Eye Halve A Spelling Checker

When good English isn’t good enough

Passing a dictionary test without diction


I halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marcs four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased to no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker tolled me sew.


QuotaBills
Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham

I am disappointment in you're grammar. - Unknown

Discretion in speech is more than eloquence. - Sir Francis Bacon

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

I will not down to posterity talking bad grammar. - Benjamin Disraeli

The English never draw a line without blurring it. - Winston Churchill

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley

He speaks English, Spanish, and he's bilingual too. - Don King

We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can. - Will Rogers

The English have three vegetables and two of them are cabbage. - Walter Page

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry

Retire? I can't spell the word. I'd play in a wheelchair. - Keith Richards

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain

Grammar is a piano I play by ear. All I know about grammar is its power. - Joan Didion

Out of suffering comes creativity. You cannot spell painting without pain. - John Lithgow

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

A bore is one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation. - Benjamin Desraeli

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

Actions, looks, words and steps form the alphabet by which you may spell character. - Johann Kasper Lavater

"The Hunchback Of Notre Dame" had the big fat English actor, Charles Lawson. - Archie Bunker

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. - Soren Kierkegaard

Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. - Ingrid Bergman

At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden

I never made a mistake in grammar but once in my life, and as soon as I done it. I seen it. - Carl Sandburg

The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud

Grammar, which knows how to lord it over kings, and with high hands makes them obey its laws. - Moliere

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. - George Bernard Shaw

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

He respects Owl, because you can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right. - A. A. Milne


see also   Daffynition  &  Language  Sections
Ode To A Spell Checker  (2001 version)
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20-Mar-2019