Hiding Bald

Whatever it takes to keep the toupee on

When Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called the undertaker aside for a private talk.

“Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. But our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. O’Leary,” comforted the undertaker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never come off.”

Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O’Leary’s ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O’Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker.
“What’s a few nails?”



QuotaBills
Jazz is democracy in music. - Wynton Marsalis

Where words fail, music speaks. - Hans Christian Anderson

He has Van Gogh's ear for music. - Billy Wilder

Wagner's music is better than it sounds. - Mark Twain

Music is a higher revelation than philosophy. - Ludwig Van Beethoven

I hate music - especially when it's played. - Jimmy Durante

Music is what our soul sounds like when it sings. - Xila Toro

Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music. - Ronald Reagan

My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong

Life exists for the love of music or beautiful things. - G K Chesterton

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. - Elvis Costello

Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable. - Samuel Johnson

Dancing can reveal all the mystery that music conceals. - Charles Baudelaire

Music is the art which is most nigh to tears and memory. - Oscar Wilde

You just pick a chord, go twang, and you've got music. - Sid Vicious

After Rossini dies, who will there be to promote his music? - Richard Wagner

Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail. - Luciano Pavarotti

No one can whistle a symphony. It takes an orchestra to play it. - H.E. Luccock

The sweetest music in the world to every person is his own name. - Unknown

The symphony must be like the world. It must embrace everything. - Gustav Mahler

People haven't always been there for me, but music always has. - Taylor Swift

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. - Decca Record Company

Nothing is capable of being well set to music that is not nonsense. - Joseph Addison

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

The power of music feels like taking a a nice brake from this busy world. - Millie DeWitt

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Music has charms to sooth a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak. - William Congreve

I think my music is like anchovies - some people like it, some people get nauseous. - Barry Manilow

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. - Victor Hugo

It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf. - Walter Lippmann

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Whatever music sounds like, I am glad to say that it does not sound in the smallest degree like German. - Oscar Wilde

The guitar is a small orchestra. It is polyphonic. Every string is a different color, a different voice. - Andres Segovia

A hundred years from now, people will listen to the music of the Beatles the same way we listen to Mozart. - Paul McCartney

I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

Music is the great uniter. An incredible force. Something that people who differ on everything and anything else can have in common. - Sarah Dessen

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

Music embodies feeling without forcing it to contend and combine with thought, as it is forced in most arts and especially in the art of words. - Franz Liszt


see also   Hairstyle  Section
CATastrophe - How To Lionize Your Cat
Chesthair
Close Shave
Fountain Of Youth
Hair Ad - Just Add Self
Hair Moan Therapy
Hair Strengthener
Haircut For Staff Meetings
Head Path
Horse Hair
Inflatable Toupee
Seinfeld Haircut
Shaved by Grace
Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet
Taking Donations For Scissors


 

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28-Apr-2017