Pirate Battles

Tale of a battered pirate


A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible!”

“What do you mean? I’m fine.”

“What about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.”

“Well,” said the pirate, “we were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg, but the Doc fixed me up, and I’m fine, really.”

“Oh yeah? Well, what about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had both hands.”

“We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off, but the Doc fixed me up with the hook, and I feel great, really.”

“Oh,” said the bartender, “what about that eye patch? The last time you were in here you had both eyes.”

“One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up and one of them crapped in my eye.”

“You’re kidding,” said the bartender, “you couldn’t have lost an eye just from some bird crap!”

“Arrgh, it was me first day with the hook.””


QuotaBills
A short life and a merry one at that! - Bartholomew Roberts

I'm not a pirate. I'm an innovator. - Ken Dotcom

Aren't most of you descended from pirates? - Prince Philip

Women in London must have learned not to breathe. - Irene Trimble

Every generation welcomes the pirates from the last. - Lawrence Lessig

If you want to get my attention, wear a pirate outfit. - Michelle Branch

There was a sound in their voices which suggested rum. - Robert Louis Sevenson

It's more fun to be a pirate than to join the Navy. - Steve Jobs

Whether we wound or are wounded, the blood that flows is red. - Eiichiro Oda

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

Day and night, their frail and crippled ships defy the tempest. - Jorge Luis Borges

The Pirate is surrealism and so, in a curious way, is Father of the Bride. - Vincente Minnelli

Charity followed the pirate. To salvation or to hell, she would soon find out. - Tamara Hughes

Life's pretty good, and why wouldn't it be? I'm a pirate, after all. - Johnny Depp

There is more treasure in books than all the pirate's loot on treasure island. - Walt Disney

Suddenly you're like a pirate, you're 65 years old and you've got an earring. - Fred Willard

When I was a child, I wanted to raise horses in Wyoming or be a cabin boy on a pirate ship. - Sadie Jones

I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate. - Todd Barry

A man never spoke ill of his captain, pirate or no, unless he was prepared to back his words with the might of the crew. - Matt Tomerlin

It's better to swim in the sea below
Than to swing in the air and feed the crow,
Says jolly Ned Teach of Bristol. - Benjamin Franklin

I like Pirate's Booty. Prunes and olives, too. I love hummus. I can eat that until I die. I tend to eat mostly organic food. - Queen Latifah

There's very little admirable about being a pirate. There's very little functional about a pirate. There's very little real about a pirate. - Will Oldham


see also   Stress  &  Survivor  Sections
Aye Matey
Halifax Pirate
Happy ARRRRRRRHH!
How To Become A Pirate
Pirate Breakfast
Pirate Patch
Pirate Ship Bedroom
Pirate Star Wars
Pirate’s Steering Wheel
Pirate X-ray
Road Pirate
Somalia Pirate Souvenir

 

Months Apart

Young At Heart

Pointed Trampoline

Naughty Dog

NASCAR Wheelchair

Fihs Meal

Real Chicken

Aussie Grocery Shopping

Lightbulb Apprentice

Argentina Weather Stone

Wurst Humour

Car Pool Lane

Do Not Read Law

Faith Forever

Diet Silverware

Octopus Pasta

No Separation

Zombie Mug

What A Radical

Bacon My Heart
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22-Oct-2018