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Yo Mama
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joe-ks.com
51. Mennonite
Longhand Math
A.
Rich Grogan:
The
answer is 4.76235930 mathematicians to screw in a light bulb.
B.
Ric Mossip:
Darnit
guys, this is supposed to be a simple BARN RAISING - why did we have to get
David Hofer involved?,
Ok
Mr. Einstein... I guess there IS a reason why men forget to put the toilet seat
down...
&
Uh,
I'm sorry son, I know this new math is a bit more complicated than I remember
from my grade one class... go ask your Mother.
C.
Richard Thiessen:
And
you thought making Mennonite farmer sausage was simple?
D.
Al LaPlaca:
And
God said, (insert image) and there was LIGHT!
E.
Darwin McKee:
The
Government's new and easy method to figure your taxes: If this is too
complicated use the Easy Easy form, OR just send us the remainder of your wages.
F.
Kirk Lowry:
Wha
th... DANGIT! Forgot to carry the three...",
Your
phone bill made simple.
&
Yes,
Brother, the barn is now mathematically perfect... but you forgot to factor in
the cows.
G.
Roy Gathercoal:
And
then a miracle occurred...
H.
William Wade:
I
hope you remember this. There'll be a quiz later on.
I.
Tom Wilson: So
you see Mr. President, if we just collected on all the unpaid IRS debt... WE'D
BE SCOTT FREE!
J.
Bill Popp: And
there you have it. How to make a woman happy.
K.
FM MO: Did
you understand, or shall I repeat?
L.
Irvin Kauffman:
Sour
Kraut!
M.
John Schrag:
Good
thing we used word wrap or who knows how long it would have been until we
discovered the answer!
N.
D. K. Browne:
And
there you have it. Proof that 1+1 does indeed equal 3! Er, wait a minute... OH
MAN!
O.
Eldin Horozovic:
Can
you explain this math in more detail - I got lost when you said that this
problem was going to be easy...
P.
Nick Amso:
If
only he brought his calculator.
52. Seismic
Support for Polish Buildings
A.
Ric Mossip: Yeah
Ted, I knew it was a mistake to get Junior that new electric guitar..., Oh,
Absolutely Mr. McFinkerstein... It's up to code! And might I add, it's a steal
of a deal at twice the price!
& Err,
the plumber WAS an older fellow... insisted on using wooden pipes. Why do you
ask?
B.
Darwin McKee: Looks
like another fine job of this old house with Bob Villa.
C.
Kirk Lowry: Yup,
my mom made chili for dinner last night, too... why do you ask?
D.
Jamil Keating:
British Tourist:
Oh
look at that house, Dear - it must be low budget round here.
Passer-By:
No,
it's called OBESITY.
E.
Ron Wells: FEMA: What
is the problem here? This home looks perfectly fine.
F.
L.B. Scott:
From HG TV: Let's
see ya flip this house!
G.
Terry Mossip: What
do you mean, you're keeping my damage deposit? I repaired it!
H.
Linda Newman: FOR
RENT. No pets allowed. Termites welcome.
53. A
Bicycle Boot For Two
A.
Kirk Lowry: But
honey, technically this DOES qualify as jogging...!, ...
giving Lance Armstrong the boot ...
& Nah,
I just got tired of changing tires all the time.
B.
Phoebe Moll: Eat
your heart out, Lance!
C.
Ric Mossip: Bumpy
ride?... nah.... I'm Jellin...
& What
are YOU laughing at buddy... NIKE pays me $200.00 a week to ride this flippin'
thing!
D.
Christine Pomerleau: In
memory
of Terry Fox-Canada's Hero for Cancer Research...
& Little
miniature Terry Fox's...
E.
Cory Prior: Hey,
at least I didn't buy wheels for feet.
F.
Malcolm Fellows: I
don't just knock em over - I trample 'em to death.
G.
Andy Wilson: What
do you mean the left one's flat?
H.
Robert Merrill: These
boots were made for walking... (Nancy Sinatra song)
I.
Matt Anon: The
World's First Walking Bicycle!
J.
Ron Wells: Just
before Bob took a tumble someone shouted "One of your shoe laces are untied.
K.
Artur Melkumov: Feet
feet feet feet. How many feet you need. Here comes wheel feet.
L.
McCuil Wyman: A
most soulful experience.
M.
Bianca Skvirsky: ...
five thousand two hunderd seventy EIGHT, five thousand two hunderd seventy
NINE... See! I told you there are only 5279 feet in a mile!, According
to my calculations if I just add one more shoe, I'll be moving the speed of
light.
&
This
is nothing! You should see Imelda Marcos' Ten-speed bicycle!
54. Send
Your Son Home For The Holidays
A.
Chris Johnson
(aka
Dr. Laugh):
SunflowerJunk
Male!, SunflowerReturn
to sender!"
& Hair
male - not so small package!
B.
Robby Robinson: You've
Got Male.
C.
Kirk Lowry: Today
we shall test the innovative new approach to long-distance dating...
& Shoes:
$100... Haircut: nonexistent... Getting your son to go
to summer camp: $1.85... There are some things money can't (or
won't) buy, for everything else... just keep adding stamps.
D.
Darwin McKee: It's
never a good idea to inform your recently retired Marine Gunnery Sergeant dad ,
that you don't need to cut your hair, follow orders, and you will live here as
long as you want.
& Next
stop San Diego."
E.
Joy Morgan: Send
your overseas Christmas male early.
Caption Winner!
F.
Ron Wells: Jack
and Lucile figured out how to get their 26 year old son to move out of the
basement.
F.
Irvin Kauffman:
Return
To Sender
G.
Marvin Purser: If
she says, 'Yes!', expect another delivery...
55. Ghetto
Boom Box
A.
Ric Mossip: Yo
dawg... I just throw a Slim Shady CD in, and with the bass reflex drive goin'
on... I'll pass a Masarati!, Pimpin'
my RIDE!, Yeah,
I bought this sick sound system, now just savin' up for a car to put it into...
& Don't
be laughin' at me Foo... Chick's dig this!
B.
Gary "1artworkz" Molitor: What
won't be herd in New Orleans this week.
C.
Cory Prior: LaBron
loved to do water gun drive-by's.
D.
Gabby Pierce: Nah'
man... Ise nevah in Lancaster, Pa.
E.
Ron Wells: Every
white kid in the suburbs will want one now.
56. Redneck
Water Trailer
A.
Cherei McCarter:
Livin'
high on the hog in our new FEMA provided livin' quarters! Now, if they'd only
send us some dang grits.
B.
Kirk Lowry:
Dunno
what ever'one's complainin' 'bout... MY house didn' flood...,
Awright,
Bertha Mae, its yer turn ta peddle!
&
We
had to trade the satellite receiver in for a set of bunny-ears. The bunny
doesn't sink the house.
C.
Darwin McKee:
I
didn't have enough money to buy a new Airstream trailer... So I found a new
trailer company in Arkansas... I'm now the proud owner of a brand new
Waterstream trailer.
D.
Jack Byrd:
How
Real South Gawga Rednecks deal with High Water...
&
Ahhhhhh...
All the comforts of home, just on water... No flat tires to deal with... Fishin
ain't bad, either... Cold Beer... Perfect...
E.
Dan Moratelli:
When
gas gets too high, rent a Redneck water trailer...
F.
Jacqui Graham:
Honey,
when you suggested a houseboat cruise, this wasn't quite what I was expecting.,
FOR
SALE: Vacation home. Right on the water. Ideal spot for fishing and swimming.
&
There
goes the neighbourhood.
G.
Donna Faye:
No
phone, no pool, no pets.
H.
Irvin Kauffman:
Retired...
without a spare!
I.
Linda Newman: Redneck
yacht.,
Redneck
honeymoon ship.
&
Redneck
love nest.
J.
Ron McCoy: In
a freak twist of fate this man was arrested today for property tax evasion and
fleeing the scene of a crime... Full story at 11.
K.
Richard Parker:
It
was the most expensive one that I could find - I'm still in debt after 10 years
and it cost me a whole $1!
57. Wok-a-Way:
Wok - Don't Run!
A.
Darwin McKee: Next
time you say we should take the scenic route, make sure there isn't this much
scenery - and I don't want to hear again, are we having fun yet...
B.
Kirk Lowry: And
here we see a perfect example of the effectiveness of the Democratic Party Aid
Fund...
& Whaddya
mean, watch my steAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........................*splash*
C.
Nik Keun: Last
one over brings the wood for the barbie!
D.
Irvin Kauffman: Are
we there yet???!!!
E.
L.B. Scott: Dad,
I really do have to go to the bathroom!
& Just
like a man - never asks for directions!
F.
Joe Lebowitz: Monkey
see, Monkey do.
G.
Brian Smedley: So
it's a long walk. Quit complaining, cry me a river, build me a bridge and get
over it!
H.
D. K. Browne:
First
Michael Jackson dangles his baby over a balcony... and now this!
58. Junk
House - One Man's Treasure
A.
Kirk Lowry: Dangit,
Ethel, Herb and Thelma put out that tacky plastic Santa again this year!
& Harold
Erglemyer... the world's greatest (undiscovered) home decorator.
B.
Alice Ashworth: All
this is just a camouflage so they won't notice the Marijuana growing in the
middle!
C.
Darwin McKee: You
can take the Cajun out of Louisiana, but you can't take the Louisiana out of the
Cajun.
D.
Mike Foland: I'm
doin' sumptin wrong. I only made .43 cents from muh porch sale this week.
E.
Gene Davidson: What's
an E Bay?
F.
Ron Wells: Honey
bring me another beer, I feel inspired to add to my art work.
G.
Krista Carney: Lean
on me, when you're not strong...
(from the song)
H.
L.B. Scott: The
new Fred Sanford... moving on up.
I.
Linda Newman: Martha
Stewart's new kitchen.
J.
D. K. Browne:
One
man's trash is INDEED another man's treasure! Mama was right!
59. Puppy
Support - 'Back' Up Plan
A.
Kirk Lowry:
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