Hiding Bald

Whatever it takes to keep the toupee on

When Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called the undertaker aside for a private talk.

“Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. But our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. O’Leary,” comforted the undertaker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never come off.”

Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O’Leary’s ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O’Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker.
“What’s a few nails?”



QuotaBills
Where words fail, music speaks. - Hans Christian Anderson

Music describes what words can't. - Unknown

Without music, life would be a mistake. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Extraordinary how potent cheap music is. - Noel Coward

Music is a means of rapid transportation. - John Cage

Country music is three chords and the truth. - Harlan Howard

Rock and roll: music for the neck downwards. - Keith Richards

Music is well said to be the speech of angels. - Thomas Carlyle

Music is what our soul sounds like when it sings. - Xila Toro

Without music, life is a journey through a desert. - Pat Conroy

I like your opera. I think I will set it to music. - Ludwig van Beethoven

You can't touch music, but music can touch you. - Mordecai

Life exists for the love of music or beautiful things. - G K Chesterton

Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable. - Samuel Johnson

Dancing can reveal all the mystery that music conceals. - Charles Baudelaire

Music is the art which is most nigh to tears and memory. - Oscar Wilde

After Rossini dies, who will there be to promote his music? - Richard Wagner

Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail. - Luciano Pavarotti

No one can whistle a symphony. It takes an orchestra to play it. - H.E. Luccock

The sweetest music in the world to every person is his own name. - Unknown

Life is a rich strain of music, suggesting a realm too fair to be. - George William Curtis

Nothing is capable of being well set to music that is not nonsense. - Joseph Addison

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. - Kin Hubbard

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song. - Louis Armstrong

Music is the divine way to tell beautiful, poetic things to the heart. - Pablo Casals

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to. - Elvis Presley

Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try. - Mary Kay Ash

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. - Victor Hugo

Music is everybody's possession. It's only publishers who think that people own it. - John Lennon

Great music is as much about the space between the notes as it is about the notes themselves. - Sting

The guitar is a small orchestra. It is polyphonic. Every string is a different color, a different voice. - Andres Segovia

I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison

In a weird kind of way, music has afforded me an idealism and perfectionism that I could never attain as me. - Billy Corgan

Music makes one feel so romantic - at least it always gets on one's nerves - which is the same thing nowadays. - Oscar Wilde

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewellery. - John Lennon

Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. - Charlie Parker

Music is the great uniter. An incredible force. Something that people who differ on everything and anything else can have in common. - Sarah Dessen

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. - Rita Rudner


see also   Hairstyle  Section
CATastrophe - How To Lionize Your Cat
Chesthair
Close Shave
Fountain Of Youth
Hair Ad - Just Add Self
Hair Moan Therapy
Hair Strengthener
Haircut For Staff Meetings
Head Path
Horse Hair
Inflatable Toupee
Seinfeld Haircut
Shaved by Grace
Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet
Taking Donations For Scissors


 

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25-Mar-2017