Hiding Bald

Whatever it takes to keep the toupee on

When Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called the undertaker aside for a private talk.

“Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. But our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. O’Leary,” comforted the undertaker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never come off.”

Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O’Leary’s ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O’Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker.
“What’s a few nails?”



QuotaBills
Music is the soundtrack of your life. - Dick Clark

Kind words are the music of the world. - F.W. Faber

Without music, life would be a mistake. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Music is a means of rapid transportation. - John Cage

Country music is three chords and the truth. - Harlan Howard

Rock and roll: music for the neck downwards. - Keith Richards

Music is spiritual. The music business is not. - Van Morrison

I like your opera. I think I will set it to music. - Ludwig van Beethoven

The earth has its music for those who will listen. - George Santayana

Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music. - Ronald Reagan

Life exists for the love of music or beautiful things. - G K Chesterton

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture. - Elvis Costello

Dancing can reveal all the mystery that music conceals. - Charles Baudelaire

Music is my mistress, and she plays second fiddle to no one. - Duke Ellington

The seat of knowledge is in the head, of wisdom, in the heart. - William Hazlitt

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. - Groucho Marx

The sweetest music in the world to every person is his own name. - Unknown

Life is a rich strain of music, suggesting a realm too fair to be. - George William Curtis

Nothing is capable of being well set to music that is not nonsense. - Joseph Addison

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. - Kin Hubbard

Tragedy: a busload of lawyers going over a cliff with an empty seat. - Unknown

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd. - Max Lucado

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music. - Vladimir Nabokov

Music, the greatest good that mortals know and all of heaven we have hear below. - Joseph Addison

The trouble with dancing naked is that not everything stops when the music does. - Unknown

Film is one of the three universal languages, the other two: mathematics and music. - Frank Capra

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. - Victor Hugo

And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

If one plays good music, people don't listen and if one plays bad music people don't talk. - Oscar Wilde

Whatever music sounds like, I am glad to say that it does not sound in the smallest degree like German. - Oscar Wilde

A hundred years from now, people will listen to the music of the Beatles the same way we listen to Mozart. - Paul McCartney

Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays. - Oscar Wilde

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon

I'll see you at the opera tonight. I'll hold your seat till you get there. After that, you're on your own. - Groucho Marx

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid. - Frank Zappa

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes. - Sir Thomas Beecham

I've seen whales calving in the waters off Maui, and I've watched my children being born. But music is the most beautiful thing of all. - Steven Tyler


see also   Hairstyle  Section
CATastrophe - How To Lionize Your Cat
Chesthair
Close Shave
Fountain Of Youth
Hair Ad - Just Add Self
Hair Moan Therapy
Hair Strengthener
Haircut For Staff Meetings
Head Path
Horse Hair
Inflatable Toupee
Seinfeld Haircut
Shaved by Grace
Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet
Taking Donations For Scissors


 

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21-May-2019