Aunt From Desert Storm

End of story morals


The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

“Johnny, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am, my daddy told a story about my Aunt Judy. Aunt Judy was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t fall into enemy hands and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, ’til the blade broke and then she killed the last one with her bare hands.”

“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What kind of moral did your daddy teach you from that horrible story?”

“Stay the heck away from Aunt Judy when she’s been drinking.





QuotaBills
Ancestry is a hereditary condition. - Unknown

People like to trace their ancestry. - Richard Dawkins

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

A happy family is but an earlier heaven. - Sir John Bowring

Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime. - Aristotle

Some men by ancestry are only the shadow of a mighty name. - Etheridge Knight

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father. - Greg Norman

Writing is conscience, scruple, and the farming of our ancestors. - Edward Dahlberg

Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head. - Martin Mull

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city. - George Burns

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. - George Bernard Shaw

Live so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers

As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. - Desmond Tutu

My parents always told me I could do anything, but never told me how long it would take. - Rita Rudner

Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life. - Oscar Wilde

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

Character is better than ancestry, and personal conduct is of more importance than the highest. - Thomas J. Barnardo

Grilling outside with my parents at the Jersey shore. We would grill lobster and corn in the summer. - Bobby Flay

A man who thinks too much about his ancestors is like a potato - the best part of him is underground. - Henry Cooper

Until you become a parent, you can't begin to discover your capacity for strength, love and fatigue. - Peter Gallagher

If a child, a spouse, a life partner, or a parent depends on you and your income, you need life insurance. - Suze Orman

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years. - George Burns

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde

Children aren’t happy without something to ignore,
And that’s what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash

My parents have been visiting me for a few days. I just dropped them off at the airport. They leave tomorrow. - Margaret Smith

I don't think he's gonna come Edith. He just ain't got none of that, waddya call, family unconscious. - Archie Bunker

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. - Jane Howard

We are all omnibuses in which our ancestors ride, and every now and then one of them sticks his head out and embarrasses us. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relations. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation. - Bertrand Russell

In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake. If it's not perfect, that's okay, there are a lot more coming along. - Antonin Scalia

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A man finds room in the few square inches of the face for the traits of all his ancestors; for the expression of all his history, and his wants. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien

I'll paddle board, swim in the ocean, roll in the sand, soak up the sun, eat good food, be with friends and family and go fishing with my dad. - Behati Prinsloo

I can't help detesting my relations. I suppose it comes from the fact that none of us can stand other people having the same faults as ourselves. - Oscar Wilde

If you think that nobility consists of having sixteen ancestors rather than merit, great Prince, then you may - and you may also praise or condemn me. - Franz Grillparzer


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15-Nov-2018