Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





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Something bad has befelt the family. - Archie Bunker

People like to trace their ancestry. - Richard Dawkins

You live as long as you are remembered. - Russian Proverb

A thankful heart is the parent of all virtues. - Cicero

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children. - Sam Levenson

Anybody can make history, only a great man can write it. - Oscar Wilde

Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name. - Etheridge Knight

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

Making the family a top priority will invariably bring success. - Zig Ziglar

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman

Live so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. - Dave Barry

My parents treated my like I had a brain - which, in turn, caused me to have one. - Diane Lane

If you're Irish, it doesn't matter where you go - you'll find family. - Victoria Smurfit

I believe in moderation. I work on genealogy only on days that end in 'y'. - Richard Thiesen

My favourite place to eat is my grandma's kitchen. She makes a mean crab cake. - Karlie Kloss

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. - Laurence J Peter

He that has no fools, knaves, nor beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightning. - Thomas Fuller

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave
when they think that their children are naive. - Ogden Nash

The first who was king was a fortunate soldier: Who serves his country well has no need of ancestors. - Voltaire

We are the children of many sires, and every drop of blood in us in its turn ... betrays its ancestor. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with. - Rodney Dangerfield

Any living cell carries within it the experiences of a billion years of experimentation by its ancestors. - Max Delbrook

There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors, and no slave who has not had a king among his. - Helen Keller

My parents have been visiting me for a few days. I just dropped them off at the airport. They leave tomorrow. - Margaret Smith

I don't think he's gonna come Edith. He just ain't got none of that, waddya call, family unconscious. - Archie Bunker

I was born in Canada for a reason. It was because my parents wanted me to have the freedoms that this country offers. - Patrick Chan

Hello. I don't believe we have been introduced. R2-D2? A pleasure to meet you. I am C-3PO, Human-Cyborg Relations. - C-3PO

The unjustifiable severity of a parent is loaded with this aggravation, that those whom he injures are always in his sight. - Joseph Addison

We are all omnibuses in which our ancestors ride, and every now and then one of them sticks his head out and embarrasses us. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right path, the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. - Anne Frank

Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits. - Gaius S. Crispus

A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation. - Bertrand Russell

In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake. If it's not perfect, that's okay, there are a lot more coming along. - Antonin Scalia

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo

I can't help detesting my relations. I suppose it comes from the fact that none of us can stand other people having the same faults as ourselves. - Oscar Wilde


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21-Apr-2019