Redneck Math

Pi are squared, aren’t they?

Teacher:   “What is the area of a circle, Bubba - Pi R^2?”
Bubba:   “Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square.”

Teacher:   “What is a proof?”
Bubba:   “One-half percent of alcohol.”

Mathematics has beauties of its own. - J.W.A. Young

I go to school the youth to learn the future. - Robert Frost

I graduated first in my class from alibi school. - Jeffrey McDaniel

Pedestrian: a man whose son is home from college. - Unknown

I've won at every level, except college and pro. - Shaquille O'Neal

Pure mathematics, may it never be of any use to anyone. - Henry Smith

Math, it's a puzzle to me. I love figuring out puzzles. - Maya Lin

Dear Math: I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems. - Unknown

Mathematics has given economics rigor, but alas, also mortis. - Robert Heilbroner

"Obvious" is the most dangerous word in mathematics. - Eric T. Bell

If a man's wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics. - Francis Bacon

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

In mathematics, you don't understand things. You just get used to them. - John von Neumann

Like the crest of a peacock, so is mathematics at the head of all knowledge. - Indian Proverb

Mathematics consists of proving the most obvious thing in the least obvious way. - George Polya

Perhaps the most surprising thing about mathematics is that it is so surprising. - E.C. Titchmarsh

Life is good for only two things: discovering mathematics and teaching mathematics. - Simeon Poisson

For the things of this world cannot be made known without a knowledge of mathematics. - Roger Bacon

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society. - Jaden Smith

There are 3 kinds of people in this world: those who are good at math, and those who aren't. - Unknown

If a young person has any idealism at all, it's strongest about the time he finishes college. - Sargent Shriver

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

For the execution of the voyage to the Indies, I did not make use of intelligence, mathematics or maps. - Christopher Columbus

Mathematics is distinguished from all other sciences except only ethics, in standing in no need of ethics. - Charles Peirce

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. - Mark Twain

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

I played basketball in high school, and I love watching sports - I'll watch everything except maybe hockey. - Andy Roddick

You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy. - Garrison Keillor

The chief reason for going to school is to get the impression fixed for life that there is a book side for everything. - Robert Frost

Mathematics is like checkers in being suitable for the young, not too difficult, amusing, and without peril to the state. - Plato

I went to a Catholic boys' school for a year, but that was to play hockey. Religion class was quite contentious for me. - Keanu Reeves

Understand the key factors in the math behind viral marketing, and use those to figure out what it takes to get viral growth. - David Skok

It is the studying you do after your school days that really counts. Otherwise, you know only that which everyone else knows. - Henry L. Doherty

Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off of your life. Based on that math, I should have died in 1732. - Unknown

Mathematics takes us into the region of absolute necessity, to which not only the actual word, but every possible word, must conform. - Bertrand Russell

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

When I finished school, I took one of those career-aptitude tests, and based on my verbal ability score, they suggested I become a mime. - Tim Cavanagh

I tell them that if they will occupy themselves with the study of mathematics they will find it the best remedy against the lusts of the flesh. - Thomas Mann

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