Hiding Bald

Whatever it takes to keep the toupee on

When Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called the undertaker aside for a private talk.

“Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. But our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. O’Leary,” comforted the undertaker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never come off.”

Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O’Leary’s ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O’Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker.
“What’s a few nails?”



QuotaBills
Where words fail, music speaks. - Hans Christian Anderson

Canned music is like audible wallpaper. - Alistair Cooke

Without music, life would be a mistake. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Rock and roll: music for the neck downwards. - Keith Richards

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

Music is what our soul sounds like when it sings. - Xila Toro

The earth has its music for those who will listen. - George Santayana

You can't touch music, but music can touch you. - Mordecai

My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong

My music is best understood by children and animals. - Igor Stravinsky

Life exists for the love of music or beautiful things. - G K Chesterton

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end. - Igor Stravinsky

Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable. - Samuel Johnson

Dancing can reveal all the mystery that music conceals. - Charles Baudelaire

Music is the art which is most nigh to tears and memory. - Oscar Wilde

You just pick a chord, go twang, and you've got music. - Sid Vicious

Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. - W H Auden

The seat of knowledge is in the head, of wisdom, in the heart. - William Hazlitt

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. - Groucho Marx

The sweetest music in the world to every person is his own name. - Unknown

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. - Decca Record Company

Nothing is capable of being well set to music that is not nonsense. - Joseph Addison

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. - Kin Hubbard

You can run out of garlic, but you can't really run out of music. - Jace Wayland

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song. - Louis Armstrong

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff. - Frank Zappa

My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music. - Vladimir Nabokov

Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try. - Mary Kay Ash

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. - Victor Hugo

If one plays good music, people don't listen and if one plays bad music people don't talk. - Oscar Wilde

Whatever music sounds like, I am glad to say that it does not sound in the smallest degree like German. - Oscar Wilde

In a weird kind of way, music has afforded me an idealism and perfectionism that I could never attain as me. - Billy Corgan

What sounds to you like a big load of trashy noise... is in fact... the brilliant music of a genius... myself. - Iggy Pop

I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost

Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays. - Oscar Wilde

Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. - Charlie Parker

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner


see also   Hairstyle  Section
CATastrophe - How To Lionize Your Cat
Chesthair
Close Shave
Fountain Of Youth
Hair Ad - Just Add Self
Hair Moan Therapy
Hair Strengthener
Haircut For Staff Meetings
Head Path
Horse Hair
Inflatable Toupee
Seinfeld Haircut
Shaved by Grace
Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet
Taking Donations For Scissors


 

Surf-In Lunch Snack

Piranha on Steroids

Car Moochanic

Ancient Thing Store

If I Had A City

Fractured Foot or Hand?

Exhausting Gyne Work

Portable Balance Beam

Tree Loft

Duct Tape Wall Bed

Texas Drought

Sudoku Sampler E

Shark Steaks

Despicable Wood Stove

Stay Off The Grass

Motorvation

Beach Drag

Get Off Your High Horse

Instant Antidepressant

Ambulance Caddy
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27-Jul-2017