Hiding Bald

Whatever it takes to keep the toupee on

When Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called the undertaker aside for a private talk.

“Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. But our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. O’Leary,” comforted the undertaker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never come off.”

Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O’Leary’s ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O’Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker.
“What’s a few nails?”



QuotaBills
Music is the soundtrack of your life. - Dick Clark

Canned music is like audible wallpaper. - Alistair Cooke

Without music, life would be a mistake. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Music is a means of rapid transportation. - John Cage

Wagner's music is better than it sounds. - Mark Twain

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

Music is what our soul sounds like when it sings. - Xila Toro

I like your opera. I think I will set it to music. - Ludwig van Beethoven

The earth has its music for those who will listen. - George Santayana

My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong

Life exists for the love of music or beautiful things. - G K Chesterton

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. - Elvis Costello

Dancing can reveal all the mystery that music conceals. - Charles Baudelaire

The music is all around us. All you have to do is listen. - August Rush

The sweetest music in the world to every person is his own name. - Unknown

The symphony must be like the world. It must embrace everything. - Gustav Mahler

If in the afterlife there is not music, we will have to import it. - Domenico Cieri Estrada

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out. - Unknown

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. - Kin Hubbard

Country music has always been the best shrink that 15 bucks can buy. - Dierks Bentley

You can run out of garlic, but you can't really run out of music. - Jace Wayland

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd. - Max Lucado

Music is the divine way to tell beautiful, poetic things to the heart. - Pablo Casals

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff. - Frank Zappa

My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music. - Vladimir Nabokov

I think my music is like anchovies - some people like it, some people get nauseous. - Barry Manilow

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. - Victor Hugo

It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf. - Walter Lippmann

Great music is as much about the space between the notes as it is about the notes themselves. - Sting

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Words make you think a thought. Music makes you feel a feeling. A song makes you feel a thought. - E Y Harburg

Boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. - Jack Handey

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular? - David Sarnoff

I'll see you at the opera tonight. I'll hold your seat till you get there. After that, you're on your own. - Groucho Marx

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid. - Frank Zappa

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means put down. - Bob Newhart


see also   Hairstyle  Section
CATastrophe - How To Lionize Your Cat
Chesthair
Close Shave
Fountain Of Youth
Hair Ad - Just Add Self
Hair Moan Therapy
Hair Strengthener
Haircut For Staff Meetings
Head Path
Horse Hair
Inflatable Toupee
Seinfeld Haircut
Shaved by Grace
Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet
Taking Donations For Scissors


 

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24-Feb-2018