Image Captions #51-100

Image Caption Submissions: #51 - 100
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Image Caption Contest #1 Winners for Image Captions #s 1 - 100 (Closed)
Image Caption Contest #2 Winners for Image Captions #s 101 - 203 (Closed)

51. "Mennonite Longhand Math"
    A. Rich Grogan: "The answer is 4.76235930 mathematicians to screw in a light bulb."
    B. Ric Mossip: "Darnit guys, this is supposed to be a simple BARN RAISING - why did we have to get David Hofer involved?", "Ok Mr. Einstein... I guess there IS a reason why men forget to put the toilet seat down..." & "Uh, I'm sorry son, I know this new math is a bit more complicated than I remember from my grade one class... go ask your Mother."
    C. Richard Thiessen: "And you thought making Mennonite farmer sausage was simple?"
    D. Al LaPlaca: "And God said, (insert image) and there was LIGHT!"
    E. Darwin McKee: "The Government's new and easy method to figure your taxes: If this is too complicated use the Easy Easy form, OR just send us the remainder of your wages."
    F. Kirk Lowry: "Wha th... DANGIT! Forgot to carry the three...", "Your phone bill made simple." & "Yes, Brother, the barn is now mathematically perfect... but you forgot to factor in the cows."
    G. Roy Gathercoal: "And then a miracle occurred..."
    H. William Wade: "I hope you remember this. There'll be a quiz later on."
    I. Tom Wilson: "So you see Mr. President, if we just collected on all the unpaid IRS debt... WE'D BE SCOTT FREE!"
    J. Bill Popp: "And there you have it. How to make a woman happy."
    K. FM MO: "Did you understand, or shall I repeat?"
    L. Irvin Kauffman: "Sour Kraut!"
    M. John Schrag: "Good thing we used word wrap or who knows how long it would have been until we discovered the answer!"
    N. D. K. Browne: "And there you have it. Proof that 1+1 does indeed equal 3! Er, wait a minute... OH MAN!"
    O. Eldin Horozovic: "Can you explain this math in more detail - I got lost when you said that this problem was going to be easy..."
    P. Nick Amso: "If only he brought his calculator."

52. "Seismic Support for Polish Buildings"
    A. Ric Mossip: "Yeah Ted, I knew it was a mistake to get Junior that new electric guitar...", "Oh, Absolutely Mr. McFinkerstein... It's up to code! And might I add, it's a steal of a deal at twice the price!" & "Err, the plumber WAS an older fellow... insisted on using wooden pipes. Why do you ask?"
    B. Darwin McKee: "Looks like another fine job of this old house with Bob Villa."
    C. Kirk Lowry: "Yup, my mom made chili for dinner last night, too... why do you ask?"
    D. Jamil Keating: British Tourist: "Oh look at that house, Dear - it must be low budget round here."   Passer-By: "No, it's called OBESITY."
    E. Ron Wells: FEMA: "What is the problem here? This home looks perfectly fine."
    F. L.B. Scott: From HG TV: "Let's see ya flip this house!"
    G. Terry Mossip: "What do you mean, you're keeping my damage deposit? I repaired it!"
    H. Linda Newman: "FOR RENT. No pets allowed. Termites welcome."

53. "A Bicycle Boot For Two"
    A. Kirk Lowry: "But honey, technically this DOES qualify as jogging...!", "... giving Lance Armstrong the boot ..." & "Nah, I just got tired of changing tires all the time."
    B. Phoebe Moll: "Eat your heart out, Lance!"
    C. Ric Mossip: "Bumpy ride?... nah.... I'm Jellin..." & "What are YOU laughing at buddy... NIKE pays me $200.00 a week to ride this flippin' thing!"
    D. Christine Pomerleau: "In memory of Terry Fox-Canada's Hero for Cancer Research..." & "Little miniature Terry Fox's..."
    E. Cory Prior: "Hey, at least I didn't buy wheels for feet."
    F. Malcolm Fellows: "I don't just knock em over - I trample 'em to death."
    G. Andy Wilson: "What do you mean the left one's flat?"
    H. Robert Merrill: "These boots were made for walking... (Nancy Sinatra song)"
    I. Matt Anon: "The World's First Walking Bicycle!"
    J. Ron Wells: "Just before Bob took a tumble someone shouted "One of your shoe laces are untied."
    K. Artur Melkumov: "Feet feet feet feet. How many feet you need. Here comes wheel feet."
    L. McCuil Wyman: "A most soulful experience."
    M. Bianca Skvirsky: "... five thousand two hunderd seventy EIGHT, five thousand two hunderd seventy NINE... See! I told you there are only 5279 feet in a mile!", "According to my calculations if I just add one more shoe, I'll be moving the speed of light." & "This is nothing! You should see Imelda Marcos' Ten-speed bicycle!"

54. "Send Your Son Home For The Holidays"
    A. Chris Johnson (aka "Dr. Laugh"): "SunflowerJunk Male!", "SunflowerReturn to sender!" & "Hair male - not so small package!"
    B. Robby Robinson: "You've Got Male."
    C. Kirk Lowry: "Today we shall test the innovative new approach to long-distance dating..." & "Shoes: $100...   Haircut: nonexistent...   Getting your son to go to summer camp: $1.85...   There are some things money can't (or won't) buy, for everything else... just keep adding stamps."
    D. Darwin McKee: "It's never a good idea to inform your recently retired Marine Gunnery Sergeant dad , that you don't need to cut your hair, follow orders, and you will live here as long as you want." & "Next stop San Diego."
    E. Joy Morgan: "Send your overseas Christmas male early."
Caption Winner!    F. Ron Wells: "Jack and Lucile figured out how to get their 26 year old son to move out of the basement."
    F. Irvin Kauffman: "Return To Sender"
    G. Marvin Purser: "If she says, 'Yes!', expect another delivery..."

55. "Ghetto Boom Box"
    A. Ric Mossip: "Yo dawg... I just throw a Slim Shady CD in, and with the bass reflex drive goin' on... I'll pass a Masarati!", "Pimpin' my RIDE!", "Yeah, I bought this sick sound system, now just savin' up for a car to put it into..." & "Don't be laughin' at me Foo... Chick's dig this!"
    B. Gary "1artworkz" Molitor: "What won't be herd in New Orleans this week."
    C. Cory Prior: "LaBron loved to do water gun drive-by's."
    D. Gabby Pierce: "Nah' man... Ise nevah in Lancaster, Pa."
    E. Ron Wells: "Every white kid in the suburbs will want one now."

56. "Redneck Water Trailer"
    A. Cherei McCarter: "Livin' high on the hog in our new FEMA provided livin' quarters! Now, if they'd only send us some dang grits."
    B. Kirk Lowry: "Dunno what ever'one's complainin' 'bout... MY house didn' flood...", "Awright, Bertha Mae, its yer turn ta peddle!" & "We had to trade the satellite receiver in for a set of bunny-ears. The bunny doesn't sink the house."
    C. Darwin McKee: "I didn't have enough money to buy a new Airstream trailer... So I found a new trailer company in Arkansas... I'm now the proud owner of a brand new Waterstream trailer."
    D. Jack Byrd: "How Real South Gawga Rednecks deal with High Water..." & "Ahhhhhh... All the comforts of home, just on water... No flat tires to deal with... Fishin ain't bad, either... Cold Beer... Perfect..."
    E. Dan Moratelli: "When gas gets too high, rent a Redneck water trailer..."
    F. Jacqui Graham: "Honey, when you suggested a houseboat cruise, this wasn't quite what I was expecting.", "FOR SALE: Vacation home. Right on the water. Ideal spot for fishing and swimming." & "There goes the neighbourhood."
    G. Donna Faye: "No phone, no pool, no pets."
    H. Irvin Kauffman: "Retired... without a spare!"
    I. Linda Newman: "Redneck yacht.", "Redneck honeymoon ship." & "Redneck love nest."
    J. Ron McCoy: "In a freak twist of fate this man was arrested today for property tax evasion and fleeing the scene of a crime... Full story at 11."
    K. Richard Parker: "It was the most expensive one that I could find - I'm still in debt after 10 years and it cost me a whole $1!"

57. "Wok-a-Way: Wok - Don't Run!"
    A. Darwin McKee: "Next time you say we should take the scenic route, make sure there isn't this much scenery - and I don't want to hear again, are we having fun yet..."
    B. Kirk Lowry: "And here we see a perfect example of the effectiveness of the Democratic Party Aid Fund..." & "Whaddya mean, watch my steAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........................*splash*"
    C. Nik Keun: "Last one over brings the wood for the barbie!"
    D. Irvin Kauffman: "Are we there yet???!!!"
    E. L.B. Scott: "Dad, I really do have to go to the bathroom!" & "Just like a man - never asks for directions!"
    F. Joe Lebowitz: "Monkey see, Monkey do."
    G. Brian Smedley: "So it's a long walk. Quit complaining, cry me a river, build me a bridge and get over it!"
    H. D. K. Browne: "First Michael Jackson dangles his baby over a balcony... and now this!"

58. "Junk House - One Man's Treasure"
    A. Kirk Lowry: "Dangit, Ethel, Herb and Thelma put out that tacky plastic Santa again this year!" & "Harold Erglemyer... the world's greatest (undiscovered) home decorator."
    B. Alice Ashworth: "All this is just a camouflage so they won't notice the Marijuana growing in the middle!"
    C. Darwin McKee: "You can take the Cajun out of Louisiana, but you can't take the Louisiana out of the Cajun."
    D. Mike Foland: "I'm doin' sumptin wrong. I only made .43 cents from muh porch sale this week."
    E. Gene Davidson: "What's an E Bay?"
    F. Ron Wells: "Honey bring me another beer, I feel inspired to add to my art work."
    G. Krista Carney: "Lean on me, when you're not strong..." (from the song)
    H. L.B. Scott: "The new Fred Sanford... moving on up."
    I. Linda Newman: "Martha Stewart's new kitchen."
    J. D. K. Browne: "One man's trash is INDEED another man's treasure! Mama was right!"
    K. Tom Napoli: "Are you sure this is how Sam Walton started out?"

59. "Puppy Support - 'Back' Up Plan"
    A. Kirk Lowry: "Okay, Mom... I don't care what you say, this 'standing on your own' thing is for the dogs." & "The next generation of Democrat: continually demanding support from those below without ever looking back, while still unable to make any sort of progress unless pulled from above... and their momma's dress them funny, too."
    B. Darwin McKee: "Just what do you expect Mom? I'm still using my sea legs from that nine month tummy cruise I was on." & "My land legs still need a little help."
    C. Ben Younger: "Mum you must be the worst mother in the world if our puppies' are the ones having to teach me how to stand."
    D. Ron Wells: "Puppy Love."
    E. Idske Mulder: "I'm glad the dogs haven't gone, or this would be doggone difficult!"
    F. Irvin Kauffman: "Pu - ush, Breathe, Pu - ush, Breathe, IT'S NO USE... it won't go back in!"
    G. Linda Newman: "Sea mates"
    H. Tony Holt: "RETREAT!"

60. "Bull Terrier vs. Porcupine: Quill He Make It?"
    A. Kirk Lowry: "Oh, here's Roscoe! Hey, buddy! Looks like you made a new pin-pal!" & "And this is my dog Roscoe... careful, he's got a really prickly temperament."
    B. Cory Prior: "Honey, why is there a dog coming out of that porcupine?"
    C. Ron Wells: "I got the point."
    D. L.B. Scott: "... and Pit Bulls get all of the bad press."
    E. Melissa Miller: "Why you should never try acupuncture on your dog without a veterinarian present." & "New! Improved! Self agitating scouring pad!"
    F. Leon Beatham Moore: "After a night out on the tequilla, Spike couldn't pinpoint when this happened..."
    G. Linda Newman: "Making a statement: Next time eat a shoe."
    H. Ron McCoy: "The cat told me curiosity never hurt anyone. Now ask me how many lives he will have left after I find him!"
    I. Chris Schenck: "Now that I've taught that spikey guy a lesson, I am going to fix the black critter with the white stripe that lives under the porch."
    J. D. K. Browne: "Picture time? Are you kidding me?!" & "Yeah, you should have seen the porcupine!"

61. "Computer Wear - Sneaker Powered"
    A. Kirk Lowry: "Its got CD, DVD, subwoofer (the other shoe); AM/FM/XM radio, Ham radio, CB; CD-R/RW compatability; 45-minute anti-skip; plays mp3, wmp, mpg, avi, and 38 other musical file types; it... what? Whaddya mean, how do you get your foot in... oh, Crap."
    B. Tim Smith: "This brings a whole new meaning to the term 'reboot'."
    C. Cory Prior: "I wonder why there's a crack in my CD?"
    D. Ric Mossip: "Wow, excellent features... but what does it 'run' on?"
    E. Matt Anon: "Feet Music!"
    F. Irvin Kauffman: "iPed" Made in CCCP"
    G. Kati Sharpe: "The Tennis Shoe that Wore Computers." based on the movie "The Computer Who Wore Tennis Shoes"
    H. Patty Quesenberry: "A shoe in for best compact of the year!"

62. "Throne Entertainment For The Farm"
    A. Kirk Lowry: "Yeah, I've got Dish too, but the reception is just crap." & "Further proof that today's television morals are going down the crapper."
    B. Roy Gathercoal: "The most appropriate place to watch TV."
    C. Darwin McKee: What do you get when the 18th century meets the 21st century? "Crap-o-vision"
    D. Ric Mossip: Wife to hubby: "Honey, I dropped the remote down the hole... Be a dear and fetch it for me?", "Ok Mate, I got the cheetos, the beer and nose plugs... the women will never suspect we're watching the football game out here!", Nagging Wife to hubby: "Did you remember to pay the mortgage I asked... and you said you did... but you didn't! If we could afford a dog house... you'd STILL be living in here!", "In the old days we'd wipe with pages from the Sears catalogue - Now all I have is this bloody remote!" & "Some guys read magazines while 'doing their business'... and well, others have different methods."
    E. Ben Younger: "The only place where TV relates to your surrounding area, just don't look down... something better will be on view and spoil the TV program."
    F. Irvin Kauffman: "Sat-A-Lot Dish"
    G. Steven Wilson: "The Tim Taylor Redneck Bathroom."
    H. Tony Holt: "Highly advanced Amish toilet."
    I. Rickie Messer: "I don't like the TV in the basement."
    J. Tom Napoli: "Time share with cable - it didn't look like this in the brochure."

63. "Park Art or Cabinet Decision?"
    A. Kirk Lowry: "50 antique desks: $30,000... 738 gallons of industrial strength adhesive: $5800... 10x10 yard plot in a public park: $3850/month ... Building a piece of jun... er... art that nobody will ever look at: Priceless. There are some things that money can buy... for everything else, there's Government Grants." & "The bad news is, the police haven't made much headway in finding and recovering your stolen possessions. The good news is, they DID manage to find your dresser."
    B. Bobby Rathbun: "JENGA!!!!" Jenga is the game when wood blocks are put together like the picture... and each player must remove a piece... when it falls ... everyone yells Jenga!
    C. Ross Parsons: "Awww damn, now where did I leave my shirt???"
    D. Darwin McKee: "Due to the huge financial loses from 9-11 and two large Hurricanes, the World Trade Center will have to be rebuilt with individual donations."
    E. Nik Keun: "In memory of a cabinet minister. R.I.P."
    F. Paul Buice: "Prepare to be assimilated, resistance is futile!"
    G. Sam Bolingbroke: "Honey, could you fetch the plates out of the cupboard please?"

64. "World's 1st Mobile Camper"
    A. Kirk Lowry: "Well, Stella, there goes the neighborhood... looks like the Clampett's are moving in next door." & "Winnebago... the early years."
    B. Darwin McKee: "Hey Jethro, Go and fetch Granny and Ellie Mae. We're a gonna show our kin folk our fancy new camper."
    C. Nik Keun: "I know you're shy, and want to preserve your modesty Mary Ellen, but all this, just to step out of the car, is really going too far!"
    D. Nick Cihlar: "This was NOT one of Henry Ford's good innovations."
    E. L.B. Scott: "Dagnab it Jethro, I told you to set the camper up by the cement pond."
    F. Joe La Rosa: "World's first KKK Kamper"

65. "Asian Real Meal Deal"
    A. Darwin McKee: At the new Crappy Chef Restaurant we take care of you coming and "GOING."
    B. Real E. Grosse: "Where you can choose your favourite stool!"
    C. Kirk Lowry: "Welcome to Bob's Kimchee, Burrito and Stuffed Jalapeno House, the sure-fire way to clear your pipes!" & "Wong's Stereotypical Chinese Buffet now offers the crappiest food in China!"
    D. Ric Mossip: "Listen, when you order takeout... don't ask for a 'bowl' of rice...", "Just so long as when you flush, it doesn't go back to the kitchen!" & "Yes, as a matter of fact we DID get a good deal on the furniture when we renovated... why do you ask?"
    E. Ella Comeon: "Here... or To Go?", "Convenient Take-Outs" , "Fresh Flush Restaurant" & "Our Food Slides Right Through You"
    F. Gene Davidson: "Welcome to John's Diner."
    G. Phaej San: "Nothing is thrown away - all recycled...", "Unknown recipe, taste at your own risk..." & "Fresh right from the source - you never know what you're eating until you bite into it."
    H. Bob Klatinski: "A new meaning to the term 'Fast Foods.' "
    I. B. Bottle: "Where everyone goes for the Number Two."
    J. Irvin Kauffman: "'Finger-Lickin' GOOD! Okay... where are the napkins hanging?"
    K. Kathleen Fletcher Standridge: "Tub O' Sushi", "Sushi Lu (as in loo :) )", "The Loo-vre Sushi", "W.C. Sushi", & "Tushi Sushi"
    L. Mark Ottman: "Asians proving yet again they're one step ahead of Americans.", "Bubba would be proud!" & "Leave it to the Asians to make the world a better place..."
    M. Flabour Welben: "European Closet Restaurant" & "Fast Food (Digesting) Restaurant"
    N. Tom Napoli: "Psssst, make sure you don't ask for number 1 or 2."

66. "World's Highest Bridge"
    A. Art Abshire: "Hurricane Katrina money allows us to now live in Southern France and have our own nice jungle jim for the our kids to play on! Thank you USA taxpayers!"
    B. Kirk Lowry: "Engineers rebuild Lake Ponchatrain Bridge in Louisiana, this time planning in advance for the next hurricane...." & "Okay, honey, the flat is changed. Now, I put the car keys... on the railing... over there... crap."
    C. Ric Mossip: Signs at Bridge Entry: "Speed limit has been increased to 250 kms. Juuuust in case.", "Please note, in case of breakdown on bridge, parachutes are available at every pylon.", "Due to past problems, sight seeing is no longer allowed. Drivers must wear blinders." & "Absolutely NO bungee jumping allowed."
    D. Mark Prairie: "View of world's second highest bridge from world's highest bridge."
    E. Darwin McKee: "The French have just completed their new escape route, just in case the Germans decide to get frisky again and invade. It will also give easy access for the United States to enter and once again run them out."
    F. Hendrika Rodriguez: "I'm sure France greatly benefits economically by building this bridge. Their panty selling stores must of had a tremendous boost in sales! I sure hope they built a panty store at either end for the people that are just finishing their 'panty filling' experience of crossing that bridge!"
    G. Gabby Pierce: "Turn left when you see the little bridge."
    H. Ron Wells: "This Bridge Work helped to create the largest smile."
    I. Irvin Kauffman: "No U-Turns!"
    J. Gaye Ingram: "They removed the red towers???"
    K. Braden Evans: crack...crack...snap   Engineer: "What's that sound?" ... "ohhhhhh cccrrrraaaaappppp..."
    L. Donna Faye: "Mommy are we there yet? Mommy are we there yet? Mommy are we there yet? Mommy are we there yet?" & "Hey dude, pull over - I feel an urge to pee off the side."
    M. Tony Holt: "Is that duct tape or am I just seeing things?"
    N. Ledon Orbiso: "Pilot's license required."

67. "Beard and Moustache Championship"
    A. Phoebe Moll: "Great place to store a few crumbs from lunch for an afternoon snack!"
    B. Kirk Lowry: "Yeah, it looks cool... BUT I CAN'T TURN MY FRIGGIN HEAD!!!", "And this, little Bobby, is why you should wait until Grandma's done with the mixer before trying to swipe cookie dough.", "When Prozak goes bad..." & "Maybe he's born with it... maybe its Mayballine!"
    C. Darwin McKee: "You can't fool us Mr. Joe Defries. You're using this disguise so you can go trick or treat with the grand kids!"
    D. Gabby Pierce: "Only his hairdresser knows for sure."
    E. Jessica Levine: "Anybody need a coat rack?"
    F. Maggie Leinbach: "Hmmmmm, I bet you show that to all the girls!", "SAY WHAT? You wanna tickle my fancy?!?" & "You gotta great right hook!"
    G. Pat Mehan: "She Digs It!", "Well, I'm never listening to that weather report again." & "I gotta stop eating all that curled macaroni."

68. "Pre-Dawn Breakfast Patrol"
    A. Mark Prairie: "Still dazed after the collision with the igloo, Pete the Polar Bear searches for his joystick-controlled saucer sled."
    B. Darwin McKee: "Well there goes the neighborhood for sure.", "These new prefab Igloo condos are just popping up everywhere." & "Not only that - these new Yuppie Eskimos are just not as tasty as they used to be."
    C. Kirk Lowry: "Mmmmmmmmmm... my favorite!!! Crunchy on the outside, yet pleasantly warm and chewy on the inside!", "Ummmm... hey, Fred, isn't it YOUR turn to check the mail?" & "Dang... NO Klondike bar is worth this, satellite or not!"
    D. Gabby Pierce: "New lunch tray igloos resist polar bear break-ins."
    E. Ron Wells: Bear: "I wonder if they are watching the Animal Planet?"
    F. Linda Newman: "Smile - you're on candid camera!"

69. "Airbag Safety"
    A. Nik Keun: "It's always nice to have somewhere to keep ones ears warm in the winter."
    B. Kirk Lowry: "Silicon Valley plastic surgeons have recently announced a revolutionary breakthrough in car safety... the new 'Chest Bags' can save your steering wheel's life! Prices may vary according to size and firmness." & "And we used to worry about little old ladies who couldn't see over their steering wheels while driving!"
    C. Eric Ellis: "All new models of our Boobaroo cars come with Transportable Individual Trauma Termination Impractical Emergency Systems (TITTIES) with nose crease, neck, & ear support. Also, these air bags not only protect you in the car, they protect you everywhere you go.*" *Disclaimer: TITTIES has been know to cause lower back pain. Boobaroo, its parent company Breasts Unlimited, or any of its subsidiaries are not responsible for any back problems associated in any way to this product.
    D. Danny Lowery: "Illegal immigrants are forever finding new ways to sneak into the country. Unfortunately this latest method resulted in 5,000 dead by suffocation."
    E. Ganesh Hegde: "Today's headlines - women have found another way to cut down on the milkman's bills by the artificial expansion of their titties . this has resulted in several car crashes where the women are complaining they couldn't see - yet another reason why women are the worst drivers."
    F. Pete Nicholas: "I'm not paying for these!!!"
    G. Brent Offenberger: "NASCAR has soft, absorbent walls for safety... TOYOTA offers these..."
    H. Marlene Goodman: "Drat! I hate it when the Mae West goes off when I park!"
    I. Brian Smedley: "Denise Weaver Stars in Steven Speilberg's 'Dual'... Twice the action of the original, the Peterbilt truck Sets more booby traps for her. Will she make that appointment on time, or will she stop at Chuck's Cafe for a cheese sandwich on rye?"
    J. Linda Newman: "Dairy Queen.", "My cup runneth over.", "Are they insured?", "She is built like no-'udder'." & "Udder confusion."
    K. Rhonda Clark: "Help! My neck... my face - I'm being swallowed alive!"
    L. Elizabeth Watts: "Do you have to feed those things once or twice a day?" & "Woman died from starvation, couldn't get her mouth open wide enough, since boobs were in her way off opening her mouth!"
    M. Rickie Messer: "I shouldn't tell lies." & "Now show me yours."
    N. D. K. Browne: "Inconvenient as it was having the ass of her siamese twin fused to her chest, it came in handy today by serving as a make-shift airbag that saved her life when an 18 wheeler ran a stop light and hit her head on."

70. "Can You Do This?"
    A. Darwin Mckee: "Just what do you think you're looking at? Haven't you ever seen a Navy Frogman?"
    B. Kirk Lowry: "Remember when your Mom told you if you made that face long enough, it'd freeze that way for the rest of your life? Well... unfortunately... she's calling to say 'toldja so'." & "E.T... phone... home..."
    C. J.B. VanAbkoude: "Ooops, my eyelashes reversed. Damned Photoshop!"
    D. Ian Lehrke: "I like to watch what I eat."
    E. Gabby Pierce: "Sleepy goes dopey."
    F. Brian Beach: "A sight for sore eyes." & "Eye yi yi!"
    G. Marlene Goodman: "Rodney the Rubber Man couldn't believe his eyes when the woman walked by in a thong."
    H. Ron Wells: "I will keep an eye for you."
    I. Brian Smedley: "OK Mom, I know I've got Dad's eyes. Here! He can have them back."
    J. L.B. Scott: "I know they say you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince, but I think I'll pass."
    K. Shannon McNicol: "I'm Sydney's cousin from Ice Age, I swear!"
    L. Maggie Leinbach: "Where is Stephen King when ya need him?", "Pet what?" "You're looking mighty low today fella!", "Hey, don't look now, but, he's looking at me!" "Goo Goo Googlie Eyes", "I know you think I'm gorgeous, but this is ridiculous!" & "A Classic Peeping Tom!"
    M. Paul Stables: "Oh oh, the wind has changed!!!"
    N. Irvin Kauffman: "Yes, my father designed the Edsel... why do you ask?"
    O. Scarlet Kinsey: "And this picture is of my Dad when he's just out of bed in the morning."
    P. Rhonda Clark: "Ok, who took me spinach, cause I'm PopEYE the sailor man, Toot Toot!"
    Q. Susan Cooper: "'Eye' can't believe anyone can do this, can you?" & "Beauty is in these eyes that I be holdin'."

71. "Duct Tape Truck - No-Glass Deliveries"
    A. Dan Zerbs: "Finally a Mercedes I can afford." & "Just three more payments and it's all mine!"

B. Kirk Lowry: "Now compare the quality workmanship of this cut-rate insurance company to your standard nation-wide insurance... we can't see any difference!", "The cops said even though Jethro was so butt-ugly, he still couldn't drive with a bag over his head. So we improvised." & "Yeah, its a Mercedes... but we found out that the 'Bends' part is a little over-inflated. That windshield ain't got no give to it!"

    C. Gabby Pierce: "You name it - I'll feed it."
    D. Ron Wells: "Call Joe's Windshield replacement and we will give you a free box of steaks." "Why?" "Because we can afford to."

72. "World's First Horse Power Vehicle"
    A. Kirk Lowry: "Yeah, it gets great mileage, but we're still trying to work out the emissions thing.", "Jeb an' I went together an' split the cost of the car... he got the front, I got the back." & "Paw says I get the engine for my next birthday, and if I'm good, the transmission for Christmas!"
    B. Rick Rambin: "To go left, pull the left rein, to go right, pull the right. Pull the center rein and hear the horn!"
    C. Darwin McKee: "Not exactly what Mr. Ed had in mind when he told Wilber he needed more horsepower."
    D. Louis Manaton: "The new Audi A8 HORSEDRAWN-DURCH-TEKNIC"
    E. Gabby Pierce: "Amish rebel."
    F. Irvin Kauffman: "Mennonites, on the other hand, are allowed to have cars!"
    G. Linda Newman: "Man, this buggy has a lot of horse butt."
    H. Ron McCoy: "What? him!? Nah... Don't worry, he's part Amish!"
    I. Tim Paul: "First Hybrid, 1 Horsepower"

73. "Typical Work Progress Report"
    A. Dave Charlesworth: "Kenny Chesney's video debut - "one step forward two steps back."
    B. Kirk Lowry: "I think its a mid-life crisis... I feel like no matter what I do, I'm goin nowhere!", "One sure sign that you're stuck in a job with no chance for advancement..." & "Proving once again that God DOES have a sense of humor..."
    C. Ric Mossip: "God's way of ensuring you actually GET hit by the bus two blocks up... as planned.", Finder of the magic lamp's third wish: "Hey! That guy in the black mini-van that just drove by... is the jerk that made off of my wife!!! I never want to forget what he looks like!" Genie: "Granted."
    D. Gabby Pierce: "Go back two spaces."
    E. Cindy Watts: "The hurrieder I go the behinder I get."
    F. Cy Redman: "Matrix Deja Vue"
    G. Marlene Goodman: "What it feels like to work in IT." & "The War on Terrorism exemplified."
    H. Ron Wells: "The Government at it's best."
    I. Kyle Owens: It's the latest board game: "Draw a card ... dang it , got hit by car, go back 2 spaces."
    J. Sandra F. Johnson: "I'll be there in a minute, mom, as soon as I pick up my toys."
    K. Irvin Kauffman: "Need a little pick-me-up in the morning?"
    L. Linda Newman: "An experiment in artificial stupidity."
    M. Sindhu Kakuru: "No matter how much you pull me back I will always go ahead"

74. "John Deere Lawnmover"
    A. Ric Mossip: "Ok, now let's see... six lawns a second... This baby runs on grass trimmings... Jeez! I'll have this 3.5 million dollar puppy paid off in two weeks!!!"", "EASILY keeping up with the Jones!", "It's great to get the lawn cut in short order... but the cost of JP-4 Jet fuel is a killer!", "Marge next door is going to flippin' KILL me! I just accidentally mowed down her entire two acre garden!" & "OK, OK... don't panic... I got the blades stopped... but where the heck are the flippin' BRAKES!!!"
    B. Kirk Lowry: "John Deere announced today that, in a surprise move, it has decided to branch out by adding an armament division...", "The ultimate tool for the ultimate multi-tasker: mow, mulch, weed, remove stumps, remove ant beds, remove termites, dig that pool you've always wanted, and get rid of your neighbor's annoying dog, all with one pass!" & "John Deere: making war on weeds for over thirty years..."
    C. Gabby Pierce: "Ultimate tool for the ultimate fool."
    D. Lillian Cobb: "Invented by Bubba, Manufactured in Skeeter, WV."
    E. Marlene Goodman: "Nothing tips like a Deere."
    F. Ron Wells: "He's always flying high on grass."
    G. L.B. Scott: "Runs like a deer?"
    H. William Weise: "I didn't want anything fancy... just a PLANE lawnmower!"
    I. Elaine Powell: "Big Toys for Big Boys"
    J. Jill Coloske: "She might have took away my car keys, but she forgot about my ol' John Deer." This line comes from a song released by Vince Gill back in the late 80's or early to mid 90's.
    K. Carl Weiler: "Redneck multi-tool double bladed lawnmower, .50 cal minigun, sidewinder rockets, and can opener. Mow your 1200 acre lawn or blow it up and try again next year."
    L. Mark Every: "Moles, no match for John Deeres new Limited Edition Xseries A10*, with heat-seeking out front blades. (*If purchased before march 08, pilot picture included)", "John Deere really will blow open a can of whoop-ass on your lawn!", "I hope its got emergency engine cut off on the seat...", "Shooting tin cans as target practice down the garden entered a new realm..." & "Can you set auto-pilot to do stripes, or is it a one pass job?"
M. Sterling Lanchester: “Haters gonna hate.”

75. "World's 'Highest' Outhouse"
    A. Kirk Lowry: "Paw... I think ya done went a bit overboard diggin the new outhouse hole...", "Mountain-climbers, beware..." & "... and the best part is, your farts even echo back to ya!!!"
    B. Ty Barnes: "Mountain top location: $75,000 ... Lumber: $150 ... Nails: $3 ... Toilet Paper: $1 ... Taking a crap with a spectacular view: Priceless!"
    C. Robert Edwards: "Look out below!!!"
    D. Joe Garrett: "Vern, that condor done finally dropped us!"
    E. Marlene Goodman: "As the saying goes, when you're in an outhouse it's like when you're up in the mountains... DON'T LOOK DOWN!" & "This is one way to make it quick and keep Pa from leanin' back."
Caption Winner!    F. Brian Smedley: "No need for toilet paper. The fall alone will wipe you out."
    G. India West: "The hills are alive with the sound of music-al fruit."
    H. Jim Gill: "Yeah, crap really does roll downhill."
    I. Jamie Flanagan: "And they never gave him beans again..."
    J. Rickie Messer: "I'm telling you, it's the fastest way down."
    K. Paterik Tobias: "How do you spell Mana from heaven?"

76. "Airport Luggage Check for High Flyers"
    A. Chris Johnson (aka "Dr. Laugh"): "Carry-on? You're kidding!", "I think mine is the blue one at the bottom..." & "I think we're going to need a S T R E T C H limo!"
    B. Darwin Mckee: "Looks like Paris Hilton is leaving town for the weekend."
    C. Kirk Lowry: "Yeah, she's packing light.", "Looks like your mother is coming for the weekend again..." & "The good news is, we found your luggage. The bad news is, it's in Zimbabwe."
    D. Ty Barnes: "Honey, I think I forgot something..." & "... now, which one did you put your medicine in?"
    E. Ric Mossip: Fellow in green to his wife: "Uuhh... I.... umm... that bulge near the bottom of the stack in the cart... it's Fifi's cage..." & "STRESS??? YEAH, I have stress! They told me I can ONLY HAVE ONE carry on bag!!!!"
    F. Gabby Pierce: "Will the QVC shopper please come to the luggage area."
    G. John Goettge: "Michael Jackson's Carry On Luggage."
    H. Tony Holt: "UMMMMM... I think the plane tickets are in there somewhere...", "Honey, did you have to pack all your shoes?", "Well I think I will be good for a couple days!" & "Darn, I forgot to pack shoes!"
    I. Jackie Godfrey: "Air Africa now boarding!"

77. "Brick Layers - Cast in Stone"
    A. Russell Brownworth: "Mother was right about that lying-down with the dogs and getting up with fleas thing!"
    B. Kirk Lowry: "Dang, but those kids are as dubm as a load of bricks!", "Caution: Slow Children At Play!" & "Future politicians..."
    C. Gabby Pierce: "It's true - you are what you eat."
    D. Claire Morris: "You kids never listen to me - talking to you is like talking to a brick wall!"
    E. Gator Glass: "All you are is just another brick in the wall!"
    F. Hendrik Schuette: "People from eastern Berlin invented a new camouflage pattern so they wouldn't be shot whilst fleeing to the West."
    G. Jamie Ciola: "Finally, I'm done this wall, honey. Where are the kids?"
    H. Marlene Goodman: "Why you should never make fun of the wicked witch and then try to run away."
    I. Fred Carter: "Quick, over the wall - I'm bricking it here."
    J. Christina Shaw: "Santa, we know you're in there!"
    K. Rhonda Clark: "I told you boys this would happen if you tried to escape from the priest."
    L. Danny Aldrich: "It didn't take long for the neighborhood kids to quit hanging out with young Medusa."

78. "Redneck Bird Dogs"
    A. Kirk Lowry: "Hey, Roscoe... don' look now, butcha got sumpin in yer teeth...", "Well, dang, that aint nuttin! Jus' the other day, I wuz chasin this squirrel sooooooooooo big...", "Well I'll be... if that thar ain't the purtiest lil' mutt I ever seen... ain't that yer cousin, Bo? Oh... an yer wif'. You lucky dog!" & "Grrrrrrrrr, y'all."
    B. Julie Waasted: "Oh gee Billy Bob - what do you think they are looking at?"
    C. R.J. Griego: "You sure got a pretty mouth!"
    D. Gabby Pierce: "I told ya' not to bite them tires."
    E. Jeny Covill: "Hi I'm Larry, this is my brother Darrell, and my other brother Darrell." (from the Bob Newhart Show)
    F. John E.Goettge: "Billy-Bob's Gen-u-Ine All Amareecan Possum Hounds. If they can sniff 'em they can git 'em... nothin batter than a heapin bowl of pussum rid-eye gravy an' a side of collar greens. MMMMMMM tongue lappen good!"
    G. Ed Best: "If your dog wears your teeth more than you do... you might be a Redneck." & "Hey Millie, how cum ya got that big gap between your front teeth? Ain'cha never heard about doggie style?"
    H. Ron Wells: "See - Colgate's whiting strips do work."
    I. Tom Moore: "Thises whahappons whwn cusans breed, but let me just make one thing clear here. Them an't my dogs!"
    J. Johnathan Rainey: "They think we're stupid!"
    K. Idske Mulder: "Yes, our Mom liked horses a lot. Why?" & "We never could pronounth the 'th' right, until Ma took uth to the dentithth and had our front teeth fictht.""
Caption Winner!    L. Norman Olley: "Single Red Dogs (SRD) seeking poodles for fun and romance. We thinks poodles is purty."
    L. T. Kay: "For his tooth we will not grieve... In the "TOOTH FAIRY" we believe!"
    M. Maggie Leinbach: "No matter what happens, we'll stick together!"
    N. Philip Bassett: "Ronaldo's dogs were really disappointed when he told them they could not go to the World Cup."
    O. Linda Newman: "Daisy duke screen saver."
    P. Ron McCoy: "Budwiser commercial bloopers... 'Bud, Ruff!, Zer'... 'Joe this just isn't going to work..."
    Q. Jonathan Hemlock: "Never trust a vet that flunked out of dental school."

79. "Couch Potato On Wheels"
    A. Mike Anisiewicz: "Pass with care, lazy driver has a lazy reflex!"
    B. Kirk Lowry: "Darn Sunday drivers!!! AND IT'S ONLY TUESDAY!!!" & "Marvin, ever the accommodating personnel manager, finally was able to reconcile his mid-life crisis with his love for the creature comforts."
    C. Judi Perrin: "Retirement Chair, at age 65, it refuses to drive to work!"
    D. Gabby Pierce: "Yeah, but does it recline?"
    E. Tristan Lowes: "I haven't left this chair since 1972!!!"
    F. Marlene Goodman: "Shoot! Where'd I park my TV?"
    G. Linda Newman: "A chairman's cheekiest chair lift."

80. "New Home Alarm System for 2005"
    A. Gabby Pierce: "Sad end to a cheese addiction..."
    B. Kirk Lowry: "Dang....that...really wasn't....Provolone....ack....", "Honey, could you empty the Man-trap? Apparently it caught something again last night!" & "Ouch..."
    C. Crystal Chapman: "So she finally got her man!"
    D. Sand Breck-Paterson: "OK honey, we caught one of them but the big cheese must have got away!"
    E. Jennifer McBeth: "Ouch..."
    F. Idske Mulder: Says one mouse to the other: "Finally got even with him for murdering all our ancestors!"
    G. Charley Watkins: "Oddly enough, we were trying to catch a cat burglar!"
    H. Ed Best: "Hot damn! That's the third Jehovah's Witness this month!"
    I. Ron Wells: "The trap was sprung."
    J. L.B. Scott: "In an unfortunate accident, Mickey Mouse (dressed as a cat burglar) was crushed to death at the local cheese factory."
    K. Burle O. Cook: "And the second rat got the cheese."

81. "Hairball Essence or Hair Ingestion?"
    A. Kirk Lowry: "Daggum angel-hair pasta didn't seem to sit well with Velma, for some reason...", "I know French women don't shave, but this is outrageous!" & "She hacked so hard to get that clear plastic thingy outta her throat, she sucked her ponytail through the back of her skull! It wasn't a pretty sight... but at least she got rid of the plastic thingy."
    B. Jacqui Graham: "Ewww, I hate it when hair gets in my mouth!", "Newest hair fad... the reverse pony tail!" & "I dreamt I was eating Shredded Wheat... and when I woke up, my hair was missing!"
    C. Darwin McKee: Have you ever been on a all night bender? You wake up the next morning with your head pounding, and your mouth feels like you just swallowed a cat... "Hey, just where is that cat?"
    D. Brent Offenberger: "Hey, someone get me a cup of Mcdonald's coffee. It's been proven in lawsuits to be hot enough to take the hair off your tongue."
    E. Idske Mulder: "Doctor, please stop making me say 'aaaaah' all the time. It just feels aaaaahwful!" & "Well uh, as I said, we were having a bbq, and it was already getting somewhat dark when I thought I put a hamburger in my mouth..."
    F. Ron Wells: "I hate the term 'Hair Lip'."
    G. Jack Porcenaluk: "Dang, was that brush my teeth and shave my hair or shave my teeth and brush my hair?"
    H. Philip Bassett: "Tongue waxing was becoming a regular thing for Nadia.", "Hair today, tongue tomorrow." & "Emma's cat was always up to mischief."

82. "Management Team - Leading by Example"
    A. Kirk Lowry: "One out of ten kids these days will not have the spine (nor the brains) to finish high-school... can you spot the graduate here?", "Dang... I think I can see Narnia from here!" & "Hey, Bob... as Joe makes his way down into the mysterious depths of this dark and dangerous hole, I can't help but recall that this is how most of those horror flicks start out..."
    B. Idske Mulder: "Look! Joe's digging for more! Yes, let's hope he 'comes up' with some nice joe-ks!" & Internal Supervisor: "The ideal spill of control is 1:5 and not 1:10, so one of you has to go down with Joe." Project Manager: "I thought that meant 1 at the top to 10 on the workfloor?" Internal Supervisor: "That's right, Joe IS the top! Can't you see he's the only one who's really digging it?"
    C. Brent Offenberger: "Hey!!! If we were 'STATE' employees, we all would have shovels to lean on instead of just that guy in the red coat."
    D. John E. Goettge: "M.D.D.U.: Moron's Ditch Digging University"
    E. Ed Best: "'Course, it looks like a lot of work, but the last time Joe went home without his wedding ring, he was in traction for 6 months!"
    F. Ron Wells: "The reason Joe is down in the hole is because he is the only one with a safety harness on."
    G. L.B. Scott: "An unnamed insurance company finally gets the hint, and buries the lizard."
    H. Philip Bassett: "Hey Joe, don't go any deeper. The Health & Safety Manager isn't here yet." & Joe:"Yeah, I can see it! Here, Pussy Pussy..."
    I. Patty Quesenberry: "One out of every eleven men are hard at it while the other 10 are trying to figure out what it is!"

83. "Cozy Washroom"
    A. Brent Offenberger: "Just Great. Now I have to put up with twice the amount of crap." & "The plumber just installed my new dishwasher, but he left before telling me which one is 'wash' cycle, and which one is 'rinse' cycle."
    B. Kirk Lowry: "The new Joe-kster Bathroom means never having to fight over the comic page again.", "Hey, Bob, at least you don't have to worry about putting the lid down anymore." & "In order to conserve space, our restroom facilities will now be performing 'double-doody'. We apologize for any inconvenience."
    C. Idske Mulder: "Special Restaurant Bathroom. Obligatory to people who ordered an extra cover. Sharing the entrance means sharing the exit!"
    D. Tina Henderson: "I now show you our new conference room, after all some of our best ideas come to us here!"
    E. Diane Putnam: "What the... oh, no wonder... that wallpaper'll scare the crap out of everybody!"
    F. Marlene Goodman: "HIS and HERS toilets - guess which one is his..."
    G. Ron Wells: "I hate making decisions." & "This must mean that all paper work is to be in duplicate."
    H. Brian Smedley: "With 2 you'll never miss."
    I. Steven Wilson: "Now Bob, we can never be apart - even on the toilet!"
    J. Rickie Messer: "The family who plays together, ____ together."

84. "Machine Wash Instructions for Teenagers"
    A. Idske Mulder: Q: "How come your mom didn't qualify for the elderly home? She's 95 and has serious problems taking care of herself."   A: "They said she's got too many children."   Q: "Why? She can't live at your place, you're older than 70 yourself!"   A: "It's those new washing labels you see. Her 30 grandchildren are bringing their laundry to her 8 children, that's us. And we're bringing everything to her..."
    B. Kirk Lowry: "Always the creative thinker, Bob found a new way to commit suicide...", "... and Joe was never heard from again..." & "How to tell your bluejeans were made by a 47-year-old bachelor... who will remain a bachelor... forever..."
    C. Jacqui Graham: "Dear Joe: I do not see the humour in this. Yours truly, Jacqui (mother of 6)" & "NEWS FLASH! Mysterious fire destroys clothing factory. The only clue to the origin of the blaze is a bleach bottle containing the cryptic message: "Now Mom gives it back."
    D. Marlene Goodman: "Finally, instructions you can understand."
    E. Philip Bassett: "Just do it Mom. And don't forget - I get to choose your Care Home."

85. "Satellite 'Art' - 100% Game Day Coverage"
    A. Dana Shine: "Yes, I am George W's Grandfather. How did you know?" & "Go Back, Go Back..................... you've gone too far!!!"
    B. Darwin Mckee: "Looks like old man Irwin from Denver is adjusting a new dish for Pedro in apartment 4." & "Just in time for all the soccer they like to watch together, with BBQ Goat Tacos."
    C. Kirk Lowry: "What the public doesn't know is that the second dish from the right, bottom row, is actually aimed at the Mothership.", "... and this one's for catchin 'Leave it to Beaver'...", "Billy Joe takes all the rumors of harmful microwave emissions seriously....here you can see him as he removes a grilled-cheese sandwich from a dish. The larger dishes are usually reserved for TV dinners.", "When you have a piece of crap house, don't hide it behind aluminum siding. Use Dish antennas instead!" & "Dang, Martha, I shore am glad we didn't go for one of those tacky 15-foot dishes like the McGurdy's have in front of their trailer..."
    D. Idske Mulder: "We wanted some more space in the house." & "This way everyone can have their own special dish at Christmas!"
    E. David Baker: "24-hour Gerry Springer package"
    F. Remo Six: "Despite major budget cutbacks dedicated S.E.T.I. researchers continue their work."
    G. Ron Wells: "Bubba misunderstood his wife when she asked for a new dish collection." & "The new phone solicitation operator for the Dish Net Work Co. is good."
    H. Jacqui Graham: "Eleven dishes... 4,385 channels... and there's STILL nothing worth watching!", "OK dear, I got them all working... now all we need is a TV set.", "Reception's lousy, but it sure keeps the Jehovah's Witnesses away." & "Whaddaya mean, hockey season's over?"
    I. Orest Protch: "Once again contractor Joe got his addresses mixed up. The motel down the road did not want the 10 hummingbird feeders."
    J. Craig Baker: "Martha! Our 90 day free trial expired again! Who haven't we called yet? I know there was one more..."
    K. Philip Bassett: "For some reason Mr. Clampett's neighbours thought he might be working for the Soviets, but they couldn't quite put their finger on it."
    L. Linda Newman: "The greatest 'wire puller' of modern times."
    M. Sally Lebo: "Can you hear me now?", "Those aliens were at it again?" & "Halloween trick left by aliens."

86. "Window Bungee Jumping - Latest Extreme Sport"
   A. Rick Bohnenkamp: "If we warned you once, Elmo, we warned you twice about flatulating in our cubical."
    B. Kirk Lowry: "Clark-san Kent... the early years...", "Dangit, Bob, no more kimchee!!!", "Oops...", & "And to think, we used to have to suffer through Window's 'Blue Screen of Death'... glad they fixed that!"
    C. Idske Mulder: "Happy New Year! I sure hope I'll get a raise, or I'll feel really down!"
    D. Jacqui Graham: "Great technique, Bob... now, flap your arms really fast and lift your tail flaps five degrees.", "Now I know the secret of your low cost flying lessons... NO PLANE!", "The view's great, but the slipstream is murder!", "OK honey - hand me the camera... QUICK!", "New to office management, Bob was unaware that most companies merely lay off extra help.", "Never make sexist remarks within hearing of your secretaries." & "We told you, Sam. You don't need a parachute to jump from the thirtieth floor. You only need a parachute to jump from the thirtieth floor TWICE."
    E. Sandra F. Johnson: "Help me! My wife forgot to pack my parachute this morning!"
    F. Orest Protch: "OK OK, I promise to put the toilet seat down!"
    G. Irvin Kauffman: "When levitation goes bad..."
    H. Shawn Fraser: "For The *LAST* time Chang, *WHERE IN THE HELL* is the QED Report???"
    I. John Quinn: "This job really sucks!"
    J. L.B. Scott: "Good news... the boss said you could skip the staff meeting."
    K. Marlene Goodman: "Good news, team. The anti-gravity boxers work."
    L. Dillon Yager: "Get out - you're fired!"
    M. Philip Bassett: "Okay, so that's two coffees, one with cream and two strawberry shakes. I'll be right back."
    N. Ron McCoy: "Alien abduction foiled as family members step in to help. Film at 11..."
    O. Rickie Messer: "High 5" & "I'm telling you, this building has an air balance problem!"

87. "Quarter Horse or Quarterhorse?"
    A. Idske Mulder: "I'm looking for my better half! She's gone faster than I thought!"
    B. Ron Wells: "The new smaller version of the Mustang."
    C. Kirk Lowry: "Ever see those cartoons where the martian gets squashed down into his helmet? Well... it happens..."
    D. Brent Offenberger: "Wonder what the 'vet' meant at my physical when he said that I would have a short racing career?" & "'QUARTER HORSE'???? Looks more like 2 dimes and a nickel."
    E. Kitty Opera: "Excuse me, I'm just off to find myself."
    F. Jacqui Graham: "When the ad said 'small horse', we were expecting a pony.", "What happens when a centaur mates with a horse.", "Never make sexist remarks within hearing of your secretaries." & "Whaddaya mean, he's a QUARTER horse? Count the legs, buddy. Half."
    G. Tom Spencer: "A sure bet this horse will 'win by a nose'... and not much else."
    H. Orest Protch: When my kid finally met Harry Potter, all he could say was, "Well, I'll be a horse's arse."
    I. Irvin Kauffman: "Horse's Ass Quarterback!"
    J. Michael Knott: "Stop Horsing Around!"
    K. Farrukh Hashmi: "I cannot lose - my front legs are already there!"
    L. Philip Bassett: "The genetically modified thoroughbred had not been a complete success but it had distinct weight advantage."
    M. Andrea G. Santos-Nagy: "I'm betting on the two front legs and nothing else!", "I'm human... almost.", "I've got two front legs and I'm not afraid to use them!" & "I'm betting 4 nickels and five pennies or 25 pennies. The less I have the faster I go."
    N. Linda Newman: "Here comes the front runner... 'Hillary'."
    O. Patrick Bourque: "Sub-compacts, 1/4 hp."
    P. Jim Ohneck: "Let our new equine laser get your horse up and running!"

88. "Garbage In or Garbage Out?"
    A. Brent Offenberger: "You know they charge too much for trash pick-up when they can afford to drive convertible trucks." & "ut-oh , better call 'MACCO'."
    B. Idske Mulder: "So what, your car's got airco. Ours has AWCO: All Windows Can Open (Permanently!)"
    C. Kirk Lowry: "The next generation of the Clampetts goes international.", "Following their landslide defeat at the polls, the Democratic party packs up all of their political garbage and moves on." & "Al Gore's Urban Renewal Project."
    D. David Duncan: "See! I told you that amp was too powerful for those speakers!"
    E. Orest Protch: "If you have chilli-peppers and beans for breakfast one more time...", "Cover your mouth when you sneeze!" & "Gesundheit!"
    F. Ron McCoy: "I had beans for dinner, the windows were rolled up, and i tried to light a cigarette... Need I say more?"

89. "Garage Sale for the Soon-To-Be-Departed"
    A. Jacqui Graham: "Coffin: $100. Vampire extra.", "The Addams family is moving again.", "They hope their customers will be 'coffin' up the dough." & "Come on Marge - who's going to believe it's a padded playpen?"
    B. Kirk Lowry: "Recently defeated Democratic hopeful Bob Zumecki finally cleans the skeletons out of his closet...", "Old shoes, $1. Green plastic storage bin, $0.75. Assorted garbage, $0.05. Finally getting your deadbeat brother to move out... priceless." & "I'm tellin ya, Sweetie, its time for your mother to leave already!"
    C. Idske Mulder: "Granny's last wish was to be present at her own garage sale..."