Q: How do you get a professional poker player off your porch?
A: Pay him for the Pizza!

Q: How can you tell a poker player is lying?
A: His chips are moving.

Q: Heard of the Los Angeles poker hand?
A: Four Clubs beat a King

Q: What is the difference between a poker player and a dog?
A: In about ten years the dog quits whinning.

There are TWO rules for ultimate success in poker:
1. Never tell everything you know.

Heard about the guy playing poker with tarot cards?
He got a full house and four people died.