Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart
and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does “varicose” mean?
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a
vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand
instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs,
and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i,
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a
lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off.
The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and
plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Tests of love always end badly. - Melanie Thernstrom
See if he passed the literaracy test. - Archie Bunker
Adversity tests a man's true character. - Unknown
I go to school the youth to learn the future. - Robert Frost
Marketing isn't magic. There is a science to it. - Dan Zarrella
I've won at every level, except college and pro. - Shaquille O'Neal
I'll take a drug test, if you'll take an IQ test. - Fritz Hollings
The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure. - Laurence J. Peter
All exact science is dominated by the idea of approximation. - Bertrand Russell
What counts in science is to be not so much the first as the last. - Erwin Chargaff
To err is human; to try to prevent recurrence of error is science. - Unknown
Success is a science; if you have the conditions, you get the result. - Oscar Wilde
Science is a differential equation. Religion is a boundary condition. - Alan Turing
Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown
The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking. - Albert Einstein
A pretty good test of a man's religion is how it affects his pocketbook. - Francis James Grimke
The true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching. - John Wooden
I don't love studying. I hate studying. I like learning. Learning is beautiful. - Natalie Portman
If you wait until there is another case study in your industry, you will be too late. - Seth Godin
Men are probably nearer the central truth in their superstitions than in their science. - Henry David Thoreau
If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society. - Jaden Smith
You learn how to be book smart in school, but you better not forget that you also need to be street smart. - Harvey Mackay
If we are made of atoms, then a scientist studying atoms is actually a group of atoms studying themselves. - Unknown
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. - Albert Einstein
Mathematics is the only science where one never knows what one is talking about nor whether what is said is true. - Bertrand Russell
Physics is about questioning, studying, probing nature. You probe, and, if you're lucky, you get strange clues. - Lene Hau
The chief reason for going to school is to get the impression fixed for life that there is a book side for everything. - Robert Frost
In my last year of school, I was voted Class Optimist and Class Pessimist. Looking back, I realize I was only half right. - Jack Nicholson
We study the glory of God, and the honour and liberty of parliament, for which we fight, without seeking our own interests. - Oliver Cromwell
The Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffel Tower. They're monumental. They're straight out of Page 52 in your school history book. - Billy Crystal
Study while others are sleeping; work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing; and dream while others are wishing. - William Arthur Ward
There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. - Mark Twain
Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years. - Prince Philip
Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence, it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines. - Bertrand Russell
There is not better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. - Jean Giraudoux
If you want to succeed, worry less about what college you get into and more about doing your homework, taking care of your chores and being nice to other people. - Jay Mathews
As an adult and a parent, when I'm not acting, I'm not acting. I'm being a parent, and I'm on the school run, and I'm sewing labels onto socks. - Kate Winslet
I make two movies a year to take care of the butcher and the baker and the school fees. Then I try to write, but it's not that easy. Acting is what's easy. - David Niven
So many come to the sickroom thinking of themselves as men of science fighting disease and not as healers with a little knowledge helping nature to get a sick man well. - Auckland Geddes
There is nothing, Sir, too little for so little a creature as man. It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having a little misery and as much happiness as possible. - Samuel Johnson
College, Quote & School Sections
Anything To Pass The Exam
Apocryphal Metaphors from Student Essays
Inspiring School Exams
Redneck Engineering Exam
French Red Wine
Ninety Degree Weather
Exercise Tool For Seniors
Europe Road Trip
Beach Sign Training
That Won't Wash
Mega Samurai Puzzles B