Grandma’s Remedies

How to control digestion & high blood pressure



How Grandma controls digestion and high blood pressure

“For better digestion I drink beer.
In the case of appetite loss, I drink white wine.
In the case of low blood pressure, I drink red wine.
In the case of high blood pressure, I drink scotch,
and when I have a cold I drink schnapps.”

“When do you drink water?”

“I’ve never been that sick!”


QuotaBills
Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Laughter is the best medicine. - the Joe-kster

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

I'm not aging, I'm marinating. - Unknown

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

Surgery is the cry of defeat in medicine. - Martin H. Fischer

Every cask smells of the wine it contains. - Spanish Proverb

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Wine improves with age. I improve with wine. - Unknown

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying - dead. - Oscar Wilde

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

God invented whiskey to prevent the Irish from ruling the world. - Irish Saying

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

Too much of anything is bad. Too much of good whisky is barely enough. - Mark Twain

Joy is more divine than sorrow, for joy is bread and sorrow is medicine. - Henry Ward Beecher

I'll have a "Cafe Mocha Vodka Valium Latte" to go, please. - Unknown

The worst thing about medicine is that one kind makes another necessary. - Elbert Hubbard

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease. - Voltaire

Measure thy life by loss instead of gain, not by the wine drunk, but the wine poured forth. - Harriet King

I exercise extreme self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. - WC Fields

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson

The practice of medicine occurs even in primitive society, but law accompanies civilization. - Saying

Let your entrance into the sick room decrease, not increase, the irritability of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days. - Groucho Marx

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

I have this theory that chocolate slows down the aging process. It may not be true, but do I dare take the chance? - Unknown

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

The public blabbers about preventive medicine, but will neither appreciate nor pay for it. You get paid for what you cure. - Martin H. Fischer

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda


see also   Aging  &  Medical  Sections
Birth Control Pills For Grandma
Coffee Goes Better With Soldiers
Good Morning Babushka
Grandma’s Beautiful Pies
Grandma’s Control Problems – Biodegradable Super Fluff
Grandma’s Controller
Grandma Not Welcome
Grandma Protection
Grandma Was Here
Granny Does Windows Too
How Grandma Handles Windows
Italian Grandma’s Advice
Leaning Grandma
Legal Disclosure
Shopping With Grandma
Surfer Grandma
Tech Help For Grandma
Visiting Grandma in 2015
Working Past 65

 

The Great Depression

Duck Crossing

East Coast Winter Graffiti

Politician Plane

How To Argue With A Woman

Patio Losers

Wings Fans Are Ruthless

Temple Car

Netherlands Parking Lot

Model T Snowmobile

Tulip Snowpath

New Audi

Tower of Hammocks

Family Birthday Reminder

Dead Batteries

Ostrich Bush

Tetris Cake

T-Rex Shadow

Ordnance Table

Wine Bibber
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

20-Feb-2019