James Bond’s Telepathic Watch

Don’t you wish you had telepathic timing?


A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No,” he replies, “Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

Bond explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”

“Well, it says you’re not wearing any knickers.”

The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!”

Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, “Bloody thing’s an hour fast.”


QuotaBills
Civilized humanical relationships - Archie Bunker

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams

I'm sympathising my watch with yours. - Archie Bunker

The next time you have a thought... let it go. - Ron White

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. - Unknown

At 46 one must be a miser; only have time for essentials. - Oscar Wilde

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

Time hath often cured the wound which reason failed to heal. - Seneca

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. - Joan Rivers

There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. - Bill Watterson

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. - Les Dawson

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know. - WC Fields

When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time. - Byron Katie

Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see. - Neil Postman

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Whomever you spend time with you become. So spend time with great people. - Nido Qubein

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. - Edith Wharton

An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come. - Victor Hugo

I love sports. Whenever I can, I always watch the Detroit Tigers on the radio. - Gerald R. Ford

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan, and not quite enough time. - Leonard Bernstein

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal

All my life I've looked at words as though I were seeing them for the first time. - Ernest Hemingway

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If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work. - George Carlin

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If a young person has any idealism at all, it's strongest about the time he finishes college. - Sargent Shriver

You have to calendar time for yourself even if you have no idea what you're going to do with it. - Susie Bright

If fat people just gave skinny people more food, we could solve obesity and hunger at the same time. - Ashton Kutcher

There is one thing stronger than all the armies in the world, and that is an idea whose time has come. - Victor Hugo

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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. - Rodney Dangerfield

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. - Steven Wright

There is a strange moment in time, after something horrible happens, when you know it's true, but you haven't told anyone yet. - Barbara Kingsolver

I've never understood why people consider youth a time of freedom and joy. It's probably because they have forgotten their own. - Margaret Atwood

It's life, isn't it? You plow ahead and make a hit. And you plow on and someone passes you. Then someone passes them. Time levels. - Katharine Hepburn

Freedom comes only to those who no longer ask of life that it shall yield them any of those personal goods that are subject to the mutations of time. - Bertrand Russell


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18-Apr-2019