Red Skelton Quotes
Marriage is the number one cause of divorce

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language? One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

I take my wife everywhere - but she keeps finding her way back.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”

No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.

Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said, “There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

She ran after the garbage truck yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!”

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

see also   Language,  Phrase,  Quote  &  Television  Sections
Inspirational Quotes

Bilingual signs along the Banff to Lake Louise highway
Slow Lent
Easy-to-understand explanation of how the female mind works
A Woman's Mind
B.C.'s Ultimate Singletrack Experience
Bike Race Selfie
Root-bound computer programming - online branch office
Enjoying Canada Day on B.C.'s Sunshine Coast
'Pier' Pressure
Standing room only, if you can stand it
Busy Train
When food is left unattended at the picnic table
Watermelon Treat
A well-balanced relationship on the farm
All the world's information in just two books
Business School Basics
Latest Music Sudoku Puzzle: #14925
Music Sudoku Puzzles
Some Doctors recommend one glass of red wine per day
Red Wine Diet
Dog breeds for children
My Dog is Bigger Than Me
Making your last Facebook post an internet splash
Shark Selfie
Why you should keep your legs closed while skydiving
Painfull Skydive
Dog obedience training in Texas
Gun Leash
Linemen electrical safety keeps you turned on
Lineman Support
Latest Word Search Puzzle: Potpourri #19
Word Search Puzzles
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site


QR Code


Brew Haul-her - 12 Brew ...
Bacon And Eggs Mug
Shopping Cart Car
Animal Rings
Pacman Skeleton
Bathing A Cat
Cutex Screwdriver
Redneck See Saw
Harry Potter Parking
Flower Shop For Men
Lobster Baby
Cheerful Trees
Efficient Canadian Micr ...
Meccano Shoe
Hawg Limo - Hawg'n The ...
Military Motorcycle
Birds Eye View
Meccano Shoe
Washing Clothes Recipe
Do Nothing Day
Tattoo Implants
The Honey Truck
Chicken Surprise
Chu Your Food Well
Housework Quotes
Tornado House
Lawntastic Scenery
Redneck Honeymoon Suite
Real Man's Point System
Cowboy Tombstone
Fishing in Florida
Alzheimer's Wing
Bacon Bra
Redneck Tank Top
African Lunch
Taking Care of Church G ...
Male Multitasker
Redneck Sanitary Belt
New Manager's Crisis En ...
New Events for Beijing ...
Dog Face or Dog Butt?
Shopping Bike
Waiting For Windows To ...
Medical Breakthrough
Redneck Walkboard
Big Birth - They Start ...
Milking Dilemma
Geeks On Display
Turpentine - Most Power ...
How To Draw An Owl
Energy Saver