Sheer Surprise

The husband’s last gift


A husband walks into Fredrick’s of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price - the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, “I have an idea. It’s so sheer that I might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.”

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, “Good Lord! You’d think that for $500, they’d at least iron it!”

He never heard the shot.

Funeral services are pending...


QuotaBills
Marriage is heaven and hell. - German Proverb

What is bought is cheaper than a gift. - Portuguese Proverb

Conceit is God's gift to little men. - Bruce Barton

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? - Unknown

A book is a gift you can open again and again. - Garrison Keillor

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. - Phyllis Diller

There is no perfect marriage, for there are no perfect men. - French Proverb

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

Forgiveness is a gift of high value. Yet its cost is nothing. - Betty Smith

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm. - Bruce Barton

A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game. - Unknown

Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. - Keanu Reeves

Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others. - Wayne Dyer

Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain a bachelor. - Lady Bird Johnson

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action. - Unknown

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever. - Helen Rowland

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else. - Nicholas Sparks

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

I'm into all that sappy stuff - a surprise picnic, nice dinner, or traveling. I'm kind of an old romantic. - Will Estes

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

Relationships are about give and take; not tit-for-tat. If you're keeping score, you'll lose at your own game. - Faydra D. Fields

The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are. - Mewtwo

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing. - Ogden Nash

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to offer. - Barbara de Angelis

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst


see also   Marriage,  Shopping  &  Stress  Sections
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
Hormone Guide
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
My Last Swim In The Ocean
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
The Last Photo I Took
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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16-Oct-2018