Clean As Cold Water

Grandfather knows how to clean the dishes



A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of the state. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather, “Are these plates clean?”

His grandfather replied, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal.”

That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes so he asked again, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”

Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don’t ask me about it anymore!”

Later that afternoon, as he was on his way out to get the paper, the dog started to growl and would not let him pass. “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me out.”

Without diverting his attention from the football game his Grandfather was watching, he shouted, “Coldwater, move!”



QuotaBills
Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Keep a clean kitchen - dine out. - Unknown

A hard dog to keep on the porch. - Hillary Clinton

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Don't think to hunt two hares with one dog. - Benjamin Franklin

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith

Flatterers looks like friends, as wolves like dogs. - George Chapman

We're just sweeping dirty dishes under the rug. - Archie Bunker

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

I can't clean house and save the world at the same time. - Unknown

My wife's such a bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer. - Rodney Dangerfield

The secret of my success was clean living and a fast outfield. - Lefty Gomez

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

The three words every woman really longs to hear: I'll clean up. - Molly Shannon

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. - Roseanne Barr

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

If a patient cannot clean his teeth, no dentist can clean them for him. - Martin H. Fischer

It was a great interview process. They were fighting like cats and dogs. - Donald Trump

There's no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. - Bernard Williams

In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty. - Imbesi's Law of Conservation of Filth

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Let everyone sweep in front of his door and the whole world will be clean. - Mother Teresa

Clean and nourish your mind every day. It can easily become a garbage bin. - Unknown

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

I had the most boring office job in the world - I used to clean the windows on envelopes. - Rita Rudner

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? - Laurence J. Peter

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

The fantasy of every Australian man is to have two women - one cleaning and the other dusting. - Maurenn Murphy

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

I love eating sushi and eating raw and clean - no pasta and bread. Low carbs is what works for me. - Christine Teigen

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again. - Joan Rivers

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. - George Burns

The nice thing about being detained in Canada is it's like being in a Days Inn; it's very clean and very nice. - Bill Ayers

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

People can say what they like about the eternal verities, love and truth and so on, but nothing's as eternal as the dishes. - Margaret Mahy

I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. - Steven Wright

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Dogs display reluctance and wrath
If you try to give them a bath;
They bury bones in hideaways
And half the time they trot sideaways. - Ogden Nash

Regarded simply as a politician, and compared with the other leading political figures of our time, how clean a smell he has managed to leave behind. - Mahatma Gandhi


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World's First Computer

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At Home Grave
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20-Oct-2018