Children’s Science Exam Answers

Have you got intercontinental bowels?


Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”.
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

For a dog bite, put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.

For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

For fainting, rub the person’s chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest doctor.

Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you should.

Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

Liter: A nest of young puppies.

Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places, and so they look like umbrellas.

One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

Oxygin is pure gin; hydrogen is water.

Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five – a, e, i, o, u.

The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.

The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

To prevent contraception, use a condominium.

To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.

Water is composed of two gins: Oxygin and Hydrogin.

Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.

When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.

When you smell odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.


QuotaBills
Science is the record of dead religions. - Oscar Wilde

Adversity tests a man's true character. - Unknown

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

I'll take a drug test, if you'll take an IQ test. - Fritz Hollings

The best intelligence test is what we do with our leisure. - Laurence J. Peter

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. - Mark Twain

Mathematics is the science which uses easy words for hard ideas. - James Roy Newman

I was a great student at a great school, Wharton School of Finance. - Donald Trump

Success is a science; if you have the conditions, you get the result. - Oscar Wilde

I will study and prepare myself… and someday my chance will come. - Abraham Lincoln

Every great advance in science has issued from a new audacity of imagination. - John Dewey

With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now. - Groucho Marx

The true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching. - John Wooden

Science is the ascertainment of facts and the refusal to regard facts as permanent. - Unknown

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

If everybody in the world dropped out of school, we would have a much more intelligent society. - Jaden Smith

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. - Abraham Lincoln

The test and the use of man's education is that he finds pleasure in the exercise of his mind. - Jacques Martin Barzun

One of the tests of leadership is the ability to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency. - Arnold H. Glasow

The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats. - Jean Kerr

New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. - Jay Leno

What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life? - Lynette Mather

So long as the mother, ignorance, lives, it is not safe for science, the offspring, to divulge the hidden cause of things. - Johannes Kepler

Not every puzzle is intended to be solved. Some are in place to test your limits. Others are, in fact, not puzzles at all. - Vera Nazarian

The fundamental concept in social science is Power, in the same sense in which Energy is the fundamental concept in physics. - Bertrand Russell

This, then, is the test we must set for ourselves; not to march alone but to march in such a way that others will wish to join us. - Hubert H. Humphrey

If you study a subject every day, for one hour a day, for five days a week - in five years you will become an expert in that area. - Earl Nightingale

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen." - Unknown

When I finished school, I took one of those career-aptitude tests, and based on my verbal ability score, they suggested I become a mime. - Tim Cavanagh

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is not more a science than a heap of stones is a house. - Jules Poincare

Never look down to test the ground before taking your next step; only he who keeps his eye fixed on the far horizon will find his right road. - Dag Hammarskjold

I tell them that if they will occupy themselves with the study of mathematics they will find it the best remedy against the lusts of the flesh. - Thomas Mann

Nothing has afforded me so convincing a proof of the unity of the Deity as these purely mental conceptions of numerical and mathematical science. - Mary Somerville

Make-believe colors the past with innocent distortion, and it swirls ahead of us in a thousand ways - in science, in politics, in every bold intention. - Shirley Temple Black

If you want to succeed, worry less about what college you get into and more about doing your homework, taking care of your chores and being nice to other people. - Jay Mathews

So many come to the sickroom thinking of themselves as men of science fighting disease and not as healers with a little knowledge helping nature to get a sick man well. - Auckland Geddes

If Moses had gone to Harvard Law School and spent three years working on the Hill, he would have written the Ten Commandments with three exceptions and a saving clause. - Charles Morgan

Left to ourselves, we might pick the wrong health insurance, the wrong mortgage, the wrong school for our kids; why, unless they stop us, we might pick the wrong light bulb. - Mitch Daniels

A motorcycle functions entirely in accordance with the laws of reason, and a study of the art of motorcycle maintenance is really a miniature study of the art of rationality itself. - Robert M. Pirsig


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26-Apr-2019