James Bond’s Telepathic Watch

Don’t you wish you had telepathic timing?


A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No,” he replies, “Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

Bond explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”

“Well, it says you’re not wearing any knickers.”

The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!”

Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, “Bloody thing’s an hour fast.”


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Candlestine romance - Archie Bunker

Old age comes at a bad time. - Sue Banducci

You may delay, but time will not. - Benjamin Franklin

Our costliest expenditure is time. - Theophrastus

Genius is immediate, but talent takes time. - Janet Flanner

I feel like a million tonight - but one at a time. - Bette Midler

The third time you say a thing, it sounds like a lie. - Harrison Ford

Time hath often cured the wound which reason failed to heal. - Seneca

Put all your eggs in one basket, and then watch that basket. - Mark Twain

As every thread of gold is valuable, so is every moment of time. - J. Mason

My father... one of the great immorals, er, immortals, of our time. - WC Fields

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us. - JRR Tolkien

Every time I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes. - Robert Hutchins

I also do my own processing, so it means a big commitment in lab time. - Leonard Nimoy

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

Ya gotta watch out for that rigididness. It'll warf your personality. - Archie Bunker

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a busy man has not time to form. - Andre Maurois

This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over? - John Wooden

A lie is an abomination unto the Lord and a very present help in time of trouble. - Adlai Stevenson

Most of the time, if you treat people right, you don't have to be afraid of them. - Kathy Kelly

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain

No more massive injections. Tiny children are not horses - one vaccine at a time, over time. - Donald Trump

A habit cannot be tossed out the window. It must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time. - Mark Twain

Every time a child is born it brings with it the hope that God is not yet disappointed in man. - Rabindranath Tagore

Celebrate what you've accomplished, but raise the bar a little higher each time you succeed. - Mia Hamm

Show me a guy who's afraid to look bad, and I'll show you a guy you can beat every time. - Lou Brock

Never waste your time trying to explain who you are to people who are committed to misunderstanding you. - Unknown

Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else. - Nicholas Sparks

I was a Democrat for a period of time early on. And then I was also an independent. And then I became a Republican. - Donald Trump

That old law about "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing. - Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, it's a choice. - Unknown

In case of fire, don't panic. Simply flee the building with the same reckless abandon that occurs each day at quitting time. - Don Delcourt

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. - Evan Esar

When my time on Earth is gone and my activities here are past, I want that they should bury me upside down so my critics can kiss my ass. - Bobby Knight

It's life, isn't it? You plow ahead and make a hit. And you plow on and someone passes you. Then someone passes them. Time levels. - Katharine Hepburn

How much replay do we want? Because if you start doing it from the first inning to the ninth inning, you may have to time the game with a calendar. - Joe Torre

We spend precious hours fearing the inevitable. It would be wise to use that time adoring our families, cherishing our friends and living our lives. - Maya Angelou


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23-Oct-2019