Sheer Surprise

The husband’s last gift


A husband walks into Fredrick’s of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price - the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, “I have an idea. It’s so sheer that I might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.”

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, “Good Lord! You’d think that for $500, they’d at least iron it!”

He never heard the shot.

Funeral services are pending...


QuotaBills
Candlestine romance - Archie Bunker

Civilized humanical relationships - Archie Bunker

Conceit is God's gift to little men. - Bruce Barton

Assumptions are the termites of relationships. - Henry Winkler

A book is a gift you can open again and again. - Garrison Keillor

A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers. - Ruth Bell Graham

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. - Oscar Wilde

Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near. - Helen Rowland

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. - Phyllis Diller

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

Praise is the only gift for which people are really grateful. - Marguerite

If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm. - Bruce Barton

I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez

Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgment of others. - Wayne Dyer

A gift diamond shines so much better than one you buy for yourself. - Mae West

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its value. - Charles Dudley Warner

Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention. - Jim Rohn

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

Every time I try to make my marriage more exciting, my wife finds out about it right away. - Bob Monkhouse

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde

Somehow a bachelor never quite gets over the idea that he is a thing of beauty and a boy forever. - Helen Rowland

When asked what gift he wanted for his birthday, the yogi replied: I wish no gifts, only presence. - Unknown

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. - Mark Twain

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me. - Chevy Chase

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. - George S Patton

The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - Ogden Nash

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present. - Bill Keane

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is God's Gift. That's why we call it the 'Present.' - Bill Keane

Men in general judge more from appearances than from reality. All men have eyes, but few have the gift of penetration. - Niccolo Machiavelli

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships. The quality of your business is no different. - Harvey Mackay

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with the window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open. - George Bernard Shaw

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson


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When Men Shop For Groceries
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21-Jul-2018