Hiding Bald

Whatever it takes to keep the toupee on

When Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called the undertaker aside for a private talk.

“Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. But our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. O’Leary,” comforted the undertaker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never come off.”

Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O’Leary’s ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O’Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker.
“What’s a few nails?”



QuotaBills
Jazz is democracy in music. - Wynton Marsalis

Music is the shorthand of emotion. - Leo Tolstoy

Music describes what words can't. - Unknown

Without music, life would be a mistake. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Rock and roll: music for the neck downwards. - Keith Richards

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

I hate music - especially when it's played. - Jimmy Durante

Without music, life is a journey through a desert. - Pat Conroy

I like your opera. I think I will set it to music. - Ludwig van Beethoven

The earth has its music for those who will listen. - George Santayana

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end. - Igor Stravinsky

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. - Elvis Costello

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. - Groucho Marx

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley

People haven't always been there for me, but music always has. - Taylor Swift

Life is a rich strain of music, suggesting a realm too fair to be. - George William Curtis

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. - Kin Hubbard

Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff. - Frank Zappa

Tupac was one of the biggest thugs I know - and he always wore his seat belt. - Ice Cube

Music, the greatest good that mortals know and all of heaven we have hear below. - Joseph Addison

Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try. - Mary Kay Ash

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. - Victor Hugo

It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf. - Walter Lippmann

Great music is as much about the space between the notes as it is about the notes themselves. - Sting

It is simply my life, music. I live it, breathe it, talk with it. I am almost unconscious of it. - Arthur Rubinstein

Boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. - Jack Handey

Whatever music sounds like, I am glad to say that it does not sound in the smallest degree like German. - Oscar Wilde

The guitar is a small orchestra. It is polyphonic. Every string is a different color, a different voice. - Andres Segovia

Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything. - Plato

What's the earth with all its art, verse, music, worth -
Compared with love, found, gained, and kept? - Robert Browning

Melody is the essence of music. I compare a good melodist to a fine racer, and counterpoints to hack post-horses. - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays. - Oscar Wilde

Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. - Charlie Parker

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid. - Frank Zappa

Music is the great uniter. An incredible force. Something that people who differ on everything and anything else can have in common. - Sarah Dessen

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes. - Sir Thomas Beecham

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means put down. - Bob Newhart


see also   Hairstyle  Section
CATastrophe - How To Lionize Your Cat
Chesthair
Close Shave
Fountain Of Youth
Hair Ad - Just Add Self
Hair Moan Therapy
Hair Strengthener
Haircut For Staff Meetings
Head Path
Horse Hair
Inflatable Toupee
Seinfeld Haircut
Shaved by Grace
Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet
Taking Donations For Scissors


 

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23-Jul-2019