Hiding Bald

Whatever it takes to keep the toupee on

When Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called the undertaker aside for a private talk.

“Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. But our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. O’Leary,” comforted the undertaker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never come off.”

Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O’Leary’s ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O’Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker.
“What’s a few nails?”



QuotaBills
He has Van Gogh's ear for music. - Billy Wilder

Music describes what words can't. - Unknown

Country music is three chords and the truth. - Harlan Howard

Music is a higher revelation than philosophy. - Ludwig Van Beethoven

Music is spiritual. The music business is not. - Van Morrison

The earth has its music for those who will listen. - George Santayana

Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music. - Ronald Reagan

You can't touch music, but music can touch you. - Mordecai

My music is best understood by children and animals. - Igor Stravinsky

Making music should not be left to the professionals. - Michelle Shocked

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end. - Igor Stravinsky

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. - Elvis Costello

Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable. - Samuel Johnson

Dancing can reveal all the mystery that music conceals. - Charles Baudelaire

The music is all around us. All you have to do is listen. - August Rush

After Rossini dies, who will there be to promote his music? - Richard Wagner

Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail. - Luciano Pavarotti

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley

The sweetest music in the world to every person is his own name. - Unknown

The symphony must be like the world. It must embrace everything. - Gustav Mahler

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. - Decca Record Company

Country music has always been the best shrink that 15 bucks can buy. - Dierks Bentley

You can run out of garlic, but you can't really run out of music. - Jace Wayland

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. - Elvis Presley

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

Music, the greatest good that mortals know and all of heaven we have hear below. - Joseph Addison

Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try. - Mary Kay Ash

Music has charms to sooth a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak. - William Congreve

I think my music is like anchovies - some people like it, some people get nauseous. - Barry Manilow

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf. - Walter Lippmann

Music is everybody's possession. It's only publishers who think that people own it. - John Lennon

What's the earth with all its art, verse, music, worth -
Compared with love, found, gained, and kept? - Robert Browning

Melody is the essence of music. I compare a good melodist to a fine racer, and counterpoints to hack post-horses. - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon

I'll see you at the opera tonight. I'll hold your seat till you get there. After that, you're on your own. - Groucho Marx

Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. - Charlie Parker

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes. - Sir Thomas Beecham


see also   Hairstyle  Section
CATastrophe - How To Lionize Your Cat
Chesthair
Close Shave
Fountain Of Youth
Hair Ad - Just Add Self
Hair Moan Therapy
Hair Strengthener
Haircut For Staff Meetings
Head Path
Horse Hair
Inflatable Toupee
Seinfeld Haircut
Shaved by Grace
Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet
Taking Donations For Scissors


 

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19-Sep-2017