Red Skelton Quotes
Marriage is the number one cause of divorce

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language? One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.

I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

I take my wife everywhere - but she keeps finding her way back.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”

No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.

Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said, “There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

She ran after the garbage truck yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”

The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!”

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

see also   Language,  Phrase,  Quote  &  Television  Sections
Inspirational Quotes

Looking forward to staring at your cell phone?
Weekend Plans
Thee wedding ring store
Booze Wedding
Farmer gives young women something to 'pond'er over
Farmer's Pond Advice for Youngsters
Latest Word Search Puzzle: Potpourri #6
Word Search Puzzles
Bladder control warning for the hot tub
Incontinent Pool
Latest Sudoku Sampler Puzzles: #14748-51
Sudoku Sampler
The Best of the Wurst
The Wurst Spiral I've Seen
Inspiring walnut bathroom vanities
Bathtub Opulence
Keeping a-herd of the pack with a hi-tech vehicle
Cattle Herding in Africa
Sending a personalized birth announcement
It's A Boy!
Late breaking news from Down Under
AustrAliens
Pies are meant to be eaten before they hatch
Chicken Pie
Who to call on when you need your car towed in India
TurbAnne - India's Iron Lady
Looking your best on the summit peak
Mountain Iron Man
Are you eating too slowly?
The Rules of Chocolate
Surprise treat for cooking class students
BrownEes
Cars Rednecks drive when driving in England
Pulley Car
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

Voted #1 Humor Site

25-Apr-2015

QR Code

G'Oldies

Dyslexic Camper
When Bicycle Helmets Ma ...
Redneck Meal On Wheels
Cow Cycle
Fencing For Seniors
Security for a Stripped ...
Weather Warning
Redneck Trike
Help Wanted
Diet Fork
White House Visit
Electric Football
Redneck Math
King Salmon Meal
Boy George or Boy Gorge ...
ER Patch
VW SideCar
Bear Praise
Sole Casket
Animated Army Training
sujoCube 6D Sudoku
Hot Dog Fireworks
Redneck Skateboard
Wired Moose
Griller Bees
Bud Light Beer Bunker
Inner Tube Head Rest
Crocodile Escape
Odds of Winning a Canad ...
When Pumpkins Drink
How A Dishwasher Really ...
Slowval
Happy Centipede
Guarding The House
Unless Your Dog Can Do ...
Keyboard Running Shoes
Redneck Muffler Extende ...
Kid Cam
Real Life Photoshop
Blonde Antelope
How To Reduce Symptoms ...
Bridge 'No Fishing' Zon ...
Perfect Defense Line
Monster Truck Pull
Face Frost
Single Men For Long-Ter ...
Redneck Ice Fishing
Mouth Golf - Drive of t ...
Croc Surfing
Porca
Japanese Sleep Cushions