Hiding Bald

Whatever it takes to keep the toupee on

When Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called the undertaker aside for a private talk.

“Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. But our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. O’Leary,” comforted the undertaker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never come off.”

Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O’Leary’s ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O’Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker.
“What’s a few nails?”



QuotaBills
Where words fail, music speaks. - Hans Christian Anderson

Music is the shorthand of emotion. - Leo Tolstoy

Music is the soundtrack of your life. - Dick Clark

Canned music is like audible wallpaper. - Alistair Cooke

Music is a means of rapid transportation. - John Cage

Country music is three chords and the truth. - Harlan Howard

Music is a higher revelation than philosophy. - Ludwig Van Beethoven

Music is spiritual. The music business is not. - Van Morrison

I hate music - especially when it's played. - Jimmy Durante

Music is what our soul sounds like when it sings. - Xila Toro

I like your opera. I think I will set it to music. - Ludwig van Beethoven

The earth has its music for those who will listen. - George Santayana

Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music. - Ronald Reagan

You can't touch music, but music can touch you. - Mordecai

My dad's Irish music was such a huge influence. - Dido Armstrong

My music is best understood by children and animals. - Igor Stravinsky

Music isn't for the eyes - it's for the ears. - Adele

Music is the art which is most nigh to tears and memory. - Oscar Wilde

The sweetest music in the world to every person is his own name. - Unknown

The symphony must be like the world. It must embrace everything. - Gustav Mahler

If in the afterlife there is not music, we will have to import it. - Domenico Cieri Estrada

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. - Kin Hubbard

A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd. - Max Lucado

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song. - Louis Armstrong

Music is the divine way to tell beautiful, poetic things to the heart. - Pablo Casals

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

Music, the greatest good that mortals know and all of heaven we have hear below. - Joseph Addison

Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try. - Mary Kay Ash

I think my music is like anchovies - some people like it, some people get nauseous. - Barry Manilow

Great music is as much about the space between the notes as it is about the notes themselves. - Sting

If one plays good music, people don't listen and if one plays bad music people don't talk. - Oscar Wilde

Boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. - Jack Handey

The guitar is a small orchestra. It is polyphonic. Every string is a different color, a different voice. - Andres Segovia

A hundred years from now, people will listen to the music of the Beatles the same way we listen to Mozart. - Paul McCartney

What's the earth with all its art, verse, music, worth -
Compared with love, found, gained, and kept? - Robert Browning

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes. - Sir Thomas Beecham


see also   Hairstyle  Section
CATastrophe - How To Lionize Your Cat
Chesthair
Close Shave
Fountain Of Youth
Hair Ad - Just Add Self
Hair Moan Therapy
Hair Strengthener
Haircut For Staff Meetings
Head Path
Horse Hair
Inflatable Toupee
Seinfeld Haircut
Shaved by Grace
Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet
Taking Donations For Scissors


 

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24-Nov-2017