Sheer Surprise

The husband’s last gift


A husband walks into Fredrick’s of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price - the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, “I have an idea. It’s so sheer that I might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.”

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, “Good Lord! You’d think that for $500, they’d at least iron it!”

He never heard the shot.

Funeral services are pending...


QuotaBills
Candlestine romance - Archie Bunker

Death ends a life, not a relationship. - Jack Lemmon

Conceit is God's gift to little men. - Bruce Barton

Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise. - Alice Walker

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself. - Steve Martin

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. - Unknown

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

For business, our Internet love affair was a gift from the gods. - Gary Vaynerchuk

Do not be afraid; our fate Cannot be taken from us; it is a gift. - Dante Alighieri

Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. - Keanu Reeves

Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

I believe in love and marriage, but not necessarily with the same person. - John Travolta

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work. - Emile Zola

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action. - Unknown

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

It's great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people. - Pamela Anderson

Make pumpkin bread as the default gift for everyone. It is cheap, it is beloved, it is carbs. - Karen Bender

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end. - Catherine Zeta-Jones

I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks. - Donald Trump

That the Pearl Harbor attack should have succeeded in achieving surprise seems a blessing from heaven. - Hideki Tojo

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. - George S Patton

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else. - Nicholas Sparks

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin

Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love. - Leo Buscaglia

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, "What do you have in lingerie?" She says, "More than you'll ever have!" - Phyllis Diller

If someone offers you a gift, and you decline to accept it, the other person still owns that gift. The same is true of insults and verbal attacks. - Steve Pavlina


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18-Jan-2019