Clean As Cold Water

Grandfather knows how to clean the dishes



A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of the state. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather, “Are these plates clean?”

His grandfather replied, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal.”

That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes so he asked again, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”

Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don’t ask me about it anymore!”

Later that afternoon, as he was on his way out to get the paper, the dog started to growl and would not let him pass. “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me out.”

Without diverting his attention from the football game his Grandfather was watching, he shouted, “Coldwater, move!”



QuotaBills
France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

The view only changes for the lead dog. - Norman O. Brown

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffet

The more I see of men, the more I like dogs. - Madame de Stael

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Dogs can't operate an MRI machine but cats can. - Unknown

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad. - WC Fields

I can't clean house and save the world at the same time. - Unknown

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one. - Andrew A. Rooney

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. - Roseanne Barr

You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty. - Cecil Baxter

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

The best time for planning a book is while you're doing the dishes. - Agatha Christie

Let everyone sweep in front of his door and the whole world will be clean. - Mother Teresa

Clean and nourish your mind every day. It can easily become a garbage bin. - Unknown

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

One day of practice is like one day of clean living. It doesn't do you any good. - Abe Lemons

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up. - Groucho Marx

I had the most boring office job in the world - I used to clean the windows on envelopes. - Rita Rudner

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? - Laurence J. Peter

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women - one cleaning and the other dusting. - Maurenn Murphy

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies. - Charlie Sheen

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. - Joan Rivers

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. - George Burns

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash


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17-Jun-2019