Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like
grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart
and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does “varicose” mean?
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow
towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a
vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
A monsoon is a French gentleman.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then
For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.
For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand
instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.
Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.
Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable
cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs,
and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i,
The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a
lot of things people forget to put the top on.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the
outsides have been taken off.
The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and
plural at the bottom.
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.
Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.
When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Politics is an inexact science. - Otto von Bismarck
I go to school the youth to learn the future. - Robert Frost
I've won at every level, except college and pro. - Shaquille O'Neal
Often the test of courage is not to die, but to live. - Conte Vittorio Afieri
The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure. - Laurence J. Peter
Science is what you know, philosophy is what you don't know. - Bertrand Russell
Example is the school of mankind, and they will learn at no other. - Edmund Burke
I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. - Benjamin Franklin
Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind. - Albert Einstein
Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie
Your best self shows up only when you are put to an impossible test. - Unknown
Success is a science; if you have the conditions, you get the result. - Oscar Wilde
A pretty good test of a man's religion is how it affects his pocketbook. - Francis James Grimke
Every great advance in science has issued from a new audacity of imagination. - John Dewey
Science is the ascertainment of facts and the refusal to regard facts as permanent. - Unknown
The great tragedy of science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact. - Thomas H. Huxley
I study myself more than any other subject. That is my metaphysics, that is my physics, - Michel de Montaigne
The patient does not care about your science; what he wants to know is, can you cure him? - Martin H. Fischer
The searching-out and thorough investigation of truth ought to be the primary study of man. - Cicero
It would be nice if the poor were to get even half of the money that is spent in studying them. - Bill Vaughan
It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero
He who devotes 16 hours a day to hard study may become as wise at 60 as he thought himself at 20. - Mary Wilson Little
You really don't need to study how to change a diaper. As a new mom, you learn pretty darn quickly! - Ivanka Trump
Truth in science can be defined as the working hypothesis best suited to open the way to the next better one. - Konrad Lorenz
It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. - Mark Twain
I played basketball in high school, and I love watching sports - I'll watch everything except maybe hockey. - Andy Roddick
Statistics: the only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions. - Evan Esar
Not every puzzle is intended to be solved. Some are in place to test your limits. Others are, in fact, not puzzles at all. - Vera Nazarian
We study the glory of God, and the honour and liberty of parliament, for which we fight, without seeking our own interests. - Oliver Cromwell
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen." - Unknown
My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle
A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh. - Conan O'Brien
When I finished school, I took one of those career-aptitude tests, and based on my verbal ability score, they suggested I become a mime. - Tim Cavanagh
Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is not more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules Poincare
Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step; only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find his right road. - Dag Hammarskjold
The physician should look upon the patient as a besieged city and try to rescue him with every means that art and science place at his command. - Alexander of Tralles
Science is built of facts the way a house is built of bricks; but an accumulation of facts is no more science than a pile of bricks is a house. - Henri Poincare
If you want to succeed, worry less about what college you get into and more about doing your homework, taking care of your chores and being nice to other people. - Jay Mathews
As an adult and a parent, when I'm not acting, I'm not acting. I'm being a parent, and I'm on the school run, and I'm sewing labels onto socks. - Kate Winslet
I used to collect hockey cards. It was like Vegas at my school. You'd go to school with your box of cards, and at recess and lunchtime there were all these games we'd play. - Steve Nash
College, Quote & School Sections
Anything To Pass The Exam
Apocryphal Metaphors from Student Essays
Inspiring School Exams
Redneck Engineering Exam
Why Fire Trucks Are Red
High Heel Gum Shoes
Putting Your Foot Down
Road Kill Grill - You Hit It, We Spit It
Wedding Dress For Sale
Items Of Value
Snake Wrap Dress
Day At The Beach
Bomb Squad Notice
Church Sign Messages
Aussie Car Alarm
Haircut For Staff Meetings