Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
By ancestry, I was born to rule. - Nelson Mandela

Something bad has befelt the family. - Archie Bunker

People like to trace their ancestry. - Richard Dawkins

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. - Jerry Seinfeld

The presidency is temporary, but the family is permanent. - Yvonne de Gaulle

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights. - J Paul Getty

I know love at first sight can work. It happened to my parents. - George Clooney

Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family. - Homer Simpson

Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors. - Edward Dahlberg

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. - Jerry Seinfeld

I think the family was from Hungaria. (talking about Noah's Ark) - Archie Bunker

You can't choose your ancestors, and neither can your descendants. - Unknown

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. - Rodney Dangerfield

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

I write to keep in contact with our ancestors and to spread truth to people. - Sonia Sanchez

The meek shall inherit the world, but they'll never increase market share. - William G McGowan

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. - Dave Barry

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Your family is depending on you. No better reason to bring all your game all the time. - Grant Cardone

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

Everyone has ancestors and it is only a question of going back far enough to find a good one. - Howard K. Nixon

I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery

It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it. - Kim Hubbard

We are the children of many sires, and every drop of blood in us in its turn ... betrays its ancestor. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present and future. - Gail L. Buckley

Any living cell carries within it the experiences of a billion years of experimentation by its ancestors. - Max Delbrook

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde

There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his. - Helen Keller

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year. - Steven Wright

The practical importance of the preservation of our forests is augmented by their relations to climate, soil and streams. - John Muir

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. - Jane Howard

We split from our common ancestor with the octopus half a billion years ago. And yet, you can make friends with an octopus. - Sy Montgomery

Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits. - Gaius S. Crispus

The family should be a place where each new human being can have an early atmosphere conducive to the development of constructive creativity. - Edith Schaeffer

What ya eat ain't got nuttin' to do with how old ya are. That all depends on your ancestors. It's what they call a matter of heresy. - Archie Bunker

Our ancestors ... possessed a right, which nature has given to all men, of departing from the country in which chance, not choice has placed them. - Thomas Jefferson

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien


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22-Oct-2019