Eye Halve A Spelling Checker

When good English isn’t good enough

Passing a dictionary test without diction


I halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marcs four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased to no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker tolled me sew.


QuotaBills
Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien

Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. - Christopher Morley

Free speech is a great idea, but we're in a war. - Lindsey Graham

Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown

He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too. - Don King

All poetry is a reproduction of the tones of actual speech. - Robert Frost

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

Retire? I can't spell the word. I'd play in a wheelchair. - Keith Richards

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. - Mark Twain

Out of suffering comes creativity. You cannot spell painting without pain. - John Lithgow

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

A bore is one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation. - Benjamin Desraeli

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

There's nothing like an English weirdo. We have the best nutters in the world. - Sharon Osbourne

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the first word you thought of. - Burt Bacharach

Actions, looks, words and steps form the alphabet by which you may spell character. - Johann Kasper Lavater

I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe

The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. - George Bernard Shaw

Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to. - Unknown

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

Fashion is free speech, and one of the privileges, if not always one of the pleasures, of a free world. - Alison Lurie

The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt

I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


see also   Daffynition  &  Language  Sections
Ode To A Spell Checker  (2001 version)
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23-Jan-2018