Sheer Surprise

The husband’s last gift


A husband walks into Fredrick’s of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price - the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, “I have an idea. It’s so sheer that I might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.”

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, “Good Lord! You’d think that for $500, they’d at least iron it!”

He never heard the shot.

Funeral services are pending...


QuotaBills
What is bought is cheaper than a gift. - Portuguese Proverb

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. - Groucho Marx

Assumptions are the termites of relationships. - Henry Winkler

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy. - Von Clausewitz

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. - Oscar Wilde

The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. - Phyllis Diller

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. - Oscar Wilde

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm. - Bruce Barton

I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. - John Travolta

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

I love romance. I'm a sucker for it. I love it so much. It's pathetic. - Drew Barrymore

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. - Desmond Tutu

It is one thing to be gifted and quite another thing to be worthy of one's own gift. - Nadia Boulanger

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge. - Bill Cosby

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

It's great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people. - Pamela Anderson

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one. - Joan Baez

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked. - Phyllis Diller

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me. - Chevy Chase

What a surprise to find you could shift the contents of your head like rearranging furniture in a room. - Lisa Alther

Remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. - Unknown

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

Relationships are about give and take; not tit-for-tat. If you're keeping score, you'll lose at your own game. - Faydra D. Fields

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships. The quality of your business is no different. - Harvey Mackay

It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people. - Axl Rose

If the marriage needs help, the answer almost always is have more fun. Drop your list of grievances and go ride a roller coaster. - Garrison Keillor

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to offer. - Barbara de Angelis

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst

Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf


see also   Marriage,  Shopping  &  Stress  Sections
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
Hormone Guide
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
My Last Swim In The Ocean
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
The Last Photo I Took
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

Foamtastic

Pyramid Kiss

What Goes Round Comes Round

Mistaken Door

Cleanup

Leave Toes Outside

Google Age

Meat Loaf

Heavy Sleeper

So Close

Economy Flight

StandOut Island

Poor Fishing Day

Is Your Diaper Full?

Lunch Break on a Hot Day

Moving Level Pro

Plain Plane School

Wireframe Dog

SUV Sinkhole

Wireless Doorbells Sitting On Their Chargers
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

17-Aug-2019