Butt Dust
Visiting Preacher’s rapturous sermon
What happens when you try to do something without God

A visiting minister decided to begin his sermon with an opening prayer.

“Dear Lord,” he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, “Without you we are but dust...”

He would have continued, but at that moment a little girl leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, “Mommy, what is butt dust?”

Church was pretty much over at that point...


QuotaBills
A good example is the best sermon. - Unknown

Religion is the opiate of the masses. - Karl Marx

That Meathead calls me a religious phonetic. - Archie Bunker

Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. - The Book of Common Prayer

At my house, Dust is a noun, not a verb. - Unknown

Dust is a protective coating for fine furniture. - Mario Buatta

The atheist religion don't believe in the bible. - Archie Bunker

Bacon bits are like fairy dust of the food community. - Unknown

There is nothing more important than appearing to be religious. - Niccolo Machiavelli

Illusion is the dust the devil throws in the eyes of the foolish. - Minna Antrim

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon. - Mark Twain

The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls. - Pablo Picasso

Don't they get afraid, then?
They have a religion for that. - Ray Bradbury

Science is a differential equation. Religion is a boundary condition. - Alan Turing

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

A pretty good test of a man's religion is how it affects his pocketbook. - Francis James Grimke

There is a world of practical religion in simply being considerate of others. - Roger Babson

Italy is the home of art and swindling; home of religion and moral rottenness. - Mark Twain

An idea can turn to dust or magic, depending on the talent that rubs against it. - Bill Bernbach

When I give a minister an order, I leave it to him to find the means to carry it out. - Napoleon Bonaparte

I definitely want my son Brooklyn christened, but I don't know into what religion yet. - David Beckham

Religion is like a map. The route isn't important. It's the destination that matters. - Marianne Williamson

Are you saying that the Rebel Alliance were religious terrorists and Yoda was a benefit cheat? - Dave Turner

Let's just say, I'm Irish. I grew up in the 1950s. Religion had a very tight iron fist. - Liam Neeson

I am the indoctrinated child of two lapsed Irish Catholics. Which is to say: I am not religious. - Meghan O'Rourke

Men will wrangle for religion; write for it; fight for it; die for it; anything but live for it. - Charles Caleb Colton

Let us build a church so great that those who come after us may thing us mad to have attempted it. - Unknown

I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls in to line. - Lucille Ball

Family, religion, friendship... these are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. - Mr. Burns

An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten

The bulletin board on the lawn of a New Jersey Church reads "We reserve the right to accept everybody." - John Kazmark

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. - Mark Twain

You must mind and not lower the Church in people's eyes by seeming to be frightened about it for such a little thing. - George Eliot

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in Church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs. - Fred Allen

Question everything. Your love, your religion, your passion. If you don't have questions, you'll never find answers. - Colleen Hoover

He who begins with Metaphysics will not only become confused in matters of religion, but will fall into complete infidelity. - Maimonides

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

Ultimately, America's answer to the intolerant man is diversity, the very diversity which our heritage of religious freedom has inspired. - Robert F. Kennedy

Clay. It's rain, dead leaves, dust, all my dead ancestors. Stones that have been ground into sand. Mud. The whole cycle of life and death. - Martine Vermeulen


see also   Religious  Section
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23-Jan-2018