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Why Men are NOT allowed to write advice columns



Dear Joe:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband, Fred, in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help.

When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn’t find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he’d been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?

Sincerely,
Ms. Mary Carter
PS - here’s a picture of Fred at a San Antonio bar...

Why men should not write advice columns


Dear Mary:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
Joe


QuotaBills
Whatever your advice, make it brief. - Horace

Treasure your relationships, not your possessions. - Anthony J. D'Angelo

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes. - Henry David Thoreau

A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. - Edgar Watson Howe

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. - Phyllis Diller

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance. - Oscar Wilde

The sage wears rough clothing and holds the jewel in his heart. - Lao-Tzu

The patient has the right to accept your advice or to ignore it. - Martin H. Fischer

You ought to get out of those wet clothes and into a dry martini. - Mae West

Motivation is the fuel, necessary to keep the human engine running. - Zig Ziglar

She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on her with a pitchfork. - Jonathan Swift

A woman seldom asks advice before she has bought her wedding clothes. - Joseph Addison

Most women are afraid of clowns, but somehow end up still dating one. - Unknown

Advice is like kissing: it costs nothing and is a pleasant thing to do. - H.W. Shaw

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. - Mark Twain

Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. - Josh Billings

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Advice is like cooking - you should try it first before you feed it to others. - Unknown

Want to improve your relationships? See love as a verb rather than as a feeling. - Stephen R. Covey

Advice is seldom welcome; and those who want it the most always like it the least. - Philip Dormer Stanhope (Earl of Chesterfield)

Peppering your relationship with a dash of mystery can make it far more palatable. - Khang K. Nguyen

Love and respect are the most important aspects of parenting, and of all relationships. - Jodie Foster

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. - Bill Cosby

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde

She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say 'when'. - P G Wodehouse

One of the few articles of clothing that a man won't try to remove from a woman is an apron. - Marilyn Vos Savant

I have a great relationship with the blacks. I've always had a great relationship with the blacks. - Donald Trump

The expression a woman wears on her face is far more important than the clothes she wears on her back. - Dale Carnegie

My advice to myself and to everyone else, particularly young people, is to turn on, tune in and drop out. - Timothy Leary

Have you ever taken anything out of the clothes basket because it had become, relatively, the cleaner thing? - Katherine Whitehorn

Remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. - Unknown

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me. - Phyllis Diller

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it. - Harry S Truman

When a man won't listen to his conscience, it's usually because he doesn't want advice from a total stranger. - Lindsey Stewart

The greatest mistake we humans make in our relationships: we listen half, understand quarter, think zero, and react double. - Unknown

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

It's a funny relationship that makeup artists have. I always feel kind of like a dentist. People look at me and think of pain. - Rick Baker

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right path, the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands. - Anne Frank

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere. - Groucho Marx


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23-May-2019