Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
Car has spent more time on “60 Minutes” than on the road.
Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
Hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.
“Jaws of Life” in trunk.
Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
Motor Trend never mentioned a “Chevrolet Caca.”
Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
Passenger-side “airbag” is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
Ralph Nader’s home phone number written on dashboard.
Telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.
Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks “Where do you want to go today?”
You realize too late that it *is* your father’s Oldsmobile.
Lemon merinj pie - Archie Bunker
Life is too short for traffic. - Dan Bellack
Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson
There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar
When life hands you lemons, make whiskey sours. - WC Fields
When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail. - Ziad K. Abdelnour
Feminism is a wonderful idea until the car goes wrong. - Nicola Zweig
She died doing what she loved, taking a selfie in traffic. - Unknown
Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford
The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor
You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck
I had to stop driving my car for a while - the tires got dizzy. - Steven Wright
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass
To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner
The most sudden and visible good effects were from oranges and lemons. - James Lind
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. - Dan Rather
A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont
Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown
I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best
Drive-in banks were established so most of the cars today could see their real owners. - E. Joseph Crossman
When life hands you a lemon, say, "Oh year, I like lemons, what else ya got?" - Henry Rollins
You know what's got the world in the shape today? Buddah, the Pope, Marx and Lemons. - Archie Bunker
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." - Steven Wright
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries
The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker
If life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. - Unknown
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
When Henry Ford made cheap, reliable cars people said, 'Nah, what's wrong with a horse?' - Elon Musk
I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes. - Homer Simpson
I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby
Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown
Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown
Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out." - Steven Wright
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. - Theodore Roosevelt
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright
Blonde’s 710 Cover
Amish Prom Limo
Filling The Water Truck
Firm Car Inspection
Follow The Leader
Found The Apple Maps Car
GM’s Scratch and Dent Sale
Half Price Car
How To Conserve Gas
How To Identify Where A Driver Is From
India Road Assistance
Just Like Grandpa
Mexican Repair Shop
Model T Ford Repair Costs in 1928
One Horsepower Car
One Way Repairs
Painting The Center Line
Pickup For Sale - Come Get It Quick!
Portable Auto Body Shop
Redneck Car Repair
Redneck Carriage Car
Redneck Power Windows
Redneck Solution for High Gas Prices
Romanian Auto Safety
Russian Windshield Wiper`
See Through Van
Souped Up Car
Sunday Drive in the Country
The “New” Economy
Topless in Sechelt
Truck Lift Repair
“Turn Me Over” “Pickup”
Uplifting Antique Car
UPS and DOWNS
Workshop Labour Rates
World’s First Horse Power Vehicle
Young Mechanic Apprentice
Zebra Bus Stop
Best Friend Theft
Chewie, We're Home
Hot Mexican Deals
Who Let The Dogs Out?
Fresh Air Computing
Middle East Play House
Don't Believe Everything You Read