Sheer Surprise

The husband’s last gift


A husband walks into Fredrick’s of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife.

He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price - the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, “I have an idea. It’s so sheer that I might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.”

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, “Good Lord! You’d think that for $500, they’d at least iron it!”

He never heard the shot.

Funeral services are pending...


QuotaBills
Candlestine romance - Archie Bunker

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? - Unknown

Every good and perfect gift comes from above. - Bible

Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce

The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself. - Steve Martin

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. - Phyllis Diller

The proper basis for marriage is mutual misunderstanding. - Oscar Wilde

The secret to a happy marriage? Do what your wife tells you. - Denzel Washington

I've been married twice but I haven't had a marriage yet. - Jennifer Lopez

Marriage is but for a little while. It is alimony that is forever. - Quentin Crisp

A gift diamond shines so much better than one you buy for yourself. - Mae West

Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain a bachelor. - Lady Bird Johnson

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

If you have a boat and a happy marriage, you don't need another thing. - Ed McMahon

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work. - Emile Zola

The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its value. - Charles Dudley Warner

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention. - Jim Rohn

Peppering your relationship with a dash of mystery can make it far more palatable. - Khang K. Nguyen

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

It's great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people. - Pamela Anderson

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying until I get it right. - Richard Pryor

Make pumpkin bread as the default gift for everyone. It is cheap, it is beloved, it is carbs. - Karen Bender

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

What a surprise to find you could shift the contents of your head like rearranging furniture in a room. - Lisa Alther

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the present. - Bil Keane

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force. - Ogden Nash

Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else. - Nicholas Sparks

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings. - Vicki Baum

Love is an ideal thing, marriage is a real thing. A confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang Goethe

Men in general judge more from appearances than from reality. All men have eyes, but few have the gift of penetration. - Niccolo Machiavelli

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming: 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it; 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. - Patrick Murra

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships. The quality of your business is no different. - Harvey Mackay

Love is always bestowed as a gift - freely, willingly and without expectation. We don't love to be loved; we love to love. - Leo Buscaglia

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx

Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf


see also   Marriage,  Shopping  &  Stress  Sections
A Woman’s Mind
Before Online Dating
Before The Impact
Everything Men Know About Women
Female Attraction
Flower Shop For Men
Hormone Guide
iGifts
Looking For Your Wife?
Mission Gap - for Men & Women
My Last Swim In The Ocean
Names of the Colours
Real Man’s Point System
Romance Lost
Secret Of A Long Marriage
The Last Photo I Took
Understanding Women
When Men Shop For Groceries
Winning An Argument With A Woman

 

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20-Mar-2019