Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
Car has spent more time on “60 Minutes” than on the road.
Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
Hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.
“Jaws of Life” in trunk.
Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
Motor Trend never mentioned a “Chevrolet Caca.”
Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
Passenger-side “airbag” is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
Ralph Nader’s home phone number written on dashboard.
Telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.
Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks “Where do you want to go today?”
You realize too late that it *is* your father’s Oldsmobile.
Lemon merinj pie - Archie Bunker
Chop your own path. Get off the car track. - A.Y. Jackson
Didn't he take the exercise tax off cars? - Archie Bunker
Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford
The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor
You should never have more children than you have car windows. - Erma Bombeck
It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men. - Frederick Douglass
Living with a conscience is like driving a car with the brakes on. - Budd Schulberg
The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. - Dudley Moore
To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior". - Rita Rudner
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. - Dan Rather
If life gives you a bowl of lemons, go find an annoying guy with paper cuts. - Unknown
A private railroad car is not an acquired taste. One takes to it immediately. - Eleanor R. Belmont
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. - Erma Bombeck
Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking. - Unknown
I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars... the rest I squandered. - George Best
The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical. - Murray Walker
Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills: making the last car payment. - Unknown
A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. - Tim Allen
When life hands you a lemon, say, "Oh year, I like lemons, what else ya got?" - Henry Rollins
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke
It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely. - Unknown
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. - Steven Wright
The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical. - Murray Walker
If life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. - Unknown
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by traffic from both sides. - Margaret Thatcher
If I weren't skateboarding, I'd love to race cars. I like anything that's fast and active. - Ryan Sheckler
There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino
Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown
There's nothing to match curling up with a good book when there's a repair job to be done around the house. - Joe Ryan
For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi
Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car. - Garrison Keillor
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck
I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. - Unknown
Tonight we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with the Hatchback of Notre Dame. - Ronnie Corbett
We will get everything out of her that you can squeeze out of a lemon and a bit more. I will squeeze her until you can hear the pips squeak. - Eric Geddes
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. - Steven Wright
Blonde’s 710 Cover
Amish Prom Limo
Filling The Water Truck
Firm Car Inspection
Follow The Leader
Found The Apple Maps Car
GM’s Scratch and Dent Sale
Half Price Car
How To Conserve Gas
How To Identify Where A Driver Is From
India Road Assistance
Just Like Grandpa
Mexican Repair Shop
Model T Ford Repair Costs in 1928
One Horsepower Car
One Way Repairs
Painting The Center Line
Pickup For Sale - Come Get It Quick!
Portable Auto Body Shop
Redneck Car Repair
Redneck Carriage Car
Redneck Power Windows
Redneck Solution for High Gas Prices
Romanian Auto Safety
Russian Windshield Wiper`
See Through Van
Souped Up Car
Sunday Drive in the Country
The “New” Economy
Topless in Sechelt
Truck Lift Repair
“Turn Me Over” “Pickup”
Uplifting Antique Car
UPS and DOWNS
Workshop Labour Rates
World’s First Horse Power Vehicle
Young Mechanic Apprentice
Ninety Degree Weather
Exercise Tool For Seniors
Europe Road Trip
Beach Sign Training
That Won't Wash
Mega Samurai Puzzles B
Hold On Tight
New Driver Training