Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
Friends are the family you choose. - Jennifer Aniston

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime. - Aristotle

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. - Erma Bombeck

Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name. - Etheridge Knight

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. - Greg Norman

Do not remove the ancient landmark that your ancestors set up. - Bible

Making the family a top priority will invariably bring success. - Zig Ziglar

I think the family was from Hungaria. (talking about Noah's Ark) - Archie Bunker

Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head. - Martin Mull

Misers aren't fun to live with, but they make wonderful ancestors. - Unknown

You can't choose your ancestors, and neither can your descendants. - Unknown

For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman

I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy

The meek shall inherit the world, but they'll never increase market share. - William G McGowan

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

To lose one parent may be regarded as misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. - Oscar Wilde

My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take. - Rita Rudner

There's no road map on how to raise a family: it's always an enormous negotiation. - Meryl Streep

Everyone has ancestors and it is only a question of going back far enough to find a good one. - Howard K. Nixon

Character is better than ancestry, and personal conduct is of more importance than the highest. - Thomas J. Barnardo

There's a lot of baggage that comes along with our family, but it's Louis Vuitton baggage. - Kim Kardashian

All his successors gone before him have done’t; and all his ancestors that come after him may. - William Shakespeare

When you start about family, about lineage and ancestry, you are talking about every person on earth. - Alex Haley

The first who was king was a fortunate soldier: Who serves his country well has no need of ancestors. - Voltaire

A man who thinks too much about his ancestors is like a potato - the best part of him is underground. - Henry Cooper

We are the children of many sires, and every drop of blood in us in its turn ... betrays its ancestor. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Until you become a parent, you can't begin to discover your capacity for strength, love and fatigue. - Peter Gallagher

Every family story has 1,000 other stories contained within it, like an unending series of nesting dolls. - Alison Pick

I've come to learn that the best time to debate family members is when they have good in their mouths. - Kenneth Cole

All dentists talk while they work. They have inherited this from their professional ancestors, the barbers. - Mark Twain

Family, religion, friendship... these are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. - Mr. Burns

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

I don't think he's gonna come Edith. He just ain't got none of that, waddya call, family unconscious. - Archie Bunker

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year. - Steven Wright

Her capacity for family affection is extraordinary: when her third husband died, her hair turned quite gold from grief. - Oscar Wilde

We split from our common ancestor with the octopus half a billion years ago. And yet, you can make friends with an octopus. - Sy Montgomery

The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended - and not to take a hint when a hint isn't intended. - Robert Frost

I can't help detesting my relations. I suppose it comes from the fact that none of us can stand other people having the same faults as ourselves. - Oscar Wilde


see also   Family, Relationship  &  School  Sections
Adaptive Roots
Ancestry Rewind
Babysitting Kids
Chimera Genetics
Family Fun
Family Hands
Family Picture
Family Planning Advice
Family Ties
Family Tree
Get Along Shirt
Hands On Tree
Mom Lookout
Parent Delete
Sister DNA
The Van Gogh Family Tree
Tom Lee Music Franchise Opportunities
Walker Buddies

 

Ice Cream Thief

Chocolate Bed

Uplifting Church

Touchy Subject

It's A Keeper

Horse Hearse

No Pit Stop Car

Street Cleaning in China

Absolutely Nothing

Flower Drums

Really?

Waterproof Notepad

Seniors Bike Club

Family Hands

Flight Downer

FaceAche

Can Never Have Too Many Tools

Office Budget Cuts

Optimistic Goose

Sun Wagon
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

19-Aug-2018