Clean As Cold Water

Grandfather knows how to clean the dishes



A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of the state. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather, “Are these plates clean?”

His grandfather replied, “Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal.”

That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes so he asked again, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”

Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, “I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don’t ask me about it anymore!”

Later that afternoon, as he was on his way out to get the paper, the dog started to growl and would not let him pass. “Grandfather, your dog won’t let me out.”

Without diverting his attention from the football game his Grandfather was watching, he shouted, “Coldwater, move!”



QuotaBills
Love me, love my dog. - English Proverb

France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Every dog has his day. - Unknown

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

The dog is the god of frolic. - Henry Ward Beecher

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest. - Archie Bunker

Keep a clean kitchen - dine out. - Unknown

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff. - Unknown

A dog has the soul of a philosopher. - Plato

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

I am I because my little dog knows me. - Gertrude Stein

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog. - Harry S Truman

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

Dogs got personality. Personality goes a long way. - Quentin Tarantino

Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith

We're just sweeping dirty dishes under the rug. - Archie Bunker

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. - Steven Wright

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

I can't clean house and save the world at the same time. - Unknown

The secret of my success was clean living and a fast outfield. - Lefty Gomez

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. - Edward Abbey

Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten

Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. - Maya Angelou

A dog is a man's best friend. A cat is a cat's best friend. - Robert J Vogel

The three words every woman really longs to hear: I'll clean up. - Molly Shannon

I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish. - Phyllis Diller

I will clean house when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner. - Roseanne Barr

You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty. - Cecil Baxter

The best time for planning a book is while you're doing the dishes. - Agatha Christie

Let everyone sweep in front of his door and the whole world will be clean. - Mother Teresa

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

The more I see of the representatives of the people, the more I admire my dogs. - Alphonse de Lamartine

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? - George Carlin

Diplomacy is the art of saying, "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up. - Groucho Marx

I had the most boring office job in the world - I used to clean the windows on envelopes. - Rita Rudner

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

Get a good idea and stay with it. Dog it, and work at it until it's done, and done right. - Walt Disney

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? - Laurence J. Peter

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs. - Martha Scott

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

What a pity Hell's gates are not kept by O'Flynn
The surly old dog would let nobody in. - Patrick Ireland

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamppost how it feels about dogs. - Christopher Hampton

Obama and his attack dogs have nothing but hate and anger in their hearts and spew it whenever possible. - Donald Trump

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

When a dog bites a man, that is not news, because it happens so often. But if a man bites a dog, that is news. - John B. Bogart

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. - George Burns

I would like to thank Tetris for providing me with the skills to jam as many dishes as possibly into my dishwasher. - Herb Pankratz

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

People can say what they like about the eternal verities, love and truth and so on, but nothing's as eternal as the dishes. - Margaret Mahy

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain

Dogs laugh, but the laugh with their tails. What puts man in a higher state of evolution is that he has got his laugh on the right end. - Max Eastman

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

My life is the land, the dogs, the car, the motorcycle, the pond, the canoe, going to pick up mail. It's just a rural retreat that I enjoy. - Burt Shavitz


see also   Aging,  Dog  &  Stress  Sections
Dog Bidet
 

Lighthouse Safety

First Signs Of Spring

Easter Sepulcher

Back-lash

Find 11 Faces

Redneck Electric Pool

Hokey Pokey Addict

Tired Of Snow

Moving Dot Illusion

Lehman Brothers Protest

Crowd Surfing - Expert Level

Pipeline Protesters

Live Long Street

Car Trolley Transportation

Gone To The Dogs

Inside Outside Thinking

German Efficiency

Cutting Trees Above Powerlines

Perfect Pizza

Fridge Support
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

18-Apr-2019