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Banker: A man who offers you an umbrella when the sun is shining, then wants it back when it starts to rain.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
“I've transferred my money back into a German bank account,” Tom remarked with interest.
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Visacarditis: The heart-stopping sensation brought on by exceeding your credit limit.
To turn $100 into $110 is work. To turn $100 million into $110 million is inevitable.
Return on investment equals loss due to inflation plus taxes - which equals zero.
If 10% is good enough for God, it ought to be good enough for Revenue Canada.
Cost Of Living: The difference between your net income and your gross habits.
Raise: The increase in pay you get just before going into debt a little further.
It's only when the tide goes out that you learn who's been swimming naked.
I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking", but I don't have that much time.
Deficit: What you have when you don't have as much as if you had nothing.
The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
Merger: When 1+1=1, with the remainder going on unemployment.
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of bank payments.
Revenue Canada: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Liquidity: When you look at your investments and wet your pants.
I'm going to put all my money into taxes. They're bound to go up.
So you think Healthcare is expensive now? Just wait till it's FREE!
If money is your hope for independence, you will never have it.
Never take investment advice from someone who's working.
Concentrate on financial matters until the end of the month
“What's the value of a dollar bill?” asked Tom noteworthily.
It is better to be approximately right than precisely wrong.
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Invest in a dairy farm - you'll have plenty of liquid assets.
Inflation: Being broke with a lot of money in your pocket.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Why does a man with very little money buy a short coat?
I've taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me, send money.
Old bookkeepers never die - they just lose their balance.
If you can see a bandwagon, it's too late to get on it.
He was so cheap that he wouldn't even tip in a canoe.
Money isn't everything as long as you have enough.
Budgeting: The most orderly way of going into debt.
Silicone Treatment: The bust that money can buy.
What animals did Little Johnny buy with a dollar?
What happens to salaries during a wage freeze?
“I invested in a hi-tech startup,” Tom ventured.
Wealth: A curse when the neighbours have it.
If prices are rising, what remains stationary?
State Says Cost of Saving Money Too High
Puff Adder: A chain smoking accountant.
Poverty: One thing that money can't buy
What happens when vowels lend money?
Expense Account: Account deceivables.
Why are bank tellers boring at parties?
Don't grow old without money, honey.
Money: The best substitute for credit.
Where does a cowboy borrow money?
Proof Of Purchase: An empty wallet.
What banker snitches on his friends?
What's a banker's favourite dance?
Why do bankers go to art school?
Expenditure rises to meet income.

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