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joe-ks.com

Image Caption Submissions: #201- 250
Mini-View of all  Image Captions


Image Caption Submissions  for Images #1 to 50
Image Caption Submissions  for Images #51 to 100
Image Caption Submissions  for Images #101 to 150
Image Caption Submissions  for Images #151 to 200
Image Caption Submissions  for Images #251 to 300
Image Caption Submissions  for Images #300 to ...



Image Caption Contest #1 Winners for Image Captions #s 1 - 100 (Closed)
Image Caption Contest #2 Winners
for Image Captions #s 101 - 203 (Closed)

 

201. "Goat Power"
A. Irvin Kauffman:
"Comes with matched horns! (extra horny old goats slightly higher in the west)"
B. Kirk Lowry:
"All-natural trash-powered alternative to E-85, the latest hybrid is unveiled at today's symposium...", "Need gas? Feed beans!" & "Have goat.... will travel."
C. Idske Mulder:
"Yep, she takes me everywhere she goats!" & "Who's playing the goat here?"
D. Ian Lehrke:
"They are both blonde but the goat is not wearing the red shirt."
E. Phil Forde:
"I'm a tea-a-holic. I take my milk with me where ever I go."
F. Robert Johnston:
"What? You've never seen a bike equipped with a standard side goat?"
G. Mark Prairie:
"Sports model features tin can accelerator bracket.", "Blanch was determined to cure Billy of his tire biting problem." & "Although not as fast as her racing pig, Sheila found the goat better for touring. She still had to avoid 'Smokey Joe's Barbecue Pit' however."
H. Paul Bottel:
"Mary needs to have her hearing checked. I told her she needed to find a scapegoat not find an in shape goat!"
I. Della Norton:
"This is the new Seeing eye Goat... Test drive yours today!"

202. "Zipper Pavement"
A. Kirk Lowry:
"Well, boys, the weather and traffic've been tough, but we've finally got this sidewalk repair all zipped up!"
B. Irvin Kauffman:
"Zipping-up the World's Longest Hopscotch Field... (our latest Guinness' attempt)"
C. Idske Mulder:
"Street with a simple zip-code."
D. David Bailey:
"For God's sake - don't un-zip it! There's no way to tell the size of the monster it's holding back!"
E. Mark Prairie:
"Street repairs on the fly.", "New earthquake fault line found. Named Saint Notmy Fault, located near Pantzertite, California.", "Pardon me, your sidewalk's open." & "It was so hot... you could fly an egg!"
F. Ady Miles: What Zip Code did you say that broken pavement was in again?

203. "Redneck Solution for High Gas Prices"
A. Kirk Lowry:
"Mush!", "... No kibble is worth this ..." & "How the Grinch stole Christmas... Brooklyn Edition."
B. Mark Prairie:
"Earl's idea fer being thrifty, let the puppy pull his F150, but 'Lucky' stopped to take a lick and got the short end of the stick!", "Cesar whispered, This is called 'role reversal', your dog will no longer chase cars, but will have a bark like a Chihuahua." & "Floyd found that switching to a steak gave him a 5 mph increase and was still cheaper than gas."
C. Corey Millette:
"It's all uphill from here, ol girl.", "Think we should open the can, Bubba?" & "Beer would be better, but then Bubba would be the one doing the pulling!"
D. David Bailey:
"Horsepower? This thing runs on DOGpower!", "All I did was cock my leg on one wheel. Now I have to drag it around until it dries off!" & "Look Bubba - we're drivin' doggie style!"
E. Idske Mulder:
"I smell food-age."
F. Jack Porcenaluk:
"Sadly Lucky found out that stopping it was even harder."
G. Ralph Hammerl: Stop it!

204. "Rubber-Burning Backseat Driver"
A. Freda Heinrichs:
"Economy class tourist tours - you provide the 'horsepower'!"
B. Kirk Lowry:
"Where 'redneck' and 'entrepreneur' collide...", "&!@#%$**exhaust!!!!!!" & "New Orleans resumes its Bourbon Street Carriage Rides. News at 11."
C. Irvin Kauffman:
"I smell rubber... is the emergency brake on?" & "These ARE the breaks!"
D. Idske Mulder:
"Wheeling and dealing"
E. Brent Offenberger:
"'Listen to my story 'bout a man named Jed'" & "Who said you need a boat to ski?"
F. Mark Prairie:
"After a lifetime of collecting road apples, Grandma decided it was time to re-tire."
G. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Some folks in Borat's town are so rich their spare tire comes with a wench."
H. Mike Morrow: Street Surfing SUX!
I. Sharon Nash: Time to clean the streets

205. "Sushi Earrings"
A. Kirk Lowry:
"'What About Bob?' goes global with their latest sequil...", "Yep... he's one guppy shy of a full load." & "Mr. Magorium... the Senile Years."
B. Karen Moore:
"Genghis Khan's lobe-otomy secret."
C. Yvonne Ashmore:
"'Fishing for new jewelry? Angle these beautiful dangles! Only $9.99 - Comes with Fish Food.", "Catch-of-the-Day / No Knocks Offs - All New Dangle-Fish-Earrings. Eat your heart out L. Bobbit!", "'NEW' Dangle & Feed Earrings, a product of 'On Golden Pond' Wear-Made Only For the Urban turned Country Outfitter.", "Tired of 'Crappie' shopping to find something new to wear? Then you need the sassy and clear 'Gold Fish' Earrings, by String Line Accessories." & "Feeling lonely withdrawn? Offshore, Onshore or Inshore - You will shore pull 'em in with these fresh and original 'GO-FISH' danglers!"
D. Idske Mulder:
"Latest relaxation therapy: Listening to the sounds of Goldfish."
E. Phil Forde:
"At least MY fish is always fresh. Can you say the same?" & "I've got the fish outside my ears, got the spuds inside my ears. Now just the oil is missing!"
F. Mark Prairie:
"Why you rook at me rike I clazy? Fish say Godzirra about to attack city!"
G. Tim Paul:
"This guy looks a little fishy to me."
H. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Looks like Professor Chan is off his meds again."
I. Joe LiVolsi:
"Finding Nemo has never been easier."
J. Mike Morrow: (Ding-Dong) Sushi Delivery Man

206. "Chair Ruler"
A. Kirk Lowry:
"... unfortunately, due to budgetary constraints..." & "Uhhhh, no, we didn't blow our budget on the cheerleading squad... why d'ya ask?"
B. Idske Mulder:
"He obviously doesn't like his students to sit around." & "How to visualize that you'd better not sit on it when you have a problem."
C. Phil Forde:
"Is that in inches or centimeters?" & "If only Johnny would return return my ruler..."
D. Ron Miller:
"Teacher compromises school board with endowed chair."
E. Rhiannyn Grahame:
"Problem Solving 101, Sammy - let's pretend I don't have a ruler either."
F. Mark Prairie:
"Chairman of the Mathematics Department, Professor Minus, demonstrates the formula used to find the angle of the dangle, which he shows, is equal to the heat of the seat."
G. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Of course you'll have to use your own chair on the test."
H. Girish Gangadharan:
"Trying to find the slope of the chair?"
I. David Watts:
"Have you ever wondered what happened to McGyver?"
J. Tom Clyne: Now students, obviously you cannot use seat-of-the-pants techniques for complex mathematics like this, and I strongly encourage you to rely on the Chair of the Department for valuable insights.

207. "Bathroom Laptop"
A. Kirk Lowry:
"Dang, that was one crappy site...", "The Internet... how far is too far? Story at 11...", "Image Captions... how far is too far? Story at 11..." & "Downloading... please wait..."
B. Idske Mulder:
"This is shocking!"
C. Mark Prairie:
"Ding... Youíve Got Mail... 'You dropped the soap... Please turn off webcam before executing retrieval!'"
D. Ginger Velazquez:
"This is what tech addiction looks like - time for a 12 step program & a support group!"
E. Marlene K. Goodman:
"The new iFlush Computer... wireless and has a fresh scent!"
F. Girish Gangadharan:
"Laptop with a difference: External Recycle Bin"
G. Mike Morrow: What, this thing has a web cam... Nobody told me. I’ll be famous!

208. "Redneck Swing Tree"
A. Irvin Kauffman:
"Sofa... So good!"
B. Kirk Lowry:
"Louisiana Porch Swing", "Next year, fer mah Birfday, Roscoe's gonna get me a porch!" & "LaZBoy sofa: $900    Chains, hooks, and straps: $150    Tiki torch: $30    Having a yard swing that cost more than your property: priceless..."
C. Tim Paul:
"Floating on a cushion of air."
D. Mark Prairie:
"Site of the CrazyBoy furniture factory.", "Prototype of the first hang glider." & "A possible explanation for the haunted couch, was the tragic demise of Earl Dweezel, who fell off the couch while trying to lick himself, after consuming a large quantity of dog food."
E. Idske Mulder:
"No, we don't have a bedroom. I always sleep on the couch." & "This is our cat's couch. Why? Well, inside the house there's no room to swing a cat!"
F. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Maybe that tornado wasn't such a bad thang. We got us a swing!"
G. Krystal Manning:
"Did you make a swing with your couch?  Reply: Nope just hangin' it out to dry."
H. Mike Morrow: Yeah, this worked out much better than the worn old out washing machine that we used to have hanging here!
I. Fred Piceno: Amazon makes history with its first drone delivery.
J. Ralph Hammerl: 'If your indoor furniture is now your furniture, you just might be a Redneck.' - Jeff Foxworthy

209. "Pet Shoe"
A. Kirk Lowry:
"They say you can tell a lot about a woman by her shoes..."
B. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Why Cinderella's ugly sister never got a prince when she lost HER glass slipper." & "Introducing, the very chic taranSHOEla"
C. Irvin Kauffman:
"No Sham Pain Slipper!"
D. Wisse Boomsluiter:
"Price: 500 flies" & "Don't let them flea"
E. Mark Prairie:
"Little Miss Muffet, sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey, along came a Dude who said, 'Not to be rude, but thereís a spider inside of your shoe'."
F. Darlene Stafford:
"This is solely inspidered by Itsy Bitsy due to her smelly sole.", "On the left is Spider - hoss-hungry and ready. On the right is Cricket - can't get me. This is a sole survivor kinda atirer." & "I'm walking on thin insects."

210. "Playground Motorcyclist"
A. Irvin Kauffman:
"The One-Stroke, One Spoke Pander - Unbearable Mileage!"
B. Kirk Lowry:
"Need contacts? Call Dr. Johnson and schedule an appointment today!", "How to tell when a guy's crotch-rocket is in the shop..." & "Mid-life crisis, and goin' nowhere."
C. Mark Prairie:
"Fed up with teenage hooligan Duke Ottiís abuse of the playground equipment, the neighborhood children applied crazy glue to the handlebars and foot pegs of the panda ride."
D. Idske Mulder:
"Proof that a man is as old as he feels." & "Why the Giant Panda has become an endangered species."
E. Ginger Velazquez:
"When the price of gas has gotten out of reach!"
F. Marlene K. Goodman:
"When moms take protecting their children from injury too far." & "This is your motorcyclist on drugs."
G. Shawn Ryan:
"After losing his drivers license, Sidney found a unique way to get his cycling fix!"
H. Nina Ammons: Practice, Practice, Practice
I. Joe Ammons: After all, it is a playground
J. Mike Morrow: Yes, I really did like the movie “Sidehacking”. Doesn’t Everyone? Why do you ask?
K. Fred Piceno: Evel Knievel, the early years

211. "Mozart in Africa"
A. Kirk Lowry:
"Just don't ask to see his bellybutton ring.", "And if for any reason you're not completely satisfied with the CD, just return it for a... HEY!" & "Sorry, but Vivaldi still tastes better."
B. Irvin Kauffman:
"Paying Lip Service to Catholicism" & "Holy Mary - Queen of Heaven"
C. Idske Mulder:
"Keeping a stiff upper lip."
D. Mark Prairie:
"Oo een iy ee ee? I anít ine eh any eer." & "Mr. Ungawah, inventor of the versatile o-ring."
E. Yvonne Ashmore:
"New Lip Drive - Leaves No Room For Regurgitation. Pow-ah!", "Police report: Man spins out of control, arrested for wrong format." & "Speak now or forever hold your bytes."
F. Marlene K. Goodman:
"When moms take protecting their children from injury too far." & "This is your motorcyclist on drugs."
G. Girish Gangadharan:
"Show off skills in memory & capacity!"
H. Cory Prior:
"What do you mean this isn't what Mozart would have wanted? Man, what do you know!"
I. Tom Clyne: A member of the younger generation thinks back to the days of the LP record and can’t see why anyone would have wanted one.
J. Mike Morrow: Yes, press my nose to start it, look deeply into my eyes and you can actually watch the movie. No computer required!
K. Fred Piceno: The NEXT time she says to “turn that crap off!”, I’ll listen.

212. "Toddler Dance"
A. Karen Moore:
"Big shoes to fill..."
B. Idske Mulder:
"Music please"
C. Yvonne Ashmore:
"Come on girlfriend, You look bored stiff!", "Miss goody two shoes and miss woody two shoes." & "Two to tango, One will let go."
D. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Maybe this would work better if I took off my diaper." & "How come she always gets to lead?"
E. Fred Piceno: Dancing? Who’s dancing? I can sell this baby as scrap metal for $1.25 a pound!

213. "Stooletto Heels"
A. Marlene K. Goodman:
"The Stupid Shoes Fashion Statement reaches new heights." & "Unbeknownst to Hillary, 'stoolettos' do not get you votes."
B. Irvin Kauffman:
"New! Wacky Walker Walkers (not approved for street walking)"
C. Kirk Lowry:
"Heck, its ALWAYS happy-hour... somewhere!" & "How to spot a bar-fly."
D. Mark Prairie:
"The Villager's concern over a possible three-toed alien invasion was quelled, when someone followed the mysterious footprints into the local gin mill."
E. Idske Mulder:
"She likes a seat under her feet."
F. Cory Prior:
"I guess it's safe to say you have just enough chairs of all sizes and levels of unnecessary...-ness... But what about me, where's my special mini chairs?"
G. Mike Morrow: The Munchkins called, they want their barstools back.

214. "Male Pedicure"
A. Kirk Lowry:
"... the daily grind ..." & "Get in touch with your feminine side... in a very manly way."
B. Irvin Kauffman:
"Jailed - Nailed!"
C. Mark Prairie:
"A little known fact: toe jamb makes sparks!", "Leroy had confused 'nail biting' with 'tooth grinding'." & "Caution! Wear eye protection when operating power tools."
D. Idske Mulder:
"His toes are his woes."
E. Marlene K. Goodman:
"The downside of consuming too many iron supplements." & "'Iron Nails' Nicholas made sure his new shoes were going to fit."
F. Joanne Campbell:
"Chuck got tired of waiting for his bunion surgery."
G. Mike Morrow: Next week on our show, I’ll do my own circumcision. It’ll be fun!

215. "Cat Salesman Of The Year"
A. Lynne Wetherell:
"Yes, Ma'am, I can personally guarantee their freshness!" & "Yes, ma'am something does smell fishy."
B. Phil Forde:
"What you don't buy, I get to eat, so go away!"
C. Kirk Lowry:
"How to buy the best fish at the market.", "Cat tested, Cat approved!", "In a national taste-test, 1 out of 1 cats preferred Joe's Fish Shack!" & "Herring today, gone... well, as soon as you turn your back."
D. Lloyd Arnold:
"They're delicious, ma'am, with a little CATchup."
E. Irvin Kauffman:
"Touch One Fin and Your Name Is 'Claude'!"
F. Idske Mulder:
"Nope, we don't sell Catfish!" & "'Where's your boss?'  'What do you think? He has other fish to fry!'"
G. Mark Prairie:
"Oh!... I thought I smelt catfish!...", "They're kissed alright, but not by a star." & "Close the eyes on the sardines, before they put the lids on the cans..."
H. Mrs Brown:
"I is not for sale lady, I is busking... I is got a she cat and kittens to feed." & "Beware: Guard Cat On Duty!"
I. Joanne Campbell:
"Sorry, I only have American mice left. Do you take American mice?"
J. Marlene K. Goodman:
"You think this is a lot of fish? You should have been here before I arrived." & "Personally, I like them raw but yes, they are tasty on the grill."
K. Girish Gangadharan:
"Special Offer for Today: An empty meow with a shoal of fish" & "Special Offer for Tomorrow: A full meow"
L. Allison Carmicheal:
"No really, they're delicious with a squeeze of lemon or I fry mine in butter with a dash of tobasco."

216. "Swingset Car"
A. Irvin Kauffman:
"Let's Swing by the Playground"
B. Kirk Lowry:
"Deep-South Entertainment recently unveiled its new line of car-toys, designed to keep your redneck offspring entertained on long road-trips..."
C. Mark Prairie:
"Ford reveals new model AAA." & "Having beaten out the competition for 'Best Parade Float', Earl decides to treat the kids and heads for the drive-up window at the Squatville BK."
D. Idske Mulder:
"They gained a swing when they lost the roundabout."
E. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Dang, Henry, did you have to assemble the set BEFORE taking it home?" & "Maybe if the kids have something to do on the trip they'll stop asking, 'Are we there yet?'"
F. Girish Gangadharan:
"Craze on top of race"
G. Tom Clyne: Hon’, quit yelling! It was NOT an impulsive purchase, and besides I got it for you! And even if we don’t have kids now, maybe if we start having more fun, we’ll have kids and then they can use it too. I planned this all out!
H. Mike Morrow: When he set out to become a “swinger”, Ralph was a little unclear on the concept.
I. Fred Piceno: Well, on the plus side, at least no kids were in the area when you took the shortcut through the playground.

217. "Stretch Girl"
A. Karen Moore:
"When every ounce of flatulence counts..."
B. Kirk Lowry:
"Ouch.", "R2! You've put her head on backwards!" & "Stretch Armstrong's Daughter: The Teenage Years"
C. Idske Mulder:
"You're saying she can fold herself HOW far? Pull the other one!"
D. Lloyd Arnold:
"I've looked at LIFE from both sides now." (from a song by Joni Mitchell)
E. Chuck Dewey:
"For the last time, I don't want to go in!"
F. Lynne Wetherell:
"I am NOT goin' home with sand in my butt THIS year!"
G. Mrs Brown:
"'The Human Sling Shot'... Ready... Aim..."
H. Mark Prairie:
"Young Ester Williams winds up in preparation for her attempt at the latest swimming stroke, the 'Side-wheeler'."
I. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Careful! If you keep making that face it's going to stick!", "There's more than one way to check out your own keester." & "This seems to be easy for the cat."
J. Scott Peck: Bass ackwards

218. "Chain Fence Bed"
A. Kirk Lowry:
"Super-wedgie!", "Yeah, but it beats sleeping on a bed of nails." & "High-class vagrancy: we don't need no stinkin park-benches!"
B. Irvin Kauffman:
"Leader of the Infamous Hong Kong 'Chain' Gang at rest, approach with caution!"
C. Idske Mulder:
"If a chain-smoker can take 5 minutes off all the time, so can a chain-sleeper - and it's much healthier too!"
D. Mark Prairie:
"Mr. Chian demonstrates his highly developed cheek muscles."
E. Marlene K. Goodman:
"China's new chain of cheap sleeping accommodations is ready for the Olympics." & "Reports out now say Chain-sleeping has been linked to bending disorders.'"
F. Kyle Ziegler:
"Just Chaingin in There!"
G. Girish Gangadharan:
"Now you know which part of the body the earth's gravity attracts most."
H. Mike Morrow: Funny thing is, that chain is only as long as what you see there. We don’t know what happens after that and we will never ask!
I. Fred Piceno: Beetle Bailey: The pre-army days.

219. "Spooky House"
A. Kirk Lowry:
"Big Brother: alive and well in West Berlin.", "Somehow, Old Man Perkins always seemed to know when we were about to play in his garden..." & "Not only does Mom have eyes in the back of her head..."
B. Irvin Kauffman:
"Now I's Got You, You're In The WEB!"
C. Idske Mulder:
"The only real Big Brother House!"
D. Mark Prairie:
"You are getting very sleepy... you will mow my lawn and paint my trim... when I clap my boards, you will wake up and not remember anything..."
E. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Welcome to the newest Chinese Restaurant in town - Peking House."

220. "Sheep Chair"
A. Karen Moore:
"No Bubba - I said to bring me a CHEAP chair!"
B. Kirk Lowry:
"Trophy for the All-Time Baaaaaaaaa-d Interior Decorating award goes to..." & "My guess is that it's not leather. Probably sheepskin..."
C. Idske Mulder:
"Cheap sheep share chair"
D. Irvin Kauffman:
"EWE... SIT!"
E. Marlene K. Goodman:
"For your sheer pleasure - sheepskin furniture, where we'll never fleece you." & "You don't want to know what the footstool looks like!"
F. Bill McCall:
"Yet another tragic victim of a ramification."
G. Mathayus Knight: Sheep of a Feather, Flock Together
H. Mike Morrow: It was the first recorded example in all of history of a three-headed sheep so, of course, we just HAD to make a chair out of it.
I. Roger Holt: No, you don't understand - I asked for a RAM upgrade.

221. "Hanging Load"
A. Dave Stefiuk:
"Next time I'm using spray foam insulation!"
B. Irvin Kauffman:
"... you get a little drunk and you land in JA-IL!" (It's the last line of the following stanza of Jerome Kern's Old Man River from "Showboat" 1936 only I said 'you land' instead of 'ya lands'. Considering what the line before proclaims it came to mind immediately and then  there was no other caption that fit:
"You and me, we sweat and strain
Bodies all achin' and wracked with pain,
Tote that barge and lift that bale
Ya get a little drunk and ya lands in ja-ail
"
Without the huge pile of bales on that barge in the picture it wouldn't work. Sort of like:
"See the pyramids along the Nile..." brings that melody right to mind!)

C. Kirk Lowry:
"Brakes... BRAKES!!!", "For those who couldn't afford the $8000 per ticket price to see the Olympics, The Budget Theater presents...", "Tsunami survivors go nowhere unprepared anymore." & "Even on the job, Bobby could never keep his head out of the clouds and his feet on the ground."
D. Idske Mulder:
"The Prince and the Pea"
E. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Like I told you, these ARE the swingers of the village.", "Next time I'm paying more for a dang cab!" & "Well, look at the bright side. At least these Depends aren't used."
F. Betty Davis: It's a 5-man-power engine. & Hey guys, could you pass me a drink. I'm roasting up here.
G. Tom Clyne: Yeah, you heard right. He says we gotta go back. He forgot something.
H. Mike Morrow: We only have the four blue man-collars. One of you will have to go round the back and push.
I. Fred Piceno: I know she wrote ‘One Thousand Packs’ but are you sure she didn’t mean ‘a pack of one thousand’?

222. "Redneck Racecar"
A. Tricia Jensen:
"Where's Indy? e's In-de outhouse, Pa..."
B. Irvin Kauffman:
"Man Over Board say, Boy that Catalog Sears!"
C. Marlene K. Goodman:
"When Ol' Half Moon Hank says no pitt stops, he MEANS it!"
D. Kirk Lowry:
"Alternative fuels: burrito!", "The greatest compliment a chef can receive for his stuffed-jalapeno recipe." & "Out of courtesy, Bubba 'lit a match'."
E. Joseph Howard:
"Introducing the gas powered out house... for when you really gotta go!"
F. Ric 'Red Neck' Schooler:
"And they say racing stinks!"
G. Idske Mulder:
"High gas prices? I get everywhere and I haven't got a bean - ate them all!"
H. Chuck Dewey:
"This is great but reverse sucks."
I. Tom Clyne: Once you get going, it really moves. You just don’t want any sudden stops! And ’nother thing - watch those curves!
J. Mike Morrow: For the man on the go, on the go.

223. "Polish Paramedics"
A. Karen Moore:
"Ukraine Pair-a-medics are head & shoulders above other trades!"
B. Kirk Lowry:
"oops..."
C. Idske Mulder:
"A heart-throb and a headsman" & "Obviously not a head-on collision"
D. Girish Gangadharan:
"Job Principles of Paramedics: (1) Work soft with a full heart; (2) Work hard through the nose."
E. Joanne Campbell:
"Despite job equity, the city decided not to hire blind applicants."
F. Marlene K. Goodman:
"What's worse than an EMT losing his head in an emergency? Two dummies working on the wrong dummy." & "Keep pumping! I think she's starting to breathe again!"
G. Mike Morrow: Hey, Ralph, I think we are wasting our time here.” & “Hey, Ralph, did you bring the duct tape?
H. Fred Piceno: Oops! I think I was a bit to firm on that last chest compression.

224. "Mac Shoe"
A. Francis Bezos:
"Athlete's Feet - sold by the foot."
B. Irvin Kauffman:
"You want Toe Jam with that?"
C. Idske Mulder:
"Mega bite shoe"
D. Girish Gangadharan:
"A hearty meal always at your feet."
E. Eric Burchell:
"Uh-oh, new trainer time. This one's burgered."
F. Joanne Campbell:
"For a light meal, try our sandal!"
G. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Need to eat on the run? Try our Fillet of Sole sandwich today!" & "Two all-beef patties, special sauce, socks and cheese and a pickle on a sesame seed bunion."
H. Mrs Brown:
"NIKE Ė Just EAT it!", "Shoestring fries with that?", "I think I stepped in something!", "Top seeded tennis shoe" & "Foot long burger sub Ė SOLED here"
I. Fred Piceno: I’ve stepped on gum many times before but this is a first for me.

225. "Redneck Tractor"
A. Clara Wilkins:
"Bubba's gal won the 'Redneck Tract-Her' race hands down!"
B. Irvin Kauffman:
"Lager Loader Lady of St Louis Laden with a Light load in Her Early Years as several Clydes and Dales look on bemusedly."
C. Kirk Lowry:
"Today's caveman prepares to branch out and try other commercials besides Geico.", "Urg. Grunt grunt! Arrg. Grunt? Snort. Beer. GRUNT!" & "Alcohol: bringing out the Neanderthol in you, since 12000BC!"
D. Joanne Campbell:
"Michaelob - An easy ride."
E. Idske Mulder:
"Struggling stringent strenuous striding causing stretched strong string stress"
F. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Proof that the thong is mightier than the hoard." & "Dang! She fergot the rest of mah LUNCH!"
G. Mrs Brown:
"Bubba's G-force delivery service - moments before hitting the sound barrier... wait for the snap!"
H. Girish Gangadharan:
"Practice sessions for the next rugby match."
I. David Watts:
"I have heard of 'Beer Pong', but I have never heard of 'Beer Thong'."
J. Tom Clyne: Lemme tell ya, after they repo-ed the pick-up, I got no way to keep the fridge stocked for the family ’cept to drag everything back from the store by my lonesome. Y’d think maybe the old man and his buddies ’d help, but no way. They just stand ’round drinkin’ and watchin’ me out on the street in my thong and bikini doin’ what a lady’s gotta do!
K. Mike Morrow: The Beer Pull Diet does not seem to work so well. She lost 10 pounds pulling the sled but gained it back at the end quenching her thirst. Next time, diet beer.
L. Fred Piceno: Big deal, woman. It says right there on the cartons... Light beer.

226. "Warm Sweater"
A. Karen Moore:
"Sweat-her Sweater"
B. Girish Gangadharan:
"Used to seeing warm sweaters? Have a look at this hot one with a provision to collect all your sweat."
C. Marlene K. Goodman:
"It's Kenny's new girlfriend from South Park!" & "Sometimes Sarah Palin just wants to get away from it all."
D. Idske Mulder:
"Purple Patch!"
E. Laura Cole:
"News headline: 'Woman Swallowed Whole By Deadly Purple Sweater Snake!'" & "Jill just couldn't understand why she didn't win first place in the Sock Knitting contest."
F. Fred Piceno: “Don’t pay the rent. There’s nothing they can do about it”, he says.

227. "Doves Forever"
A. Ric Mossip:
"And now... just squeeze a litle sham'POO'..." & "A bird in the ha-a-a-nd... DAMN! I missed!"
B. Kirk Lowry:
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!", "Aw, crap..." & "Bad Hair Day of the Century"
C. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Coo-coo THIS, ya little creep!", "Go ahead, make my day!" & "The Midas Pigeon - one touch turns people into bronze."
D. Idske Mulder:
"Done in the eye!"
E. Girish Gangadharan:
"Within reach but still on top."

228. "Just Hatched"
A. Donald H. Sartori:
"Now, I always thought babies were found in pumpkin patches!"
B. Marlene K. Goodman:
"The Redneck car seat - keeps baby fed and he learns to spit." & "It was discovered that Junior was, indeed, teething."
C. Irvin Kauffman:
"Cool, Dude!"
D. Girish Gangadharan:
"Go for melon babies instead of test tube ones."
E. Idske Mulder:
"Diaper eating contest"
F. Bill Dillingham:
"Now that's why you shouldn't swallow watermelon seeds!"
G. Sean Sloan:
"I always loved my momís melons, but this is ridiculous!"
H. Karen Moore: Bubba's chair comes complete with a teething ring
I. Fred Piceno: Look, Mom, I’m all for this “Going Green” thing, but aren’t we overdoing it just a bit?

229. "Redneck TP Holder"
A. Irvin Kauffman:
"Bubba's Half-Moon Teahouse Butler!"
B. Kirk Lowry:
"When ya gotta go...", "Lost in the shadow of his older brother, Thomas, young Jethro Edison had an original idea or two of his own..." & "Today on 'Kribs', we get an exclusive look into the Joe-kster's Office..."
C. Idske Mulder:
"Bubba's got a 'wired set' in the bathroom." & "Just wait till you see where he puts his coat..."
D. Marlene K. Goodman:
"The Redneck portable TP Holder - good for the shower and when outdoors." & "When things get dicey in the woods, just hang this on your belt and you're good to go!"

230. "Redneck Halloween"
A. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Halloween costume, nuthin! Me 'n Pumpkin git better reception from the Pleiadians this way.", "Hold on, I'm getting a message... 'Feed me.'" & "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen anyone and his cat get highlights put in their hair?"
B. Ric Mossip:
Fluffy: "Jeez, If I only had opposable thumbs... I'd ball this tin-foil crap up and cram it straight up his..."
C. Kirk Lowry:
"See, the voices stopped!", "No, seriously! The dog was sending us messages!!!" & "Single... for life..."
D. Irvin Kauffman:
"FIX MY HAT DAMMIT! The things I have to do..."
E. Holly Jones:
"We look stupid. one of us is."
F. Idske Mulder:
"I'm the silliest cat you've ever seen
Just because it's Halloween;
I only listen to the man's Hallo-whining
Because I want to go Hallo-dining;
So just because I've got to eat
I play this silly Trick-or-Treat!
"
G. Mike Morrow: I swear, if I ever get out that door again, I am NEVER coming back. This dude is CRAZY!
H. Chili Dogg: The farce is strong with this one!

231. "Caught Cat"
A. Irvin Kauffman:
"If you'd only FILL MY WATER BOWL..."
B. Kirk Lowry:
"...um..." & "Long day at work. Shaddup."
C. Marlene K. Goodman:
"They'll never again put a goldfish in a glass while cleaning the fishbowl. Hee hee.", "Pumpkin found a way to remove the tinfoil hat seen in image #230." & "I'm going to need a bigger glass if I'm going to take a sitzbath."
D. Girish Gangadharan:
"Head-in(g) for a peg"
E. Idske Mulder:
"Nope, the tin foil hat fits better!"
F. Mike Morrow: Straight Vodka. Nice now but I am going to have SUCH a headache in the morning.
G. Fred Piceno: The dog lied! There's no fish in here.

232. "Bathroom Diving"
A. Irvin Kauffman:
"WOW... a Triple One Header!"
B. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Gold Medal Winner of the Tidy Bowl Olympics Diving Competition - Sheila from Flushing, NY"
C. Idske Mulder:
"Don't flush the toilet!"
D. John Swanson:
"I wish the release was that pretty after a night of cheese sticks!"
E. Bill McCall:
"Taking the plunge into Professional Bowling."

233. "Pelican-Eat-Dog World"
A. Karen Moore:
"Best eaten before zoo closing time..."
B. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Mmmm, your breath smells meaty fresh.", "Excuse me, I think I lost my fish down there." & "This dating out of the species is for the birds!"
C. Idske Mulder:
"Sniffer dog smells out something fishy."
D. Irvin Kauffman:
"You lucky dog, his bill can hold more than his belly can!"
E. Cynthia Robinson:
"In this world it's all about survival of the fittest - as long as you don't fit into someone's mouth, your fine!"
F. Laura Cole:
"Alright, I know I put my keys in here somewhere. Why do they always fall to the bottom?", "Snoop, the drug sniffing K-9, always took his job seriously.", "Ok Earl, open the hood and we'll see what's making that knocking noise." & "Ah Ha! Here's your problem... you've got a fish bone stuck in your throat!"
G. Betty Davis: Pelican's Grill... Open for Business
H. Mike Morrow: French kiss from hell.
I. Fred Piceno: My CHEEK. I said you could give me a peck on my cheek!

234. "Fish Face"
A. Kirk Lowry:
"Wanda, for some strange reason, remained single for the rest of her life.", "Tonight at 11: 'When Pisces Go Bad'" & "Acting crazy, just for the halibut."
B. Irvin Kauffman:
"Gives New Meaning to the term Fishwife!"
C. Donna Faye:
"Mama said lots of fish would improve my eyesight... but my arms are getting tired!"
D. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Gives new meaning to seeing life through a Fisheye Lens.", "Kiss, doggone ya. The sign at the pet store said Kissing Gouramis." & "George, meet Gracie."
E. Donald H. Sartori:
"If you can't make ends meet, make ends 'fish'."
F. Idske Mulder:
"Spot the queer fish" & "Got fish fingers"
G. Micheal De Raemaeker:
"Something smells fishy around here, but for the life of me, I can't quite figure it out..."
H. Mike Morrow: The funny thing is that she looks exactly the same when you take the fish away.
I. Fred Piceno: Carpe See’em. : Seize the fish.

235. "Pink Pet"
A. Finbarr McSweeney:
"Just phoning to complain I think you got my order wrong, I ordered a pink COAT."
B. Kirk Lowry:
"Um... Joe... what exactly did you put in this coffee? I'm seein' weird stuff...", "Information? I'd like the number to that stupid genie. And a hit-man, if you don't mind..." & "Flowers. Why couldn't he just send flowers???"
C. Donald H. Sartori:
"What do you think about your new pink dye job?", "Not Baaaaaaaaaaaad." & "But she never asked me, and that really gets my goat."
D. Karen Moore:
"Dyed in the wool? No - it's right here with me!"
E. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Mr. Marcel, something happened to that cheap dye job you did on my kid!!!" & "Are you sure this is how I make a pink Angora sweater?"
F. Idske Mulder:
"Dad, can you pick me up? They won't allow me on the train for some reason..." & "Yes, got the sheep. Remember they promised it was in the pink?"
G. Phil McGinley:
"What happens to your $1500.00 Poodle when you pass in front of the Joe-ks new high-rise office tower." & "What one drunk says to another: 'SEE, I told you it wasn't an Elephant!'"
H. Patrick Jozefowicz:
"Hey! That 12 step program isn't working - I'm not seeing a pink elephant any more - but now it's a pink goat?"
I. Irvin Kauffman:
"Well, I told her not to go out wearing real fur!"
J. Mike Morrow: ... and the best part is that it glows in the dark. Yeah, no night light needed in the bedroom any more.

236. "Hand Soap"
A. Idske Mulder:
"Ever wondered what you're washing your hands with?"
B. Kirk Lowry:
"Soon to replace 'Billy Bass' as the ultimate Redneck gift, we introduce the 'Shower Schnozz'!", "How to spot a single guy's bathroom." & "Just don't ask where the beauty mud dispenses from."
C. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Sometimes the dispenser gets stuffed up and you have to blow it out.", "I hear there's a candy dispenser like this coming out next year." & "If the soap turns white, use an antibiotic soap."
D. Irvin Kauffman:
"If it keeps running, Ketchup if you can."
E. Donald H. Sartori:
"Snot funny"
F. Ray Gourlay:
"Don't even ask about the toilet paper dispenser!"
G. Girish Gangadharan:
"Be clean during tough times."
H. Mike Morrow: Wow, exactly like my little brother.

237. "But Why, Officer?"
A. Irvin Kauffman:
"But Officer It's Human Race and I'm Rushin' for Finnish Line!"
B. Idske Mulder:
"I'm in hot water..."
C. Finbarr McSweeney:
"I'm hoping for a clean getaway."
D. Marlene K. Goodman:
"OK, I'll come clean. I was speeding so I could drip dry, but can we skip the strip search?"
E. Girish Gangadharan:
"Archimedes in the new movie 'RETURN OF THE TERMINATOR'"
F. Bryon Milliere:
"He's sure to notice that I have been into the suds."
G. Tom Clyne: ...my license? It’s in my wallet. My wallet? It’s in my pants. My pants? Damn! I must have left them at home! I was in such a rush I just jumped in the tub and then raced off to work without them. I’m already so late. Just give me a warning please, and I promise I won’t forget it again.
H. Fred Piceno: Uh, are you SURE you want me to step out of the vehicle, officer?

238. "Tea Arc"
A. Finbarr McSweeney:
"What a good trick, sucking tea back into the pot."
B. Irvin Kauffman:
"Alice in Blunderland - after many attempts Alice was finally able to Tea straight." & "CLEAN CUP, MOVE DOWN!"
C. Idske Mulder:
"Serving the tea blow-by-blow"
D. Roger Holt:
"Well that's great and all, but I still want to see the fountains at the Bellagio."
E. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Shirley never could understand why no one would ever drink her tea." & "Some call it English Breakfast. This is English bleech-fast!"

239. "Benchquet"
A. Idske Mulder:
"Looks like they're biting off more than they can chew"
B. Irvin Kauffman:
"Great Benchmarks in Dining"
C. Conor Mcevoy:
"Looks like two carpenters forgot to eat their breakfast!"
D. Bill Carter:
"Say Auh"
E. Joanne Campbell:
"Now remember, when somebody sits down, you stand up and they'll slide right into my mouth. The one after that will be yours."
F. Donald H. Sartori:
"No. It's 2 chopsticks per person, not 1 chopstick for 2 people!"
G. Phil McGinley:
"Tongue and groove Cedar?"
H. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Two men started gnawing,   as easy as pie.   When they met in the middle   it was definitely good-bye!"

240. "Swimming Helmet"
A. Ric Mossip:
"The current Pee-in-the-Pool detecting head gear: If others release their bowels near your vicinity, the detectors will blast a cocoon of silicon protective gel around you, emit a shrill 250 decibel alarm, and trace the source to the perpetrator - thereby effectively banning them from the pool in shame!"
B. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Scuba diver's training wheels for idiots: keeps your head above water." & "Worst case of robotic jellyfish attack I've ever seen!"
C. Kirk Lowry:
"bonk", "Michael Phelps... visions from while high" & "College Pranks: MIT Edition"
D. Idske Mulder:
"Playing blindman's buff in the pool"
E. Bill McCall:
"Oh Buoy, it's a girl!"
F. Mike Morrow: It cleans the pool, washes and sets your hair and brushes your teeth while you wait. And wait... and wait.

241. "Camel Pumps"
A. Carl Estes:
"Now that's what I call 'hoofing it!'" & "I walked a mile for this camel!"
B. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Most camels have humps, this one has pumps." & "A well-healed camel would never walk a mile in these, let alone a runway."
C. Millie Sandelius:
"Camel pumps? Horse pumps! You guys have been horsing around too much..."
D. Tom Napoli:
"She can go a thousand miles with one of those similes in her cam-m-m-mels."
E. Donald H. Sartori:
"She's a real party animal", "Can she count to ten?", "I love the shoes, but where's the rest of the costume?" & "What do rides cost?"
F. Idske Mulder:
"Real horse shoes" & "Are you on the hoof again?"

242. "Too Much Homework?"
A. Idske Mulder:
"Been doing too much homework lately?"
B. Karen Moore:
"Looking for an online headhunter..."
C. Kirk Lowry:
"Calgon... take me away!", "Need a vacation?", "Wow.... ummm... Honey, what exactly was in that casserole last night?", "Dangit, not again!" & "Mary Shelley's 'Frankenstein': Revisited"
D. Irvin Kauffman:
"Caught using the internet in Iran!"
E. Marlene K. Goodman:
"This is your computer on drugs.", "What's wrong with this picture? That should be a flat screen monitor!" & "Facebook gone bad."
F. Finbarr McSweeney:
"This guy really has a head for computers"
G. Girish Gangadharan:
"Monitor Head with Head Monitor"
H. Martine Froget:
"The chips of the old block"
I. Mike Morrow: He should have quit when he was a-head. No, wait, he did.

243. "News With A View?"
A. Karen Moore:
"Looking for an online headhunter..."
B. Anna Travica:
"Getting the low-down on the top news stories"
C. Idske Mulder:
"Yes I said 'On top of that you can read the papers yourself', but I actually meant... - oh never mind!"
D. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Staying on top of the news", "The downside of when a paper boy moonlights as a cab driver." & "This passenger isn't all he's stacked up to be."
E. Bill McCall:
"The News cycle, Fare & Balanced coverage."
F. Mike Morrow: Mother always said “Learn to read and you’ll be head and shoulders above the rest.” Apparently, she was right!

244. "Car Shoelusion"
A. Sarah Fleming:
"Going to the car shoe this weekend?"
B. Frank Farmere:
"Runners: be car-ful what you ask for!"
C. Irvin Kauffman:
"Ooh, I love my man... but Oh, you Ked!!!"
D. Kirk Lowry:
"Do they also come in a 10-and-a-half?", "Just don't ask where the blisters form..." & "Hmmmmm... wonder if my Dr. Scholls turbo-booster engine would fit in there..."
E. Girish Gangadharan:
"Reebok's W(HEELS)?"
F. Marlene K. Goodman:
"If this thing breaks down you have to call a TOE truck.", "Runs all day on little gas but you need odor eaters after a long drive." & "When you kick the tires, this thing kicks back!"
G. Idske Mulder:
"My twin brother drives the right shoe" & "This is what I call a kick-starter"
H. Mike Morrow: My other shoe is a car.
I. Fred Piceno: This little number was owned by a little old lady, who lived in it.

245. "Redneck Spare Tire"
A. Maryse Laronde:
"Where the rubber barely hits the road"
B. Kirk Lowry:
"How to spot a Somali pirate at the grocery store" & "Piloting... it's more of an obsession, really."
C. Roger Holt:
"That's wheel small"
D. Donald H. Sartori:
"You atta see my riding mower at home, what a hoot. Course it mows funny."
E. Marlene K. Goodman:
"What's the matter? Ain't you never seen training wheels before?", "Good thing little Billy's wagon had wheels before I ran over it." & "The Recession Fighter Donut - less inflation."
F. Idske Mulder:
"Figured if I'd use Mom's rollator's wheels, I wouldn't need a driver's license..."
G. Mike Morrow: My neighbor, Goober, said that with smaller tires, I would get better gas mileage so I am trying it out. I hope it works real real good.
H. Fred Piceno: I believe Detroit might be overdoing their ‘Compact Spare’ program just a bit.

246. "Ski Bathroom"
A. Gwen Johnston:
"Loo-sing it on the slopes..."
B. Girish Gangadharan:
"Rocket Principle: The force with which you release your pressure downward will result in the speed of your movement forward."
C. Kirk Lowry:
"Oh, crap...", "A loo with a view" & "Loo-sing it has never been easier on a double black-diamond."
D. John Jackson:
"A great cure for constipation - it sure would scare the crap out of me"
E. Roger Holt:
"Guaranteed to scare the crap out of you!"
F. Donald H. Sartori:
"I hope this run is better than my last. That one was in the crapper."
G. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Lookout below!" & "Kinda makes you feel like you're sitting on top of the world."
H. Idske Mulder:
"This is just the Sports Bathroom For Beginners. Wait till you see the Intermediate -Rollercoaster- and the Advanced -Bungee Jumping- Bathrooms nextdoor!"
I. David Watts:
"While I'm sitting on this throne, I can rule the slopes."
J. Fred Piceno: Uh-uh! This crap is not for me.

247. "Tingue"
A. Irvin Kauffman:
"MANTRAP... kitty's gonna get your tongue!"
B. Girish Gangadharan:
"Tongue does the talk"
C. Darlene Stafford:
"That's him, office - that's the perp that assaulted me!" & "It's a bird, it's a plane - no, it's super tongue!"
D. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Take it back or I'll give you a tongue lashing you'll never forget!", "Let me out! I want to lick that giant peppermint stick outside the barber shop!" & "Point me in that direction of the Dairy Queen!"
E. Idske Mulder:
"I want to take back that word!" & "That's my favourite flavour!"

248. "ShareWhere Bathroom"
A. Irvin Kauffman:
"Not one of Coco the Clown's happier Faces!"
B. Girish Gangadharan:
"Nature's Call"
C. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Translation: Go at your own risk. Watch out for bears."
D. Idske Mulder:
"Just wait till you see the Restaurant!"
E. Andrew Banner: Please leave the facilities as you would wish to find them. The Management
F. Katherine Lowe: At least it's an upgrade from digging a hole...

249. "Cloth Road"
A. Irvin Kauffman:
"'Wrong Way' Corrigan Strikes Again!"
B. Donald H. Sartori:
"Another way to get laid."
C. Lee Jones:
"I'll stop your boyfriend from coming to see you.", "I told you not to put this thing so close to the house!", "If you don't pay your taxes, you don't get a road." & "Now where did they put that traffic light?"
D. Idske Mulder:
"Road coverage" & "He's an under-cover farmer"
E. Bill McCall:
"A Street-Wise guy out standing in his field." & "Another Roads Scholar straining to get somewhere..."
F. Marlene K. Goodman:
"Looks like this guy has reached the end of his road."
G. Girish Gangadharan:
"Lead your own path "
H. Greg Pitonza: Easy street
I. Fred Piceno: This gives a whole new meaning to the song ‘Magic Carpet Ride.’

250. "Camel Bike"
A. Kent Lofting:
"Initiation into the Shriner's 'Blind Bedouin Bikers' club"
B. Idske Mulder:
"Yep, he's a camel driver!" & "What's he driving at?"
C. Marlene K. Goodman:
"I bet he can't Kuwait to get home", "The camel-bike: Works great in the desert - it can go a long time without oil" & "He's going to add a hump and have a tandem"
D. Girish Gangadharan:
"New Cycle Brand - BUMP ON HUMP"
E. Andrew Banner: And for 2011, the new rules apply for 'Tour de France'
F. Fred Piceno: His mother was a dromedary. His father was a Schwinn.


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