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I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary.

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

Foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

I played golf. I didn't get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying.

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be made at me for saying that.

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