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1. "Me? No - I Use That Hydrant!"
A. Aline Perret-Vallee:
"Ask your mom to buy you pampers; you'll have more time for fun."
B. Jack Byrd - Eight 'stinky' suggestions!
C. Anne G: "OK, we're done learning how to walk... what's next? I suppose jumping is next!"
D. Susie Gay:
"Oooooooooo, look how far he goes!"
E. Sanjay:
"Me? No - I am talking about that cute little one in Red Diapers!"

F. Rick Rambin: "Now pay attention! We crawl out the window, then over to the wadding pool. Next over to the big tree by the sidewalk (no stopping at the fire hydrant this time) - then it's just a quick crawl to the ice cream truck. Ya know, if you don't bark this time, we'll be back before Mom even knows we're gone! Ready?"
G. Mark Prairie:
"Baby Joe, my friend, some day this whole world will be yours!  You really think so, Mr. Oscar?"
H. Laura Manory
: "Do you think they'll come back for us?", "As soon as they get around the corner, open the back door and let everyone in, Let's Party!", "Really? well I have to wait for mommy to clean it up.", "Why didn't they take us with them?", "Never mind her. Who's the babe with her?" & "Remember now, that sandbox is my territory."
I. Howard Rudolf
: "Check out that girl with the tight diapers! Hey baby - your crib or mine?"
J. L.B. Scott
: "Is it your turn to bite the mailman or is it my turn?"
K.
Idske Mulder
"Just picture us later... when we grow up... being two old guys sitting on a balcony at the Muppet Show."
L. Bob Hopper
: "I Don't Care What BUSH Says The Oil Ain't Worth It."
M. Donna Faye
: "Hey-y-y! You ate the last bug!"
N. Tony Holt
: "Hey see that cat? When we get outside I'll show you what to do!"
O. Leonore Garcia
: "Aye Chihuahua", "yo quiero Taco Bell" & "Did somebody say biscuit?"
P. Patricia A. Dooley
: "Ya see little man, life ain't always black and white. There's lots of color out there!"
Q. Pete Tousignant
: "The sitter's sleeping, let's hit it!"
R. Brad Hunter
: "Nah, nothing new to chew out there. Let's head back in." & "Safety patrol reports all clear."

2. "White House Phone - Communication Problems"
A.
Larry Beall:
"Why is it that everything I touch gets screwed up?"
B. Rachel D:
"Can you hear me now?........."
C. Ariana Dastis:
"Quick, maybe if they see me on the phone they'll finally think I'm smart!"
D. Kelsey Corcoran:
"Huh, this is new... the voices in my ear tellin' me what to do seemed to have subsided."
E. Bobbie Gizey:
"Uh huh......yeah...fine..do it...yeah...uh huh ...uh huh....do it ...do it...uh huh"
F.
Scott Kingsley Clark:
"Yes Mr. Army, we need to fix the phone line, I'm tired of all of the outages. Dick, ya there? Hello?"
G. Kyle Owens:
"Hello, I can't hear you, hello????????????"
H. Andrea Jónsdóttir:
"Why almost half of the USA thinks Kenny should be president..."
I. Ron McCoy:
"Sadam, do you deny having weapons of mass destruction? Sadam??? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't invade your country... Fine... Have it your way then..."
J. Howard Rudolf:
"Daddy, help me I screwed up the US & Iraq - what should I do?"
K.
Marlene Goodman
: "Ya know, Dick makes a whole lot more sense this way." & "Damn this hotline to FEMA!"
L.
Ron Wells
: "Do you have Prince Albert in the can?"... "You do? Well let him out."
M.
Brad Turek
: "Uncle bin Laden are you there?"
N. L.B. Scott
: "No President left behind."
O. Michael Knott
: "I enjoy talking to Liberals. They are usually talking out of the other end anyways!"
P. Robbin Greer
: "Daddy, they're making fun of me again. DADDY? DADDY?"
Q. Tom Wilson
: "Hold my calls, I've got peace talks with Hawaii!"
R.
Linda Newman
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
S. Amber Short
: "Okay, you're right... things will be better once Hillary is back in this office!"
T. Brad Hunter
: "What's the upside again?", "Heh. This is how I make sure they only speak when spoken to and never talk back. I'm a leader. I demand respect." & "As president of the United States, I keep an open line of communication available to every sovereign nation in the world so we can freely discuss our differences whenever necessary. I just answer the phone upside down so I can invade ya later."
U. Jimmy Tavolino
: "He reminds me of Stevie Wonder 'cause he looks like he's blind."
V. Andrew Ussery: No, I am the President and this is right... Bill Clinton told me about this before he left. I have to hold it this way when I talk to China.

3.
"Waterslide & Piranha Sanctuary"
A.
Des Condon:
"Mothers-in-Law a Specialty!"
B.
Katherine Corfield:
"See darling, this way your suicide can be fun!"
C. Connor Bastian:
"Free funeral service with every meal!"
D. Jacqui Graham:
"Special group rate for schools!" & "Free admission for rappers."
E. John Meares:
"Slip into something exciting!"
F. Bob Schultz:
"ADMISSION: only 1 arm & a leg"
G.
Linda Newman
"Tooth and tail on the menu today."
H.
Jennifer Massengill
"Got Humans?"
I.
Susan Cooper
"Humans... the "Other white meat".", "The place to go when you're fresh out of dinner ideas.",  Employee answering the telephone: "Welcome to Rachel's Waterslide and Piranha Sanctuary, our fish catch people.", "Float on over, we've always got room for one more." &  Sign at the entrance, large print: "We Serve Everyone Here, Regardless of Ethnic Background, Gender, Financial Status, Age or Sexual Orientation/Lifestyle Choices" below in very small print: "to the Piranhas."
J. D. K. Browne:
"Bathing Suits Not Required (they get in the pirhana's way)"
K.
Debra Chapman
"Come feed the fish with your whole family and get rid of any unwanted family members too!"
L. Brad Hunter
: "The 'with' is a typo.", "People said the slide wasn't scary enough. That's when Rachel added the piranhas. Even with the legal fees, it's been way cheaper than rebuilding." & "Piranha sanctuaries: Because non-endangered flesh eating fish need love too."
M. Fred Piceno: Today’s special: Bloody Marys

4.
"PLO X-Ray - Concealed Weapon"
    A.
Scott Kingsley Clark:
"I'm sorry to say Mr. Jones, while you were sleeping in your hotel room in Mexico, a few delinquent kids played a prank on you. Oh and yes this does account for your anal-bleeding."
    B. Katherine Corfield:
"I'm sorry Mr. Andrews, but your suicide attempt did not work. Next time remember to pull the tag..."
    C. Connor Bastian:
"Well, the good news is... you don't have cancer!"
    D. Rick Rambin:
"Mr. Smith. Please sit down... gently. Now, you have heard of explosive diarrhea, well, this is kinda sorta the same thing only it's called explosive heartburn."
    E. Kyle Owens:
"... so if you exhale, it will pull the pin out and I think you know what happens then."
    F. Andy Ussery:
"Well Mr. Saied, it looks like those broken bones have healed nicely and we can pull out those pins now."
    G. George Bergmann:
"... so when my doctor said 'It's the bomb!' and ran away, I just thought he was pleased with the scan results!" & "So when I read 'For internal use only' on the label..."
    H. Mark Pritchard:
"Nice work Abdol, but how do you expect to pull the pin?"
    I. Helena Pogonowska:
"Was it swallowed or inserted anally?"
    J. Jessica Bradshaw:
"Suicide Bomber, run for your lives."
    K. Jason Bilberry:
"Hmm, strange. Those Extraterrestrials keep doing weirder and weirder things to Abductees. First probing, then switching a victims organs with those of animals, and now this! They're putting pineapples in people! Now I've seen everything.", "Doctor, that's not a pineapple. It's a hand grenade.", "Oh, right you are. Well nothing to do now but yank it out!", Yank! "Doctor! Watch the pin!" & "What!" KA-BOOM!
    L. Cory Prior:
"This guy's the bomb!"
    M. Art Abshire:
"Ted Kennedy's surgeon & drinking buddy shows off the results of Teddy's heart transplant."
    N. Tim Smith:
"NO! I said Pull the PIN with your teeth and Throw the grenade!"
    O. Arthur Azdair:
"I know you said it's cheaper this way, but my husband has changed his mind - he prefers the normal by-pass surgery procedure."
    P. Mickey Stoll:
"Been there, done that."
    Q.
Brad Turek
: On intercom:! "Nurse, get the bomb squad in here ASAP!"
    R. Irvin Kauffman:
"Pinned in the rush at Sigma Chi!"
    S. Michael Thomas:
"That Dr. doesn't know crap. I'm thinking of suing him for false information - he said my heart was like a TIME BOMB..."
    T. L.B. Scott
: "Who said Homeland Security was a failure?"
    U. Michael Knott
: "I swear it feels like my heart is going to explode!"
    V. Vince Fried
: "Now, before we do your MRI, I have to ask if there is a chance of any metal in your body that might hurt you during the exam."
    W. Tom Wilson
: "... where it was reported that the Vice President accidentally shoved a grenade down his hunting partner's throat..."
    X. D.G. Henshaw
: "Honest Sir, that's where Sarge told me to shove it..."
    Y. Matthew Waygood
: "Always be wary of people with nipple rings!"
    Z. Brad Hunter
: "Modern science reveals the stunning conclusion to the epic saga of the 'old woman who swallowed a fly'." & "For future reference, a Tequila Sunrise is tequila, orange juice and GRENADINE."

5.
"Sometimes Life Just Isn't Fair"
    A.
Carl Estes:
"That cat has got to go!"
    B. Ashleigh Custer: "This is what happens when you get married!"
    C. Roy Gathercoal: "Every time it throws a shoe, I fall for it... next time, I'm not getting outta my bed for anything!"
    D. Jacqui Graham: "Excuse me, ma'am, could you explain to me again why it's better this way?", "I may be bigger than her, but she carries concealed weapons." & "Are you sure this is a magic basket? I've sat in it for two days but so far no bones have appeared."
    E. Ellie Strasser: "Sigh, somehow I just don't think I'm the favorite anymore."
    F. Marisa Poll: Dog: "Why cat - why have you betrayed me?"
Cat:
"Because when we got married you never said 'I do' - you said 'ruff ruff.'"
    G. George Bergmann: "One more whimper out of you, and the hindlegs go too!'"
    H. Mark Prairie: "Brain Transfer - Is it wrong? News at Nine."
    I. Goldie Kildea: "A Basket Case"
    J. Hannah Peace: "Is it just me or has my basket shrunk and hers has enlarged?"
    K. Jackie Godfrey: "The name is Hilton, Tinkerbel Hilton!"
    L. Donna Morris: "I wonder how many lives that damn cat has used up!!!"
    M.
Diane Putnam
: At the Annual 'Issues In Psychotherapy' Conference: "Ladies and gentlemen, Doofer and Miss Thang will now role-play the difference between cats and dogs."
    N.
Barry Gilfoyle
Dog says to Cat: "See, I told you I would fit. Now, can I have my fiver?"
    O. Leonore Garcia
: "Guess who got 'time-out'?", Cat to Dog: "Now who's the sissy?" &  Dog: "I never win at Rock-Paper-Scissors."
    P. Joe La Rosa: "Things a man will do for pussy."

6.
"Police Penance - Find the Missing Tire"
    A.
Peter Vernon:
"Plod gets it wrong."
    B. Liddy Lore: "You think you could get OFF the bike while I dig this out?" & "Dumb was riding into the wet cement - Dumber is refusing to dismount!"
    C. Roy Gathercoal: "Are you sure this tire if flat, lady?"
    D. Paul J. Guyer: "But Sargent - I was right behind him!"
    E. Daniel Summers: "Now I am gonna miss the doughnut party back at the station!""
    F. Kyle Owens: Jeff:  "Ya, I would like to report a missing tire..."
Dispacher:
"Jeff?"
    G. Gary "1artworkz" Molitor: "Scotty, beam me up. This planet sucks."
    H.
Anne Marie Brett
"They never mentioned this in the Compulsory Basic Training Course."
    I.
Nik Keun
"Hey sarge, you know that Pothole that was reported last week... well I've found it!"
    J.
Ron Wells
"Do you ever wonder what ever happened to Barney Phife after he left Mayberry?"
    K. Mickey Stoll:
"Wuts wrong with this pic?"
    L.
Brad Turek
: "Oh, officer - watch out!!!"  *** crashes ***  "Son, get me out of here!"
    M.
Barry Gilfoyle
"No Sarge, I don't think anyone has noticed."
    N. Vince Fried
: "No, chief. I was just about to get a concrete description of the suspect when... er..."
    O. Matthew Waygood
: "Hey! You guys at the bottom of the motorcycle display pyramid okay?"
    P. Trevor McMutie:
"Ummmmm Sargeant, I think I got myself into a sticky spot here. It's nothing concrete... well, maybe it's a little concrete."
    Q. Jim Haubert:
"I dunno sarge, I was directing traffic just like usual from my toilet lid when suddenly this, this... motorcycle pops up underneath me and now there's some kid pushing it back down!"
    R. Bruce Ackerman:
"Boy, when the chief finds out he sure is going to be aggregated!"

7.
"Bridging the Computer Gap"
    A.
Maddy Shingledecker:
"Look - it's a bird, it's a plane... no it's a computerbow."
    B.
Rick Rambin:
"Lo, I will place this sign in the offices of the world, My computer bow is given as a sign that I will never change Windows again. Bill Gates 4:15 (NIV - 'Non-Inspired Version')"
    C.
Jacqui Graham:
"What the company did with their old PC's, after they switched to Macs." & "Newfie office networking."
    D.
Johanna Andrews:
"Blonde's idea of a network bridge."
    E.
Daniel Summers:
"If Rome was created today."
    F. Rabih Kayrouz: "Great! Now how do I put them down  again? ..................................anyone!?"
    G.
Marisa Poll:
"Oh look sweety - it's a computer rainbow."
    H.
George Bergmann:
"Advantages of CRT's over flatscreens - #1." & "Talk about steep learning curves!"
    I.
Stephen Samson:
"I think my screen is arcing."
    J.
Owen Hempton:
"Gateway... the arc to better computer systems."
    K.
Scarlet Harrison:
"Slow day at the office."
    L.
Marlene Goodman
: "Now introducing, the MAC-Arch at McDonalds."
    M. Mickey Stoll:
"And now, welcoming Bill Gates..."
    N. L.B. Scott
: "Exclusive from The Bill Gates Wedding Collection. Imagine this lovely arch as the backdrop in your wedding pictures."
    O. John Schrag:
"Hardware requirements = inverted 'C' drive"

8.
"High Heel Motorcycle"
    A.
Al McInnes:
"Shoezuki!"
    B.
Lindsey Clawson:
"Athlete's foot finally finds the perfect shoe."
    C.
Jacqui Graham:
"I just couldn't fit one more pair of shoes in my closet.", "They're very stylish, but I spend a fortune in shoe polish." & "My husband was always borrowing my Harley."
    D.
Rick Rambin:
"Finally... proper transportation for Imelda Marcos."
    E.
Daniel Summers:
"Well, I only bought it because it was on sale. My husband was mad though because shoes usually come in pairs."
    F.
Marisa Poll:
"Hey, Miss Giant - we have a present for you that we think will fit you."
    G.
Mike Schneider:
"This thing is really Heel On Wheels..."
    H.
Gloria Lee:
"Did I tell you how she popped that heely this high off the ground?"
    I.
Edmund Molina:
"Imelda Marcos - eat your heart out!"
    J.
Goldie Kildea:
"Rumor has it that 'The Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe' sold all of her children & bought herself a new sports car!"
    K.
Hannah Peace:
"I think I have found Cinderella's missing shoe!"
    L.
Marlene Goodman:
"After coming of age, a child of the old lady who lives in a shoe buys a motorcycle." & "Cyclists have changed their image and are making a fashion statement... now known as the Heels Angles."
    M.
Ron Wells
"No, I said I am looking for a Low Rider Heel."
    N. L.B. Scott
: "You wear what size of shoe?"
    O.
Kris DeVries:
"There's no place like Home." & "Riding high on the hawg!"
    P.
Linda Newman
"If the shoe fits, drive it."
    Q.
Ledon Orbiso:
"I'd like to hear anyone say 'Kick my ASS' to this lady!", "DRIVING REQUIREMENT: Foot powder bath before driving." & "Do I need to cover myself in foot powder before I can drive it?"
    R. Ralph Castro
: "Oh, I thought I heard, 'Pump your ride'."
    S. Geoff Pearce
: "You think this is a big shoe, wait till you see the foot!", "Finally, a shoe that fits." & "Where's Bigfoot?"
    T. Brian Smedley: This one was on the last leg of the race, got way ahead and won by a foot, he was itchin to win, and he really took a shine from the crowd.

9.
"Grad Prom in a Stretch 'Vette"
    A.
James W. West: "
This is why Chevrolet does not make a front wheel drive Corvette."
    B.
Jacqui Graham: "
The new Corvette hearse... maybe you CAN'T take it with you, but at least you can get there in style."
    C.
Daniel Summers: "
Speed of a Vette, style of a Vette, cornering of an 18-wheeler."
    D.
Goldie Kildea: "
Batman going to the Prom."
    E.
Bruce Erickson: "
Uh, hello Chevy? I was backin' out'a my driveway when I noticed the front wheels were locked... What's that? How fast was I goin?"
    F.
Barry Gilfoyle
Advert for Funeral Parlour:  "Send your Loved ones off in style with this Hearse for the Vertically Challenged."
    G. Tony Holt
: "Hollywood school bus." & "Hey kids, the school bus is here!"
    H.
Chad Ebel: "
Your BEST FRIEND'S Corvette, now with Wings. From the makers of Tampax."

10.
"Sitting On The Throne - A Tacky Experience"
    A.
Jacqui Graham:
"This makes for a truly moving experience!", "OK, OK, honey, I'll leave the seat down from now on!" & "Tacky bathroom decor."
    B.
Shelly Jordan:
"Men - Tired of being nagged to put the seat down? Now is your chance to fight back!"
    C.
Corey Stedman:
"Honey, I told you having magnets in the seat isn't better for you."
    D.
Roy Gathercoal:
"... because this is the only way you would get the point!"
    E.
Michelle Erkel:
"While you are down on your bottom, let's get to the point of why you're sitting here..."
    F.
Hannah Peace:
"I see what you mean when you said the seat was really tacky."
    G.
Gary "1artworkz" Molitor:
"Last week it was 'pins and needles'."
    H.
Mike Anisiewicz:
"Motivation to hold it in!"
    I.
Dave Ward:
"Finally, new accessories for the modern 'Hindu' apartment. Goes nicely with their beds."
    J.
Bob Schultz:
"My diarrhea problem is so much better after going to the acupuncture clinic."
    K.
Barry Gilfoyle
"No, I meant you had a Little Prick."
    L.
Michele Guttenberger
"Movements done tactfully."
    M.
Adam Stanley
"Misogynist! Me? No... why do you ask?"
    N.
June Brobst
"I'm sure everyone can rise to the occasion!"
    O.
Linda Newman
"Razor edge tension for butt sitters."
    P. Tony Holt
: "She said to put the seat down... well its down!"
   Q. Barb Groover
: "How to suck in those hemorrhoids without the use of Preparation H! "
    R. Gene Piatek: Oh... so that's where I left the tacks

11.
"Taking Donations For Scissors"
    A.
Jacqui Graham:
"Well boys, it doesn't look like rain, so you can take the shampoo back home." & "If you think my hair is long, you should see my... my... what is the word I am looking for?... oh yes, you should see my BROTHER'S."
    B.
Al McInnes:
"Introducing the Swami brand jump rope."
    C.
Nathalie:
"Ayy mon, check this out." (with Jamaican accent)  & "If you can double dutch with my dreads, I will not beg for money."
    D.
Roy Gathercoal:
"Can you spare a dollar? I'm too hair-ied to work..."
    E.
Daniel Summers:
"I strained so hard that it came out the wrong end."
    F.
Johanna Van Abkoude:
"Why you dread my locks?"
    G.
Andrea Jónsdóttir:
"Can you two please shelter the rest of the hair from the rain? My hair is maybe an attraction for tourists to donate, but if it gets wet I wont be able to walk at all.", "Collecting money to pay for a nice, small haircut. No one has donated the past 50 years... so he KEEPS the DEAD locks instead of cutting it himself." & "...for 60 years I have had the same hair... and I don't mean just the style!"
    H.
Marlene Goodman
: "Outsourcing hits a new low when Hair Club for Men goes to India for customer service."
    I.
Barry Gilfoyle
"Hey man, you don't have a spare three years does you, me thinks am ready to be De-Loused."
    J. L.B. Scott
: "Mom, what's that crawling around on his head?"
    K.
Linda Newman
"Delilah would snipe. Snipe with a tip."

12.
"Dog On Pot – Without Crack"
   A.
Al McInnes:
"This guy's no 'dope' when it comes to 'urning' his keep."
   B.
Jacqui Graham:
"I've heard of Dandelions and Cattails, but this is ridiculous!" & "What happens when you send your husband to the garden shop for POPPIES."
   C.
Ed Best:
"When this sucker hatches, I'll never have to beg again!" & "Alzheimer's is no joke. But at least I'll be able to find whatever it was I buried here."
    D.
Barry Gilfoyle
"A Greek earns how much?"
    E. L.B. Scott
: "I'm telling you one more time, I don't have a monkey on my back, but I do have pot out the butt."
    F. Irvin Kauffman:
"I Kid You Not, THAT dog's going POTTY!"
    G.
Linda Newman
"Derriere - a dog true to the end."
    H. Leonore Garcia
: "Needs water to grow." & "I was told to Plant myself."

13.
"Redneck House Siding"
    A.
Jacqui Graham:
"I've been everywhere, man..." & "Why the Newfie stole 10,000 cars..."
    B.
Adam Kellerman:
"...and you haven't seen his mobile home yet."
    C.
Daniel Summers:
"It costs a fortune to renew these every year."
    D.
Nuala Robinson:
"Look Toto, the house finally made it home."
    E.
Larry L. Doub:
"Red Green's First Lodge"
    F.
Marlene Goodman
: "It took 75 years but Earl finally finished siding his house."
    G.
Ron Wells:  Jeff Foxworthy:
"You might be a Redneck if you ..."
    H. L.B. Scott
: As the old saying goes: "You can sleep in your car, but you can't drive your house."
    I. Irvin Kauffman:
"Joe's Soup Kitchen - no shortage of Plates!"
    J.
Linda Newman
"Bobbie Lee, your house has more miles on it than your car."
    K. Jessica Bradshaw:
"Just one more state and I'm done."
    L. Patty Price:
"I've heard of gold plated and silver plated, but never license plated!"
    M. Darlene Benson:
"I've been everywhere... but now I'm here!"
    N. Teresa Bailey:
"Hillary Clinton's first home!"
    O. Patricia A. Dooley: "If I had been in the joint a few more years, I'd been able to finish my house. Them plates work good... no painting needed."
    P. Markal Brown:
"I couldn't afford the aluminum siding at the Sears store so I made my own."

14.
"Cat Got Your Tongue?"
    A.
Jacqui Graham:
"Honey, I really think it's time to start Junior on solids.", "No sweetheart, Mommy said to kiss the DEAR kitty!" & "Hmmm...must be one of those interactive toys. Press here and it squawks..."
    B.
Susie Gay:
"'Ouch! Did you get the flea yet?' asked the kitten."
    C.
John Meares:
"Teething the kitty."
    D.
Marisa Poll:
"Have a break - have a kit-kat."
    E.
Tiara Shanafelt:
"This doesn't taste like chicken."
    F.
Cory Prior:
"Tongue got your cat?"
    G.
Terry Mossip
"Little brother Rick and his first piece of tail."
    H.
Linda Newman
"A chewie for tail waggers."
    I. Brian Smedley: Gives a new meaning to catnip.

15. "Downside Electric - 'Short' Safety Program"
    A.
Amanda Selvidge: "
We don't need a repairman, Honey! I can fix it myself!"
    B.
Bob Cleveland: "
HEY .. that better be FREON I hear leaking, or I'm LETTING GO!"
    C.
Jacqui Graham: "
Tell me you didn't have beans for lunch today." & "Shut up, Ralph! YOU pawned the ladder, YOU get to hang out the window!"
    D.
Tom Steele: "
OSHA Violation - Regulation 27863, Section D - Improper safety harness."
    E. Irvin Kauffman:
"Reverse bungee jumping
"
    F. L.B. Scott
: "You put George out, you put George in, you put George out, and shake him all about, you do the Hokey-Pokey and turn yourself around... Oooops - sorry George."
    G. Tony Holt
: "Michael Jackson at it again!"

16.
"Cyclists Speed Limit Strictly Enforced"
    A.
Amanda Selvidge:
"If you go over the speed limit, we WILL hunt you down. And don't try to fool us. We have RADARS! GRRR..."
    B.
Amanda Thompson:
"If you see this sign and make two of your buddies get off and walk, you might be a redneck."
    C.
Jacqui Graham:
"But officer, I had my cruise control set at 12!" & "The blonde was glad she had decided to ride her unicycle that day."
    D.
Ron McCoy:
"Bike 'peddlers' will be fined."

17.
"Saskatchewan Chopper Lawn Mower"
    A.
Amanda Thompson:
"When your mower does 0 - 60 in 5.2 you might be a Hell's Angel..." & "Your ass is grass and I'm the lawn mower!"
    B.
Jacqui Graham:
"Lawn Hog!" & "Way to get your teenager to mow the grass."
    C.
Pat Sturcken:
"Sturgis or Bust!"
    D.
Ric Mossip:
"Gitch'er lawn-mower runnin'... Head out on the fairway! We were bo-o-o-o-orn to be mi-i- i-i-i-illd!"
    E.
Ron Wells
"What happened when Tim 'the Tool Man' Taylor appeared on the Orange County Chopper Show."
    F. Irvin Kauffman:
"John Deere - you can't ask for mower!"
    G. Brian Davlin:
"I know this biker's got a bag of grass on him!"

18.
"'Back' To Work"
    A.
Des Condon:
"I'll have to give up the pipe after all, too much work, and go back on the cigarettes!"
    B.
Jacqui Graham:
"Is this what they call pumping iron?" & "We need a garden irrigation system," she says. So I say, "Honey, we'll save a bundle if we do it ourselves..."
    C.
Amanda Selvidge:
"Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go;  The pipes are heavy and the wages too low;  Hi ho, hi ho, hi ho, hi ho!" (It kinda gets ya' singing the dwarfs song!)
    D.
Pippa Julian:
"Now I see why that sneaky elephant called in sick today!"
    E.
Cory Prior:
"The boss was cruel on those who were late to work."
    F.
Bob Schultz:
"The job description said 'BYOB'... how was I to know that meant 'break your only back'!"
    G.
Brandon Guttersohn:
"And you think your job sucks?"
    H.
Gene Davidson:
"... And with only one leg too!"
    I.
Ron Wells
"These are the biggest liquorish sticks that I could find."
    J. Irvin Kauffman:
"Sewer... That's what you say!"
    K. Chris Le Mottée:
"WHY didn't I listen to my career advisor!"
    L. Vince Fried
: "Nah. This is the easy part. I have to carry them back filled with coccaine!"
    M. Rick Clanton
: "Dude, this is gonna be the biggest bong ever!"
    N. Andrew Ussery: Hey Abdul, do you think Osama is going a little crazy with these pipe bombs for our suicide bombers?

19.
"Almost Unique Apartment For Rent"
    A.
Des Condon:
"Hey Dude, this is crate, Man. How's your crate?"
    B.
Elisha Doss:
"Nice apartment for rent: small; centrally located; plenty of close neighbors. *WARNING* not good apartment for those with claustrophobia."
    C.
Ron Wells
Someone on a cell phone: "Are you sure you are standing on your balcony? I still can't see you."
    D. Robbin Greer
: "No wonder Bush couldn't find the Weapons of Mass Destruction."
    E.
Linda Newman
"Room for rent. Elevator goes all the way to the top, but the door doesn't open up."
    F. Matthew Waygood
: "Where's Waldo? (UK: Where's Wally?)"
    G. Tom Napoli
: "Cracker boxes, can't believe how high you can stack them."

20.
"Self Moon"
    A.
Dave Beauregardin:
"Rear view mirror."
    B.
Joel Jacks:
"You are right, it does make my butt look fat."
    C.
Kirk Lowry:
"Management Training: How to shove your head up your own arse."
    D.
Vic Mar:
"Beware - Moon River ... Blast Off! ... Where's my ring? ... Moon over my acne ... Is my hair even now? ... Let's not split hairs over this OK?"
    E.
John Meares:
"Everything depends on your point of view."
    F.
Marisa Poll:
"If you take away the hand, body and face it looks like cartoon legs."
    G.
Toaster Theman:
"Does this suit make my butt look big?"
    H.
Mon Ureta:
"Darn it, missed my period again!"
    I.
Lucas Demers:
"Now, why were all of those men looking at my butt?"
    J.
Ron Wells
"Don't you think that the high heels add a touch of class to my picture?"
    K.
Barry Gilfoyle
"I'm sure it's here somewhere."
    L. L.B. Scott
: "Hope you don't mind if I watch while you kiss my butt."
    M. Robbin Greer
: "And Charlie was jealous of the dog!"
    N. Vince Fried
: "It's not that I don't crave a cigarette right now. Its just that... I had beans for lunch."
    O. Irvin Kauffman:
"Milk, Hell... Got Vaseline?"
    P. Dawn Lazzini:
"If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself."
    Q. Nick Aslett:
"OK, where are my glasses?"
    R. Bob Folli:
"My butt itches.. I can't reach it!"
    S. Wayne Federline:
"Hey, where did ya go?"
    T. Nick Amso:
"Attempted Suicide by Fart in Face."
    U. Kevin Leigh:
"Always in the last place you look."
    V. Tom Napoli
: "Who says I can't see where I'm going?"
    W. Joe La Rosa: "And from here you can see Uranus."
    X. Jaime Valk
: "Still not sure how Obama gets his head in there?"
    Y. Larry Horowitz: So, it’s true. You really can look at things bassackwards.

21.
"Raccoon Feeding - Child Version"
    A.
Dave Beauregardin:
"Child support."
    B.
Amanda Selvidge:
"Next time I'll hit the ball AWAY from the window, Dad! Just get me out of here!"
    C.
Dan Zerbs:
"OK Pa, I'll spend the night at Neverland!"
    D.
Luke D. Spaseff:
"That Alligator guy has got nothing on us, Son!" & "Dad, am I supposed to have four fingers or five?"
    E.
George Bergmann:
"I'm sure he still has some pockey money left! Shake harder!"
    F.
Jack Byrd:
"Dad! They Wash Hands Before They Eat! Neat Huh, Ma..."
    G.
Tiara Shanafelt:
"Well, that's one way to get around the 'Don't Feed the Animal' signs." & "Wait, pull him back up. There's a park employee coming."
    H.
Tom Steele:
"OK Son, now let's go feed the lions..."

22.
"House Clown"
    A.
Mark DelBrocco:
"Apparently someone found one of "Nena's" 99 Luftballoons."
    B.
Jack Byrd:
"Damn, Vinyl Allergies, Where's my Nasal Not..."
    C.
Ron Wells
Tour Guide: "If you look to the right you will see the home where Bozo The Clown retired to."
    D. L.B. Scott
: "Are you sure this is Ronald McDonald's house?"
    E. Andrew Ussery: Mildred, I TOLD you we should not use the PreSchool Architectural Club for our house plans!

23. "Massive Buns"
    A.
Kirk Lowry:
"Congratulations, sir, you're caller number 17! You win the year's supply of Mrs. Urgleshaft's BigBuns!", "... when health-nut atheists have an encounter with God...", "*singing* "I -like-big-buns and I cannot lie AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" & "... recent study shows that having a large breakfast can actually be detrimental to your health..."
    B.
Darwin McKee:
"That was a close one - we're lucky the Jolly Green Giant didn't drop his Watermelon."
    C.
Krista Sweet:
"Do you know the Muffin Man?"
    D.
Ron Wells
"There I was stuck in the middle of traffic, and that Bran Muffin that I had for breakfast hit me."
    E.
Barry Gilfoyle
"I know where my muffin is, but what did I do with my sandwiches?"
    F.
Brian Smedley
"I prayed for Manna from Heaven, but this is ridiculous!"
    G. Irvin Kauffman:
"Too much bran!"
    H.
Michele Guttenberger
"It's not good to anger The Mighty Muffin Man."
    I. L.B. Scott
: (Man on cell phone): "Yes, honey I know I'm late for dinner, but you're never going to believe this!!!"
    J. Chris Le Mottée:
"Giant ticked off wife just out of shot."
    K.
Ron McCoy:
"Instant muffins, just add water. But not too much."

24.
"Training Wheel Roller Coaster"
    A.
Harri S. Teins:
"Found a way to cut down on those long lines this summer!"
    B.
Helena Pogonowska:
"You're doing great honey - now try now to fall off at the next loop the loop..."
    C.
Naidean Dundas:
"That's a great way to get her on to 2 wheels."
    D.
Malcolm Fellows:
"FOR SALE: one bike, used once, slight dent."
    E.
William Wade:
"Budget Cutbacks Have Affected Six Flags!"
    F.
Stephanie Denman:
"Life is like a rollercoaster - just remember to wear your helmet."
    G.
Ward Holmes:
"But if I buy the adult ticket, I get a seat in the car right?"
    H.
Diane Putnam
: "Close down the roller coaster, huh, well close this you bastards. Lawsuit!"
    I.
Ron Wells
"Now Honey, remember to let go of the handle bars and raise your hands in the air."
    J.
Barry Gilfoyle
"Do us a favour, give us a push!"
    K. Michael Thomas:
"Look Mom!, you were right! Playing on the road would be dangerous! Look at that car coming... I could have been hit!"
    L. L.B. Scott
: "Little Suzy complained one too many times about being bored." & "The one and only time amusement park employees participated in the 'Take Your Daughter To Work' program."
    M.
Terry Mossip
"Look ma no feet, {NEXT HILL} Look ma no hands, {AFTER THE FIRST LOOP} Look ma no teeth..."

25.
"Hay Bale Art On The Prairies"
    A.
Kirk Lowry: "
Hey, Bubba, y'all seen Ma's cat anywhere 'round here?"
    B.
Des Condon: "
I'm sure that needle is in here somewhere..."
    C.
Billy Knoll:
As Paul Harvey would say, "And now you know the rest of the story."
    D.
Jack Byrd
Darn It! I Have "Hay Fever"...
    E.
John Schultz "
You snooze, you lose."
    F.
Jeff Spicoli "
All I need is a good roll in the hay, and I'm fine."
    G.
John Meares "
A hare too slow."
    H.
Kels Endreson "
That's one way to hide bi-products..."
    I.
Tiara Shanafelt "
This was sold to Paris Hilton for $400 as a reminder of her Simple Life days."
    J.
Terry Meagher "
Now you know the REAL ending to the Tortoise and the Hare..." & "...so that's how the tortoise beat the hare!"
    K.
Ron Wells
Elmer Fudd: "Where did that cwazy wabitt go?"
    L. Irvin Kauffman:
"Rabbit Transit
"
    M. Michael Thomas:
"Apparently the tortoise isn't the only thing faster than the rabbit.
"
    N. Tony Holt
: "Must be deer season... they will do anything to hide!"
    O. Jordan Stivers:
"Newspaper Headline - Convict Rabbit Tries to Jump 'Bale'!
"
    P. Brad Hunter
: "Without proper protection, a roll in the hay can end badly.", "Just a hare out of place.", "Just a hare away from a perfect bale." & "That rabbit was fast, but I tractor down!"
    Q. Nicholas Haruk: Our Bales guaranteed 99% hay! This is what happens when a Baler gets hare in it's mouth. & Hay bale, now a hare product!
   R. Jennifer Nicholson: That’s not a very Christian Bale” & “It was the straw that broke the rabbit’s back “Doe!” (D’oh/ female rabbit...)”

26.
"Cancer Tree"
    A.
Dave Beauregardin
"Whitegrass(h)"
    B.
Jack Byrd
"Butt Plant - Grow Yore Own..."
    C.
Gabriel Dench
"Mum always said smoking stunts your growth..."
    D.
Ron Wells
"Oh look, an ash tree for the Butt Sisters."
    E. Michael Thomas:
"A redneck Chia pet."
    F. L.B. Scott
: "Unable to afford a real Christmas tree, Joe Bob and Peaches decided to make their own."
    G. Thomas J. Lela:
"I don't smoke because I'm addicted. I smoke to decorate; you should see my other designs..."
    H.
Idske Mulder
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas!"
    I.
Maggie Leinbach
"Yeah, BUTT what do ya call it?"  & "Let's ask CIGmond Freud!"
    J. Irvin Kauffman:
"Hammered Coffin Nails!"
    K. D. K. Browne:
"Anyone gotta light?"
    L.
Brad Hunter: "One on its own is a cigarette, but I call this baby my cig-regret."

27.
"Dent Damage - New 'V'8 Design"
    A.
Kirk Lowry
"Friggin' Beavers!!!"
    B.
Vic Mar
"My slow Tree Speed Automatic."
    C.
Dave Beauregardin
"Holed Car Hydraulic, all aboard!"
    D.
Kathleen Palo
"The day can only get better from here!"
    E.
George Bergmann
"FAKE PHOTO WARNING: I was taken in completely, until I noticed the car was winking!"
    F.
Diane Lanthier
"Don't worry, it'll buff right out."
    G.
Tiara Shanafelt
"Uh... would it be too late to say 'Timber'?"
    H.
Helena Pogonowska
"American Obesity Numbers Rise"
    I.
Ron McCoy
"Why did the tree cross the road?"
    J. Vince Fried
: "Yeah, Greg? Yeah, I really appreciate you letting me use your car... What? No, I didn't hit anything. In fact, the front and the back of the car are just fine."
    K.
Maggie Leinbach
"Ooops! Can't U take a joke?"
    L.
David Pineda
"...and then suddenly, through forces not yet fully understood, the driver's seat became the new center of a black hole."
    M. Irvin Kauffman:
"4 Sail - Tree Forward Gears - Hugs de Road"
    N.
Nico Milanes
"The Environmentally Friendly Weight Differential Upgrade"  & "There's an angry girlfriend and a satisfied Lumberjack in the neighborhood."
    O. Carol Thornton:
"Well, honey... it's like this... see..."

28.
"Dental Plan - Latest Extraction Technology"
    A.
Brian Whitefield
"Don't put the bite on your budget! At TeethAndGumsRUs we can save U $$$ on quality retreads..."
    B.
Andrea Jónsdóttir
"Retiring tooth fairy trying to make a buck."
    C.
Tiara Shanafelt
"And here is the denture of Queen Elizabeth the Second..."
    D. Mickey Stoll:
"I'll take 3 bicuspids please."
    E. L.B. Scott
: "Getting this guy to do anything is like pulling teeth."
    F.
Terry Mossip
"We can use a guy like you, here in Thompson, Manitoba. PLEEEAAASE CALL. [the mayor]"
    G.
Linda Newman
"Wanted - open mouthers. Gums welcome."
    K. D. K. Browne:
"Welcome to the Denture Wharehouse!", "Use our teeth or your recently departed loved ones' teeth.", "All dentures are made with the highest-quality craft glue!" & "Today's Special: Buy a full set and we will upgrade the craft glue to airplane glue at no additional cost! (does not include gold or silver teeth. Some restrictions apply. See our ad for details)"
    L. Jaime Valk
: "Beware of Obama Health Care Reform street vendor scams!"

29.
"Reach For The Top - What Have You Got To Lose?"
Caption Winner!    A.
Kirk Lowry"Location: $100;  Photographer: $400;  Publicity/promotionals: $800;  Finally getting rid of that wedgie: Priceless!" & "Full moon at Leaning Tower of People."
    B.
Asmath Ali
"hop to top but shut the butt"
    C. Jamie Kwok"Hey, I can see my house from up here!"
    D. Tiara Shanafelt"Does anyone else feel a breeze up here?"
    E. Matt Anon"Nice view from the bottom..."
    F.
Ron Wells
"This picture cracks me up."
    G. L.B. Scott
: "Now I know why Mom told me to always wear clean underwear."
    H. Vince Fried
: "You know, I think we should have gone with my suggestion of a toga party, like all the other sororities are having." & "I hate these 'Executive Team building retreats.' I rarely get anything out of it, and I always end up short something in the end."
    I. Harold Kellams
: "Hey, I told ya to go to da bathroom before we do this."
    J. Marvin Purser
: "Sometimes getting caught with your pants down is a step up in life."
    K. Joe La Rosa: "Peter, I thought you were crazy but now I can see your nuts!"

30.
"Nice Teeth"
    A.
Martin Grosse
"2005 Award Winner for Best Hind Lick Maneuver"
    B.
Grace Bassett
"This is what we all look like after seeing your arse...."
    C.
Jack Byrd
"Hey! You Gonna Sit on My Face?"
    D.
Jamie Kwok
"Right, 5 o'clock, time for a big feast."
    E.
Pippa Julian
"Nip hemorrhoids in the bud with the Jolly John Chomper."
    F.
Goldie Kildea
"Let's FACE it, we all need a good laugh at the END!"
    G.
Jackie Godfrey
"And now, the perfect gift for the boss who has it all!"
    H.
Ron Wells
"Another politician tying to put the bite on us in the arse."
    I. Mickey Stoll:
"OW!!! He bit me!"
    J. L.B. Scott
: "Taking a bite out of grime."
    K. Peter Carpenter
: "What a potty mouth!"
    L. Irvin Kauffman:
"Hmmmmm... Does it hum?"
    M. Nick Aslett:
"Patent pending for the newest Bidet Toilet (even asks about your day!)"
    N. D. K. Browne:
"AAAHHHHHHHH (as in "open up and say aahhhh!")"
    O. Teresa Cromer: Sure, it's a little nerve-wracking at first, but think of the money you save on toilet paper!
    P. Andrew Ussery: Potty Mouth!

31. "Cool Dog"
    A.
Jack Byrd
"I Ain't Nothing But A Hound Dog, Cool "Redneck Style""
    B.
Ron Wells
"Did I see you on The World Poker Tour?" & "No one will ever recognize me in this outfit."
    C. L.B. Scott
: "I'm not bragging or anything, but those female poodles think I'm one hot dog!"
    D.
Linda Newman
"ZZZZZZzzzzzzz - if it isn't moving, who cares?"

32.
"Cop Cry - Sidelined MotoCop"
    A.
Charles Burr
"Why did they have to go and take the training wheels off my dang motorcycle?"
    B.
Joel Jacks
"My wife is going to kill me.", "There, there, lets go get you a donut." & "Why riding side saddle is not Police department approved."
    C.
Tiara Shanafelt
"I knew I shouldn't have let my son play with my powertools and my bike."
    D.
Michael Hopson
"Come on babe, let's get us a donut. Will that make you feel better?"
    E.
Phaej San
"How many times have I told you - you need to stop hiding behind the stop sign so people can see you.", "Now, now - how many times have I told you to be careful with the radar gun - it's not a toy." & Headline: "Citizen fights back by ramming a police officer known to be giving out outrageous tickets to speeding citizens."
    F.
Tim Nicholson
"Now now, don't cry or we're gonna have to change your bike from a Road King to a 'Road Queen'."
    G. L.B. Scott
: "Have you ever wondered what really happened to 'the cop' from the Village People?"
    H. Irvin Kauffman:
"Ahhwww!!! - I faw down, go Boom..."
    I. Tony Holt
: "The taser gun has a saftey you know!"
    J. Trevor McMutie
: "Maybe next time I should spread the load by placing some of my bullets on the right side."
    K. Roger W Hancock: Whahh! I hurt my pinky! That’s the last bike the department has. All that’s left is the walking beat. & I’ve broken the horses’ legs. Now, I’ve smashed the last bike.

33.
"Golfer's Water Hole"
    A.
Joy Rosebush
"Americans have figured out how to steal Canadian water..."
    B.
Toaster Theman
"Even with your glasses you still couldn't hit that hole."
    C.
Tiara Shanafelt
"It's God's bathtub!"
    D.
Owen Hempton
"You go get the ball." ... "No, you go get it! " ... "You're the one who hit it!"
    E.
Cory Prior
"They weren't kidding when they said 'No tresspassing'..." & "Poseidon enjoyed his golf course year round."
    F.
Ron Wells
"This lake sucks."
    G. Irvin Kauffman:
"Proof positive: There is no Gravity, The Earth Sucks!"
    H. Vince Fried
: "Yes, Governor. Our solution was build a pipeline and send the 'best' part of Lake Erie to China."
    I.
Steven Wilson
"Man, I need an easy hole in one..."
   J.
Linda Newman
"Fore! Fore! Where's that darn flag stick?"
   K. Mark E. Harvey: Within moments of firing up the great hadron collider...
   L. Roger W Hancock: When walking on water to retrieve the ball, watch your step. One beginner golfer thought is was the beginner’s course. & Not just a water trap, also a golfer trap.

34. "Cheerless Leader"
    A.
Kirk & Jalissa Lowry
"For all your aches and pains, try new MuscleEase Ache Medication...", "Poster child for Advil", "Caution: Heavy Load", "That's it - next year I'm tryin out for the Chess Club." & "You owe me for this one, Mom..."
    B.
Tony Eclevia
"...and What does that spell?  H.E.R.N.I.A.!"
    C.
Luke Spaseff
"I am never eating ham again.", "Yea though I walk through the valley of death..." & "There's a big, bad moon arising..."
    D.
Kels Endreson
"OH GOD!!! I can see up her skirt!!!"
    E.
Tiara Shanafelt
"When the deities said I'd be able to pick up girls, they should have told me it was someone I wouldn't want to lift."
    F.
Sean Mullen
"The last guy to do this lost his head."
    G.
Victoria Beretta
"I See London, I See France..."
    H.
Mark Prairie
"Before Shot, Four Legged Cheerleader."
    I.
Jacqui Parker:
"I never thought '13' was unlucky until the day 'she' came into my world..."
    J.
Owen Hempton
"Swing low... Sweet chariot... Coming forth to carry me home..."
    K.
Adrianne Hobbs
"You should have told me BEFORE I found out that the number on the uniforms DID NOT match the pant size..."
    L. L.B. Scott
: "Budget cuts hit local school, cheerleading squad reduced to one really big cheerleader."
    M.
Braden Evans:
"Don't look up... Don't look up..."
    N.
Shawna Hettinger:
"Wait until he looks up and finds out I forgot to wear my briefs..." & "Hurry up and take the pic - my nose itches!"
    O. Leonore Garcia
: "WHO said bigger was better?" & "You should be arrested for carrying all that crack."
    P.
Dave Shaub:
"Look up! Don't I look like Britney?"
    Q. Andrew Ussery: Mrs. McGillicutty's (the school principal) daughter will be head cheerleader this season.
    R. Roger W Hancock: Steady ? You say, Steady? I’m lucky if I don’t drop you...

35.
"Racing Grandpa"
    A.
Kirk Lowry
"Danica Patric's son... in training.", "Move over, Grandpa!", & "Yeah, but does yours have a Hemi?"
    B.
Jeremy Wise
"row rait a darn rinute, ry reeth rell out, no rair - i remand a redo!"
Caption Winner!     C. Larry L. Doub "Put your Happy Meal where your mouth is, ya little punk..."
    D.
Ron Wells
"Next NASCAR event will draw crowds of all ages."
    E. Mickey Stoll:
"It's no Indy 500..."
    F. Chris Le Mottée:
"Why I oughtta!"
    G.
Terry Mossip
"You're goin' down kid - I just took a nitro pill."
    H.
Andy Ussery
"Hey old man, THIS is not my Grandpa's Geri-mobile!"
    I.
Raymond Beaudoin
"Looks like Grandpa found the Viagra again!"
    J. Roger W Hancock: Hey, Junior! Let’s do it again! & No fair, my battery and Gerital is running low.

36.
"Time To Move"
    A.
Ric Mossip
"Hello 911? You better hurry! My husband was trying to light the BBQ and..."
    B.
Jamie Kwok
"A giant mole was looking for buried treasure..."
    C.
Mari Klecka
"That coal company is digging outside our windows again."
    D.
Darryl Farquhar
"I do wish Ol' Jolly Green would replace his Divots."
    E.
Patrick Van Arsdale
"Honey, where did the backyard go?"
    F.
Thomas King
"Well, there goes the neighborhood."
    G.
Arthur Noel
"Honey, will you please take out the trash, and watch out for..."
    H.
Chris Pennington
"Living life on the edge!"
    I.
Ray Fagan
"I think the latrine is about ready."
    J.
Jens Hatje
"Honey, I got the toilet to flush again..." & "I prayed for a bigger mower, and the Lord took away my lawn."
    K.
Diane Putnam
: "Oh crap. I should have sold when the market was hot."
    L.
Ron Wells
"Another Tom Clancy Cliff Hanger."
    M. L.B. Scott
: "Watch that first step, it's a killer." & "Why yes dear, my life insurance is paid up. Why do you ask?"
    N. Chris Le Mottée:
"Honey, I think I just figured out why this house was sooo cheap."
    O.
Kris DeVries:
"I'll mow the front if you get the back."
    P.
Ben Hall:
"Yeah, my wife took half of everything in the divorce."
    J.
Linda Newman
"Remember that faith moves a mountain... Always carry a pick"
    K.
Ron McCoy:
"That's it honey... You HAVE to stop snoring at night."
    L.
Jamie Flanagan:
"I said you could have a SMALL POOL!"
    M.
Mike Rothwell:
"Just Listed! Motivated Sellers! Make Offer Before This Deal Disappears!"
    N. Andrew Ussery: That stubborn Abdul is really trying to move the mountain to Mohammed.

37.
"Shopping Cart Hotplate"
    A.
Ben Goodwin
"Honey, I bought you that supermarket-brand hotplate you wanted!"
    B.
Kirk Lowry
"Okay, lessee... got the tent, campfire, bread, eggs... dangit, Herb, you forgot the milk!!!"
    C.
Laurie San Miguel
"That's not what I meant by eggs a la carte!"
    D.
Ron Wells
Wal-Mart Press Release: "Here is proof of another Wal-Mart Associate Perk. We give them a discount on the food, provide a handsome grill, and let them use our back lot for a minimal cost."
    E.
Idske Mulder
"A real take-away dinner!"
    F.
Wraye Wenigmann
"Summer 2006 is almost here. To celebrate this many supermarket stores are giving away free barbecues to all that can go and collect them. All BBQs come with a higher shelf which can be used for keeping things warm! PLEASE NOTE: Some stores may charge a £1 administration fee."
    G.
Linda Newman
"Hocus smokes the 'flamer'. You're going to have a hogapalooza cookout."

38.
"Seeing End Dog - New Vet Exam"
    A.
Kirk Lowry
"The good news is, we found your flashlight. The bad news...", "Test subject for Purina's new Atomic Bean and Liver Dog Chow." & "Scientist discover new breed of brainless, spineless canine - they're calling it the ManageMutt."
    B.
Ray Fagan
"So that's what they mean by enemas till clear!"
    C.
Ron Wells
"No - I asked for Bud Light."
    D.
Terry Mossip
"Yep, that worked - no worms now."
    E. D. K. Browne:
"I'm having a little trouble pulling your Light Saber out of the dog. I told you not to play fetch with that thing, Darth!"
    F. Roger W Hancock: Say, Ahh... Ummm, Looks freshly painted.
    G. Ralph Hammerl: See, I told you - has no guts

39.
"Shrivel Tan - Beach Gross for 2005"
    A.
Ty Barnes
"Damn, so much for surviving Cancer."
    B.
Ric Mossip
"Gramma, that guy over there said something about a Charpei... what does that mean?"
    C.
Andy Ussery
(in a heavy British accent...) "Thanks for bringing me to the beach Mummy!"
    D.
Samantha Weatherford
"Q: Paper or Plastic? A: Plastic!!!!"
    E.
Kirk Lowry
"And this year's winner in the Charpei look-alike contest is...", "That's it. I'm suing the makers of Botox." & "Botox, my buttocks!"
    F.
Malcolm Fellows
"Put your tongue in, kid - the sun will send it all wrinkly."
    G.
Christopher Kostyshyn
"Really! You are what you eat! Look at grandma and her prunes!"
    H.
Barry Newton
"Well, so much for sunscreen SP-30... I wonder if they make an SP-10,000?"
    I.
Janice Whitmore
"Hey Sonny, help flip me over, I'm done!"
    J. Chris Le Mottée:
"Mummy, how come you dont look like the other mummies?" & "Are you calling me a Mummy! I'm very sensitive about my decomposition!"
    K. L.B. Scott
: "You know lady, my mom has a purse that looks just like your skin."
    L. Jason Woolf
: "Why don't you try some of the raisins I brought?"
    M. Jenny Vasquez
: "Old and crispy Granny!"
    N. Rickie Messer
: "Grandma, let me get that glob of suntan lotion."
    O. Tom Napoli
: "Stick that tongue out further - don't you want to grow up and look like a reptile, like mommy?"

40.
"Nascar's New Downhill Race Track"
    A.
Laurie San Miguel
"Instead of making them walk a straight line, we decided to make all drunk drivers navigate this hill."
    B.
Kirk Lowry
"Hey, crew chief... whazzup with this little 'Check Brake Fluid' light?", "Our new course allows our drivers to accelerate from zero to 15mph in a blinding twenty minutes!" & "Enough of the scenic overlook... I've been staring at the same Alpine Village for twenty minutes now, Earl!"
    C.
Cory Prior
"New completely cheat proof race track - let 'em try taking a shortcut!"
    D. Harold Kellams
: "Looks like Earnhart Jr.'s race track, huh!"

41.
"Swim-In Bedroom"
    A.
Kirk Lowry
"Don't worry - the bathroom is right through that door there...", "And to keep Bob from raiding the fridge at night, I simply release the piranhas!" & "New cure for seasickness released by the FDA today..."
    B.
B. Greene
"And this is our new design called... 'The Wet Spot', where everyone likes to sleep."
    C.
Ray Fagan
"I've got to stop taking that waterpill before I go to bed."
    D.
Ron McCoy
"Wasn't this listed at hotels.com as 'Luxurious bed and bath'?"
    E.
Nora League
"Designed to be the best cure for sleep walking!"
    F.
Ron Wells
"This is not what I meant when I requested a waterbed.", "The Mark Spitz suite or Ester Williams suite.", & "Now there is a bed that I can dive into."
    G.
Shayne Edward Scott
"Slippery when wet."
    H. Donna Faye
: "Yeah, I'm a stud baby! That's a lake of K-Y there, darlin'!"
    I. Rhonda Clark
: "Mom, I went to the bathroom before I went to bed, Honestly!"
    J. Jaime Valk
: "The Chastity Moat - works every time!"

42.
"Golf Gimme"
    A.
Chris Johnson (aka
"Dr. Laugh"):  "The BEAR at Nicklaus North takes on a whole new meaning!", "Who did you say sponsored this hole?" & "I feel for the green keeper who has to fix those spike marks on the green..."
    B.
Darwin McKee
:  1st golfer: "Look - there's a Bear."  2nd golfer: "Can we outrun a Bear?"  3rd golfer: "No, But I can outrun you two..."
    C.
David M. Muench
(aka "Shiny Happy Head"):  "Lacking the focus and professionalism of Tiger Woods, 'Bear' Forrest approaches the game with a clumsy fervor that frightens the competitors.", "The 'Grizzly Adams Open' ends on a sour note." & "Um, mulligan!"
    D.
Kirk Lowry:
  "Dangit, I'm TRYIN to poop here!!!",  & "Hey, guys... this one breaks to the right!"
    E.
Ron McCoy:
  "OK, who didn't yell 'Four!'"
    F.
Barry Newton:
  "Hey guys - do you know if a golf cart can outrun a grizzly bear?"
    G.
Ron Wells
"Bear 'Mind if we play through?"
    H. L.B. Scott
: "Man, my wife would do anything to ruin my golf game."
    I.
Braden Evans:
"The golf course just got the new security system running."

43.
"Wheel-y High Tricycle"
    A.
Kirk Lowry:
  "Alright, what sorry joker took the tassles off my handlebars?"
    B.
Cory Prior:
  "Hey! Do a wheely!"
    C.
Ron Wells
"He thinks he is such a big wheel since his promotion."
    D.
Joshua Aubbs
"Sooo, how do I get down from here then?"
    E.
Jim Davis
"I can't hear you, did you just say 'Tornado Warning'?",  "Moments before the tragic accident: 'Man rips off both arms attempting giant wheely'.",  "Wrong day to wear a utility kilt to the construction site.",  "Tonight's Late Night Feature: Escape from Stalag Kindygarden." "His epitaph is going to read 'Some assembly required'." & "Hey up there, I just found this screw. (sounds of metal creaking)"
    F. Irvin Kauffman:
"OH YEAH... My way IS the HIGH-WAY!!!"
    G.
Linda Newman
"Full throttle dry run."
    H.
Adrian James:
  "He sure is riding sky-HIGH since his promotion!!!"

44.
"Suntan For Weight Loss"
    A.
Kirk Lowry:
  "Scientists have determined that it can be hazardous to sunbathe beneath ozone holes." & "Can't fall asleep at the beach? Try counting circling vultures!"
    B.
Joe Hernandez:
  "The South Beach Diet Works!"
    C.
Adrianne Hobbs:
  "Looks like the Nazi's are back in town and this time they've gone to Florida."
    D.
Cory Prior:
  "Mary was invincible at the beach, no shark even cared about her. LaToya and Shaniqua were a different story however..."
    E.
Nancy Atherton:
  "Winner of the 2005 Anorexic/Bulemic of the Year Contest!"
    F.
Mike Foland:
  "Janice is the newest member of the Anorexic Anonymous Club, seen here with the founding members."
    G.
Katherine Corfield:
  "Oh the irony... note the fat lady at the back..."
    H.
Brent Offenberger:
  "Where's the 'BEEF'?"
    I.
Ron Wells
"I wonder if I can pick up one of those babes?"
    J. Donna Faye
: "Donate to Gulf Hurricane Relief, residents need food, clothes, and anchors in case of stiff breeze!"
    K. Irvin Kauffman:
"It's said: "You can never be too thin or too rich!" Really?..."
    L.
Brian Smedley
"Debbie, do you smell something? Yea. I think someone's barbecuing some ribs!"
    M.
Terry Mossip
"I hate to say this honey, but is your nose ever big!"
    N.
Maggie Leinbach
"Is this what going through thick and thin means?"
    O. Leonore Garcia
: "Have you called Jenny yet?" & "You are what you eat!"
    P.
Patricia Cooke
"Are you sure that isn't Nicole Richie?"
    Q.
Paul Brown
"Surprisingly, a good tan does make you look thinner."
    R. D. K. Browne:
"Look Shawntay! That poor girl's neck ain't big enough to hold her own head on. She gotta grab the back of the chair to keep it from rolling off into the sand!"
    S. Andrew Ussery: Surefire way to cut down on Suntan Lotion expenses.

45.
"Whazzit - New Animal Breed for 2005"
    A.
Kirk Lowry:
  "MOM!!! Dad's been messin around with my chemistry set again!", "Oops..." & "Yeah, well, one day I mistook Lab 3 tubes for Lab 4 tubes and... well..."
    B.
Des Condon:
  "New Age Man (Sensitive, caring, in touch with his inner self)"
    C.
Ric Mossip:
  "Yes dear, your Grandmother was a Golden Lab - that's true... but your Grandfather was a lazy Plumber."
    D.
Edna Gaspard:
  "I've Heard Of Men Called Dogs Before In My Life, But This One Takes The Cake." & "I Finally Found 'U-Man-Dogs' That Breed With Woman!"
    E.
Goldie Kildea:
  "Jar Jar Binks takes time off from his 'Star Wars' Episodes to go back home to Naboo and be with his wife Pinks after she gave birth to Triplets."
    F.
Alex Holly:
  "Name for Creature: Horriblemente Feo"
    G.
Roy Gathercoal:
  "Obviously fake photo..."
    H.
Gene Davidson:
  "When Alf met Spacedog..."
    I.
Cody Strait:
  "This was the first draft of the MOG (half man, half dog, his own best friend) from Spaceballs - turns out, she was her only friend..."
    J.
Jamil Keating:
  Little girl, crying: "Don't be scared or worried, Dear - it's the deformed offspring of Eyore!"
    K. L.B. Scott
: "You're the reason our kids are so ugly!", "Living proof the girls really do get prettier at closing time." Joe Bob wrote a beautiful song for Peaches: "'I  Can't Take You To A Dog Fight Cause I'm Afraid You'd Win.'"
    L. Scott Stewart
: "A few beers with Spuds McKenzie and look what happens!", "Maybe now you'll stop hounding me for kids, honey." "More kids, by mutt---er---my butt!"
    M. Irvin Kauffman:
"After 2 AM... NOBODY'S UGLY!"
    N.
Linda Newman
"God's revenge for eating his animal friends."
    O. D. K. Browne:
"Miss Piggy: The Crack Years" & "Unfortunately Miss Piggy was unable to escape the fallout from the nuclear blast..."

46.
"Dental Floss That Crows On You"
    A.
Ric Mossip:
  "Ugh... six more weeks and this flippin' Dental Hygienist's practicum is DONE!"

    B. Kirk Lowry:  "So what if you floss daily? Myna still cleaner than yours!", "Hey, waidaminnit... I see a game hen in here! AHHHHHHHH!" & "Aaaaaaaaand then I just regurgitate the worm, and breakfast is done!"

    C. Cory Prior:  "Tang learned a lot from watching the Flinstones."
    D.
Ron Wells
Wal-Mart Press Release: "Here is proof of another Wal-Mart Associate Perk. We have just added Dental Care to our benefit package."
    E. L.B. Scott
: (Military Cadence): "A big black bird, with a big black bill, Was sitting on my windowsill. I coaxed him in, With a crust of bread, and then I chomped his... little head."


47. "David and Goliath' Sumo Mismatch"
    A.
Goldie Kildea:
  "The height of conceit knows no boundaries." & "It's not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog."
    B.
Ric Mossip:
  "For the last time Dad... I'm NOT going to bed. And If you keep up this argument... I'll KICK your rolly-polly Michelin Man ARSE!"
    C.
Ron Wells"
OK kid give me a break, let's now try the best of four out of seven?"
    D. L.B. Scott
: "Dude, haven't you ever heard of Slim Fast?"
    E. Chris Le Mottée:
"I produced something about your size this morning."
    F. Tony Holt
: "Subway vs McDonalds."
    G. Brent Offenberger:
"Dad was wrong on his fighting advice. He should have said, 'The bigger they are, the harder they are going to crush me!' "
    H. Joe La Rosa: "I poop bigger than you."

48.
"Mommy's Driving Too Fast Again"
    A.
Kirk Lowry:
  "Dang, I love this nitro!" & "Daddy's been eating bean burritos again..."
    B.
Darwin McKee:
  "I bet that's the last time old Snarky stows away in the back seat of dad's car on Drag Race weekends."
    C. Michael Thomas:
"I would kiss it goodbye... IF I could FIND it!"
    D. L.B. Scott
: "Dang lady, if you thought I left a mess on your living room floor, then you really don't want to look under this seat."
    E. Irvin Kauffman:
"Newest Aussie Export: 'Roo Dogs"
    F. Paula DeSantis:
"Put your head between your legs and kiss your bum goodbye!"


49.
"Bend-But-Don't Break On The Mountain Top"
    A.
Remo:
  "I gotta get some viagra!"
    B.
Kirk Lowry:
  "Caution... low-flying airplanes!", "Fred... now, look me in the eye and tell me you didn't eat my last bean burrito..." & "No, I still don't think the star we used on our tree last Christmas was too big. Why do you ask?"
    C.
Darwin McKee:
  "Well I might be just an old Haunch Back To you, but at least I'm not an old rock with my crack showing."
    D.
Laurie San Miguel:
  "I told you not to build him a damn treehouse, John. The kid weighs 300 pounds!"
    E.
Lady Tammers:
  "Nature Taking a Bow"
    F.
Bobby Blake:
  This is what happens when you get too close to Whitney Houstin when she sings the line... "ANNNND iii-ee ii will always looove you."
    G.
Ron Wells
"Why do all the trees in Minnesota bend towards the south? Because Iowa Sucks."

50.
"Proof That 7 x 13 = 28" - To celebrate our 50th Image Caption, we awarded  3 "Get Stuffed" Awards for the best submissions - find out who won...
    A.
Darwin McKee:
  "I like the size and the personal response and feedback from site owner."
    B.
Kirk Lowry:
  "Joe-ks.com and its owner are one of the very few bright spots in an otherwise dreary, mundane day! I can always count on a smile and/or laugh from the newest submissions, and a speedy response from the Joe-kster anytime I write! Keep em comin, Bro!"
    C.
Ken Ward:
  "WYSIWYG - What you see is what you get! The owner is genuine! He seems to respond to all emails ASAP! There is always a new or an old joke to return to that brings laughter; a mind tune-up; a needy diversion; or an escape from the reality of life. So whether it's this "creative counting Abbott & Costello 1941 math classic", "Claude Cooper's Clean Copper Clappers media joke", or a one liner such as "An eye for an eye... leaves the whole world blind" there is always something there in an organized, easy to find manner, that can "soothe your day". And yes... all things are "Possibell" and no... I don't think the "Joe-ks"ter won the "no-bell piece prize"... he is too nice a ding a ling!"
    D.
Stephen McCarthy:
  "Math Proofs that keep Blonds up to snuff."
    E.
Ron Wells
Politician: "I did promise not to raise taxes, and what I am proposing is not an increase in taxes. Let me use the Abbot and Costello formula to prove my point. Any simpleton can understand it, I did."
    F. Fried M. Khan:   7 x 13 = 28 ’cause 7 x (1+3) = 28  



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