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Why Men are NOT allowed to write advice columns



Dear Joe:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband, Fred, in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help.

When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn’t find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he’d been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Ms. Mary Carter
PS - here’s a picture of Fred at a San Antonio bar...

Why men should not write advice columns


Dear Mary:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Joe


QuotaBills
Assumptions are the termites of relationships. - Henry Winkler

Problems are only opportunities in work clothes. - Henry J Kaiser

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes. - Henry David Thoreau

A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. - Edgar Watson Howe

Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near. - Helen Rowland

Wise men don't need advice. Fools don't take it. - Benjamin Franklin

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. - Oscar Wilde

I'll cry at the end of the day, not with fresh makeup. - Kim Kardashian

A consultant is an ordinary man away from home giving advice. - Oscar Wilde

Women's clothes: never wear anything that panics the cat. - P.J. O'Rourke

The patient has the right to accept your advice or to ignore it. - Martin H. Fischer

She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on her with a pitchfork. - Jonathan Swift

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain a bachelor. - Lady Bird Johnson

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. - Josh Billings

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

My advice would be if you want to pursue a career in the music business, don't. - Simon Cowell

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. - Bill Cosby

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. - Gordon R. Dickson

Don't ever give anybody your best advice, because they're not going to follow it. - Jack Nicholson

We seldom give each other advice - I think that's the success of 25 years of marriage. - Laura Bush

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say 'when'. - P G Wodehouse

One of the few articles of clothing that a man won't try to remove from a woman is an apron. - Marilyn Vos Savant

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

The clothes in themselves do not make a statement. The woman makes the statement and the dress helps. - Jean Muir

Romance is thinking about your significant other, when you are supposed to be thinking about something else. - Nicholas Sparks

Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else; this is not a piece of advice, it is merely a custom. - Mark Twain

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. - Harry S Truman

Valentine's Day: Rubbing singles' noses in their lack of a mate and the noses of couples in their lack of time. - Emma McLaughlin

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships. The quality of your business is no different. - Harvey Mackay

Everyone has their preferred stroller, their preferred crib, their preferred Moses basket. And they have advice on that too! - Tori Spelling

Here's good advice for practice: go into partnership with nature; she does more than half the work and asks none of the fee. - Martin H. Fischer

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about. - Evan Esar

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate - that's my philosophy. - Thornton Wilder

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx

Advice from a tree:
- Stand tall and proud
- Go out on a limb
- Remember your roots
- Drink plenty of water
- Enjoy the view - Unknown


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19-Aug-2019