1. Correct speling is a Must.
2. “Just between you and I” is a Mustn’t. It’s as much of a Mustn’t as “They
3. Be sure to never split an infinitive.
4. Don’t dangle with participles: “Running for the bus, a taxi hit my uncle.”
5. The difference between “teach” and “learn” should learn you to pay attention.
Teachers don’t have to pay attention, so they don’t learn; they just teach.
6. When studying grammar, a spiral notebook of well-lined pages are useful.
(This shows that subjects and verbs are enemies.)
7. Don’t never use no double negative. Triple negative are even worst.
8. Always make a pronoun agree with their referent.
9. Beware of the “them-those” trap. For instance, don’t write, “Them apples are
rotten” if they are not.
10. Many people love to use commas, which are not necessary. For instance, “She
ate, the fool” is a comment. “She ate the fool” is correct, if she is a
11. One of the trickiest points in punctuation is to use apostrophe’s correctly.
They are as sensitive as measle’s.
12. Never use “real” when you mean “very.” Therefore: “She is real stupid” shows
that you are very stupid. (This point is real important.)
13. Adjectives are not adverbs. Write careful. (I know that’s hardly.)
14. Question marks can be dynamite. Use them carefully. “You sure are pretty?”
means you are not sure I am pretty. That is an insult.
15. Many a student is undone by “who” and “whom.”
a. “’Whom are you?’ she asked, for she had gone to night school.”
b. If you write “Who’s hand is stroking my thigh?” you’ll never know who’s
pulling whose leg. Such information can be valuable.
16. Avoid the excessive use of exclamation points!!!! It is silly to write,
“Yesterday, I woke up!!!” because that suggests that today you did not, which is
17. When you want to say something that indicates anyone, or all of us, the
pronoun “one” is better than “he” or “she.” “One never knows, do one?”
18. Observe the difference between “don’t” and “doesn’t.” It’s shocking to hear
so many high school graduates say “He don’t care.” What they mean, of course, is
“I don’t care.” Their grades proved it.
19. Never write, “heighth” or “weighth.” They just are not righth.
20. Avoid confusion. “How the hippopotamus are you?”
21. “Irregardless” is not in the dictionary. “Hopefully” is – and I hope to God
you never use it.
22. Don’t use “neither” when you mean “either.” Either use “neither” correctly
or don’t use it at all. And don’t use “either” if you mean “ether” neither.
23. Guard against absurd and unnecessary repetitions. This here rule is
especially important for new beginners.
24. A real booby trap to avoid is “when” – especially when a sentence like “I do
not deny I wasn’t afraid” occurs when you mean “I won’t deny I was afraid.” Most
writers are, so they master syntax, which is the only tax that doesn’t cost
25. Don’t forget the crucial difference between “lie” and “lay.”
a. the former takes no object (“I lie in bed”) but the latter must (“Lay that
pistol down, mother”);
b. “To lie” means to express something not true: “to lay” means expressing
something more urgent.
Got it? Now, memorize these laws, plus one more: Be sure to reread anything you
write to make sure you don’t accidentally any words out.
Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien
A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
Speech is the small change of silence. - George Meredith
The eyes have one language everywhere. - George Herbert
Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham
Discretion in speech is more than eloquence. - Sir Francis Bacon
Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle
A story is told as much by silence as by speech. - Susan Griffin
I will not down to posterity talking bad grammar. - Benjamin Disraeli
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. - Xenocrates
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley
The adjective is the banana peel of the parts of speech. - Clifton Fadiman
All poetry is a reproduction of the tones of actual speech. - Robert Frost
You don't have good grammar when you type with your fists. - C.F. Payne
There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge
Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats
Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown
The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker
I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. - Jane Wagner
The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand
Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect. - Owens L. Pomeroy
Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. - L.J. Peter
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. - Ingrid Bergman
I never made a mistake in grammar but once in my life, and as soon as I done it. I seen it. - Carl Sandburg
It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. - George Bernard Shaw
Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to. - Unknown
The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt
Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown
If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson
The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton
Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends. - Mary Catherwood
The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin
Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton
I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell
No matter how bad things are, they can always be worse. So what if my stroke left me with a speech impediment? Moses had one, and he did all right. - Kirk Douglas
Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Books Never Written
Commas Save Lives
Does A Double Positive Equal A Negative?
Double Negative Education
I Like Cooking
Little Johnny’s Beautiful Examples
One Thousand Words
Practice Safe Text
Car Pool Lane
Do Not Read Law
What A Radical
Bacon My Heart
How a Tangerine Is Made
For Lazy Shoppers
Dog Pot Nap