Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
A happy family is but an earlier heaven. - Sir John Bowring

Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting. - Unknown

Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime. - Aristotle

There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. - Jerry Seinfeld

Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name. - Etheridge Knight

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

I know love at first sight can work. It happened to my parents. - George Clooney

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are. - John G. Pollard

Making the family a top priority will invariably bring success. - Zig Ziglar

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors. - Edward Dahlberg

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. - Jerry Seinfeld

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you. - Dick Cavett

Misers aren't fun to live with, but they make wonderful ancestors. - Unknown

You can't choose your ancestors, and neither can your descendants. - Unknown

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations. - Oscar Wilde

The meek shall inherit the world, but they'll never increase market share. - William G McGowan

No Chinese Catholics are allowed to worship ancestors in their familial temples. - Pope Clement XI

Each has his own tree of ancestors, but at the top of all sits Probably Arboreal. - Robert Louis Stevenson

A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. - Daniel Webster

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. - Desmond Tutu

It is a desirable thing to be well-descended, but the glory belongs to our ancestors. - Plutarch

When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary. - Thomas Paine

Everyone has ancestors and it is only a question of going back far enough to find a good one. - Howard K. Nixon

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

You leave home to seek your fortune and, when you get it, you go home and share it with your family. - Anita Baker

Grilling outside with my parents at the Jersey shore. We would grill lobster and corn in the summer. - Bobby Flay

We are the children of many sires, and every drop of blood in us in its turn ... betrays its ancestor. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Until you become a parent, you can't begin to discover your capacity for strength, love and fatigue. - Peter Gallagher

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years. - George Burns

Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with. - Richard B. Sheridan

The longer we live the more we think and the higher the value we put on friendship and tenderness towards parents and friends. - Samuel Johnson

Distinguished ancestors shed a powerful light on their descendants, and forbid the concealment either of their merits or of their demerits. - Gaius S. Crispus

A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation. - Bertrand Russell

Clay. It's rain, dead leaves, dust, all my dead ancestors. Stones that have been ground into sand. Mud. The whole cycle of life and death. - Martine Vermeulen

What ya eat ain't got nuttin' to do with how old ya are. That all depends on your ancestors. It's what they call a matter of heresy. - Archie Bunker

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer

If you think that nobility consists of having sixteen ancestors rather than merit, great Prince, then you may - and you may also praise or condemn me. - Franz Grillparzer

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda


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20-May-2018