White House Fence Bid

I love my country - it’s the government I’m afraid of!


Three contractors bid on the White House fence. One is from Chicago, another from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $9,000. That’s $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $7,000. That’s $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$27,000.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan worked.


Four boxes keep us free: the soap box, the ballot box,
the jury box, and the cartridge box.

QuotaBills
A week is a long time in politics. - Harold Wilson

Politics makes strange red-fellows. - Will Rogers

There is no gambling like politics. - Benjamin Disraeli

The gun is not out of Irish politics. - Ian Paisley

In politics an absurdity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte

All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

Politics is the art of controlling your environment. - Hunter S. Thompson

The art of government is the organization of idolatry. - George Bernard Shaw

There can be no wise politics without thought beforehand. - Annie Besant

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

Poetry is about the grief. Politics is about the grievance. - Robert Frost

Honor is not the exclusive property of any political party. - Herbert Hoover

We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy. - Martin L. Gross

Idealism is the despot of thought, just as politics is the despot of will. - Mikhail Bakunin

I do have a political agenda. It's to have as few regulations as possible. - Dan Quayle

Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated. - Will Rogers

Ideas are great arrows, but there has to be a bow. And politics is the bow of idealism. - Bill Moyers

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors. - Jay Leno

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. - George Bernard Shaw

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. - P.J. O'Rourke

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

When governments become large, voters cannot exercise close oversight, otherwise known as political power. - Maggie Gallagher

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat

Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. - John Kenneth Galbraith

Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. - Pericles (430 B.C.)

Our whole constitutional heritage rebels at the thought of giving government the power to control men's minds. - Thurgood Marshall

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry. - Joseph Heller

One of the reasons people hate politics is that truth is rarely a politician's objective. Election and power are. - Cal Thomas

Very few of these panic-mongers have any personal knowledge of the countries that are already under blackshirt government. - Lord Rothermere

One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President. - Lyndon B. Johnson

It is not in the nature of politics that the best men should be elected. The best men do not want to govern their fellowmen. - George MacDonald

Every country must be absolutely free to adopt the type of economic, political and social system that it considers convenient. - Fidel Castro

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

The workers' and peasants' government proposes to all warring peoples... negotiations leading to a just, democratic peace. - Lenin

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers


see also   Government,  Politics  &  Work  Sections
Contractor Bids  (pre 2001)

 

Finger Phone

In-flight Refuelling

Unless Your Dog Can Do This

Bear Expectations

Money Drop

Foot Race

Statue Selfie

'Break In Motion' Brake

Cat On A Hot Tin Roof

Redneck Coffee Pot

Speed Limit Warning

Camouflage Helicopter

Why Neanderthals Became Extinct

Elephant Hand

Unhappy Baby

Ambulance Caddy

Bacon Sandwich

Microwave Mailbox

Paint Protection

Mid Road Parking Spot

Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

24-Sep-2018