Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle
I will not down to posterity talking bad grammar. - Benjamin Disraeli
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin
We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry
There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge
Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats
England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain
Grammar is a piano I play by ear. All I know about grammar is its power. - Joan Didion
Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown
Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine
If we are a country committed to free speech, then why do we have phone bills? - Steven Wright
A bore is one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation. - Benjamin Desraeli
Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde
Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. - L.J. Peter
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
Great literature is simply language charged with meaning to the utmost possible degree. - Ezra Pound
Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden
The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud
Language is our meeting place, the sea we live in…it is the common ground of our humanity. - Toby Wolfe
It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones
Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to. - Unknown
German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton
Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie
The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton
Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain
Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends. - Mary Catherwood
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin
Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton
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One Thousand Words
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Suddenly An Oven
Redneck Shower Head
I Finally Know Why
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Surprise Party At The Zoo
First Dodge Ram
All Bottled Up
Maybe We Should Play Inside Today