Jack and Jill jogged up the hill,
Oh where, Oh where
Poor Mrs. Fifty
Tinkle, tinkle in a jar
Middle-aged Mervin
Stock market, stock market,
Their breath came faster and faster.
Before the top they made a stop,
Narrowly averting a myocardial disaster.
Jack tried to be nimble,
He tried to be quick;
He shot hoops with young guys
And ruptured a disc.
Has my estrogen gone?
Oh where, Oh where
Can it be?
I was once young and fair,
Now I sprout facial hair,
Oh hormones please
Come back to me.
Was not feeling nifty,
Eating her low-fat Swiss cheese.
When she was twenty
She used to eat plenty,
And never gained weight
Round her knees.
Yearly check-up here you are.
My LDL is much too high,
I’m sure my pressure’s reached the sky;
Why’s his finger up so far?
I wish I’d never left my car.
Went to the surgeon
To affix to his scalp some new hair.
But when he awoke
He looked worse than a joe-k,
And he wished that he’d left his head bare.
I’m down on my knees,
You’ve got to recover –
I’m begging you, please.
I’ve gotten used to easy cash –
My wife and I had quite a stash.
Stock market, stock market,
Please go higher,
If you crash we can never retire.
see also Aging Section
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