Help Support an NHL Player During His Time Of Need

Poor underpaid hockey players


Since September, 2012, Americans and Canadians have come together as never before in our generation. We have banded together to overcome tremendous adversity. We have weathered direct attacks on our own soil, wars overseas, corporate/government scandal, layoffs, unemployment, stock price plunges, droughts, fires, mad cow disease, SARS, Avian flu, high gasoline prices, and a myriad of economic and physical disasters both great and small. But now, we must come together once again to overcome our greatest challenge yet.

Hundreds of Professional Hockey players in our very own nation are going to be locked out, living at well below the seven-figure salary level. And as if that weren’t bad enough, they could be deprived of their life-giving pay for several months - possibly longer - as a result of the upcoming lockout situation. But you can help!

For only $20,835 a month, about $694.50 a day (that’s less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an NHL player remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem as it barely covers the annual minimum salary, but it’s a start, and every little bit will help!

Although $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, to a hockey player it could mean the difference between spending the lockout golfing in Florida or on a Mediterranean cruise. For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than a month’s rent, half a mortgage payment, or a month of medical insurance, but to a hockey player, $700 will partially replace his daily salary.

Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a player to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari, or enjoy a weekend in Rio.

HOW WILL I KNOW I’M HELPING?
Each month, you will receive a complete financial report on the player you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, 401(k), real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. Plus, upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the player lounging during the lockout on a beach somewhere in the Caribbean (for a signed photo, please include an additional $150). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples’ suffering.

HOW WILL HE KNOW I’M HELPING?
Your NHL player will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants to help in a time of need. Although the player won’t know your name, he will be able to make collect calls to your home via a special operator in case additional funds are needed for unforeseen expenses.

YES, I WANT TO HELP!
I would like to sponsor a locked out NHL player. My preference is (check below):

[ ] Forward [ ] Defenseman [ ] Goaltender [ ] Entire team (Please call our 900 number to ask for the cost of a specific team - $20 per minute)
[ ] Sidney Crosby (Higher cost: $63,000 per day)
Please charge the account listed below $894.50 per day for the duration of the lockout. Please send me a picture of the player I have sponsored, along with an Sidney Crosby 2012 Income Statement and my very own Donald Fehr (Executive Director of the NHLPA player’s Union) pin to wear proudly on my hat (include $120 for hat).

Your Name: ___________
Telephone Number: ___________
Account Number: _______
Expiry Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other
Signature: _______________________

Alternate card (when the primary card exceeds its credit limit):

Account Number: _______
Expiry Date:_______
[ ] MasterCard [ ] Visa [ ] American Express [ ] Other
Signature: _______________________


QuotaBills
Canada is hockey. - Mike Weir

Hockey's my favorite sport. - Denis Leary

Every day is a great day for hockey. - Mario Lemieux

Hockey is the original extreme sport. - Tom Ward

To succeed in hockey, you need teamwork. - Henry Samueli

Those whom we support hold us up in life. - Marie E. von Eschenbach

People on the streets are ready for hockey. - Eric Lindros

Some guys play hockey. Gretzky plays 40-mph chess. - Lowell Cohn

Figure skaters have awful perceptions of hockey players. - Kristi Yamaguchi

Glamour is on a life-support machine and not expected to live. - Joan Collins

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. - Rodney Dangerfield

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity. - Gordie Howe

For me, baseball is more comparable to chess than it is to hockey. - Jeff Garlin

The greatest hockey player who ever lived: Bobby Orr, and I love him. - Donald S. Cherry

By 1946, I knew Detroit was the best hockey city in the Original Six. - Ted Lindsay

My wife likes the hockey smell because it's the smell of a warrior. - David Walton

I love hockey because of the respect for history and for the game itself. - George Vecsey

People know me from a hockey game, from an earthquake, from the O.J case. - Al Michaels

Sometimes it just feels like the only thing you do is play hockey and eat. - Henrik Lundqvist

You can't play hockey with a bald spot, so I'm hanging up the skates. - Joe Sakic

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. - George Bernard Shaw

I love extreme sports, I like snowboarding and motorcross and rollerblading and hockey. - Jeremy London

I'm not a hockey fan, which is probably why I had to leave Canada in the first place. - Ryan Reynolds

I never looked at hockey as work. Now that I'd finished playing, I had to go to work. - Bobby Orr

I like ice hockey. No one is ever going to ask me to write about that as a metaphor for life. - Steven Pinker

Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lamp posts… for support rather than illumination. - Andrew Lang

Field hockey is my strongest sport, and if I lose a game, I take a long, hot bath and moan about it. - Emma Watson

You do not play hockey for good seasons. You play to win the Stanley Cup. It has to be the objective. - Guy Lafleur

Ex-Presidents of the United States get state subsidies. Not so in Russia. You get no government support. - Mikhail Gorbachev

We can make fun of hockey fans, but someone who enjoys Homer is indulging the same kind of vicarious bloodlust. - Steven Pinker

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people. - Garrison Keillor

I have a huge interest in hockey because I grew up in Canada, where it's kind of the law that you love hockey. - Matthew Perry

If I do decide to do this, which I very well might, Jesse's support would be very important to me, in many ways. - Donald Trump

Everybody shares one universal problem. To succeed you have to persuade others to support your vision, dream or cause. - Peter Guber

What is politics but persuading the public to vote for this and support that and endure these for the promise of those? - Gilbert Highet

It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. - Bertrand Russell

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. - Jerry Seinfeld

I still play hockey every now and then, and I still golf. But my biggest exercise is walking my big dog in the park every day. - Michael J. Fox

The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up. - Jay Leno

When I walk down the street in New York, the building constructor, the guy pounding cement and what not, will yell, "Hey, you hockey puck!" - Don Rickles


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Help Support an NHL Player During His Time Of Need - 2004 Version
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17-Aug-2019