A N T I B O Y O T I C S
When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on makeup.
A N T I T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
D U B M E R O L (or for non-Joe-ksters: D U M B E R O L)
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, “You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?”
N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
S E X C E D R I N
More effective than Excedrin in treating the “Not now, Dear, I have a headache” syndrome.
ST. M O M M A ’ S W O R T
Plant extract that treats Mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
Send these to any woman who needs a good laugh - and any man who can handle it...
Doctor, Feminist & Medical Sections
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PMS Guide for Male Attraction
Redneck Repair Kit
Redneck Wine Rack
Domino Telephone Booths
With Or Without The Beatles
How To Improve Your Car's Radio Reception
Stop And Smell The Flowers
Laws Of Physics For Goats
Join Me For A Swim
The Netherlands Canadian Tulip