Acoustic: Instrument used in billiards.
Advice: Massage parlor commercial.
Alarms: Describing an octopus.
Aseptic: Doubter with a cold.
Aspire: How Cleopatra died.
Asterisk: Hazard in space.
Austere: Source of au jus.
Autopsy: Roof of a car.
Aversion: One side of a disputed story.

Bacteria: The rear portion of a cafeteria.
Bandeau: Forbidden French water.
Bar Stool: What Davy Crockett stepped in.
Becon: Meat from the sides of a hog.
Bigamist: Fog in Italy.
Bigamy: Large pygmy.
Bullion: Mythical beast, half bull, half lion.
Buoyant: Male insect.

Camelot: Where humped beasts are parked.
Candle: Jarred pickles.
Candor: Opening to the John.
Cantilever: State of male monogamy.
Casualty: Informal British repast.
Category: Cat run over by steamroller.
Cede: To have seen.
Cello: German Jell-O.
Cherub: Furniture polish.
Cistern: Opposite of brethren.
Cochineal: To bash a small, narrow fish.
Coincide: What you do when it starts to rain.
Collapse: How an audience reacts to a performance.
Comatose: Foot grooming.
Commentator: Undistinguished potato.
Conceit: Eye strain.
Condense: Prison prom.
Condominium : Midget’s birth control device.
Cognac: What a yak puts ice cream in.
Coward: Bovine direction.
Crocodile: Jar of soup.
Cruelty: Difficult hole in golf.
Custody: Custardlike.

Debate: What lures de fish.
Decontrol: Ugly Church officer who lives in a cave.
Denial: Egyptian river.
Despair: Tire kept for emergencies.
Dialogue: How you call a tree.
Dictum: Harry’s two companions.
Digest: Morbid joe-k.
Dilate: To live long.
Diploma: The person who fixes the pipes.
Documentate: What you say to the doctor when he charges you 80 dollars for an eight-dollar procedure.
Domineer: Cheap corn, as contrasted with buccaneer (expensive corn)
Dromendary: Store that sells milk to camels.
Dulcet: Inferior tennis.

Eclipse: What the gardener does to the hedge.
Elliptical: A kiss.
Exorbitant: A costly satellite that has fallen out of the sky.

Farcical: Long bike ride.
Flippant: Smart-alec termite.
Footstool: Bathroom feat.
Fulgent: Man after a large dinner.
Fungi: A comedian – the life of the party (aka Joe-kster).
Furlong: The hair of a shaggy dog.

Gastric: Cleverness dependent on flatulence.
Geometry: what an acorn says when it is grown up.
Gherkin: Relatives with a tendency to make one growl.
Gneiss: Compliment made to metamorphic rocks.
Grimace: Ace of spades.

Hundred: What Attila induced.
Hypotenuse: Washroom upstairs is occupied.
Hypothesis: Opening words when a child calls home.

Ideal: Poker table cry.
Igloo: Eskimo toilet.
Impunity; Agreement among devils.
Innuendo: Italian for Preparation H.
Insolvent: Description of a man entering a delicatessen.
Isolate: Rabbit’s exclamation from ‘Alice in Wonderland’

Jaguar: Battle involving a bunch of drunks.
Japonica: Imported vehicle.
Jonquil: Pen meant for use in rest room.

Kennel: Waterway.
Kimono: Japanese refusal to mow lawn.

Laundress: Garb for outdoor party.
Lithe: Told by bad boys.
Locus: Obscene muttering.
Logarithm: Song sung in the north woods.
Lubber: Rubber in Japan.
Lugubrious: Fond of peanuts.

Macadam: The first Scotsman.
Marigold: Find a rich spouse.
Metronome: Subway pixie.
Migraine: Possessive farmer talking about his wheat.
Mycologist: Loyal alumnus.

Nitrate: Lower than the day rate.

Obituary: Snake’s exclamation after biting man.
Oboe: British bum.
Ohm: Englishman’s castle.
Oscilloscope: Meter that often gives ridiculous readings.

Paradox: Medical partnership.
Pasteurize: Too far to see.
Paucity: Depressed municipality.
Politics: A parrot that has swallowed a watch.
Polygon: Dead parrot.
Program: Metric advocate.
Ptarmigan: Pbird.

Quadrillion: Dance requiring four million participants.
Quoit: Absolutely.

Raucus: Bad language.
Rheumatic: Upper apartment.

Scintillate: No set time for ceasing to lust.
Senile: Reason for going to Egypt.
Sewer: One who brings legal action.
Sexton: 2,000 pound lot of titillation.
Singapore: Negative feedback at La Scala.
Specimen: Italian astronaut.
Squalid: Hat worn by Indian woman.
Staple: Irish Church tower.
Stoic: Bird that brings babies.
Suburban: Liquor served on a submarine.

Tangent: Man returned from the beach.
Tirade: Retaliation for panty raid.
Torque: Tortured conversation.
Toupee: Dutch treat.

Uranium: Storm exclamation.

Valorus: Large animal vit tusks; lives in vater.
Variola: Ancient.
Velocity: We lost a hot drink.
Violin: bad hotel.
Viper: Found on the windshield of a European car.

Warehouse: Cry of person lost in blizzard.
Wino: Opposite of “Why, yes.”

Xerophyte: No argument.

Zealotry: What a tree salesman likes to do.
Zebra: The largest bra available.