Eye Halve A Spelling Checker

When good English isn’t good enough

Passing a dictionary test without diction


I halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marcs four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased to no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker tolled me sew.


QuotaBills
Speech is the small change of silence. - George Meredith

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature. - Frank Lloyd Wright

I am disappointment in you're grammar. - Unknown

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

Speech was given to man to disguise his thoughts. - Charles de Talleyrand

The English contribution to world cuisine. The chip. - John Cleese

Free speech is a great idea, but we're in a war. - Lindsey Graham

All poetry is a reproduction of the tones of actual speech. - Robert Frost

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge

You're not a star until they can spell your name in Karachi. - Humphrey Bogart

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity. - Gordie Howe

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. - Mark Twain

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

Out of suffering comes creativity. You cannot spell painting without pain. - John Lithgow

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

There are ways of singing in English that are not just the same as in French. - Coeur de Pirate

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

A bore is one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation. - Benjamin Desraeli

Three problems we have: lack of boundaries, insufficient language, incompletions. - Thomas Leonard

The most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed". - Dorothy Parker

A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the first word you thought of. - Burt Bacharach

I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. - Jane Wagner

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. - Ingrid Bergman

A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie

The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud

Grammar, which knows how to lord it over kings, and with high hands makes them obey its laws. - Moliere

The names of colors are at the edge, between where language fails and where it's at its most powerful. - A.S. Byatt

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

He respects Owl, because you can't help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn't spell it right. - A. A. Milne

Charity, good behaviour, amiable speech, unselfishness - these by the chief sage have been declared the elements of popularity. - Burmese Proverb

The wise man is but a clever infant, spelling letters from a hieroglyphical prophetic book, the lexicon of which lies in eternity. - Thomas Carlyle

It is Ireland's sacred duty to send over, every few years, a playwright to save the English theatre from inarticulate glumness. - Kenneth Tynan

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? - George Carlin

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language?
One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap. - Red Skelton

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell


see also   Daffynition  &  Language  Sections
Ode To A Spell Checker  (2001 version)
Reading Talent

 

Feetloaf

Puppy Wheels

Extension of Life

Redneck Porch

World's Ugliest Dog

Hidden Cell Phone Tower

Artistic Chair

Hebrew Sudoku Puzzles C

Stealth Birdhouse

Airplane In Suds

Bicycle Built For Two

Love Thy Neighbour

High-Wire Act Violin

If You Work Hard

Whose Problem

Redneck Tank Top

Alien Pastry

Minion HotHead

Bacon Beer Mug

Daddy, Can I Ride It?
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

24-Apr-2018