Hiding Bald

Whatever it takes to keep the toupee on

When Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called the undertaker aside for a private talk.

“Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. But our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. O’Leary,” comforted the undertaker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never come off.”

Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O’Leary’s ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O’Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker.
“What’s a few nails?”



QuotaBills
Where words fail, music speaks. - Hans Christian Anderson

Music is the soundtrack of your life. - Dick Clark

Kind words are the music of the world. - F.W. Faber

Extraordinary how potent cheap music is. - Noel Coward

Rock and roll: music for the neck downwards. - Keith Richards

Music is a higher revelation than philosophy. - Ludwig Van Beethoven

Without music, life is a journey through a desert. - Pat Conroy

I like your opera. I think I will set it to music. - Ludwig van Beethoven

Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music. - Ronald Reagan

My music is best understood by children and animals. - Igor Stravinsky

Music isn't for the eyes - it's for the ears. - Adele

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. - Elvis Costello

You just pick a chord, go twang, and you've got music. - Sid Vicious

Music is my mistress, and she plays second fiddle to no one. - Duke Ellington

Yoga is almost like music in a way; there's no end to it. - Sting

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley

No one can whistle a symphony. It takes an orchestra to play it. - H.E. Luccock

Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd. - Max Lucado

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song. - Louis Armstrong

Music is the divine way to tell beautiful, poetic things to the heart. - Pablo Casals

The power of music feels like taking a a nice brake from this busy world. - Millie DeWitt

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff. - Frank Zappa

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

Each soul is tuned to a different pitch. Music is about harmonizing the soul. - Wu-Tang Clan

The trouble with dancing naked is that not everything stops when the music does. - Unknown

Music has charms to sooth a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak. - William Congreve

Film is one of the three universal languages, the other two: mathematics and music. - Frank Capra

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. - Victor Hugo

It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf. - Walter Lippmann

The guitar is a small orchestra. It is polyphonic. Every string is a different color, a different voice. - Andres Segovia

Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything. - Plato

A hundred years from now, people will listen to the music of the Beatles the same way we listen to Mozart. - Paul McCartney

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular? - David Sarnoff

Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. - Charlie Parker

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes. - Sir Thomas Beecham

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means put down. - Bob Newhart


see also   Hairstyle  Section
CATastrophe - How To Lionize Your Cat
Chesthair
Close Shave
Fountain Of Youth
Hair Ad - Just Add Self
Hair Moan Therapy
Hair Strengthener
Haircut For Staff Meetings
Head Path
Horse Hair
Inflatable Toupee
Seinfeld Haircut
Shaved by Grace
Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet
Taking Donations For Scissors


 

Bucket Seat

Security Camera Setup

Smithton Stoneys

Hearse Parking

Just Saying Goodbye

Golden End of the Rainbow

Redneck Shower

Thank You For Driving

Debbie's Fridge

Just Be Ugly

Ex-Benedict

Scubaru

Irish Handcuffs

Irish Flu Shots

Wee Shamrock

Irish Flood

Truck Art

Going Green for Ireland

Queen's Recent Visit to Ireland

Garage Watchdog
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18-Mar-2019