Ode to Mothers

Why God made Moms

Insightful view on Mothers by elementary school children


Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s Moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about Dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Whether he made more than $800 per year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your Dad?
1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world and my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because Dad’s such a goofball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

What’s the difference between Moms and Dad?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and Dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but Moms have all the real power ‘cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.



Mother's Day greetings from the Joe-kster
I miss you, Mom...

QuotaBills
Take my wife - please! - Henny Youngman

Mother is a verb, not a noun. - Shonda Rhimes

Fearlessness is the mother of reinvention. - Arianna Huffington

Necessity, who is the mother of our invention. - Plato

A mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled. - Emily Dickinson

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork. - Mae West

All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother. - Abraham Lincoln

A man's home is his castle, and his wife is the janitor. - Lucille Kallen

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. - Milton Berle

Blaming mother is just a negative way of clinging to her still. - Nancy Friday

Her mother was a cultivated woman - she was born in a greenhouse. - Spike Milligan

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip. - Groucho Marx

There's only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - English Proverb

My wife tells me that if I ever decide to leave, she's coming with me. - Jon Bon Jovi

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him. - Oscar Wilde

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. - Marion C. Garretty

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Henry Ward Beecher

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper. - Amy Sedaris

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

Middle Age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature. - Harold Coffin

I'm a very committed wife. I should be committed, too, for being married so many times. - Elizabeth Taylor

In Las Vegas, a man said to his wife, "Give me the money I told you not to give me." - Henny Youngman

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. - Joey Adams

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

If I have done anything in life worth attention, I feel sure that I inherited the disposition from my mother. - Booker T. Washington

My wife simply quoted, 'For better or worse.' It was only then that I realized the phrase was not multiple-choice. - Michael Gurnow

My mother was a reader, and she read to us. She read us Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde when I was six and my brother was eight. I never forgot it. - Stephen King

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. - Kendare Blake

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon


see also   Mother’s Day   Section
A Mother’s Day Special
A Mother’s Love
A Woman’s Mind
Looking For Your Wife?
Looking Small
Mother’s Day Gift - Not
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Understanding Women

 

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17-Oct-2018