James Bond’s Telepathic Watch

Don’t you wish you had telepathic timing?


A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No,” he replies, “Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it.”

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

Bond explains, “It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.”

The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?”

“Well, it says you’re not wearing any knickers.”

The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!”

Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, “Bloody thing’s an hour fast.”


QuotaBills
Back since time immamoral. - Archie Bunker

Old age comes at a bad time. - Sue Banducci

Time is the life of the soul. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Spring is the time of plans and projects. - Leo Tolstoy

What I value most next to eternity is time. - Madame Swetchine

Time is a game played beautifully by children. - Heraclitus

Next time you give your clothes away, stay in them. - Henny Youngman

Each time history repeats itself, the price goes up. - Ronald Wright

Time goes, you say? Ah, no! Alas, Time stays, we go. - Austin Dobson

I'll tell you how the sun rose - a ribbon at a time. - Emily Dickinson

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. - Oscar Wilde

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

Living is using time given to you. You cannot recall lost time. - Pokemon

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. - Charles Schulz

Every time I fill a vacant office, I make ten malcontents and one ingrate. - Louis XIV

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. - Harriet Beecher Stowe

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. - Chinese Proverb

Being with you and not being with you is the only way I have to measure time. - Jorge Luis Borges

I love romance. I'm a sucker for it. I love it so much. It's pathetic. - Drew Barrymore

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. - Betty Smith

The only time you don't fail is the last time you try anything - and it works. - William Strong

Peppering your relationship with a dash of mystery can make it far more palatable. - Khang K. Nguyen

I am long on ideas, but short on time. I expect to live to be only about a hundred. - Thomas A. Edison

By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable. - Andy Rooney

There are a lot of things happening that show us that this, right now, is a time to love. - Stevie Wonder

A racehorse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time. - Marjorie Johnson

I'm just a lucky slob from Ohio who happened to be in the right place at the right time. - Clark Gable

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. - Mark Twain

The time I burned my guitar it was like a sacrifice. You sacrifice the things you love. I love my guitar. - Jimi Hendrix

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde

Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others. - H. Jackson Brown Jr.

Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn't change anything. It messes with your mind and steals your happiness. - Unknown

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. - Steven Wright

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid. - Frank Zappa

When you're following your energy and doing what you want all the time, the distinction between work and play dissolves. - Shakti Gawain

After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but is often true. - Leonard Nimoy

You are no more exempt from time's inexorable passing than Macbeth. Whether time is your friend or foe depends on how you use it. - Patricia Fripp

She knows that feeling too. Of believing that each time someone says her name, it’s to tell her that something bad has happened. - Melina Marchetta


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22-Aug-2019