Hiding Bald

Whatever it takes to keep the toupee on

When Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called the undertaker aside for a private talk.

“Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. But our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. O’Leary,” comforted the undertaker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never come off.”

Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O’Leary’s ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O’Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker.
“What’s a few nails?”



QuotaBills
Where words fail, music speaks. - Hans Christian Anderson

Music is the shorthand of emotion. - Leo Tolstoy

Music is the soundtrack of your life. - Dick Clark

Kind words are the music of the world. - F.W. Faber

Country music is three chords and the truth. - Harlan Howard

Music is a higher revelation than philosophy. - Ludwig Van Beethoven

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

I hate music - especially when it's played. - Jimmy Durante

I like your opera. I think I will set it to music. - Ludwig van Beethoven

Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music. - Ronald Reagan

You can't touch music, but music can touch you. - Mordecai

Life exists for the love of music or beautiful things. - G K Chesterton

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end. - Igor Stravinsky

Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable. - Samuel Johnson

After Rossini dies, who will there be to promote his music? - Richard Wagner

Music can be made anywhere, is invisible and does not smell. - W H Auden

Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail. - Luciano Pavarotti

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. - Groucho Marx

No one can whistle a symphony. It takes an orchestra to play it. - H.E. Luccock

The sweetest music in the world to every person is his own name. - Unknown

Life is a rich strain of music, suggesting a realm too fair to be. - George William Curtis

If in the afterlife there is not music, we will have to import it. - Domenico Cieri Estrada

You can run out of garlic, but you can't really run out of music. - Jace Wayland

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song. - Louis Armstrong

The power of music feels like taking a a nice brake from this busy world. - Millie DeWitt

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

The trouble with dancing naked is that not everything stops when the music does. - Unknown

Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try. - Mary Kay Ash

It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf. - Walter Lippmann

Music is everybody's possession. It's only publishers who think that people own it. - John Lennon

Boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. - Jack Handey

Whatever music sounds like, I am glad to say that it does not sound in the smallest degree like German. - Oscar Wilde

The guitar is a small orchestra. It is polyphonic. Every string is a different color, a different voice. - Andres Segovia

A hundred years from now, people will listen to the music of the Beatles the same way we listen to Mozart. - Paul McCartney

Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. - Charlie Parker

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid. - Frank Zappa

Morals are an acquirement - like music, like a foreign language, like piety, poker, paralysis - no man is born with them. - Mark Twain

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

It is quite untrue that British people don't appreciate music. They may not understand it but they absolutely love the noise it makes. - Sir Thomas Beecham


see also   Hairstyle  Section
CATastrophe - How To Lionize Your Cat
Chesthair
Close Shave
Fountain Of Youth
Hair Ad - Just Add Self
Hair Moan Therapy
Hair Strengthener
Haircut For Staff Meetings
Head Path
Horse Hair
Inflatable Toupee
Seinfeld Haircut
Shaved by Grace
Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet
Taking Donations For Scissors


 

Crosswalk Climber

African Flip Flops

Lion In The Bathtub

Tiring Tire

Foot Wear

Zebra Keyboard

Until We Understand Women

Grizzly Shoot

Historic Texting

4x4 Kitchen Design

World's Largest Sudoku Puzzle

Water Hypnosis

Flu Fashion

Handicap Porch

Underwater Home

Subway Solutions

Grass Room

Row Your Goat

Moment Just Before Being Soaked... @ T - 1

Bridge Claimed Another One
Full list of creditsFacebookTwitterDiggStumbleUponDelicious

19-Sep-2019