Eye Halve A Spelling Checker

When good English isn’t good enough

Passing a dictionary test without diction


I halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marcs four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased to no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker tolled me sew.


QuotaBills
Fair speech may hide a foul heart. - JRR Tolkien

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. - Frank Lloyd Wright

Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham

I am disappointment in you're grammar. - Unknown

Discretion in speech is more than eloquence. - Sir Francis Bacon

The English never draw a line without blurring it. - Winston Churchill

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

Free speech is a great idea, but we're in a war. - Lindsey Graham

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge

If the French were really intelligent, they'd speak English. - Wilfred Sheed

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain

The English are not an inventive people; they don't eat enough pie. - Thomas Edison

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

Grammar is a piano I play by ear. All I know about grammar is its power. - Joan Didion

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

Under the English legal system you are innocent until you are shown to be Irish. - Ted Whitehead

There's nothing like an English weirdo. We have the best nutters in the world. - Sharon Osbourne

I think of myself as being Jewish and Irish, despite the fact that I'm English. - Daniel Radcliffe

The language of the law must not be foreign to the ears of those who are to obey it. - Learned hand

Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: you find the present tense, but the past perfect. - Owens L. Pomeroy

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. - Ingrid Bergman

At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. - Marshall Lumsden

A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie

Language is our meeting place, the sea we live in…it is the common ground of our humanity. - Toby Wolfe

Grammar, which knows how to lord it over kings, and with high hands makes them obey its laws. - Moliere

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton


see also   Daffynition  &  Language  Sections
Ode To A Spell Checker  (2001 version)
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21-Oct-2018