White House Fence Bid

I love my country - it’s the government I’m afraid of!


Three contractors bid on the White House fence. One is from Chicago, another from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans.

All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

“Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $9,000. That’s $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $7,000. That’s $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$27,000.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?”

The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan worked.


Four boxes keep us free: the soap box, the ballot box,
the jury box, and the cartridge box.

QuotaBills
All politics is applesauce. - Will Rogers

Politics makes strange red-fellows. - Will Rogers

All government, of course, is against liberty. - H L Mencken

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts. - Henry Brooks Adams

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons. - Will Rogers

Most bad government results from too much government. - Thomas Jefferson

Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. - John Kenneth Galbraith

Government always finds a need for whatever money it gets. - Ronald Reagan

Poetry is about the grief. Politics is about the grievance. - Robert Frost

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under. - H L Mencken

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston

Politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians. - Charles de Gaulle

It's a terrible shame that politics has become show business. - Sydney Pollack

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

Politics is the chloroform of the Irish people, or, rather the hashish. - Oliver St. John Gogarty

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. - Henry Kissinger

In politics, madame, you need two things: friends, but above all an enemy. - Brian Mulroney

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government. - Mark Twain

No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power. - Jacob Bronowski

My sheer existence is like a political act to a lot of people. It's not to me. - Grimes

Personally, I'm against political jokes. Too often they get elected to office. - Henny Youngman

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career. - George Bernard Shaw

In Pierre Elliott Trudeau, Canada has at last produced a political leader worthy of assassination. - Irving Layton

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

When governments become large, voters cannot exercise close oversight, otherwise known as political power. - Maggie Gallagher

Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. - Frederic Bastiat

One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace, good people don't go into government. - Donald Trump

One of the reasons people hate politics is that truth is rarely a politician's objective. Election and power are. - Cal Thomas

What is politics but persuading the public to vote for this and support that and endure these for the promise of those? - Gilbert Highet

I am sometimes a fox and sometimes a lion. The whole secret of government lies in knowing when to be the one or the other. - Napoleon Bonaparte

It is not in the nature of politics that the best men should be elected. The best men do not want to govern their fellowmen. - George MacDonald

In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. - Voltaire

I am quite sure now that often in matters concerning religion and politics, a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkeys. - Mark Twain

When one may pay out over two million dollars to presidential and Congressional campaigns, the U.S. government is virtually up for sale. - John W. Gardner

Politicians also have no leisure, because they are always aiming at something beyond political life itself, power and glory, or happiness. - Aristotle

Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the Government take care of him, better take a closer look at the American Indian. - Henry Ford


see also   Government,  Politics  &  Work  Sections
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13-Dec-2017