An elderly Ukrainian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Ukrainian perogies with fried onions wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. If not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table was literally hundreds of his favourite perogies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his Ukrainian wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the perogies was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered man trembled on his way to the perogies at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.
“Back off!” she said. “They’re for the funeral.”
Tacos are the food of genius. - Heather Brewer
Fine words do not produce food. - Nigeria Proverb
Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones
The French: Germans with good food. - Fran Lebowitz
The most dangerous food is wedding cake. - American Saying
What poison is to food, self-pity is to life. - Oliver C. Wilson
Ya look like one of those pall buriers at a funeral. - Archie Bunker
Bacon bits are like fairy dust of the food community. - Unknown
I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields
The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare. - Ed Begley Jr.
Food, love, mother and career: the four basic guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite
Before eating, always take a little time to thank the food. - Arapaho Proverb
You are only master of food that you haven't yet eaten. - Tibet Proverb
The rich would have to eat money if the poor did not provide food. - Russia Proverb
Spend your days pursuing the things you want said at your funeral. - Peter Legge
I'm a bit of a gourmet chef. I love cooking - mostly Thai food. - Will Ferrell
Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world's perfect food. - Michael Levine
If you are looking for a fly in your food, it means that you are full. - South Africa Proverb
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick - not wounded - dead. - Woody Allen
Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown
A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. - Grace Hansen
On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners. - George Mikes
An Englishman teaching an American about food is like the blind leading the one-eyed. - A.J. Liebling
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields
I always thought that bagels and lox was my soul food, but it turns out it's sushi. - Sara Sheridan
If more of us cared about food and home above gold, this world would be a merrier place. - Bilbo Baggins
So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being. - Franz Kafka
Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches awaiting Easter. - Fran Lebowitz
If fat people just gave skinny people more food, we could solve obesity and hunger at the same time. - Ashton Kutcher
Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation. - Homer Simpson
I refuse to believe that trading recipes is silly. Tuna-fish casserole is at least as real as corporate stock. - Barbara Harrison
America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown
Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi
The disparity between a restaurant's price and food quality rises in direct proportion to the size of the pepper mill. - Bryan Miller
I like simple food, seasoned with just salt, pepper, oil and vinegar. Complicated food and complicated lives are never good. - Sirio Maccioni
If another one of my Whole Food friends says my wife should have a home birth, I am going to punch all the soy on the planet. - Patton Oswalt
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. - WC Fields
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays. - Red Skelton
How is it that mercury is not safe for food additives and Over the Counter drug products, but it is safe in our vaccines and dental amalgams? - Dan Burton
The best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician. Or watch your food - just watch it, don't eat it. - Edward I Kock
Food, Marriage, Religious & Tombstone Sections
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World's Ugliest Dog
Hidden Cell Phone Tower
Hebrew Sudoku Puzzles C
Airplane In Suds
Bicycle Built For Two
Love Thy Neighbour
High-Wire Act Violin
If You Work Hard
Redneck Tank Top
Bacon Beer Mug
Daddy, Can I Ride It?
Daily Trivia I
Post-it Succession Planning