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Yo Mama
| |
151.
"Kid
Kars"
A.
Irvin Kauffman: "Pole
Position in the 'Rat Race'"
B.
Mark Prairie: "This
would be FUN, if I could get this thing to go FORWARD!'"
C.
Doug Brown: "A
New Age Harry Potter"
D.
Idske Mulder: "Boat-orized
Blades"
E.
Rich Grogan: "Stop
sign? Stop sign! BRAKES!!!", "Where
is the stop button?"
& "I
may regret not getting knee pads."
F.
Kirk Lowry: "Brakes...
next time... add... BRAKES!!!"
G.
Martin Bridgland: "It's
my nimbus 2007"
H.
Della Norton: "Please..
.Please... Please... Don't let that be a pothole up ahead...", "Steering
wheel is optional."
& "I
hope this thing runs out of gas soon. My hands are getting cramped.'"
152.
"The
Joe-kster's Dentist"
A.
Kirk Lowry: "As
if a trip to you guys wasn't bad enough."
B.
Cherei McCarter: "Redneck
Dentist and a woman too? Holy toledo, Batman... I need the batmobile right
away... YIPES!"
C.
Idske Mulder: "Never
down in the mouth with Dental Clown Care!"
D.
Rick Miksell: "This
is what your mouth will look like when I get done."
E.
Mark Prairie: "Too
much gas can make you Goofy!"
F.
Maureen Kennerk: "At
least she's not wearing MASK SCARE-A."
G.
Irvin Kauffman: "Two
Chiclets to soothe that dry, raw mouth!"
H.
Claire Shriver: "Do
you actually think I'm going to open my mouth now?"
153.
"Watermelon
Bocce"
A.
Karen Moore: "7-pin
bowling in the Urals - Unbowlievable!"
B.
Maureen Kennerk: "It's
ALLEYmentary my dear Watson! - Alimentary!"
C.
Mark Prairie: "Unclear
on the concept of bowling, the Villagers wait patiently for the next earthquake."
D.
Idske Mulder: "Paintbowling,
the latest sport: a combination of Paintball and Bowling, now 'bowling' over
from the highest regions!"
E.
Barry K, The Big Kahuna: "I
hope it doesn't 'download' in the middle of an 'upload'... if the batteries go
dead?"
154.
"Redneck
Barbecue"
A.
Phoebe Moll: "Stainless
steel barbecue doubles as a spittoon!"
B.
Martin Grosse: "Bubba's
new High-Pot cooking stove."
C.
Irvin Kauffman: "Mountain
Oysters, Anyone?"
D.
Kirk Lowry: "Why
yes, I only use organic materials to cook with!", "Man,
this tastes like crap."
& "Methane-power
comes to your town! See store for details."
E.
Ivan Cobb: "Jeez
Ma, I don't know what yer cookin', but it smell's like crap!"
F.
Mark Prairie: "When
coals are ready, place pork butt on grill.", "Cold
Weather Commode"
& "Smokey
the Bear says, 'Only YOU can prevent toilet fires. Close the lid!'"
G.
Idske Mulder: "Say
hon', how many carbon tablets did you take yesterday for your B.M.?"
H.
Mrs Brown: "If
the chilli didn't kill you, the after burn will!"
I.
Barry K, The Big Kahuna: "Before
we start...?! DON'T 'ANYONE' EVEN THINK ABOUT PUSHING THAT SMALL SILVER LEVER ON
THE SIDE! We got that?", "Well
would you lookie there - A 'CANNED' BBQ!", "Time
to eat, let us pray, 'Hail Mary, full of grace... grab your fork and stuff your
face.'", "When
everyone saw his new BBQ, they all looked a little... 'FLUSHED'...", "
& "Um-m-m...
excuse me? I'd like to ask a little question? I have to go to the bathroom
now...!?"
J.
Keith Tyson: "Hot
cross buns"
K.
James Santos: "Grate
Crapper!"
L.
Della Norton: "Does
it comes with a 'flush the fat' system?"
& "You
too can own your own handy dandy newest porcelin Geoge Foreman Grill."
M.
Scott Kovalik: "Dude...
Your Burgers taste like Crap!"
N.
Kyle Ziegler: "Introducing
the FART n’ Start Grill!"
O.
John Wildermuth:
“Fish fry tonight. We're having crappie.”
155.
"Wrap
Around Text"
A.
Mark Prairie: "It's
just the paperboy honey. I'll take care of it!"
B.
Kirk Lowry: "Taking
a love for reading to new levels.", "Levar
Burton and the shocking 'Reading Rainbow' scandal...", "Love
a good book?"
& "Penthouse
Letters will never be the same again!"
C.
Irvin Kauffman: "Words
fail me..."
& "It'll
never sell, the writing is too personal!"
D.
Kathy Williams: "Just
reach out and touch someone... with a heartfelt letter."
E.
Rhiannyn Grahame: "Let
the words surround and captivate you."
& "Embrace
the story to become part of it."
F.
Andrea Sif Jónsdóttir: "A
student who embraces the written word."
& "His
words just reached out and grabbed me."
G.
Idske Mulder: "Since
she fell in love, she's all wrapped up in writing."
& "Can't
get a word in edgewise..."
H.
Mike Trimble: "It
must be Love - it's written all over your face!"
Caption Winner!
I.
Mrs Brown: "Hmmmm!
NOW for spell check...", "Mr
Write", "What
a novel relationship they have!"
& "A
picture is worth one thousand words."
J.
Samantha Moore: "I
Love Reading; Reading Loves Me."
K.
MG Chimaera: "Sometimes
Words Are Not Enough"
L.
Barry K, The Big Kahuna: "This
isn't what they call... 'POETIC LICENCE", is it?"
& "I'm
touched... Truly touched. I, I have no words to express... But, there's just far
too many spelling errors here... the relationship just won't last!"
M.
Clark Gibson: "Embracing
words"
N.
Bill Mielniczuk: "A writer totally “wrapped up”
in her work!"
O.
Rick Brennecke: "You must be a hard copy."
P.
Danica Skirly: "Everyone
has a story to tell."
Satellite Dish, this is getting ridiculous."
Q.
Vincent Edwards: "Letters:
For Lover's Who Can't Afford a Cell Phone or DSL Hook Up"
R.
Mike Rothwell: "And
one more thing my love... If I die in this stupid war, please give the enclosed
letter to our daughter when she turns 18. Love, me."
S.
Dave Westwood: "Love
Story..."
T.
Della Norton: "Who
said poetry can't reach out and touch someone?"
& "It
was the love of reading rainbow that got her started."
& "See
I told you that when you look closer the 3D image appears. So real you can reach
out and touch it..."
U.
Pat Dooley: "Like
poetry and a novel, thousands of words can be spoken, but sometimes, all we
really need, is a hug..."
V.
Tim Paul: "I
care about the living word."
W.
Graydon Pieterse: "Find
comfort in a book."
X.
Mary Didla:
“Imagination can be real”
156.
"Hang
On To That Thought"
A.
Karen Moore: "This
house is a mirror image of what it used to be."
B.
Matt Sullivan: "Darn
Windows 'Vista' Upgrade!!!"
C.
Kirk Lowry: "Yeah,
I'm gettin' the hang of it.", "Relocating
made easy! Call now, and you'll also receive..."
& "Yeah,
the neighborhood was going to hell in a handbasket, but then I figured out how
to turn that all around!"
D.
Idske Mulder: "Don't
forget this is really a flat when you step outside!"
E.
Mrs Brown: "'Meow?'
translation: 'OK! Where IS that breeze coming from then?'", "'Meow!
Meeeeooow!' translation: 'Great! More access to the great outdoors to go potty!'", "Snow
in the middle of Summer? Ozone friendly air conditioning."
& "What
did we move for? It sure wasn't for the view, THAT'S just the same!"
F.
Barry K, The Big Kahuna: "I
keep tellin' ya people, it's an 'INSIDE JOB'! No, i'ts an 'Outside-In' job. No,
it's ALL Inside-Out!", "Hm-m-m
? What would happen if I put them in the floor... or the ceiling?", "Oh-h
oh-h-h....the neighbors Pit Bull can see Tinker, it's running over!", "Honey,
come help. Which goes where? And where's the flippin' instructions?", "Oh
my! Another 'Room With a View'."
& "Bob,
this is freakin' me out! I still can't find 'THE FRIGGIN DOOR'!"
G.
Clark Gibson: "Just
Hanging Out"
H.
Mark Prairie: "These
"preview" windows are a real pane in the glass!'"
I.
Irvin Kauffman: "Okay,
OK... put the freeze-dried cat where?"
J.
Rick Brennecke: "Where
should I put this window, so the cat can't look out it?"
K.
James Santos: "Inspiration:
The cat's named Microsoft..."
L.
Della Norton: "No...
No... No... Master, please put that on the south wall."
& "I'm
begging you - don't put it there..."
157.
"Childhood
Romance"
A.
Darrel Riffle: "That
kid's just gross! He blew his nose on me the other day too!"
B.
Mark Prairie: "Later,
Little Bill would learn to play the saxophone and eventually become President."
C.
Idske Mulder: "So
what, I'm laughing on the wrong side of my mouth!"
& "He's
kissing on the wrong side of his head!"
D.
Irvin Kauffman: "Where's
MY stamp?"
& "Cut,
CUT, the kid's holding hands with herself!"
E.
David Duncan: "I
can feel something happening... Yes! You're sucking my teeth out too!"
F.
Rick Brennecke: "You're
not kissing me anymore lover, you have boy germs!"
G.
Paul Bottel: "Darn
that Betty Sue. She didn't care about Billy at all until I told her I liked him.
Now, look at her, the little fluzzie."
H.
Della Norton: "Wait
till I tell my Mommy on you."
& "Ohhhh...
You wait till you are alone by the swings."
158.
"Invisible
Motorcycle Race"
A.
Irvin Kauffman: "Zen
- and the Art of Air Hockey"
B.
Kirk Lowry: "Note
to self: tell mess-hall, no more Mexican food.", "As
soon as Democrats get out of Congress, we expect to get our motorcycles!"
& "So,
what would YOU do for a Klondike Bar?"
C.
Idske Mulder: "The
real airborne troops."
D.
Patrick Koch: "Flying
monkey first airborne preparing for take off."
E.
Jack Porcenaluk: "And
when you get up there, switch to the 'V' formation."
F.
Mark Prairie: "Chinese
troops practice for 100 meter simultaneous jump-rope competition."
G.
Candace Tori: "Featuring
our new 'Mind Over Matter' Matrix school."
Caption Winner!
H.
Floyd Barker: "The
new Chinese Stealth Troop Transport had only one bug left in it."
& "Now
here's discipline, I said 'squad halt' half an hour ago."
I.
Heath Young: "These
are the new workout routines for the military after watching all the Harry
Potter movies."
J.
Della Norton: "Gentleman...
Start your engines...", "I
didn't see this one coming... Neither did anyone else...", "The
saying is 'white men can't jump'. Nothing was said about the Chinese...", "When
I say jump, you don't ask how high. Just jump."
& "Auditions
for the flying monkeys in the Wizard Of Oz."
K.
René: "See,
white men can't jump..."
L.
Tim Paul: "No,
I will not sit on the toilet seat..."
M.
Howard Chapman: "Chinese
land mine locator unit in action."
N.
Joseph Mills:
“What we all will be driving if Obama is Re-Elected.”
159.
"Sandal
Sale"
A.
Phil Forde: "Leather
sale. See what you can do with just a little bit of ingenuity. The other one
reads Ends."
B.
Irvin Kauffman: "Latest
mini-skirt accessory for hard times!"
C.
Kirk Lowry: "Truth
in advertising, 101", "Behold!
The power of Photoshop, unveiled!"
& "Yeah,
I know... she's cheap."
D.
Sybil Williams: "Sale
4 the footloose and fancy Free"
E.
Mark Prairie: "Foot
fetish sale - buy one foot, get one free!"
F.
Idske Mulder: "Now
you believe he always nickels and dimes me?"
G.
Chris Martin: "Damn
those illiterate suppliers! I ordered leather-sole sandals..."
H.
James Santos: "Left
Says... FOR"
160.
"UPS
Fishing Boat"
A.
Irvin Kauffman: "Enough
'Horse' power to have a 'Crack' at all your needs!"
B.
Mark Prairie: "Worst
case of drug induced compulsive outboard redundancy I've ever seen, Captain!
This puts an end to "Eddie's Ride n' Snort" Channel Tours."
& "Not
guaranteed for Canadian
hidden-just-under-the-water-giant-boulder-in-the-middle-of-the-lakes."
C.
Idske Mulder: "When
the coast guard arrived they took powder!"
D.
Mrs Brown: "An
engine for every occasion.", "S.S.
Gas Guzzler"
& "You
think that's powerfull? You should see the other half of the boat!"
E.
Phil Forde: "I'm
so sick of those herrings getting away from me. Well let them try now."
F.
Pat Kelly: "FOR
SALE: Ski boat. Previously used by a church group for Sunday outings. Never run
hard, but does show some potential for the more sporty slalom enthusiast. Large
supply of cotter pins included."
G.
Carolyn Baye: "Yo-mama
power!"
H.
James Santos: "Engine
Envy?"
I.
Frederick Cordova: "Get-A-Grip
& Pray Tours!"
J.
Scott Kovalik: "Hang
on to your AAAAaaaaaaa!"
K.
Clem Reid: "So
THAT’s what’s driving up the price of gas worldwide.", "Designed
by OPEC’s crack team of naval engineers.", "Dial-a-Bottle,
St. Pierre to Fortune, call: (###)…", "Canada
Customs officials observed this cigarette boat...", "…
confiscated by officials. Owner charged with smuggling outboard motors…", "Hello.
Lloyd’s of London? How much to insure this boat and cargo? Yes. The crew is a
crack team.", "Dat’s
’de definition of a Euro-Redneck right ’der."
& "Just
a wee bit wider than Panamax…"
161.
"Swimming
Pool For Sale - House Not Included"
A.
Jutta Liesenfeld: "New
earthquake-proof hot tub design with high-rise view..."
B.
Karen Moore: "Your
dream pool is only a step away!"
C.
Idske Mulder: "Mom,
the girl next door invited me over for a swim. Can you help me reach the
doorbell please?"
D.
Mark Prairie: "The
search is ongoing for contestants and spectators of the ill fated 'Portly Guys
Cannonball Dive Competition'."
& "Clean
Fill Wanted, see building manager."
E.
Dawn Grounds: "Great!
Now I have to go to the bathroom..."
F.
Sue Gosselin: "This
would be our above-ground model."
G.
Della Norton: "Yes
sir, the orders are pouring in for our long lasting pools."
& "Yeah,
just jump from the balcony to the wooden platform and dive right in..."
H.
Joseph Mills:
“The new Spring Break In Panama Beach, Florida.”
162.
"Giant
Slingshot"
A.
Irvin Kauffman: "Plan
Your Trips with ORBITZ. Save on Flights, Hotels, Cars & Cruises!"
B.
Phil Forde: "Want
to beat the rush hour traffic? Try our new improved SLING SEAT guaranteed to get
there faster. No money back guarantee!"
& "I
told you I could beat you to McDonalds."
C.
Mrs Brown: "It's
like being shot out of a slingshot... It's not the flight that kills, it's the
sudden stop on landing!", "(Note
Flag in Background?) Aussie, Aussie, Aussie.....Oi, Oi,
Oooooooooooooiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaagghhhhh!"
& "The
new transport alternative from Australia to New Zealand! ...Hold on tight!
...NO! WAIT! DON'T!"
D.
Darrel Riffle: "Just
because I look like Mel Gibson is no reason to..."
E.
Brendan Groeneveld: "Ok,
checklist: *Insurance... Check. *Safety net... Check. *Cellphone... Check. *my
final will, written and filed... Check. *Helmet... uhm... oh boy..."
& "Save
our planet! FLY FREE-WILLY STYLE!"
F.
Idske Mulder: "Well,
they said it was a sitting job with good perspectives..."
G.
Mark Prairie: "After
being assured that he would not hit the building again, Bruce agreed to give it
another "shot", all the while hoping he would recover from his lack of
dimension."
& "Killing
two birds with one Bruce."
H.
James Santos: "My
Other Car Is A Catapult."
I.
Eric J. Paquin: "Worried
about terrorists? Fly with us!"
J.
Della Norton: "The
Jolly Green Giant's new toy. Oh Boy! Oh Boy! Oh Boy!... The target a can of
Corn."
& "Trying
to get to heaven on the seat of my pants."
163.
"Perfect
Fit Bed"
A.
Irvin Kauffman: "FULLY
REVERSIBLE: A) remove mattress, set aside; B) remove headbolts, (the bed's); C)
remove..."
B.
Mark Prairie: "How
to catch a Z..."
C.
Idske Mulder: "The
true origin of the expression 'falling asleep'."
& "For
sale: Designer Bed, hardly ever used, previous owner prefers sleeping on her
right side."
D.
Rhiannyn Grahame: "Sleep
like a baby, or you'll fall out of bed."
Caption Winner!
E.
April Dunaway: "Olympic
speed skaters train even in their sleep."
F.
Sue Gosselin: "Before
becoming a mattress maker, Bob worked in the homicide unit as the chalk outline
artist."
G.
Della Norton: "I knew they would take that chalk drawing too far one day.", "A bed for the mermaid in your life." & "One size fits all..."
164.
"Chocolate
Easter Eggs"
A.
Phil Forde: "Talk
about sitting on it until Easter?"
& "This
is where MILK CHOCOLATE comes from - your guess is where the dark chocolate
comes from."
B.
Idske Mulder: "A
cow may catch a hare, But the hare didn't think that was funny; Thus the cow
started to prepare A way to catch the Easter Bunny..."
& "Happy
Beaster"
C.
Mark Prairie: "Cluck-cluck-cluck-Moo...
Hey!... IF you don't MIND... A little PRIVACY Please!", "I
sure wish Henrietta would get back soon... I think I'm gonna sneeze!"
& "Due
to cross contamination, the cloning experiment was only moderately successful."
D.
Rysa Austin: "OOOpps
sorry - did I do That?"
E.
April Dunaway: "Got...
eggs?!?"
F.
Tom DeLaMater: "If
I can turn grass into milk, why are you surprised about this?"
G.
James Santos: "Eat
more chicken, Eat more chicken..."
H.
Sue Gosselin: "I'll
have the steak and eggs!"
I.
Della Norton: "Yeah,
you think this was so easy? You give it a try!"
& "You
said you wanted fresh scrambled eggs. Well here you go - milk and eggs."
165.
"iFrame"
A.
Mark Prairie: "I
wuz framed!"
& "Last
time I tried this, I fell off the shelf and broke my nose!"
B.
Idske Mulder: "Trying
to think outside the box!"
C.
Kirk Lowry: "Dang....what
was in that drink, anyway?", "Oooooooooooooooooooooooh,
crap...", "Okay,
guys... not funny anymore! Guys... guys?"
& "Rod
Serling... the college years."
D.
Andy Munday: "It
would of been easier to come out of the closet."
E.
Irvin Kauffman: "It's
OK... nobody's here!"
F.
Rick Brennecke: "I've
been framed, let me out."
G.
Doug L. Brown: "I
know how the hell I got in here, but how the hell do I get out?"
H.
Matt Paden: "She
shot me and put me in this tiny frame, but then she put me in the bathroom and
took a shower..."
I.
Les (The Redneck Parachute Guy): "That
Camera Captures EVERYTHING!"
166.
"Math
Clock"
A.
Karen Moore: "Every
second counts!"
B.
Steve Ingram: "Who
says you can't put a square idea in a round hole?"
C.
Kirk Lowry: "Okay,
now my head hurts...", "Sick...
pure and simple.", "How
to tell its time to find a new job..."
& "'Cruel
and Unusual' defined"
D.
Idske Mulder: "Just
found out why Aunt Marge is dressed to the nines every hour of the day..."
& "The
program starts at nine o'clock, but... when is that?"
E.
Ron Hudson: "The
definition of way too much time..."
F.
Michael Hack: "It
could take most of math class just trying to figure out when its finished."
G.
Margareth Warburton:
“So wrong, and yet so right!”
167.
"Golfer's
Breakfast"
A.
Mark Prairie: "It's
a Cinderella story... 300 yards from the kitchen table to the pin... not a peep
from the gallery...", "Those
dang golf course weasels been raiden the hen house agin, Maw!"
& "Confucius
say, 'Man who hurry breakfast, is teed off with egg on face.'"
B.
Irvin Kauffman: "Every
Drive a Hole-in-One with 'SecureBalls™' (papier mache or plastique?)"
C.
Kirk Lowry: "...until
one day, Tiger simply snapped."
& "How
Arnold Palmer starts his day."
D.
Idske Mulder: "What
did you have for breakfast? An Easter egg - off course!"
168.
"Blue
Angels Trainees"
A.
Phil Forde: "Angel
#1 to Angel #2. I hope you've packed your parachute."
& "I
told you not to laugh at the instructor!"
B.
Irvin Kauffman: "Ferry
Lands Escaping Air Farce"
& "Yes...
I found another quarter... I'm Flying!!!"
C.
Carol Thornton: "I
knew the price of fuel would get to us eventually..."
D.
Mark Prairie: "Victor
Foxtrot Zero Zero Two, This is the tower... There will be no SKIPPING on the
runway! Don't ask, don't tell!"
E.
Idske Mulder: "Can't
hang up my handbag on the control panel. Can't hang up my handbag on the control
panel. Can't hang up my... So, what's your line? And how many rounds do you have
to go?"
F.
Ian Howard: "More
military cutbacks?"
G.
Matt Paden: "The
new F-23 prototype is flawless but for a slight setback in mobility... Engineers
decided to sacrifice flight ability for better turning."
H.
Jerry Costello: "It
requires a whole new strategy to take on the Al-Qaida Air Force."
I.
Jay Canfield: "Never
lose sight of the 'REAL' customer - our products are important."
J.
Sue Gosselin: "Congress
approves funding for the Flinstone-22 combat jet."
K.
Joseph Mills:
“The New Drone, W/O the Plane.”
169.
"IRS
Toothpaste"
A.
Karen Moore: "If
only there were snakes like this in Scotland..."
B.
Kirk Lowry: "Colgate
salutes Steve Irwin... we'll miss you.", "Yeah?
Well, wait'll you see my loufa!"
& "Main
squeeze"
C.
Idske Mulder: "Redneck
biology lesson #1: 'How to find the right snake, not the kind that spits poison
on your toothbrush.'"
D.
Tom DeLaMater: "Eve,
are you sure this is such a good idea too?"
E.
Mark Prairie: "Fred
could not understand why his 'Last Drop Toothpaste Dispenser' was not accepted
by the Dental Association."
& "Earl
had no trouble brushing Mr. Snakey's fangs, however, shaving him would prove to
be more difficult."
F.
Marvin Purser: "There
isn't any udder way."
G.
Sue Gosselin: "Betty
had warned Bob about forgetting to put the cap back on."
H.
Della Norton: "Now
given out at schools around the country - new toothbrushes with holders.", "4
out of 5 Dentist recommend the snake tube squeezer as part of daily brushing."
& "No
more rolling the tube to get the last of the toothpaste."
170.
"Circular
Motorcycle"
A.
Irvin Kauffman: "We're
developing a Spare Tire!"
B.
Mark Prairie: "After
finally running out of gas, Charley found himself in the year 1954, at a
drive-in movie, somewhere in Milwaukee Wisconsin."
& "An
overwhelming desire to prove the physical laws of progression for a rotating
mass, and a penchant for self-abuse."
Caption Winner!
C.
Mike Trimble: "'Harley
Riders' can't even handle a 2-wheeler!"
& "Blessed
are they who travel in circles, for they shall be called 'wheels'."
D.
Idske Mulder: "This
pic was taken BEFORE he rode through what those horses left behind on the road.
He doesn't know what's 'hanging over his head' yet..."
E.
Ron Morton: "Necessity
is the mother of invention... someone want to invent a kickstand for me?"
& "Fuel
economy? I get about 45 RPG (Revolutions Per Gallon). By the way, does somebody
else want to invent a gas tank for this thing?"
F.
Andrew Edel: "With
300Hbp, WHO said Unicycles are only for Wimps?!"
G.
Sue Gosselin: "The
wheel on the hog goes round and round, round and round, round and round..."
H.
Della Norton: "I
only have one blind spot.", "Just
think - I will never have any bumper damage - I will just bounce right back."
& "I
hope I am not doing 80MPH when I get a flat!"
171.
"Health
Plug"
A.
Karen Moore: "I
can't weight to buy this gizmo!"
B.
Irvin Kauffman: "Pop's
Top Pops As His Weight Ends!"
C.
Idske Mulder: "I've
got a very up-to-date husband: He's self-inflatable!"
D.
Johnny and Joe Gorilla: "Get
Pumped Up"
E.
Lynne Wetherell: "Perfect
for politicians - Drains off all that HOT AIR they are so full of!"
F.
Mark Prairie: "Bob
(Bobber) Robert's threat to 'Blow Himself Up' was overheard by US Homeland
Security agents, and Bob was detained at the border until the agents where
satisfied that Bob could not reach the inflation valve with his own mouth."
G.
Andrew Edel: "Lose
weight the Old-Fashioned way at Power House Health Club: No Cheap Fads, Gimmicks
or Tricks!"
H.
Marvin Purser: "Calcified
Aorta Protector"
I.
Joseph Howard: "Health
Club fees swell - inflation to blame."
172.
"Addictive
Mahjong"
A.
Idske Mulder: "Can
you go and see what the children are doing upstairs hon'? I think I heard some
rumbling noise."
B.
Kirk Lowry: "Heh...
somebody had kimchee for dinner again last night! Boy, the Wongs are gonna be
pissed you blew their house down!"
& "Your
tech support dollars at work."
C.
Phil Forde: "I
told you what would happen if you didn't let Fred win. He usually just breaks a
glass, but this time... well..."
D.
Mark Prairie: "Local
villagers are undaunted by recent attacks by Godzilla and Mothra monsters,
imported from Japan. One Villager commented:
"We have
been watching those movies for years and were prepared for this, although there
was some delay, due to the out of sync sound track"."
E.
Andrew Edel: "Gee,
when you said we'll finish the game even if the house falls down around you, I
didn't take you literally."
F.
Michele Robson: "Twenny
Fi Cent anti??? YOU CLAZY?"
173.
"Dental
Checkup"
A.
Karen Moore: "Some
dental plans are a little too picky for me!"
B.
Irvin Kauffman: "OK,
she had the Vichyssoise, Steak Tartar, Peach Cobbler with Whipped Cream..."
C.
Mark Prairie: "In
order to demonstrate his unique training methods, Dr. Link fearlessly puts his
head into the human's mouth."
& "That
little hangy down thing back there, must be the 'yap' the human males are always
telling them to shut!"
D.
Kirk Lowry: "D*mn
HMO's...", "Yeah...
insert TicTac here."
& "Mr.
Pickles teeters on the brink of losing that dare and living forever with the
stigma of the 'monkey who didn't touch the epiglottis'."
E.
Idske Mulder: "In
some countries being a dentist is a monkey business."
& "What?!
No leftovers for me again?"
F.
Andrew Edel: "Thailand
trains monkeys as customs inspectors:
"She's OK
-
no contraband in here!""
G.
Della Norton: "How
to get your teeth fixed in Thailand.", "Dentist
opens primate molar inspection stand for tourists.", "Just
as I thought. You have Gingivitis.!", "Open
wide - this won't hurt a bit!"
& "I
am too late - she already swallowed the banana."
H.
David Watts: "Hmmmm,
did you know you still have your tonsils?"
174.
"Lightweight
Safety Glasses"
A.
Irvin Kauffman: "WARNING...
Stunt done by Professional Finisher in Closed Project. Kids - Don't Try This At
Home!"
B.
Kirk Lowry: "Thanks
for the tip, Enrique! I'm glad that we're finally over that whole 'I slept with
your wife' thing...", "Mexico:
putting the 'Y' in safety!"
& "Yes,
there is such a thing as 'too much Tequila'."
C.
Idske Mulder: "How
to keep your steel prices low..."
& "Perhaps
the boss needs some new glasses too; they might open his eyes!"
D.
Mark Prairie: "Shortly
after this picture was taken, Spalding's makeshift face shield fogged, obscuring
his vision. It was then he realized, using a right angle air grinder to perform
a self-pedicure was a bad idea."
& "To
lighten the monotonous drudgery, the workers would sing songs with a sound
similar to a large kazoo band."
E.
Andrew Edel: "Say
boss, are you sure this is the standard non-union safety wear?"
F.
Jay Canfield: "An
ounce of prevention may only be just that (rather than a pound of cure). Don't
settle for less when it comes to Safety."
G.
Sue Gosselin: "Gawd!
This job is killing me!"
H.
Della Norton: "OSHA
has only had to come out a few times this week.", "Did
you say I needed boots AND plastic goggles? What are those?"
& "What
do you mean, this will melt to my face?"
175.
"Motorbike
Surfing"
A.
Idske Mulder: "There's
more than one way to lose your motorcycle..."
B.
Karen Moore: "Next
trick: How to do wheelies on a motorcycle!"
C.
Kirk Lowry: "Geico
now covers motorcycles! They don't, however, cover idiots.", "Yeah...
he took a wrong turn at Alberquerque."
& "The
tires aren't the only things full of hot air here!"
D.
Peter Wright: "Hey
Dude, slow down or you'll aquaplane!"
E.
Chuck Dewey: "Last
time I buy the cheapest GPS!"
F.
Mark Prairie: "Local
Biker Joe (Pineapple) Dole, Inventor of the leather life jacket,
catches a rare 'Hawaiian Hardwater Wave'.", "In
an effort to save money on shipping and handling and with clever use of
Photoshop, Ernest was able to drive his new bike home from Japan."
& "Bridge
Out!"
G.
Andrew Edel: "WHO
said global warming is a bad thing?"
& "But
dude... this is Nebraska!"
H.
Dave C.: "Yamaha
said it's great off-road!"
I.
Rick Sardinha: "Jesus
Rides a Motorcycle"
J.
Sue Gosselin: "Wow!
That must be the new moat-across bike I heard about!"
K.
Della Norton: "No
officer - really, the road washed out so fast. I had to do wheeleys to keep
afloat."
& "C'mon
Joe hurry - the water's rising!"
176.
"Land
Yacht"
A.
Kirk Lowry: "Dang,
that thing's a barge!!!"
&
(valet attendant): "'Sir,
your ship's come in.' "
B.
Idske Mulder: "Search
for the
Google Marathon Maps pic, and you'll know why this Land Yacht was built!"
C.
Andrew Edel: "James
Bond's American cousin Billy Bob Bond readys his amphi-car 'I'm gonna' catch me
sum bad guys!' ", "Whatsamatta
U automobile engineers put the finishing touches on their latest model. ", "Prospective
car buyers check out the first import made entirely in Bermuda!"
& "The
Redneck's Dream - a Cadillac with an Evinrude!"
D.
Mark Prairie: "Holy
mackerel! I think I flooded it when I fishtailed back there, I gotta head for
the car port and change my shorts, I have serious squid-marks. I'm worried about
floundering with all those Barracuda off Plymouth Rock! Not to mention the
Stingrays and Marlins!"
& "I
hope the boss doesn't dock me! Lucky I had some bailing wire and duck tape!"
E.
Mark Jenschke: "Now
that's what I call 'trolling' for girls."
F.
Marshall Wright: "Billy-Joe
finally got to cleaning his yard and put some of his 'lawn ornaments' to good
use."
G.
Della Norton: "Yup,
even the life jackets inflate during an accident.", "Fully
covered for floods and high winds."
& "We
can float on down the river to a secret hideaway and drive off into the sunset."
177.
"Ugly
To The Bone"
A.
Phil Forde: "Well,
I didn't get much meat off the
Joe-kster's ankle, so I'll just try mine!"
B.
Kirk Lowry: "Bite
me."
& "A
face only a mother could... ah, heck. That's just UGLY! "
C.
Idske Mulder: "They
crossed a sheep with a hyena, and then with a hog. Never realized they'd create
such an eye catching dog!"
D.
Andrew Edel: "FETCH!
Do I LOOK like I play fetch? ", "There
IS reason to fear, Demon Dog is here! ", "CUT!
That's a take! Now Buster, can U do cute and cuddly?"
& "C'mon
Lucky, Its time for your next Chemotherapy shot!"
E.
Mark Prairie: "After
the mishap, Scruffy would react violently to the sight of any barbecue grill or
starter fluid. This put a damper any backyard festivities that summer."
F.
Nick Aslett: "They
fed Gizmo his own leg after midnight to see if it would have the same effect."
G.
Ian Lehrke: "Take
a hike - I was born this way. What's your excuse?"
H.
Mrs Brown: "Me?
Ugly? I know. I looked in the mirror and I was blinded!", "Check
out the extra claws on the front legs! And YOU thought it was a dog? I say
aliens DO exist, and find Chihuahuas attractive as breeding prospects! "
& "I
would hate to see the owner. You know what they say about dogs looking like
their owners. Eeeeewwwwww! "
I.
Michele Robson: "Hey
Spike... you wanna play NOW ! well.. .do ya... do ya, do ya wanna play spike
huh?"
J.
Della Norton: "Steven
King's pet dog. Now we know where he came up with 'Pet Cemetery'."
& "Did
you think Cujo was a bad doggie? Well this is his son. You should see his Mom."
K.
Patrick Berechree: "Hell
Hound Need Blooooodd"
L.
Andrew Ussery:
“Introducing this year at the Westminster Dog Show... the Chernobyl Terrier.”
M.
Georgie Withers:
“Who else wants to wake me up this early?” & “After close examination of this creature, Biologist Dr.Smith finally confirmed that its biological father is Justin Bieber.”
178.
"Helmut
Helmet"
A.
Karen Moore: "High
on pot,
Helmut
tries to evade Italian paparazzi..."
Caption Winner!
B.
Ric Mossip: "Better
stainless, than brainless!", "Well
YES officer, it IS Department of Transportation Approved... The label inside
says, 'Suitable for high temperatures', and hey - it's hot out! "
& "Jeez
Mama... I know you are worried about me being on this motorcycle and I'm gonna
buy a helmet next payday... but... c'mon... a pot? "
C.
Kirk Lowry: "This
is your brain... this is your brain on pot..."
& "Dang
potheads, they're everywhere these days! "
D.
Mrs Brown: "Mamma
always said my life was in this pot.", "Helmut's
Brains Bolognaise Delivery and Take-Out ", "Spaghetti
to go - You swerve, I serve "
& "That's
the last time I tell Mamma I don't want dinner before I go! "
E.
Mark Prairie: "Despite
the pain caused by the hot pastafazool, Tony was determined to ride his new Moto
Guzzi."
& "Hey
Keed... whatsa matta fo you? Next time use a salad bowl! "
F.
Jay Canfield: "Someone
may get the basic concepts, but they miss the fine points or intentions."
G.
Idske Mulder: "His
plan to impress the girls with his new motorbike somehow didn't pan out.", "Helmut
always works late, but never goes without his dinner! "
& "So
this is antipasta? "
H.
Tim Paul: "It
was just pot luck."
179.
"Redneck
Automatic Lawnmower"
A.
Kirk Lowry: "Bubba
joins the crop-circle craze."
& "I
hate those toadstool rings... I hate those toadstool rings... I hate those
toadstool rings... "
B.
Irvin Kauffman: "Somebody
finally got your Uncle Bob's goat, eh?"
C.
Matt Dewart: "After
being run up the flag by his underwear, Lawrence realized he was in a bit of a
pickle."
D.
Mark Prairie: "Hey
Ricky Bobby, y'all better come look! Somebody done stole yer dawg and left a
littlebitty race car with a handle!"
E.
John Schrag: "How
did I get roped into doing this job all by myself?"
F.
Idske Mulder: "When
I'm at the end of my rope, the lawn's been mown!"
G.
Della Norton: "Now
if I could just make it go in the corners, I would really have it all done.", "Now
I have time to watch the football game without my wife yelling to go mow the
lawn."
& "I
put just enough gas to do 6 laps around the pole."
180.
"Jet
Bike"
A.
Karen Moore: "Quickest
way to put air into your tires..."
B.
Ric Mossip: "So
Dave, notice anything different on the bike?
Err, yeah
Mike, aren't those reflectors on the front forks new?", "Yeeeah...
this baby will go from Zero to tomorrow in .6 seconds!", "Where
do you put your legs? Behind your ears?", "Is
it fast enough to out-run Radar?", "Do
you get good mileage?", "Sooo,
other than the Bonnyville Salt Flats, and the Moon, where else can you ride it?"
& "Where
can I get me one of these babies? "
C.
Kirk Lowry: "Yeah,
it's fast... but I'm keeping a middle-eastern country solvent at the gas pumps..", "Well,
Detective, we found the bike... we found the gloves (wrapped so tight around the
handlebars that we needed a blowtorch to remove 'em)... but we never found the
thief."
& "Duuuude...
sweet! "
D.
Mike Trimble: "Call
Evil Knievel and ask him which way to the Snake River Canyon."
& "Once
I get on this _D@#m_ (mailto:D@#m) thing can you put up the kickstand?"
E.
Elizabeth Watts: "Goes
from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds, rider left behind."
& "Beats
airplanes in the air, doesn't carry baggage or riders."
F.
Mark Prairie: "Burnin'
up the highway, heavy metal thunder, racin' with the wind, cuz my pants wuz torn
asunder!"
G.
Idske Mulder: "Ideal
means of transport for fleeting visits!"
H.
Kelly Archibald: "Darn,
late for work again!"
I.
Sue Gosselin: "Another
movie remake... Easy Flier Returns!"
181.
"Portable
Auto Body Shop"
A.
Kirk Lowry: "For
some inexplicable reason, Bob's delivery service (we now have automobile!)
failed."
& "I
gots robbed, boss! Dey took de pizza, but lef' me da car!"
B.
Elizabeth Watts: "Look
Ma, it's got good brake system, no tires, but good brakes!"
& "Freddie,
the doors won't pinch your fingers anymore, just put on your seat belt and shut
up."
C.
Mark Prairie: "The
next downhill turn would prove to be a setback in Carlo's fledgling repo
service."
D.
Idske Mulder: "Just
a small hole in the bottom to put my head and shoulders through and I'll save
LOTS of money on gas!"
E.
Lisa Crispin: "Cash
and Carry?"
F.
Doug Brown: "What
lengths one will go to when it comes to acquiring scrap metal for money."
G.
Sue Gosselin: "Toyota's
new gas-saving hybrid car for 2008."
182.
"Yoga
Leadership"
A.
Kirk Lowry: "Laziness
of the future, today!"
& "Behold,
the power of Mac!"
B.
Cherei McCarter: "I
know what you're thinking, 'cause right now I'm thinking the same thing.
Actually, I've been thinking it ever since I got here. Why, oh why didn't I take
the blue pill???"
C.
Idske Mulder: "How
a plot is being hatched."
D.
Mary Cylch-Gwydd: "Open
the Pod Bay Doors Hal."
& "2001
Space Odessey"
E.
Matt Abramoski: "Doc,
I can't feel my legs."
F.
Mark Prairie: "Eventually,
Turtles would evolve to dominate the world of business and, like the Japanese
monster flying turtle Gamara, develop the ability to levitate. They would also
develop a heightened sense of fashion."
& "The
Giant Pack-man can be seen attacking wall street Mogul J. Pierpont Farthington,
sweeping him of his feet."
G.
Irvin Kauffman: "Just
Don't Ask Me to Float a Loan!"
H.
Della Norton: "I
told you this was a good magic trick. You can't even see the wires."
& "And
you said I couldn't do it. Chris Mindfreak showed me how."
183.
"Eyekon
Camera"
A.
Mark Prairie: "Louis
had successfully reduced the size of his camera to a point where it would not be
noticed when attached to his shoe. He hoped this would prevent the resounding
slaps and harsh criticism he had received in the past."
B.
Idske Mulder: "This
camera is so small you can always have it with you and use it at a pinch!"
C.
Mark Jensen: "Damn,
I need the Telephoto!"
D.
Sue Gosselin: "I
shutter to see this!"
E.
Della Norton: "Honey,
I shrunk the camera. Now the kids can take pictures of their trip in the back
yard."
184.
"Out
On A Bender"
A.
Kirk Lowry: "...
women drivers ...", "Mercedes-Bends...
no false-advertising here!"
& "Ummmm...
Bob.... what exactly did we drink last night? "
B.
Idske Mulder: "I
thought I'd bend the parking rules a bit..."
C.
Mrs Brown: "Beamer
Mini Loads - It's not just our hours that are flexible.", "Spiderman
doesn't understand why he failed angle parking.", "Transformers
Grandfather seized with arthritis mid motion.", "BMW
bargains - Wall to Wall deals!"
& "You
like this one? Wait until you see our M6 convertibles..."
D.
Mark Prairie: "Gumby
was L bent on driving everyone up the wall.", "Humpty
bent his dump, haulin' plus size hippopotamumps."
& "Vancouver
backup maneuver."
E.
Cheryl Hassell: "I
told you I would fit into this parking space!"
F.
Irvin Kauffman: "Mercedes'
Bends"
185.
"electricAL safety"
A.
Kirk Lowry: "Hey...
wonder what this switch does.................................. oops."
B.
Karen Moore: "Is
this legAL?"
C.
Mark Prairie: "This
man is very much being a nimrod, every person is knowing you should not supposed
to wear a watch when you will be working with great voltages of this most
highest of levels!", "This
image was taken shortly before Mr. Depakshoekablooey's ill fated attempt at time
travel. His demise crippled the 1-800-help line system for the entire North
American continent."
& "Umm...
I smell sausage cooking!"
D.
Idske Mulder: "Some
people are so well connected to their job!"
E.
John Schrag: "Me
an electrician? No, my wife is going to practice driving and I'm out of there!"
F.
Ian Lehrke: "I
couldn't use Jumper Leads..."
G.
Jon Varley: "AL's
wife was beginning to get worried he was taking the hunt to get free cable a
little too far..."
H.
Cheryl Hassell: "I
am sick and tired of waiting on the electric company to fix the problem. I'll
show em!"
I.
Vincent Edwards: "Think
of the Virgins. Think of the Virgins."
J.
Della Norton: "No
Al - don't cut the red wire! That's the cable..."
K.
Tom Clyne:
“Oh my, it’s starting to rain. I’ll just do this real quick...”
186.
"Ukrainian
Crotch Jumping"
A.
Karen Moore: "Why
use a Pole when you can use a Ukrainian?"
B.
Irvin Kauffman: "The
Nutcracker Unsweet Jump"
C.
Idske Mulder: "They
finally found a way to get a jump on him..."
& "I
think the man on his head is off his head!"
D.
Mark Prairie: "Igor
Stanislas demonstrates the inverted "V" pile driving technique. After his
assistants removed his head from the ground, he commented, "It is good I wearing
supporter of the athletics!".", "Say...
isn't that a chestnut mare?", "An
ample diet of beer and cabbages enabled Boris to lift a horse and rider several
feet into the air, however this stunt caused a very low attendance, totaling a
mere three unsuspecting spectators."
& "What
a gas!"
E.
April Dunaway: "I
tried to tell him that a vasectomy would be less painful..."
F.
Phil Forde: "Next
time I'll be more careful and NOT break the cross bar."
& "Let's
hope this new metal underwear is as strong as they say!"
G.
Cheryl Hassell: "It
would be so nice if this equestrian club could afford jumps."
H.
Kristina Hudson: "That's
what you get for not saluting!"
I.
Nick Roehrig: "OK
Mihihlo, make a wish and I'll be right back."
J.
Della Norton: "Why
Ukrainians have a leg up in 'World Equestrian Show Jumping' events...", "Ukrainians
who horse around tend to have high voices."
& "An
inauguration ceremony of formal investiture whereby the individual assumes the
position..."
187.
"Rubik's
Head"
A.
Kirk Lowry: "Salvadore
Dali: the Nightmare Years", "I've
got a headache this big, and its got Excedrin written aaaaaaall over it.", "Ummm...
Earl? What exactly did we do last night?"
& "When
plastic surgeons go bad: tonight, at 11."
B.
Idske Mulder: "Now
let me see... Where did I leave my keys? No, not there! Perhaps there? Or there?"
& "Do
I look puzzled? But I'm only playing with thoughts!"
C.
Jon Varley: "After
being hit by Umbrella Corp defenses, the Resident Evil team realised humpty
dumpty was based on a true story."
D.
Mark Prairie: "The
location of Norman's house next to the cemetery, provided him with all the
material he would need to make the mask. However, the kids in the neighborhood
would remember this Halloween and avoid the Norman residence, like a helping of
liver and onions, for years afterwords."
& "Louie
Wurlitzer, inventor of the disco mirror ball."
E.
Della Norton: "I
think I know it, now turn the middle 3 times to the right, turn the left side 2
times, down and the right side up once, or was that twice? OOHHH Man I just
can't get it."
188.
"Handicap
Helper"
A.
Karen Moore: "Putting
a new meaning to raised toilet seats...", "Handi-Crap Helper" & "Hang on... I think I've got it!"
B.
Martin Grosse: "Lending
a helping hand to disabled bums."
C.
Mark Prairie: "To
all Humans, You have broken my circulation pump with your insensitivity to a
robot's needs. You have let my batteries discharge for the last time...", "Goodbye
cruel world...", "Robby
the Robot"
& "How
does that grab ya?"
D.
Kirk Lowry: "New
from Japan! Feeling frisky? Need a little pick-me-up? Try the new and ultra
high-tech Goose-o-matic 2000!", "And
now, back to 'Life of a Terminator: The Layoff Years'."
& "Addam's
Family Upgrades"
E.
Idske Mulder: "That
was not what I meant when I asked you to give me a hand in the bathroom!"
F.
Kevin Card: "Stop
right there! Pay before you sit...", "On
second thought maybe I will get that exam from the doctor instead!"
& "A
warming hand for those experiencing constipation."
G.
Ian Lehrke: "Suddenly
I don't wanna go..."
H.
Glenda Mellinger: "I
told you I'd be back!"
I.
Della Norton: "Ladies,
no more wiping off the seat after someone else has been in there. This handy
dandy hand wipes it for you.", "If
you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweety - wipe the seaty. Oh yeah, you don't
have to know metal maid is here."
& "Have
no fear - I am here to help you work it out..."
J.
Joseph Mills:
“Part of the new Obama 'Health Care Package' for seniors and disabled Americans.”
189.
"Collara Dog"
A.
Kirk Lowry: "Inspirational
poster: 'Dedication'", "Inspirational
poster: 'Determination'"
& "...
I was framed."
B.
Mark Prairie: "You
don't need to shout!"
& "Descended
from the pointer, or needle tail breed, Victor, the Victrola dog, waits
patiently for his masters voice. These dogs once provided entertainment for the
family and are excellent with children, however, they do not get along well with
furniture."
C.
Idske Mulder: "Don't
know why they took this pic so soon. I'm not even half way through the furniture
yet!"
D.
Mark Worth: "Gee,
my master is using me as a Mobile Satellite Dish, and he takes me to all the
parties."
& "Gee,
I wish my master would buy a proper Satellite Dish, this is getting ridiculous."
E.
Vincent Edwards: "Barf
Control"
F.
Letha Fenwick: "Looks
Like He Got the Message!"
G.
Della Norton: "I
will tar and feather him! Tar and feather... Wait, where is the tar? I knew I
was forgetting something."
& "Wait
till he sees his prized stuffed pheasant now..."
H.
Tom Clyne:
“As a puppy, he had enjoyed listening to his master’s collection of vintage RCA Victor records, and taken pleasure seeing the dog in the logo “His Master’s Voice.” Sadly, his owner passed away, and his new master never played music - just listened to talk radio. It drove the dog crazy! One evening alone he had to show his frustration, and to express his wish to hear the RCA Victor repetoire. Assuming his pose, he awaited the return of his master...”
190.
"Water Music"
A.
Karen Moore: "Recent
British floods force pianists to 'Handel' with care..."
& "How
to tune your piano to the key of Sea."
B.
Irvin Kauffman: "Not
enough oars!"
C.
Robert Johnston: "The
music is OK, but from here, it seems a bit watered down."
D.
Idske Mulder: "Rippling
music"
E.
Phil Forde: "The
rendition of Titanic was so moving, it bought tears to the whole audience!"
& "Joe,
you know that leaky pipe I told you about? Well, it's like this..."
Caption Winner!
F.
Patrick D. Jozefowicz: "Lost
at C"
G.
Mark Prairie: "Tidal
Flats and Sharks... Tonight 8 pm cst... 14 O'clock Canada time, the Discovery
Channel"
H.
Kevin Card: "I
told you not to use the dampening pedal!"
I.
Bill Mielniczuk: "I
asked to you to PLAY the Blue Danube, not play IN the Blue Danube!"
J.
Sue Gosselin: "Let
me tell you dear, Carol's recital went swimmingly!"
K.
Tom Clyne:
“Though discomforted by a light rain prior to the garden recital, and perhaps concerned by the for-boating sky, the audience soon found themselves buoyed by the artist’s fluid mastery of her instrument as she swimingly displayed how well-anchored was her understanding of the composer, ultimately releasing a flood of cascading chords, and causing a raft of listeners to become submerged in the depths of a rising tide of music. Overcome by waves of emotion, there was not a dry handkerchief remaining.”
191.
"Toy Recall"
A.
Karen Moore: "Another
ungrate-ful kid..."
B.
Irvin Kauffman: "Grate
Cheeses, Lettuce Spray!"
C.
Mark Prairie: "After
the incident, park district officials banned children from the slide and it
became a popular hangout for gourmet chefs and vegetarians."
& "Hey!
There's a shredded boy scout under the end of this slide!"
D.
Idske Mulder: "Having
grate fun!"
& "Take
your grategrandchildren to this grate playground: No escrape possible!"
E.
Kirk Lowry: "Uncle!!!
UNCLE!!!"
& "Yeah?
Well, you should see it make Julianne Fries!"
F.
Phil Forde: "Urgent
toy recall. We regret our new toy may cause rashes on some people. We are still
doing tests to eradicate this problem. We would be very grateful for any
feedback. Or as the case may be food back!"
G.
Lorraine Jeziorski: "'A
slice of life' for the younger generation."
H.
Kelly 'Dumpster Diva' Rae: "Say
Cheese!!!"
I.
Matt Couture: "I
thought my dad was going to chew my ass!"
J.
Sue Gosselin: "Reuse,
Recycle, Reduce!"
Caption Winner!
K.
Terry Petko: "Jimmy
was having a 'grate' time until someone cut the cheese."
L.
D. K. Browne: "Oh
Grate!"
M.
Ray Roberts: "Grate
Cheesy Slide"
N.
Tom Clyne:
“Unfortunate slide reported in usage of park facilities.”
192.
"Alternative to Elevators"
A.
Kirk Lowry: "Nobody
could prove it, but it was always suspected that Frank Lloyd Wright's son may
have gotten ahold of his dad's floor plans..."
& "Welcome
to The Company. Obviously, the higher you progress up the corporate ladder, the
bigger the perks."
B.
Idske Mulder: "Company
dress code: Firm trousers & no high heels. Taking a small cushion to work is
recommended."
C.
Pat Jozefowicz: "They
weren't built to be water slides, but after the first couple of people slid
down, they became water slides."
D.
Mark Prairie: "I
figure Chubby is stuck about halfway down again, go get a couple of the
seventeen pound Brunswick's, the purple ones, and move those damn candy machines
down to the first floor."
E.
Matthew Dollinger: "Amendment
to dress code (due to workers-comp burn claims)...Skirts are no longer
acceptable for employees working on the 2nd floor or above."
F.
Sue Gosselin: "Listen
- I'm not saying the company's screwed up, but..."
G.
Ed Pellicciotti: "Coming
down is okay, but going up is a bitch."
H.
Della Norton: "After
a long days work, the employees get to play for a while to relax them before
they go home. Relieves stress by 97%..."
& "This
company changed the 'all work and no play' policy."
I.
Joe Buckner: "These
escape slides are just in case Bubba gets into your cell."
J.
Nick Amso: "America's
response to the 'Tube'."
K.
Tom Napoli: "Yea!
CEO's get a golden parachute, subordinates get a silver cork screw!"
L.
Tom Clyne:
“MEMO: Once again we must repeat that company rules require that every employee MUST use the washroom BEFORE descending to the first floor.”
M.
Alison Melrose:
“At last, a simple way round the disability act for getting wheelchair bound staff out in the event of a fire!”
193.
"Trampoline
Safety"
A.
Kirk Lowry: "Trampoline
safety: get the point?", "Okay,
Fred... now, to join our little fraternity, all you have to do is...", "No
prob! We haven't had so much as a single bruise since we installed the new John
Deer Trampoline Safety System!"
& "But
Mom... we really CAN'T go outside to play!"
B.
Irvin Kauffman: "Duck
the Thirty-Six Point Buck!!!"
C.
Idske Mulder: "Who
says trampoline jumping is pointless?"
D.
Donald H. Sartori: "I
guess you could say, the buck stops here."
E.
Phil McGinley: "At
first, Ernie and Paul's Deer Ranch was a dismal failure. They kept losing deer
every night until they figured out the meshed enclosures were installed
upside-down."
F.
Mark Prairie: "After
Hobo Frank finished of the cheap wine he referred to as 'Trampoline' he
staggered over to the deer and mumbled 'which one a you is Rudolph and what did
you do with Santy Claus?' "
Caption Winner!
G.
David Van Dyk: "You
won't believe the deal I found, a trampoline just over 6 bucks."
H.
Sue Gosselin: "Take
our salt licks away will ya..."
I.
Glenda Mellinger: "CAUTION:
this trampoline will get you Horny!"
J.
Della Norton: "Just
a few pointers on how to use this trampoline."
& "There
is a new point system to trampoline jumping. You get a buck every time you
jump..."
194.
"Tennis
Halfpipe"
A.
Kirk Lowry: "...and
that was 'Curling Deadlifts'. Now, the next exhibit on our Tour of Failed
Olympic Venues, the Tennis-Pipe..."
B.
Idske Mulder: "Round
the bend tennis"
& "Tony
Hawk's tennis court"
C.
Mark Prairie: "Shoddy
construction of tennis court linked to local Rackets.", "I
say Reggie, how about a bit of tennis? Which do you prefer? Clay, hard or Velcro
with helmet and knee-pads?"
& "Net
leaps became a thing of the past, when most of the players wound up in a cast."
D.
Della Norton: "Quiet,
Please! He is going to do a triple flip, skip down, turn around upside down, one
handed serve..."
195.
"Desert Muffins"
A.
Karen Moore: "Some
people don't see water in their mirages."
& "Fruit
cakes come in all sizes."
B.
Idske Mulder: "Des(s)ert
muffins"
C.
Phil Forde: "Cup
cakes come in all sizes."
& "Stand
in sun for 5 minutes and HORRAY - up she rises!"
D.
Darlene Stafford: "Cowboy
Up Cupcake!", "How
many cupcakes does it take for Bin Laden to go back to his cave?", "If
Betty Crocker saw this she would be turning over in her grave...", "The
next Bachelorette contestants have arrived."
& "I'll
take Cupcake #4 for $500, Alex."
E.
Mark Prairie: "Due
to a communication problem, the aliens disguises were far from incognito.
Fortunately, they had landed in an unpopulated area near Roswell New Mexico, and
escaped detection, a trail of sprinkles the only evidence that they had arrived."
F.
Bob Nelson: "Lined
up on the Bonneville Salt Flats, contestants eagerly await their chance to set
the muffin land speed record."
G.
Justin Zachor: "Do
you know the Muffin Men?"
H.
Della Norton: "New
designs for the turtle population, we can stick our heads inside too and not be
seen."
& "Everyone
start your engines, get your Muffin Runnin..."
I.
Tom Clyne:
“Desperate bake-off contestants, challenged by the searing heat of the Mohave dessert, realized that they would have to escape from the relentless sun relying entirely on the only skills they had.”
196.
"Ascot
Fashion Statement"
A.
Irvin Kauffman: "Master
Jabba... Jedi Luke Skywalker is here."
& "...then
watch, next I'll make a little Kitty!"
B.
Idske Mulder: "When
this race is over, could you have James fetch the Bentley a bit soon, Dear? For
some obscure reason people keep asking me why we took the tube..."
C.
Mark Prairie: "Shop
Vac introduces their latest millinery creation, the 'Ten Gallon'."
D.
June O'Rourke: "Wait,
I'm picking up a signal. Bet it all on Glue Factory."
E.
Sue Gosselin: "Margaret,
you have taken this Red Hat Society too darn far!"
F.
Della Norton: "Think
anyone will notice the huge red [retzel on my head?"
& "Do
you think I will stand out in this crowd?"
G.
Darlene Benson: "This
looks like a good way to use old swimming pool noodles!"
197.
"Mechanical Patient"
A.
Karen Moore: "HMO's
new 'do-it-yourself' adjustable hospital beds."
B.
Kirk Lowry: "Hmmm...
while I'm here...", "*grumblegrumble*...
come to the bleepin hospital... get my bleepin oil changed... bleepin BlueCross..."
& "Hey,
buddy... that looks like a metric socket there..."
C.
Irvin Kauffman: "Not
enough jack for Doc's fee!"
D.
Idske Mulder: "The
best way to get carried away in hospital!"
& "Desperate
ills call for desperate remedies."
E.
Phil Forde: "I'll
fix that squeak if it's the last thing I do!"
& "Cut
the price of hospital care. Fix your own bed, and you get a 10% discount on all
other services."
F.
Mark Prairie: "Monty
was relieved that his roommate had remembered to wear something under his
hospital gown, and made a mental note not to ask how his accident with the car
jack had happened, ever again!"
G.
Harald Sandstrom: "By
Jove... he didn't clean his toenails!"
H.
Sue Gosselin: "Wow!
I thought my health plan was bad..."
I.
Pat Dooley: "What
the heck are you do-in?"
& "They
said they was all out of screws and cant do my knee surgery tomorrow... maybe
this here one will fit."
J.
Chet Brooks: "I
wonder where the LEAK started?"
K.
Cassidy Kohl: "Screwdriver…"
L.
Tom Clyne:
“Rules for those with private health insurance: (1) Your insurance does not cover any of the expenses of your hospital stay. (2) On the first day of their stay, you will be required to make your own bed. (3) On subsequent days, you are encouraged to amuse yourself observing new patients making their beds. (4) Having made your bed on the first day, you will have the necessary skill to maintain your bed for the duration of your stay. (5) Fresh linens may be had by washing them in your bathroom sink and drying them on the radiators.”
M.
Wayne Breighner:
“So this is what Obama’s new health care system looks like”
198.
"BraPod"
A.
Kirk Lowry: "No,
really... what WAS I drinking last night?", "Deloris...
I don't think you need to worry about where the lampshade went...", "Introducing
Victoria's Secrets new 'Holdup Bra'..."
& "Why,
yes, as a matter of fact, I did... how did you guess that I forgot to put my
contacts in this morning?"
B.
Phil Forde: "I
did ask for an uplift, but this is not what I had in mind!"
C.
Idske Mulder: "Bracellphone"
D.
Irvin Kauffman: "Oh
Bra...d, I'll wait for you!"
E.
Mike Trimble: "Of
course it's a hands free cell phone!"
F.
Mark Prairie: "Subject
demonstrates the A/C Double Parabolic Under Wired Reflector Cell Phone Signal
Enhancement Apparatus.", "I’m
sorry, your call cannot be completed as dialed, please hang out and try again."
& "Traditional
'first base' move, thwarted by cell phone interruption."
G.
Shelley Lloyd: "Quick-thinking
police cadet passes her final test: keep the bomb squad on the line and cut the
right wire!"
199.
"Carden
Garden"
A.
Phil Forde: "Yes
dear, I'll mow the lawns in the morning... talk about movable turf!"
B.
Irvin Kauffman: "You're
in a heap of trouble, boy... that Weed's illegal!"
C.
Kirk Lowry: "Whadda
ya mean, its high time I cleaned out my car?"
& "No,
officer, I'm not transporting grass... why do you ask?"
D.
Idske Mulder: "Hon',
would you park the park car in the car park please, or we'll end up with a
blooming ticket!"
E.
Mark Prairie: "The
new turfo charged Swedish Sod 900, that's one grassy chassis!", "The
new Ford Fairway!", "The
Dodge Divot!"
& "The
Chevy Chia!"
F.
Darlene Benson: "Ecology
class car!"
G.
Graham Benson: "This
is what happens when you put too much fertilizer on it!"
200.
"Peekaboo!"
A.
Kirk Lowry: "And
after seeing his shadow, Bob Jr. retreats back inside for another six months...", "And
after seeing his choices for the upcoming Presidential elections, Bob Jr.
retreats back inside..."
& "Boo!"
B.
Mark Prairie: "'Baby
Face' Francis, world's smallest paparazzi, dons his disguise before moving past
White House security."
& "Somebody
get me a ladder, the escape hatch is jammed."
C.
Irvin Kauffman: "'MEN
IN GREY – PROTECTING THE GIRTH FROM'… does Spielberg know about this?"
D.
Idske Mulder: "This
is a hold-up!"
& "The
baby has a real belly laugh."
E.
Mrs Brown: "Junior
dons his disguise to gain inside information at the baby show on how mothers DO
know everything and where exactly they hide those eyes in the back of their
head!"
F.
Jack Ragan: "Whoooo!
I need some air!"
G.
Della Norton: "See
Honey, I told you it is nice out here. You can come out anytime now!"
H.
Nick Amso: "Über
Sezarian."
I.
Tom Napoli: "Creative
child doesn't like the old fashioned way."
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