Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close
resemblance to the first.

Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.