Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart
and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does “varicose” mean?
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a
vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand
instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs,
and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i,
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a
lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off.
The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and
plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Politics is an inexact science. - Otto von Bismarck
College is a refuge from hasty judgment. - Robert Frost
Science is the record of dead religions. - Oscar Wilde
Adversity tests a man's true character. - Unknown
Truth is simple, requiring neither study nor art. - Ammian
Logic is neither science nor an art, but a dodge. - Benjamin Jowett
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. - Mark Twain
All exact science is dominated by the idea of approximation. - Bertrand Russell
If a man's wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics. - Francis Bacon
Mathematics is the science which uses easy words for hard ideas. - James Roy Newman
To err is human; to try to prevent recurrence of error is science. - Unknown
College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel
It is through science that we prove, but through intuition that we discover. - Jules Henri Poincare
The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking. - Albert Einstein
The true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching. - John Wooden
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. - Woody Allen
When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award. - Jack Nicholson
The great tragedy of science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact. - Thomas H. Huxley
Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle
Mathematics is the cheapest science. All one needs for mathematics is a pencil and a paper. - George Polya
It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero
If a young person has any idealism at all, it's strongest about the time he finishes college. - Sargent Shriver
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. - Abraham Lincoln
This is the first test of a gentleman: his respect for those who can be of no possible value to him. - William Lyon Phelps
New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno
Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it. - Stephen Leacock
Truth in science can be defined as the working hypothesis best suited to open the way to the next better one. - Konrad Lorenz
Amazingly when you add life and consciousness to the equation you can actually explain some of the biggest puzzles of science. - Robert Lanza
That is the exploration that awaits you! Not mapping stars and studying nebula, but charting the unknown possibilities of existence. - Leonard Nimoy
Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years. - Prince Philip
Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step; only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find his right road. - Dag Hammarskjold
Science is built of facts the way a house is built of bricks; but an accumulation of facts is no more science than a pile of bricks is a house. - Henri Poincare
You need the kind of objectivity that makes you forget everything you've heard, clear the table, and do a factual study like a scientist would. - Steve Wozniak
Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do. - Pele
Make-believe colors the past with innocent distortion, and it swirls ahead of us in a thousand ways - in science, in politics, in every bold intention. - Shirley Temple Black
There is not better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. - Jean Giraudoux
Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college. - Bill Vaughan
If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn’t make any difference which you called in — if you had a good nurse. - Finley Peter
As an adult and a parent, when I'm not acting, I'm not acting. I'm being a parent, and I'm on the school run, and I'm sewing labels onto socks. - Kate Winslet
If Moses had gone to Harvard Law School and spent three years working on the Hill, he would have written the Ten Commandments with three exceptions and a saving clause. - Charles Morgan
College, Quote & School Sections
Anything To Pass The Exam
Apocryphal Metaphors from Student Essays
Inspiring School Exams
Redneck Engineering Exam
Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars
Gingerbread Star Wars Walker
Christmas Pencil Sharpener
Cheaper Than Gas
Christmas Possessions To Enter Heaven
Becoming A Cop
Best Tea Cup
Nebraska Beer Cooler
Russian Shot Glass
Eat Your Vegetables
Make My Daisy
Ferrero Rocher Cupcakes
Scholar vs Dropout