Sheer Surprise

The husband’s last gift


A husband walks into Fredrick’s of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price - the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, “I have an idea. It’s so sheer that I might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.”

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, “Good Lord! You’d think that for $500, they’d at least iron it!”

He never heard the shot.

Funeral services are pending...


QuotaBills
Civilized humanical relationships - Archie Bunker

Death ends a life, not a relationship. - Jack Lemmon

Every problem has a gift for you in its hands. - Richard Bach

A book is a gift you can open again and again. - Garrison Keillor

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

Treasure your relationships, not your possessions. - Anthony J. D'Angelo

Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver. - WC Fields

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. - Phyllis Diller

There's more to marriage than four bare legs in a bed. - English Proverb

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. - Groucho Marx

To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift. - Steve Prefontaine

The first great gift we can bestow on others is a good example. - Morell

Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." - Herbert Spencer

For business, our Internet love affair was a gift from the gods. - Gary Vaynerchuk

Do not be afraid; our fate Cannot be taken from us; it is a gift. - Dante Alighieri

A bachelor is one who enjoys the chase but does not eat the game. - Unknown

Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. - Anne Taylor Fleming

Only choose in marriage a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man. - Joseph Joubert

I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck. - WC Fields

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me. - Chevy Chase

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. - George S Patton

Like the old adverb, "you can lead a gift horse to the water but ya can't look in his mouth." - Archie Bunker

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present. - Bill Keane

Relationships are about give and take; not tit-for-tat. If you're keeping score, you'll lose at your own game. - Faydra D. Fields

Men in general judge more from appearances than from reality. All men have eyes, but few have the gift of penetration. - Niccolo Machiavelli

Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the only miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

The greatest mistake we humans make in our relationships: we listen half, understand quarter, think zero, and react double. - Unknown

Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf


see also   Marriage,  Shopping  &  Stress  Sections
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
Hormone Guide
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
My Last Swim In The Ocean
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
The Last Photo I Took
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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23-May-2019