Hillary’s Baby

Running for President on a pregnant platform


Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she’s pregnant.

She is furious - here she is in the middle of her first run for president, and as Senator of New York this has happened to her.

She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming. “How could you have let this happen? With all that’s going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can’t believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault! Your fault! Well, what have you got to say?”

There is nothing but dead silence on the phone.

She screams again, “Did you hear me?”

Finally she hears Bill’s very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, “Who is this?”


QuotaBills
Good government is good politics. - Richard J. Daley

Under every stone lurks a politician. - Aristophanes

Turn on to politics, or politics will turn on you. - Ralph Nader

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

You can't get rich in politics unless you're a crook. - Harry S Truman

We have the best government in the world... that money can buy. - Mark Twain

World War II was the last government program that really worked. - George Will

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. - Tex Guinan

Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed. - Mao Zedong

Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain a bachelor. - Lady Bird Johnson

The politicians were talking themselves red, white and blue in the face. - Clare Boothe Luce

In politics, madame, you need two things: friends, but above all an enemy. - Brian Mulroney

Freedom of opinion can only exist when the government thinks itself secure. - Bertrand Russell

The short memories of American voters is what keeps our politicians in office. - Will Rogers

A good politician, under democracy, is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. - H L Mencken

There are no crooked politicians in America. They've legalized their thievery. - Frank Dane

Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini

Politicians who complain about the media are like sailors who complain about the sea. - Enoch Powell

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

My brother Bob doesn't want to be in government - he promised Dad he'd go straight. - John F Kennedy

I think it's an absolute disaster that Australia, the government, allowed kangaroo culling. - Steve Irwin

Get thee glass eyes;
And, like a scurvy politician, seem
To see the things thou dost not. - William Shakespeare

I must study politics and war that my sons may have the liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. - John Adams

Politics, for years, or all too long, has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong. - Richard Armour

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. - John Quinton

When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves. - George Pataki

Politics: Poli, a Latin word meaning "many"; and tics, meaning "bloodsucking creatures." - Robin Williams

Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I would gladly eat a network executive or a politician. - Marty Feldman

At present, our country needs women's idealism and determination, perhaps more in politics than anywhere else. - Shirley Chisholm

I have certain rules I live by. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Nothing. Zero. - George Carlin

One of the reasons people hate politics is that truth is rarely a politician's objective. Election and power are. - Cal Thomas

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians,
and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people. - Groucho Marx

Calculating how much carbon is absorbed by which forests and farms is a tricky task, especially when politicians do it. - Donella Meadows

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. - Ambrose Bierce

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien

The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock

Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi


see also   Political  &  Royalty  Sections
America’s Moment of Truth
Bucket of Hillary
Da Queen
Donald Trump White House
First Dog
Happy Scary Halloween
Hillarius Trump
Hillary Hairstyle
Hillary’s First Night As President
Redneck Politician
Vote For Me

 

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17-Oct-2019