Noteable Bartender

High-strung, lazy guitarists make idle frets



Speaking music terminology to a bartender

QuotaBills
A pun is the lowest form of wit. - John Dennis

He has Van Gogh's ear for music. - Billy Wilder

Music is the soundtrack of your life. - Dick Clark

Kind words are the music of the world. - F.W. Faber

Canned music is like audible wallpaper. - Alistair Cooke

Dancing with her was like moving a piano. - Ring Lardner

Music is a means of rapid transportation. - John Cage

Music is a higher revelation than philosophy. - Ludwig Van Beethoven

I hate music - especially when it's played. - Jimmy Durante

Music is what our soul sounds like when it sings. - Xila Toro

You can't touch music, but music can touch you. - Mordecai

Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best. - Oscar Wilde

Every day a piano doesn't fall on my head is good luck. - Meg Rosoff

Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. - W H Auden

The symphony must be like the world. It must embrace everything. - Gustav Mahler

If in the afterlife there is not music, we will have to import it. - Domenico Cieri Estrada

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. - Kin Hubbard

You can run out of garlic, but you can't really run out of music. - Jace Wayland

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd. - Max Lucado

Am I afraid of high notes? Of course I am afraid. What sane man is not? - Luciano Pavarotti

My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music. - Vladimir Nabokov

There are eighty-eight keys on a piano and within that, an entire universe. - James Rhodes

In terms of being late or not starting at all, then it's never too late. - Alison Headley

Music, the greatest good that mortals know and all of heaven we have hear below. - Joseph Addison

Film is one of the three universal languages, the other two: mathematics and music. - Frank Capra

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. - Victor Hugo

Only priests and fools are fearless and I've never been on the best of terms with God. - Patrick Rothfuss

I dreamt of you last night, as if I was playing the piano and you were turning the pages for me. - Vladimir Nabokov

Words make you think a thought. Music makes you feel a feeling. A song makes you feel a thought. - E Y Harburg

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing. - H L Mencken

Love is a piano dropped from a fourth story window, and you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. - Ani DiFranco

In a weird kind of way, music has afforded me an idealism and perfectionism that I could never attain as me. - Billy Corgan

There are only three colors, ten digits, and seven notes; it's what we do with them that's important. - Ruth Ross

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid. - Frank Zappa

You write to become immortal, or because the piano happens to be open, or you've looked into a pair of beautiful eyes. - Robert Schumann

There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don't. - Lemony Snicket

Piano playing is more difficult than statesmanship. It is harder to awake emotions in ivory keys than it is in human beings. - Ignace Jan Paderewski

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people. - Confucius

Music is the great uniter. An incredible force. Something that people who differ on everything and anything else can have in common. - Sarah Dessen

When I was nine, my father said 'You can take piano lessons or do karate' - I had a black belt and was competing before I was 19. - Elodie Yung


Early one day, a C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. Later, a D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, “Get out, now. You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, “You’re looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development.” This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he’s only had tenor so patrons, with the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest - he doesn’t have the staff for it, and closes the bar.

Well, that was off-key, but how clef-er! I think I’ve found a snare in his plan. It’s too bad that these joe-ks always fall flat. Didn’t you get my note? I’ve had to scale back - it’ll just take a minuet. This is just a prelude to a repeat offense - the puns are not really my forte. It built up with a crescendo, but then went mute. Can’t you reed? Don’t use that tone with me... I didn’t mean to harp on you about it... pitch the idea to me tomorrow: I like how you conduct your business. This ring cymbalizes so much - we’ll be working in concert with other professionals, but we’ve really got to guitar act together. U have a s-Mahler music knowledge then me, but don’t worry - I’ll be right Bach!

The bartender thought the soprano was a great girl - you should meter some time. Life without music would B flat. Throw a piano down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you a flat minor. The timpani player got hit on the head with a mallet - I think he might have a percussion.

When the bartender turned Forte he had to accept he was no longer a minor. I’d like to C him again, it would B nice to know he’s OK. Don’t worry - he’ll come waltzing back at some irregular time.

Guitarists are high-strung, but lazy guitarists make idle frets. When sidewalks get icy in winter, if you don’t C sharp, you’ll B flat.

Could you repeat that? I can’t Handel it any longer... Do you want to play Haydn seek? It’s time to drum up a new topic - I’m leaving this conversation at a low note...


see also   Music  &  pun-e  Sections
Island Music
Making Music Together
Mennonites Don’t Like Symphony Music
Music Note Chairlift
Music Sudoku
Pianist’s Challenge
Shark Week Theme Song
Stop, You’re Under A Rest!
Tom Lee Music Franchise Opportunities
Staff Meeting
Water Music
 

Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Arabic Sudoku Puzzles C

Modern Stick Family

Buddha Pear

OCD Floor Tiles

Shoe Bath

9 Months On The Inside

Vegan Dentist

Smirnoff Women

How To Build A Fence

Beer Chess

Make America Great Again

Firm Grip Glass

Tree Duet

Portable Samurai

Math Riddle

Dragon Playground

Tornado Spout

Mega Samurai Puzzles C

Bent Car Sculpture
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

17-Nov-2017