Too Much Turkey

Signs you ate too much at Thanksgiving



1. You spill more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses.

2. Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy.

3. Your after dinner moans are loud enough to signal Dr. Kevorkian.

4. The “Gravy Boat” your wife set out was a real 12’ boat.

5. The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland.

6. You get grass stains on your butt after a walk, but never sat down.

7. Your “Big Elvis Super-Belt” won’t even go around your waist.

8. You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail.

9. You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday.

10. Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy.

11. You have 5 TV sets side-by-side to catch all the football games.

12. A guest quotes a Biblical passage from “The Feeding of the 5000”.

13. That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn.

14. Your wife wears a life jacket at night in your water bed.

15. Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice.

16. You consider gluttony as your patriotic duty.

17. It looks like the left-overs are gonna last until Christmas.

18. Your arms are too short to reach the keyboard & delete this...



Turkey runs around happy thanksgiving display
QuotaBills
Eternity is two people and a roast turkey. - James Dent

Here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock. - William Shakespeare

A turkey never voted for an early Christmas. - Unknown

No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks. - St. Ambrose

A peacock that rests on his feathers is just another turkey. - Dolly Parton

We take for granted the things that we should be giving thanks for. - Unknown

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out. - Nicole Hollander

Thanks to this man I've gone from over-the-counter to over-the-barrel. - Unknown

Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving. - Unknown

The turkey is living proof that an animal can survive with no intelligence at all. - Harvey D. Comstock

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

Thanksgiving is the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. - Michael Dresser

Thanks you for being a part of my life, whether you were a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime. - Unknown

I love Thanksgiving turkey - it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving. - W.T. Purkiser

Your majesty, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and Madame Houde thanks you from her bottom too. - Camillein Houde

I love lean meats like chicken, turkey. I'm obsessed with sushi and fish in general. I eat a lot of veggies and hummus. - Shawn Johnson

Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. - I Thessalonians 5:16-18

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing. - George Carlin


see also   Thanksgiving  Section
Going Cold Turkey
Grandma’s Beautiful Pies
Happy Thanksgiving, Y’all!
How To Cook A Turkey
Ode To A Turkey
Redneck Thanksgiving
Redneck Turkey Shoot
Run, Turkey, Run!
Thanksgiving Harvest Time
Turkey Recipe
Turkey Weather Forecast
’Twas The Night Before Thanksgiving

 

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22-Oct-2017