Soon Wal-Mart customers will be able to sample a
new discount item: Wal-Mart’s own brand of wine. The world’s largest retail
chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, California, to produce the
spirits at an affordable price - in the $1-4 range.
While wine experts may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand
wine into their shopping carts, there is a growing demand for cheap wine from
Redneck conno-sewers, according to Bubba Borkoff, professor of marketing at
Kentucky University. He said, “The right name is important.”
Here are the top 35 suggested names for Wal-Mart’s Redneck Vintage (2004) wine...
35. Box O’ Grapes
34. Grapes O’ Rath
33. Bubba’s Wiser
32. Houndog Hooch
31. Jethroze Jugs
30. Charred An Eh du Jour (Canadian Newfie’s favourite, eh!)
29. Sew Vinney Blank
28. Trailer Trash Coonies (looks just like yer pets - comes cheaper by the bag)
27. Whine and Dine
26. Sparkling Whine
25. Whine Racks (recipe from the Middle Ages)
24. Bubba Sangria (B.S. for short)
23. Sam Pain (hi-end, Bubba-ly stuff)
22. Bored Eau Wine (made with almost-real water!)
21. Nap’ A Valley Whine (ya’ll sleep real good after a jug o’ this stuff!)
20. Son O’ Ma Country (made close to that Nap’ A Valley place)
19. Saw Vinno Blanks (shooters for up-country folks)
18. Semi Lon (for those who only want half a keg)
17. Licker’s Quicker
16. Front n’ Back (pours the same from the top or the bottom)
15. Chateau Traileur Parc (some jugs sold as Chateau Traileur Doublewide)
14. White Trashfindel
13. Big Red Gulp
12. Grape Expectations
11. Domaine Wal-Mart “Merde du Pays”
10. NASCARbernet
9. Chillin William
8. Chef Boyardeaux
7. Peanut Noir
6. Blue Light Special Nun
5. Chateau des Moines
4. Martha Stewart’s Sour Grapes
3. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Vinegar!
2. World Championship Riesling
1. Nasti Spumante
The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with white meat (possum)
and red meat (squirrel). Who says they don’t know wine in Arkansas?
see also
Beer & Wine, Redneck & Shopping Sections
Arab WALMART
Wal-Mart Job Application
WalMart Math
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