Hiding Bald

Whatever it takes to keep the toupee on

When Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called the undertaker aside for a private talk.

“Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. But our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. O’Leary,” comforted the undertaker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never come off.”

Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O’Leary’s ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O’Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker.
“What’s a few nails?”



QuotaBills
Jazz is democracy in music. - Wynton Marsalis

Where words fail, music speaks. - Hans Christian Anderson

Without music, life would be a mistake. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Wagner's music is better than it sounds. - Mark Twain

Rock and roll: music for the neck downwards. - Keith Richards

Music is what our soul sounds like when it sings. - Xila Toro

The earth has its music for those who will listen. - George Santayana

You can't touch music, but music can touch you. - Mordecai

Music isn't for the eyes - it's for the ears. - Adele

Life exists for the love of music or beautiful things. - G K Chesterton

You just pick a chord, go twang, and you've got music. - Sid Vicious

After Rossini dies, who will there be to promote his music? - Richard Wagner

Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail. - Luciano Pavarotti

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. - Groucho Marx

No one can whistle a symphony. It takes an orchestra to play it. - H.E. Luccock

The symphony must be like the world. It must embrace everything. - Gustav Mahler

Country music has always been the best shrink that 15 bucks can buy. - Dierks Bentley

You can run out of garlic, but you can't really run out of music. - Jace Wayland

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd. - Max Lucado

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. - Elvis Presley

My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music. - Vladimir Nabokov

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

Tupac was one of the biggest thugs I know - and he always wore his seat belt. - Ice Cube

Each soul is tuned to a different pitch. Music is about harmonizing the soul. - Wu-Tang Clan

Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try. - Mary Kay Ash

Music has charms to sooth a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak. - William Congreve

I think my music is like anchovies - some people like it, some people get nauseous. - Barry Manilow

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. - Victor Hugo

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Words make you think a thought. Music makes you feel a feeling. A song makes you feel a thought. - E Y Harburg

If one plays good music, people don't listen and if one plays bad music people don't talk. - Oscar Wilde

The guitar is a small orchestra. It is polyphonic. Every string is a different color, a different voice. - Andres Segovia

I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison

I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular? - David Sarnoff

Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. - Charlie Parker

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid. - Frank Zappa

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Music embodies feeling without forcing it to contend and combine with thought, as it is forced in most arts and especially in the art of words. - Franz Liszt

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means put down. - Bob Newhart


see also   Hairstyle  Section
CATastrophe - How To Lionize Your Cat
Chesthair
Close Shave
Fountain Of Youth
Hair Ad - Just Add Self
Hair Moan Therapy
Hair Strengthener
Haircut For Staff Meetings
Head Path
Horse Hair
Inflatable Toupee
Seinfeld Haircut
Shaved by Grace
Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet
Taking Donations For Scissors


 

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23-May-2018