Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
 

Car has spent more time on "60 Minutes" than on the road.
 

Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
 

Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
 

Hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.
 

"Jaws of Life" in trunk.
 

Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
 

Motor Trend never mentioned a "Chevrolet Caca."
 

Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
 

Passenger-side "airbag" is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
 

Ralph Nader's home phone number written on dashboard.
 

Telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.
 

Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
 

Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
 

When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks "Where do you want to go today?"
 

You realize too late that it *is* your father's Oldsmobile.