Eye Halve A Spelling Checker

When good English isn’t good enough

Passing a dictionary test without diction


I halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marcs four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased to no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker tolled me sew.


QuotaBills
I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

I am disappointment in you're grammar. - Unknown

Nothing you can't spell will ever work. - Will Rogers

A proverb is to speech what salt is to food. - Arabic Proverb

Discretion in speech is more than eloquence. - Sir Francis Bacon

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand

Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech. - Martin Fraquhar Tupper

Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. - Christopher Morley

Free speech is a great idea, but we're in a war. - Lindsey Graham

Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown

All poetry is a reproduction of the tones of actual speech. - Robert Frost

You don't have good grammar when you type with your fists. - C.F. Payne

The English have three vegetables and two of them are cabbage. - Walter Page

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity. - Gordie Howe

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain

Out of suffering comes creativity. You cannot spell painting without pain. - John Lithgow

There are ways of singing in English that are not just the same as in French. - Coeur de Pirate

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

The English should give Ireland home rule - and reserve the motion picture rights. - Will Rogers

Actions, looks, words and steps form the alphabet by which you may spell character. - Johann Kasper Lavater

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie

The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud

It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water. - Franklin P. Jones

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech. - George Bernard Shaw

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

The English country gentleman galloping after a fox - the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. - Oscar Wilde

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde

Already, companies that speak in the language of the pitch, the dog-and-pony show, are no longer speaking to anyone. - Unknown

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. - Nelson Mandela

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

No matter how bad things are, they can always be worse. So what if my stroke left me with a speech impediment? Moses had one, and he did all right. - Kirk Douglas


see also   Daffynition  &  Language  Sections
Ode To A Spell Checker  (2001 version)
Reading Talent

 

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22-Aug-2019