Q: How do you know that Adam was a Mennonite?
A: What other man would choose an apple over a naked woman?
Q: What do you call an Amish man with his hand up a horse’s bum?
A: A mechanic.
Q: What’s the difference between a Mormon and a Mennonite?
A: Mormons can only have four wives; Mennonites can have sixteen: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer and 4 poorer…
Q: What does it mean when a Mennonite speaker takes off his watch and puts it in front of him?
Q: What’s the difference between a Mennonite girl and Alaska?
A: About 3 degrees.
Q: What’s the Mennonite form of birth control?
A: Put a stone in the man’s shoe; it makes him limp.
Q: Why shouldn’t a Mennonite be a quarterback?
A: They can’t make a pass.
Q: What do you call a beautiful girl in a Mennonite Church?
A: A visitor.
Q: What is the definition of a Mennonite?
A: Somebody that can buy from a Jew and sell to an Amish man and still make a profit.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Mennonite and Japanese car?
A: A TOYODER.
Q: How do you get a Mennonite woman out of the kitchen?
A: Grease her hips and throw a twinky.
Q: What goes black and white, black and white, black and white?
A: An Old Order Mennonite somersaulting down a hill.
Q: What happens if you take one Mennonite fishing?
A: He drinks all your beer.
Q: What happens if you take two Mennonites fishing?
A: They don’t drink any of your beer.
Morale: Take at least two so they won’t drink all your beer.
Q: What’s a significant ethical Mennonite dilemma?
A: Free beer.
Q: What’s the difference between a Mennonite boy and a rock?
A: The rock moves faster.
Q: What’s the shortest book in the world?
A: Mennonite war heroes.
Q: Why did they build a wall around Steinbach?
A: To stop the spread of Abe’s.
Q: Why don’t they hire Mennonites at the Kennedy Space center?
A: Every time they announce “Launch”, the mennonites run for their lunch pails.
Q: What do you call a Mennonite coffee break?
A: Menno Pause
Q: What is the difference between Mennonite women and the garbage?
A: The garbage gets taken out once a week.
Q: What is a Mennonite ethical dilemna?
A: Free dance lessons.
Q: What is the difference between a Mennonite and a canoe?
A: A canoe tips.
Q: How do you fit 40 Mennonites in a phone booth?
A: Tell them that there is a quarter in the change slot.
Q: How was copper wire invented?
A: Two Mennonites were fighting over a penny.
Q: What’s the difference between a Mennonite and a Hutterite?
A: The Mennonite’s too cheap to buy the uniform.
Q: What’s the difference between a Mennonite and a Lutheran?
A: A Lutheran will say hello at a liquor store.
Q: Why don’t Mennonite women wear sleeveless dresses?
A: They aren’t allowed to bare arms
Q: How many Mennonites does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A1: 160. First you need 40 people in the lightbulb selection committee, then 40 people in the lightbulb purchasing committee, then 40 people in the light socket location committee, and finally you need 40 people in the electricity modulator committee.
A2: Seven, one to make the actual switch, and six to stand around complaining that they liked the old one better.
Q: How many conservative evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. We couldn’t possibly change the original bulb.
Q: How do you know Adam was a Mennonite?
A: Who else could stand beside a naked woman and be tempted by a fruit?
Q: Why do Mennonites never make love standing up?
A: It might lead to dancing.
Q: Why don’t Mennonites go to the Orchestra?
A: There’s too much sax and violins.
Q: What do you say to a fellow Mennonite at a dance club?
A: Nothing. You ignore them, and they’ll ignore you.
Q: How do you break a Mennonite’s finger?
A: You punch him in the nose.
Q: How do you break his neck?
A: You walk around his van.
Q: What goes clip, clop, clip, clop, BANG! ?
A: A drive by shooting at an Amish farm.
Q: What goes clop, clop, clop - *silence*, *silence* - clop, clop?
A: An Amish drive-by shunning.
Q: What do you call a bad Mennonite poet?
A: Corny Reimer.
Q: Why are Mennonite guys particularly afraid of meeting their dates’ father?
A: They might play the Mennonite game, and win.
Q: Why don’t Mennonite women smoke?
A: They can’t get their butts in the ashtrays.
One day there was van of Mennonites driving up the highway, and they saw a sign that said maximum 50, so they let off seven people.
I was thinking of visiting some friends in Manitoba, and I asked if I would have a place to stay. They said, “Oh yeah, you’re Morden welcome.”
He could have been an Anabaptist, but he wanted to live a little Luther.
Mennonite, Religious & Trivia (Daily) Sections
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