Heaviest chemical element discovered
The National Research Council (NRC) has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been
tentatively named Governmentium. Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant
neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 234 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an
atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called
morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However it can be detected as
it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of
Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it
normally would take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of
three years: it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which
a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In
fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
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