Redneck Hurricane Survival Kit

Bubba’s Tornado/Flooding Survival Checklist



Toilet Paper ... check
Bud Light ... check
Keystone Ice ... check
Budweiser ... check
Red Dog ... check
Misc. other bottles of alcohol ... check
Piece of plywood to float your old lady and booze on ... check

Redneck Emergency Hurricane Survival Kit

QuotaBills
Beer speaks. People mumble. - Tony McGee

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

Floods and diseases and pestillentaries - Archie Bunker

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. - Unknown

You can never buy beer, you just rent it. - Archie Bunker

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

Oppression can only survive through silence. - Armen de Monteflores

A poet can survive everything but a misprint. - Oscar Wilde

Survival is a major contributor to longevity. - Unknown

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world. - Jack Nicholson

Humor is one of the best ingredients of survival. - Aung San Suu Kyi

The elephant can survive only if forests survive. - Mark Shand

Every survival kit should include a sense of humor. - Unknown

Britain's goal is not to survive, but to prevail. - Winston Churchill

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors. - Unknown

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achilles heel, if you will. - Homer Simpson

What two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? - Sydney Smith

I'm only a beer teetotaller, not a champagne teetotaller. - George Bernard Shaw

Everyone makes fun of the Redneck until the Zombie Apocalypse. - Unknown

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve. - WC Fields

I might survive a few days at sea. Probably not as long as Pi. - Suraj Sharma

Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it. - Unknown

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. - Arthur C. Clarke

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

We'd show an Alzheimer's survivor here, if there were one. - Unknown

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value. - Stephen Hawking

Creative minds have been known to survive any sort of bad training. - Anna Freud

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

Cause Change & Lead
Accept Change & Survive
Resist Change & Die - Ray Norda

Better one line that will survive the author than a hundred books outlived. - Unknown

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. - Ben Franklin

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

The flood of money that gushes into politics today is a pollution of democracy. - Theodore White

Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive. - Wallace Irwin

The turkey is living proof that an animal can survive with no intelligence at all. - Harvey D. Comstock

It is not so much where my motivation comes from but rather how it manages to survive. - Louise Bourgeois

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

It used to be that people needed products to survive. Now products need people to survive. - Nicholas Johnson

The ballet toe shoe is one of the few instruments of torture to survive intact into our time. - Unknown

Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. - Joseph Campbell

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows. - Doug Larson

One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation. - Oscar Wilde

Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive. - WC Fields

You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it. - Jeff Foxworthy

Love, like democracy, can survive almost any attack - except neglect, indifference and maybe an arrow in the back. - Unknown

Plenty of people who survive tragedies end up ambivalent about danger--frightened by it, yet strangely drawn to it. - Keith Ablow

It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change. - Charles Darwin

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - George Carlin

It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts. - Robert H. Schuller

To describe my mother would be to write about a hurricane in its perfect power. Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow. - Maya Angelou

A mighty fortress is our God,
A bulwark never failing;
Our helper He,
amid the flood of mortal ills prevailing. - Martin Luther

Camping is not a date; it's an endurance test. If you can survive camping with someone, you should marry them on the way home. - Yvonne Prinz

Not all chemicals are bad. Without hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze

No matter how good or bad you think life is, wake up each day and be thankful for life. Someone somewhere else is fighting to survive. - Unknown

My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. - Maya Angelou

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. - C S Lewis

The best way to meet a woman is in an emergency situation - if you're in a shipwreck, or you find yourself behind enemy lines, or in a flood. - Mark Helprin

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - the Joe-kster


see also   Redneck  &  Survivor   Sections
Florida Moves Out Of Hurricane Zone
Hurricane Irene
Hurricane Protection

 

Computer Resuscitation

Hooters Owl and Birds of Prey Calendars

Gingerbread Star Wars Walker

Heathen Card

Christmas Pencil Sharpener

Cheaper Than Gas

Christmas Possessions To Enter Heaven

Becoming A Cop

Best Tea Cup

Titanic Size

Chevforodge

Nebraska Beer Cooler

Winter Hotrod

Russian Shot Glass

Eat Your Vegetables

Make My Daisy

Candy Canes

Ferrero Rocher Cupcakes

Scholar vs Dropout

Slug Strawberry
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15-Dec-2017