Children’s Science Exam Answers

Have you got intercontinental bowels?


Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.

For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.

Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you should.

Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

Liter: A nest of young puppies.

Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.

One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.

Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i, o, u.

The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.

The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

To prevent contraception, use a condominium.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.

Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.

Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.


QuotaBills
Politics is an inexact science. - Otto von Bismarck

College is a refuge from hasty judgment. - Robert Frost

Science is the record of dead religions. - Oscar Wilde

Adversity tests a man's true character. - Unknown

Truth is simple, requiring neither study nor art. - Ammian

Logic is neither science nor an art, but a dodge. - Benjamin Jowett

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. - Mark Twain

All exact science is dominated by the idea of approximation. - Bertrand Russell

If a man's wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics. - Francis Bacon

Mathematics is the science which uses easy words for hard ideas. - James Roy Newman

To err is human; to try to prevent recurrence of error is science. - Unknown

College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage. - George Gobel

It is through science that we prove, but through intuition that we discover. - Jules Henri Poincare

The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking. - Albert Einstein

The true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching. - John Wooden

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. - Woody Allen

When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award. - Jack Nicholson

The great tragedy of science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact. - Thomas H. Huxley

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

Mathematics is the cheapest science. All one needs for mathematics is a pencil and a paper. - George Polya

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

If a young person has any idealism at all, it's strongest about the time he finishes college. - Sargent Shriver

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. - Abraham Lincoln

This is the first test of a gentleman: his respect for those who can be of no possible value to him. - William Lyon Phelps

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno

Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it. - Stephen Leacock

Truth in science can be defined as the working hypothesis best suited to open the way to the next better one. - Konrad Lorenz

Amazingly when you add life and consciousness to the equation you can actually explain some of the biggest puzzles of science. - Robert Lanza

That is the exploration that awaits you! Not mapping stars and studying nebula, but charting the unknown possibilities of existence. - Leonard Nimoy

Dontopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it, a science which I have practiced for a good many years. - Prince Philip

Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step; only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find his right road. - Dag Hammarskjold

Science is built of facts the way a house is built of bricks; but an accumulation of facts is no more science than a pile of bricks is a house. - Henri Poincare

You need the kind of objectivity that makes you forget everything you've heard, clear the table, and do a factual study like a scientist would. - Steve Wozniak

Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do. - Pele

Make-believe colors the past with innocent distortion, and it swirls ahead of us in a thousand ways - in science, in politics, in every bold intention. - Shirley Temple Black

There is not better way of exercising the imagination than the study of law. No poet ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. - Jean Giraudoux

Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college. - Bill Vaughan

If Christian scientists had more science and doctors more Christianity, it wouldn’t make any difference which you called in — if you had a good nurse. - Finley Peter

As an adult and a parent, when I'm not acting, I'm not acting. I'm being a parent, and I'm on the school run, and I'm sewing labels onto socks. - Kate Winslet

If Moses had gone to Harvard Law School and spent three years working on the Hill, he would have written the Ten Commandments with three exceptions and a saving clause. - Charles Morgan


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15-Dec-2017