A farmer was notoriously miserly called a doctor to attend his sick wife.

“They say you're a skinflint,” said the doctor. “Can I be sure of my fee?”

“Whether you kill my wife or cure her, you'll get your money without having to sue,” said the farmer.

But the woman died, despite all the doctor's efforts to save her. He duly asked for his payment.

“Did you cure my wife?” asked the man.

“No,” admitted the doctor.

“Did you kill her?”

“Certainly not!” the doctor said indignantly.

“Well, then, I owe you nothing.”