Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
Something bad has befelt the family. - Archie Bunker

People like to trace their ancestry. - Richard Dawkins

Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime. - Aristotle

I wonder if you can refuse to inherit the world. - Bill Watterson

I would give everything if I could only keep my family. - Johnny Depp

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

The two things children wear out are clothes and parents. - Unknown

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. - Erma Bombeck

The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the mineral rights. - J Paul Getty

I know love at first sight can work. It happened to my parents. - George Clooney

The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard. - Robin Williams

You can't choose your ancestors, and neither can your descendants. - Unknown

I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations. - Oscar Wilde

I write to keep in contact with our ancestors and to spread truth to people. - Sonia Sanchez

We do not inherit the earth from our parents. We borrow it from our children. - Unknown

Live so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers

The meek shall inherit the world, but they'll never increase market share. - William G McGowan

If we stand tall, it's because we stand on the shoulders of many ancestors. - Unknown

My parents treated my like I had a brain - which, in turn, caused me to have one. - Diane Lane

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Conventions are like coins, an easy way of dealing with the commerce of relations. - Freya Stark

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. - Desmond Tutu

Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book. - Cicero

My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take. - Rita Rudner

Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what farmers have been doing all along. - Unknown

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave
when they think that their children are naive. - Ogden Nash

Grilling outside with my parents at the Jersey shore. We would grill lobster and corn in the summer. - Bobby Flay

The first who was king was a fortunate soldier: Who serves his country well has no need of ancestors. - Voltaire

A man who thinks too much about his ancestors is like a potato - the best part of him is underground. - Henry Cooper

Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present and future. - Gail L. Buckley

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years. - George Burns

Children aren’t happy without something to ignore,
And that’s what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash

The man who has nothing to boast of but his illustrious ancestry is like the potato - the best part under ground. - Thomas Overbury

Hello. I don't believe we have been introduced. R2-D2? A pleasure to meet you. I am C-3PO, Human-Cyborg Relations. - C-3PO

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended - and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended. - Robert Frost

A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation. - Bertrand Russell

Clay. It's rain, dead leaves, dust, all my dead ancestors. Stones that have been ground into sand. Mud. The whole cycle of life and death. - Martine Vermeulen

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man finds room in the few square inches of the face for the traits of all his ancestors; for the expression of all his history, and his wants. - Ralph Waldo Emerson


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20-Feb-2018