Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart
and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does “varicose” mean?
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a
vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand
instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs,
and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i,
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a
lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off.
The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and
plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Science is forever rewriting itself. - Unknown
See if he passed the literaracy test. - Archie Bunker
Astrology is a disease, not a science. - Maimonides
Maintenance is as much art as it is science. - Unknown
Truth is simple, requiring neither study nor art. - Ammian
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright
Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. - Mark Twain
Study history. In history lies all the secrets of statecraft. - Winston Churchill
I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. - Benjamin Franklin
Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind. - Albert Einstein
Success is a science; if you have the conditions, you get the result. - Oscar Wilde
Test yourself with the impossible, and you will know your capability. - Unknown
I don't want to send them to jail. I want to send them to school. - Adlai Stevenson
To acquire knowledge one must study. To acquire wisdom one must observe. - Marilyn Vos Savant
College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel
Law school is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good it's lousy. - Unknown
Science is the great antidote to the poison of enthusiasm and superstition. - Adam Smith
There is no such thing as science fiction, there is only science eventuality. - Steven Spielberg
No science is immune to the infection of politics and the corruption of power. - Jacob Bronowski
Science is the ascertainment of facts and the refusal to regard facts as permanent. - Unknown
The great tragedy of science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact. - Thomas H. Huxley
Science is angling in the mud - angling for immortality and for anything else that may turn up. - Aldous Huxley
It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero
One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. - Albert Einstein
In my last year of school, I was voted Class Optimist and Class Pessimist. Looking back, I realize I was only half right. - Jack Nicholson
I went to a Catholic boys' school for a year, but that was to play hockey. Religion class was quite contentious for me. - Keanu Reeves
We study the glory of God, and the honour and liberty of parliament, for which we fight, without seeking our own interests. - Oliver Cromwell
That is the exploration that awaits you! Not mapping stars and studying nebula, but charting the unknown possibilities of existence. - Leonard Nimoy
Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years. - Prince Philip
I tell them that if they will occupy themselves with the study of mathematics they will find it the best remedy against the lusts of the flesh. - Thomas Mann
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
Nothing has afforded me so convincing a proof of the unity of the Deity as these purely mental conceptions of numerical and mathematical science. - Mary Somerville
The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson. - Tom Bodett
Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion weak, men mistake medicine for magic. - Thomas Szasz
I make two movies a year to take care of the butcher and the baker and the school fees. Then I try to write, but it's not that easy. Acting is what's easy. - David Niven
If Moses had gone to Harvard Law School and spent three years working on the Hill, he would have written the Ten Commandments with three exceptions and a saving clause. - Charles Morgan
The best narrative is one of infinite love. A spiritual affair - one not of the material world. Intermingled, with no beginning nor end - it will always stand the test of time. - Terry A. O'Neal
President Obama smoked so much pot in college he never learned to spell. Which is why he's confusing the word "ruining" the country with "running" the country. - Kilburn Hall
There is nothing, Sir, too little for so little a creature as man. It is by studying little things that we attain the great art of having a little misery and as much happiness as possible. - Samuel Johnson
College, Quote & School Sections
Anything To Pass The Exam
Apocryphal Metaphors from Student Essays
Inspiring School Exams
Redneck Engineering Exam
Irish Rugby Fans
Daily Trivia D
Work Hard Philosophy
Eat More Greens Diet
Irish Banister Blessing
St. Patrick's Pot of Gold
Irish Flu Shots
Habby Sin Pad-Riggs Dey!
Hanging Out With Friends
Irish Birth Control
Philosophy of House Cleaning
Flooded Ireland Streets