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Finance  Joe-ks
joe-ks.com
Largest Source of Internet Humour!

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Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time.
"If 10% is good enough for God, it ought to be good enough for Revenue Canada."
"If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of bank payments."
"Never take investment advice from someone who's working."
"Revenue Canada: We've got what it takes to take what you've got."
"The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth."
"Expenditure rises to meet income."
"Money isn’t everything as long as you have enough."
"Return on investment equals loss due to inflation plus taxes - which equals zero."
"To turn $100 into $110 is work. To turn $100 million into $110 million is inevitable."
"Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?"
"Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?"
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
"He was so cheap that he wouldn’t even tip in a canoe."
"Banker: A man who offers you an umbrella when the sun is shining, then wants it back when it starts to rain."
Budgeting: The most orderly way of going into debt.
Cost Of Living: The difference between your net income and your gross habits.
Raise: The increase in pay you get just before going into debt a little further.
Wealth: A curse when the neighbours have it.
"State Says Cost of Saving Money Too High"
"What’s the value of a dollar bill?" asked Tom noteworthily.
"OK, you can borrow it again," Tom relented.
"I’ve transferred my money back into a German bank account," Tom remarked with interest.
"I invested in a hi-tech startup," Tom ventured.
What happens when vowels lend money?
If you can see a bandwagon, it’s too late to get on it.
"Concentrate on financial matters until the end of the month..."
"Financial security is just around the corner..."
"Financial success is on your doorsteps..."
"Your financial outlook is excellent..."
If prices are rising, what remains stationary?
Deficit: What you have when you don't have as much as if you had nothing.
Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.
Money: The best substitute for credit.
Proof Of Purchase: An empty wallet.
Why does a man with very little money buy a short coat?
Expense Account: Account deceivables.
Merger: When 1+1=1, with the remainder going on unemployment.
Puff Adder: A chain smoking accountant.
Silicone Treatment: The bust that money can buy.
Visacarditis: The heart-stopping sensation brought on by exceeding your credit limit.
Poverty: One thing that money can't buy
I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.
If money is your hope for independence, you will never have it.
It's only when the tide goes out that you learn who's been swimming naked.
What happens to salaries during a wage freeze?
Why are bank tellers boring at parties?
Liquidity: When you look at your investments and wet your pants.

Don't grow old without money, honey.
It is better to be approximately right than precisely wrong.
What banker snitches on his friends?

Where does a cowboy borrow money?
So you think Healthcare is expensive now? Just wait till it's FREE!

Old bookkeepers never die - they just lose their balance.
I'm going to put all my money into taxes. They're bound to go up.
Invest in a dairy farm - you'll have plenty of liquid assets.

What animals did Little Johnny buy with a dollar?

What's a banker's favourite dance?
Why do bankers go to art school?

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ObamaCare Tablets


Bamopoly


Redneck Family Car

Best Retriever

Lego Restoration

Recession Cutbacks

Lobster Suppers

Recession Boss

Milking Time

AIG Bonus

Erkel Economy

If IKEA Ran GM

Too Much Homework?

Balled Up

Democrat Black Bear

Revenue Canada Simplified 2009 Tax Form

New IRS Form

Financial Meltdown

Hudson Class

Original SUV

Keep The Change

For Sale, Due To Market Changes

Congressional Motors 2012 Car

Angry Mathematician

Bank Deal

Tight Christmas

You Want Change?

One Of Those Days

President Bills

Lehman Brothers Protest

Dollar Drop

UK Credit Crunch

Used Cows For Sale

Redneck Solution for High Gas Prices

Raise Twins

New Energy Source

Gas Prices Around The World

Benefits of High Gas Prices

Half House For Sale

IRS Middle Class Pencil Sharpener

First Computer

High Withdrawals

Harley Outsourcing Strategy  (2.3M)

Gas Financing

How To Conserve Gas

No Time For Stamps

Divorce Defined

Addictive Mahjong

When Gas Costs Too Much

IRS Toothpaste

Rich Man's Hobby

House Appraisal

New Oil Company Sign

@ Internet - The Place 2B
1-800-PILLCASH
$10 Conversion
12 Days of Christmas - Cost of True Love for 2004
12 Days of Christmas - Economizing Measures
1907 to 2007: Century of Change

1923 Leaders and Losers
1943 Guide to Hiring Women

1st Static Electricity-Powered Home  (3.1M)
2003 Org Chart Strategy
2004 World Consumption Stats - Can Money Buy Happiness?

2005 Brinks Robbery

2005 California State Employee Handbook  (430k)
2006 Massive Tax Refund  (260k)
2007 Ford Shelby GR1 Concept Car
2009 Hooters Calendar 

2009 Rush Job Calendar
 

2009 Inauguration Cost 

2009 U.S. Economy 

2030 News Flash for the U.S.
401K Plan - Privatizing Social Security

5 Dollars of Gas
6-Year-Old’s Wedding Plans
A Free Ride: $10 is $10!
Aardvark Marriage Insurance
Accountant Defined
Achieving More At Work – Better Management Styles
Addictive Mahjong

Administratium - Heaviest Element Discovered
Advantages of Using The Company Car
After Easter Bunny

After-Gas Piggy Bank
AIG Bonus 

All In The Family - Godly Relations
Amended Company Travel Policy
American & French Revolution History by College Students

Anagrams 4U: Words, Phrases & Business Terms

Angry Mathematician

Another Wasted Meeting?
Artist Appreciation

Asking For A Pay Raise
Aspiring Accountant
Attending To Business

Australia 101 For Tourists

Auto Warranty: New Extend-ed Coverage

Automatic Flattery - Give Yourself Some Recognition
Automatic Salary Review  (25k)

Baby Bargain Hunter
Back Peddling Violinist

Bad English Translations on International Signs
Baked Democrat

Baker's Special Deal
Balled Up 

Bamopoly
Bank Bills
Bank Deal

Bank Deposit
Bank of Newfie Scotia ATM Instructions
"Be A Man" Power Struggle, eh!  (2.4M)
Be Careful What You Ask For, Red Sox Fans!  (1.4M)
Bedworthy Bartender

Benefits of High Gas Prices

The Bertuzzi Bridge
The Best Advice
Best Casino Ad  (1.1M)
Best Retriever

Bier Making Oudfit - Balancin Schtatement

Biggest Skinflint in Scotland
Bike Insurance or Life Insurance?
  (1.0M)

BillGatus of Borg - Resistance is Futile

Blonde Bull-ony

Blonde Millionaire
Blonde Window Replacement
Bloodsucker Bank - Guaranteed To Suck Your Funds Dry

Blue Angels Trainees

Bounced Check

Brain Transplant
Brick Placement: How To Recruit Employees
British Power Smart  (1.7M)

BrokeBank Mountain
Broker Potential
Broker Yachts

Bubba's New Truck

Buy Her A Mink Coat
Buy Her Something Expensive

Buzzword Statement (B.S.) Generator

Calling in Sick - Snow Job for the Boss

Can You Take It With You When You Die?
Canada’s Secret Aircraft Carrier – STOL Around, eh!
Canadian Banknotes - Extreme Makeover For Toonie
Canadian Well-Fare
Cell Phones Can Cause Accidents  (830k)
Cell Toll

CEO's Sensitive Document
CEO Staff Assessment
Chances of a Man Winning an Argument

Charity at the Preachers’ Convention

Cheap Seats

Chinese Puzzle Car
Chocolate Math for 2009 

Christmas Letter To God
Christmukah – Major Holiday Merger
Church Accepts All Denominations
Chutzpah Defined

Citibank Late Fees

Client Part-Time Billing
Coast Guard Cutbacks

Collection Up For Grabs
Company's Biggest IT Fear
Comparing the Price of Gasoline
Compassionate Accountant
Comprehending Accountants

Computer Tools

Computer’s Organization Plan of the Future
Congratulations On Your New Home Loan!  (2.5M)
Congressional Motors 2012 Car

Copyright

Corporate Balls
Corporate Rowing

Coulda Been Worse

Cowboy's Gift From Revenue Canada
Crap In The Carburetor
Credit Corpsoration

Crochet Doll Collection

Cubicle Claustrophobia
Cuckoo Blondes on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'
Dad's Ex-Ferrari

Daffynitions for the Humourist
Dead Motorcycle For Sale
Dear Bank Manager - Bank On My Account

Democrat Black Bear 

Dentist’s Good & Bad News

Depression Millionaire
Detroit Tigers Tickets
The Difference Between a Canadian and a Canoe
The Difference Between The Rich and Poor
Dilbert Managers

Disability Insurance for the New Prisoner  (660k)
Disaster Preparedness for the Lottery
Discount Airfare for 2-Year Olds
Divorce Defined

Divorce Is Grand

'Do It' Professional Trades Guide
Do Not Feed The Animals

Do You Have An HMO?

Dollar Drop

Donkey Auction

Don't Annoy The Maid  (500k)
Don’t Despair – Sister Martha’s Looking After You
Don't Feed/Need The Accountants:  Feed  Need
Don’t Mess With A Newfie

Don't Mess With My SS Check  (900k)

Don't Think About Sending More Money
Dot Com Monopoly

Drink, Don't Drive!

Dubai Ski Hill

Dubm Kid @ The Barber Shop

Duck Heist - Ducks Gone Bad

Dying Request
Economics 101

Europeans Say No To The Euro

eBeh - Canadian Internet Trading, eh!
Economist Lunch

Economy Flight
Economy Flight Plan

Eh Two, Canada? Canadian Knowledge Quiz
Election Promises from an Executive Airbus

Election Time - Time to Nano-Size the Government
Elephant Sale in a Bargain Market

Employee Benefits - Guidelines
Employee Future Bonus Award Program
Employee Training
"Employees Are Our Greatest Asset"
Employee's Raisin Pay Bonus Program
English Diet
Enron Accountant Interview
Erkel Economy 

ESP Cheque Book Reconciliation
Essential Office Stationery
Ethiopian Math

EuroEnglish - European Community's New Official Language
Ever Notice…

Everything You've Ever Wanted To Know About Canada, eh!
Ex-Lawyer Plumber
Executive Management Sharp Shooter

Expensive Mini Ride
Extravagant Scottish Expenses

Fair Compensation

Fair Trial
Farmer’s Cost Of Living

Financial Meltdown 

Firemen to the Rescue Highest Bidder  (3.9M)
First Computer
First Handheld Computer

Flu Vaccine Cow Delivery To America
Football FINALLY Makes Sense!

For Sale, Due To Market Changes

For Services Rendered

Formula For Success – MBA 101

Fuelish Wallet
Garage Sale for the Soon-To-Be-Departed

Gas Competitors Reach Agreement
Gas Financing

Gas Prices Around The World
Gas Prices' Effect on Gas Stations

Gas Saving Motorcyclist
Generous Judge's Divorce Settlement
Generous Lawyer

Go Dawgs!

Golf Ball Resort
Golf Pro’s Ball Markers
Golfer Who Can't Change
Goofy Newfie’s BIG Nickel
Grad Prom in a Stretch 'Vette

Granny Fanny Sues Bank
Guided Missile’s Civil Name

Half House For Sale

Half-Your-Job Computer
Hand Face

Hang On To That Thought

Happy Halloween from Billionaires:   #1 #2 #3 #4 #5
Happy or Sad Money?
Happy Valentine's Day to Our New Father

Harley Outsourcing Strategy  (2.3M)

Heart Transplant
Heating Load Reduction
Hemophilia Loss
Henny Youngman Quotes
High Cost Of Gas for 2-Car Families
High Gas Price Comparison

High Gas Prices 2004:    #1  #2  #3  #4  #5  #6  #7  #8  #9  #10  #11
High Strung Violinist

High Water Bill  (4.4M)

High Withdrawals

HMO Judgment Day
Honourable Organization
Horse Doctorate
Horse Mate: Triple Crown Foals
Horse Racing is Very Romantic
Hospital Gown Insurance
Hospital Twin Bill

Hot Dog Math

House Appraisal

How Good Is Your IQ?
How Much Is A Billion to a Canadian Politician?
How Not To Tell Your Boss You've Won The Lottery
How Paying Taxes Can Be Beneficial For You!
How Smart Are You?
How To Calculate the Cost of Living
How To Conserve Gas

How To End Unemployment
How To Get A Liberal Party Contract

How To Reduce Complaints At Work
How To Save Money At Christmas

How To Spot A Rich Guy

How To Stump An Accountant
How You Can Be Happy @ Work:     #1
  #2  #3

Hudson Class 

Hydro's Dam New Aggressive Marketing Strategy

Hymn Choice Reward for Biggest Givers

I Love My Job!
I Want One!

If IKEA Ran GM 

If NASA Needs Money ...

In-Debted For Life

Indian Wisdom
Inflation in 2004
Inflationary Language

Insur-Ann-ce Policy Cancellation
Interest-ing Blonde

International Sign of Marriage
Interview Tip - When You Have To See Someone

Inverted Profit Projections
Investment Truths

Irish Moroffs Rob Bank – Get Egg On Face

Iron Deposit
I.R.S. Humor

IRS Middle Class Pencil Sharpener
IRS Toothpaste
"It's A Good Thing", Martha!   #1   #2   #3

JackPot  (835k)

Jethro's Almost Inheritance
Jewish Fire Department
Job Market Changes  (4.8M)

Jock or Nerd?

Jockey Racing

Judge-mental Lawyers

Katrina T-Shirts
Keep The Change 

Kermit Frog Loan

Keyboard Technology - Old Meets New

Land Title Process in New Orleans
Las Vegas Church Donations

Lawyer Commits Insurance Fraud With Box of Cigars?
Lawyer Expands Practice

Lawyer’s Genie-ous Catch
Lawyer Pays Back Debt
Lead Sled Dog

Legal Charge for Guilty Clients
Lego Restoration 

Lehman Brothers Protest

Let My People Go - Debt Free
Letter From A Loving Son
Levees From Around The World

Library’s No-Return Policy
Life Insurance Is Weird
Life Observations

Like Travel? Then This Job's 4U!
Little Johnny's First Million

Little Johnny’s Ice Cream Sunday
Lobster Suppers 

Long-Term Dorm Access
Lord of the Pings

Lottery Congratulations

Lottery Winners
Louvre Paintings

Low Tech Handouts @ SpareChange.com
Lucky Monkey - Chinese Lottery Winner
Ma & Pa Math: 5 into 25 equals 14  (4.2M)

Mafia Collection from the Deaf Collector

Making A Living

Making Money

Management Team - Leading by Example

Manager’s Crisis Envelopes
Mark Twain Quotes
Marketing 101 in a Catholic Country
Martha Stewart’s Chicken Recipe
Massive Buns

Mega Million Winners  (470k)

Memory Challenge for a Politician
Menno Air Splits – Makes Basiness Sanse!
Mergers

Merit-Based Salary for Teachers

Meximerica

Microsoft Lebanon's New Store
Mike Rowe vs. Microsoft Dough-main Lawsuit?

Military Cutbacks

Military Life Insurance

Milking Time in Washington 

Millionaire In Waiting

Mint Experiences

Miserly Farmer's Conditional Payment
Missing $40k - Can You Help?
Mission Statement Generator
Money Isn't Everything
Monkey Business
Monkey Visa  (2.1M)
Moose Nuggets for Diabetes
Moroff Manager
My Wife Can Fix Anything

Never Drink Out Of The Same Glass
Never Try To Outsmart A Woman!
New Blackberry Accessories  (1.5M)

New California Dictionary
New Company Policy
The 'New' Economy (from the early 1900's)
New Element in the Periodic Table: WOMEN

New Energy Source

New Fuel Gauge for 2006 Vehicles
New Hospital Wing
New Investment Definitions 

New IRS Form 

New Medicare Program for Senior Citizens
The New U.S. Dollar Coin

New Years Resolutions You Can Keep

New York's Morning Cup of Java

Newfie Apple Purchase
Newfie Counterfeiter

Newfie Hire
Newfie Wrong-Term Insurance
Nike Award

'No More Travel' Policy: Do It From Your Desk
No Mon, No Fun
No Time For Stamps

Noah's 2005 Ark

Non-Fraternizing Musician
Nozzle Rage  (1.8M)

Nursing Home Plan  (580k)
ObamaCare Tablets
Obama's Stimulus Program 
Odds of Winning a Canadian Lottery
Oil Shortage

Old People Never Die, They Just...

On Strike For Less Money?
One Of Those Days

Org Chart - Simplified Version

The Origin Of Order: Assumed Work Plans
Original SUV 

Orthodontist Perfects Return-On-Investment Technique
Outhouse Treasure

'Outside The Box' Juggler
Overdue Excuses Awards for Library Books
Overly Ambitious Employee
Paper Bag Possessions
Parable of the Retired Dollar Bill
Paradigm Shift
Paramedic Cutbacks
Parents' Changing Attitudes
Pasteurized Irish Sweepstakes Winner
Payroll Department Memo

Pedal Power - Watt A Way To Go

Pen Computing - Future Technology Now

Penny For Your Thoughts

PeopleSoft Defined

The Perfect Dress

Perfect Office Computer
Performance Pay - God's Answer  (60k)
The Perks of Being 60
Pet Back Guarantee
Phone Number Magic Trick

Phyllis Diller Quotes

Pizza Order in 2010 - Soybean Yogurt Special
Poor Shawn
Porcupine Chair for Quick Meetings

The Porkulus Package 

Power To The People?
Preacher's Advice For Prosperity
Preacher's Ass

Preacher's Expanding Salary
President Bills

PRICELESS Trip to the ATM Machine
Prospective Employees' Reasoning Test
Psychiatrist's Early Opinion

Psychoanalyst Defined
Put It On Hold, Dear - I Don’t Feel Like It
Qualified Accountant
Radar Warning
Raise Twins

Ranch Worker's Return On Investment

'Reach For The Top' Roof Repair

Real Estate Guide to Surrey's Character Homes  #1 #2 #3 #4 #5
Recall of the New Arkansas Quarter

Recession Boss 

Recession Cutbacks 

Redneck Anniversary Gift

Redneck Family Car 

Redneck Lottery Tour
Redneck Palm Pilot

Redneck Piggy Bank

Redneck Solution for High Gas Prices

Relief From Limitations of Money

Religious-Based Divorce

Religious Customs Declaration

Reorganization in the First Century - Sound Familiar?
Re-pen-tant Employee Freed From Penned-Up Feelings
Retirement Gift
Retirement Watch
Returning the Stinky House to the Ex-Wife
Revenue Canada Handouts

Revenue Canada Simplified 2009 Tax Form 

Revenue Canada Subscription Cancellation

Revised Wall Street Terms

Rich Man's Hobby
Right and Wrong to Little Johnny
Road Painter
Road To Riches
Robbery Suspect

Royal Commemorative Coin - Almost Endorsed by the Queen
Rules for Research

Rules of Work – How To Get Promoted
Russian Collateral for the World Bank
Safe Payment
Safe Sex Dress

Salt Water Fuel  (4.9M)

Saskatchewan Christmas Entrepreneur
Sausage Consultation
Scotsman Pays For Dinner

Scotsman’s Trip to the Holy Land
Scotsman’s "What’s It Worth" Retrieval
Scottish Bliss
Scottish Penny For Your Thoughts
Scottish Ticket Avoider
Secret of Success
Seniors Are Valuable

Seniors Eggsellent Special

Sheep Counter
Sick Extension

Signs Of The Times

Signs You're Flat Broke

Sitting On The Throne - A Tacky Experience
Slow Train Ride To Town
Slow Vancouverites
Solution For A Poor Economy 

Something Irresistible To Women
Soon-To-Be Ex-Wife

Space Ingenuity - the Zero Gravity Pen
Spare Change for an Officer
Spend Your Tax Refund Here!
Sponsor an Executive  (4.3M) 
Sports Repairman
Spot the Thief

Staff Communications

Staff Notice - Something Called Work
Stats Joe-ks for the Average Joe
Stock Market Summary
Stock Market Terms for the Busy Investor

Stock Markets 101: Capital Investment

Swiss Spaghetti Harvest

Table Scraps in the Operating Room
Take That – Personal Insults du Jour
Take Your Wife Somewhere Expensive
Tax Cheater

Tax Time – Get Ready Canada!  (1.9M)

Tax Violation - Quick Payment
Tax-ing Quotes

Taxing Speed Limit
Teaching Math
Tempting Parking Spot

Ten Dollar Sermon

Theorem On Salary

Things You Should Know But Don’t

Think-ing Employee - Office Survival
Thoughts For The Day
Tight Christmas

Tiny Writing Record Holder
To All Terrorists - These Colors Don’t Run

To Catch A Coin Thief
Tom Lee Music – Franchise Opportunities
Too Much Homework? 

"Too Young To Die" Donation
Toothbrutheth Salesman
Towards the New Economy

TP For Those With Money To Throw Away

Tractor Payments
Transformer Fire - "Spreading" The Risk
True Love

Two Cow Capitalism
Two Plus Two

Typical Work Progress Report  (410k)

UK Credit Crunch

Universal Lottery Number Generator

Used Cows For Sale

Useless Statistics
Vacuum Cleaner Salesman

Variable Charge Policy

Waiting For A Raise At Work
Want Faster Data Transfer?  Try Speed Spray!

War Card - For Everything That Money Can't Buy

Warren Buffett Quotes

Weird Microsoft Word Function
Welfare Mis-Applications
When Gas Costs Too Much

When Your Investment Is Toast...
Whistler Condo Bookings for 2010 Olympics
Who Cares Clock

Who Says You Can't Take It With You?
Why God Gave Women 2 Hands
Why Men Pay Higher Insurance Rates
Why Neanderthals Became Extinct

Why You Need RRSPs

Will Made for Nird and Ird

Wisdom From Elders 

Women Defined
Words of Wisdom

Work Break Notice To All Employees
Work Deadlines – Not Enough Time in the Week

Working Round The Clock

Working With Monkeys - A Better Job Awaits  (3 X 870k)
World's Most Expensive License Plate

Yale Grad

You Owe It To Your Customers

You Want Change?

Yugo Exchange
Zimbabwe Election Poll  (130k)


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