Hiding Bald

Whatever it takes to keep the toupee on

When Mr. O’Leary died, an elaborate wake was planned. In preparation, Mrs. O’Leary called the undertaker aside for a private talk.

“Please be sure to secure his toupee to his head very securely. No one but I knew he was bald,” she confided, “and he’d never rest in peace if anyone found out at this point. But our friends from the old country are sure to hold his hands and touch his head before they’re through paying their last respects.”
“Rest assured, Mrs. O’Leary,” comforted the undertaker. “I’ll fix it so that toupee will never come off.”

Sure enough, the day of the wake the old timers were giving O’Leary’s ancient corpse quite a going over, but the toupee stayed firmly in place. At the end of the day, a delighted Mrs. O’Leary offered the undertaker an extra hundred dollars for handling the matter so professionally.
“Oh, I couldn’t possibly accept your money,” protested the undertaker.
“What’s a few nails?”



QuotaBills
Jazz is democracy in music. - Wynton Marsalis

Kind words are the music of the world. - F.W. Faber

Without music, life is a journey through a desert. - Pat Conroy

I like your opera. I think I will set it to music. - Ludwig van Beethoven

You can't touch music, but music can touch you. - Mordecai

My music is best understood by children and animals. - Igor Stravinsky

Making music should not be left to the professionals. - Michelle Shocked

Music isn't for the eyes - it's for the ears. - Adele

Dancing can reveal all the mystery that music conceals. - Charles Baudelaire

The music is all around us. All you have to do is listen. - August Rush

After Rossini dies, who will there be to promote his music? - Richard Wagner

Yoga is almost like music in a way; there's no end to it. - Sting

The seat of knowledge is in the head, of wisdom, in the heart. - William Hazlitt

Learning music by reading about it is like making love by mail. - Luciano Pavarotti

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley

The symphony must be like the world. It must embrace everything. - Gustav Mahler

Nothing is capable of being well set to music that is not nonsense. - Joseph Addison

Music is the divine way to tell beautiful, poetic things to the heart. - Pablo Casals

The power of music feels like taking a a nice brake from this busy world. - Millie DeWitt

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff. - Frank Zappa

My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music. - Vladimir Nabokov

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

Tupac was one of the biggest thugs I know - and he always wore his seat belt. - Ice Cube

Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try. - Mary Kay Ash

Music has charms to sooth a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak. - William Congreve

Music is everybody's possession. It's only publishers who think that people own it. - John Lennon

Boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other. - Jack Handey

The guitar is a small orchestra. It is polyphonic. Every string is a different color, a different voice. - Andres Segovia

A hundred years from now, people will listen to the music of the Beatles the same way we listen to Mozart. - Paul McCartney

I think Paul McGuinness and U2 created the Irish music industry. It certainly wasn't there before that. - Van Morrison

What sounds to you like a big load of trashy noise... is in fact... the brilliant music of a genius... myself. - Iggy Pop

I alone of English writers have consciously set myself to make music out of what I may call the sound of sense. - Robert Frost

Melody is the essence of music. I compare a good melodist to a fine racer, and counterpoints to hack post-horses. - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular? - David Sarnoff

I'll see you at the opera tonight. I'll hold your seat till you get there. After that, you're on your own. - Groucho Marx

Music is your own experience, your thoughts, your wisdom. If you don't live it, it won't come out of your horn. - Charlie Parker

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

Music embodies feeling without forcing it to contend and combine with thought, as it is forced in most arts and especially in the art of words. - Franz Liszt

I've seen whales calving in the waters off Maui, and I've watched my children being born. But music is the most beautiful thing of all. - Steven Tyler

I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means put down. - Bob Newhart


see also   Hairstyle  Section
CATastrophe - How To Lionize Your Cat
Chesthair
Close Shave
Fountain Of Youth
Hair Ad - Just Add Self
Hair Moan Therapy
Hair Strengthener
Haircut For Staff Meetings
Head Path
Horse Hair
Inflatable Toupee
Seinfeld Haircut
Shaved by Grace
Swimming Without Getting Your Hair Wet
Taking Donations For Scissors


 

USB Vacuum Cleaner

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Mexican Fire Extinguisher

Latte Art

Titanic's Non-Romantic Scene

Monkeying Around

Fake News

Winter Tires

Geek Gravestone

Polar Bear Attack

Corgideer

Ice Hockey Meltdown

Upended Water Buffalo

Don't Count On It

Feather Cleaning

Beard Fashion

Tough Love

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10-Dec-2018